The Queen of Hearts
by Margo'sShed
Summary: "I want you out. I give you my solemn promise that in six months you will be." Connie Beauchamp and Rita Freeman, a love story.
1. Chapter 1

****The Queen of Hearts****

**"I want you out. I give you my solemn promise that in six months you will be."**

**After a moments pause Rita followed Connie back into the ED, struggling to catch up with the other woman, her breath caught in her throat and she clenched her firsts at her side, her body prickling with rage.**

**"Connie..."**

**She called, but Connie merely kept on walking.**

**"Connie!"**

**Rita shouted louder this time and, though still moving, Connie glanced over her shoulder at her.**

**"I've said all that needs to be said, Nurse Freeman."**

**Connie said, her voice low, and they moved through reception onto the ward.**

**"Well I haven't!"**

**Rita called, jogging a couple of steps to catch up, finally reaching her and moving in sync with her as they approached the office.**

**"In your office."**

**She whispered, catching her breath. Connie arced an eyebrow and stopped outside the door to the small office.**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**She asked, her lips pinched, her jaw visibly tensing.**

**"Your office."**

**Rita hissed and opened the door without warning, moving inside and stopping by the desk, turning, folding her arms across her chest.**

**"Excuse me?! I won't be summoned to my own office."**

**Connie closed the door firmly behind her, aware of the silence on the ward beyond.**

**"Well someone's got to put you in your place!"**

**Rita felt the anger begin to bubble within the pit of her stomach, and she felt her cheeks flush.**

**"You're a bully, Connie. You're selfish, you're manipulative, and you're a bully..."**

**"Oh, please! Don't be so ridiculous."**

**Connie rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips.**

**"And you can lose the voice, you sound like an hysterical child that's just swallowed a conker."**

**She added and Rita stared at her, open mouthed, her brown eyes wide.**

**"What ****_is _****your problem, Connie? What is it about me that you hate so much?"**

**She whispered and Connie shook her head, sighing.**

**"You repeatedly and systematically**** put patients' lives in danger because of you're inane inability to separate your personal life with your private life. I blame you for the failures in this ED because you choose not to do your job when a patient needs you."**

**Connie reeled off her downfalls as though she had been rehearsing while Rita's face grew redder and her eyes glistened.**

**"****_My _****inability to separate my personal life from my professional life?! What about ****_you?!"_**

**She whispered, her voice thick and choked.**

**"I've worked in this ED a lot longer than you have and..."**

**But Connie shook her head and cut her off mid-speech.**

**"Well then you should know better. How dare you bring your husband here..."**

**"I didn't bring him here!"**

**"How dare you leave your nursing staff exposed while you drink yourself into a stupor. You're petty, you're childish, not to mention irresponsible! You don't deserve this job and I'm going to make sure that you don't remain in the position."**

**Connie spoke so low that her voice trembled and she placed her hands upon her hips, her eyes glittering with violent amusement.**

**"Are you threatening me?"**

**Rita asked quietly and Connie drew in a long breath and exhaled through her teeth.**

**"I don't make threats, Nurse Freeman, I make strongly worded statements. Now, would you mind?"**

**She stepped to one side and gestured to the door. Rita glanced at it, her jaw firmly set, and she looked back to Connie.**

**"Maybe you're right."**

**She whispered.**

**"Maybe I shouldn't be a nurse. No-one seems to want to let me do my job anyway."**

******_"_****Are you blaming other people?"**

**Connie asked, arcing an eyebrow and regarding Rita with obvious contempt.**

******_"_****Well that's what we do round here, isn't it? It's not like after three decades of hard work I'd have the thanks, respect and loyalty of my colleagues and employers, is it? Certainly not from you anyway..."**

**"****That is not fair."**

**Murmured Connie and she glanced away, shaking her head.**

**"Maybe not, but it's true.****How did it get to the point where half of what we do is not on our job description and yet unless we do it people start accusing us of letting the side down? Cost cutting. Not taking breaks. Overtime. Working uninsured. This is supposed to be the best health service in the world. So why is it being run like a dodgy car dealership? All of that gets in the way of me doing my job. Maybe I should give up. But I won't. Because I *want* to be a nurse - if you'll let me."**

**She watched as Connie looked back at her again, her hazel eyes narrowed, thoughtful...**

**"I don't believe you are up to the job. I don't believe that, in the future, if a situation were to arise with your husband, with your drinking...I don't believe that you know how you will react, and I can't risk that. I can't."**

**Connie let her hands drop from her sides for the first time since they had entered the room, letting her hands curl against her thighs.**

**"But you can't know that about any of us?! We can't know how we are going to react until the situation arises, surely?"**

**Rita whispered, narrowing her eyes, feeling as though she were flailing before Connie like a limp, suffocating fish that had some how found itself on land.**

**"On the contrary, I know how I'm going to react to everything. I am prepared for everything. This department cannot run unless it can rely on me, and that's why I want you out, because I can't trust you, because I can't rely on you."**

**Connie spoke slowly as though she were speaking to a child and Rita almost laughed.**

**"You know how you'll react to everything!"**

**She smiled a humourless smile and unfolded her arms, mirroring Connie's stance and moving towards her.**

**"Yes."**

**Connie said, watching as Rita approached her, unsure whether she was going to hit her, or just walk passed her to the door.**

**Instead, Rita stopped just inches from her, looking up at her, her eyes glinting, a soft twitch at the corner of her mouth hinting at a smile, and then she stood up on tip toes, and without touching her at all she placed a soft kiss against Connie's lips, pulling away before she had time to react.**

**"React to that."**

**She whispered.**

****I hope you enjoyed it. It's just a little idea that's been rolling about in my mind for a few days. Please do Review! xxx****


	2. Chapter 2

**Connie closed the door to the office with a gentle 'click'. She stood for a moment, arms by her sides, just surveying the ward before her, her eyes searching...**

**Members of staff milled about, cheeks flushed, all busy to get to wherever it was that they were heading to, some pausing briefly, glancing across at Connie, eyes wide as though expecting her to pounce, though for now she remained still, feeling the throb of blood within her lips.**

**Eventually she spotted what she was looking for, the blonde head that was bobbed almost out of sight behind a curtain and with her eyes set and focused on her target she moved off across the ward to cubicle 3, tossing back the curtain, sending it rattling and swishing against the far wall.**

**Rita looked up from where she was bent over positioning an oxygen mask on the patients face.**

**"Everything OK?"**

**Connie asked, her face expressionless except for the slight pinch of her lips.**

**"Of course?"**

**Rita said quickly and she turned her attention back to the elderly man on the bed.**

**"Mr Wright here is absolutely fine. I thought he was having a nightmare, but..."**

**"I'm sure he is with you as his nurse."**

**Connie murmured, her words so quiet they were barely audible, but Rita stopped mid sentence to look up at her, her brown eyes wide, her lips parted.**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**She whispered, her words thick in her throat but Connie refused to look away from the man in the bed. She drew in a breath through her nose.**

**"When you're finished here I'd like to see you in my office."**

**She said and Rita exhaled a breath of disbelief into the air between them and Connie slipped from the room with the patient barely noticing she'd been their at all.**

**She made her way back to the office, and even before she'd reached the door she knew that Rita was following. She opened the door, her hand resting on the door handle, and with the door open she just stood, waiting, looking straight ahead until the blonde nurse moved past her into the office without a word.**

**Connie closed the door and for a moment there was silence. **

**Rita drew in a breath and turned to look at her.**

**"Just what have I done that is so terrible that it warrants being humiliated by you...in front of a patient no less! Not very professional..."**

**"Sit down."**

**Connie said, her voice low and without thinking Rita sat down and Connie made her way to the opposite side of the desk, where she stood, her hands on the back of her chair.**

**"Don't you wish it was electric..."**

**Rita murmured and she caught the gentle purse of Connie's lips and the flash of her glass green eyes.**

**"So, do I get an answer? Because right now I can't see that your methods of getting what you want have changed since you were six."**

**Rita asked, her jaw set, the tendons tensing in her cheeks and Connie allowed herself a slight half-laugh of incredulity.**

**"I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you came unarmed."**

**She spoke as though she were bored and she tapped a finger briefly against the chair.**

**"God! What is wrong with you?!"**

**Rita shook her head, her lips parted, eyes wide.**

**"You're manipulative, stubborn, selfish..."**

**"Why did you do it?"**

**Connie asked, interrupting once again.**

**"Why did I do what?"**

**Rita asked, sighing, rubbing her fingers against her forehead.**

**"Kiss me! Why did you kiss me?"**

**Connie exclaimed, and she leant back slightly from where she stood against the chair.**

**Rita frowned, contemplating her answer for a moment until Connie began to look impatient.**

**"****What else was I supposed to do, you were behaving ridiculously."**

**She said eventually and Connie raised an eyebrow.**

**"Oh, show some respect!"**

**She murmured and let go of the back of the chair, folding her arms tightly across her chest.**

**"Respect?! How am I being disrespectful? By kissing you?!"**

**Rita laughed, unsure of what else to say, and she stood up, the metal legs of the chair grating horribly against the floor.**

**"You know..."**

**She said quietly, standing opposite Connie, mirroring her.**

**"****Just because you're beautiful, doesn't mean that you can treat people like they don't matter."**

**She said, and Connie looked momentarily startled, the word beautiful taking her by surprise.**

**"I show you the respect that you deserve, and I think you know that deep down."**

**She added quietly.**

**Connie inhaled slowly, glancing about the room before settling her gaze again on Rita who stood, unmoving, her breathing quick and her cheeks faintly flushed.**

**"It's not because I'm beautiful...I don't..."**

**She pushed her fingers into the space between her eyebrows, for the first time she was flustered and her words didn't seem to be coming out in the order that she had hoped for.**

**"I don't think I'm beautiful...It's not that..."**

**She gave up trying to explain and she ran a hand through her hair, sighing.**

**"Well you are."**

**Rita said with a shrug of her shoulders, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.**

**"But this isn't about you, it's not about whether you think you're beautiful or not, though you are, and if you paid enough attention to your staff you'd see everybody thinks so, that's partly why you're so intimidating."**

**Rita paused, Connie finally seemed to be listening, though there was the slight flicker of disappointment when Rita said mentioned how everyone thought it...**

**"It's about why you behave like you do."**

**She said quietly and Connie expelled a breath, shaking her head very slightly.**

**"If you can't tell me now, then that's fine."**

**Rita said suddenly, and she folded her arms across her chest, tucking her fingers into the folds of her elbows.**

**"But you can tell me later."**

**"Later?"**

**Connie repeated and Rita nodded slowly.**

**"Meet me for a drink after the shift, there's a bar on the high street, The Table? Meet me there."**

**She said.**

**"A drink?"**

**Connie repeated again and Rita smiled a small triumphant smile.**

**"After the shift."**

**She confirmed, and she made her way back of the room.**

****After several reviews and messages asking me to continue this I thought I'd give it a go...I'll keep continuing if people would still like me to :) xxx****


	3. Chapter 3

**Connie flicked the jagged hang nail at the side of her thumb until it began to hurt. She was sitting at a table in the bar, a glass of Viognier before her, the bottle next to it. **

**For the second time she glanced up at the clock that hung behind the barman's head. It was only ten past but she felt convinced that she had been stood up.**

**She touched her fingertips against the smooth stem of her glass, watching the condensation pool and ripple from her skin, skuttering down onto the flat base of it where it stayed.**

**A hand pressed against her shoulder, disappearing as she turned...**

**Rita.**

**"You're late."**

**Connie said.**

**Rita set her bag down on the floor and sat down on the chair opposite.**

**"Sorry. I got caught up with a patient...you know how it is."**

**She said coolly, and Connie couldn't help but guess at the hidden meaning behind her words.**

**Without speaking she raised the bottle and filled the spare glass before pushing it across the table to the other woman.**

**"Thank you."**

**Rita said as she pulled her arms from the sleeves of her jacket and hung it over the back of her chair.**

**Connie sat looking at her. She raised the glass to her lips, taking a sip of wine before setting it back down on the table and swallowing.**

**"So..."**

**Rita paused and drew in a breath. **

**The bar was busy, littered with people fresh from work, all eager for a drink and there was the faint sound of music playing, though they couldn't quite hear what it was.**

**"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"**

**Rita sighed, a pained look in her eyes, her fingers splayed about the stem of the wine glass.**

**"I'm still waiting to find out why you asked me here."**

**Connie said quietly, and Rita raised an eyebrow.**

**"You know why we're here, I told you earlier! You never listen!"**

**She slumped back in her chair and looked across at Connie.**

**"Sorry."**

**She said quietly, and Connie inhaled slowly.**

**"I just want you to talk to me. I want to understand you. Because we cant keep on how we have been. It's affecting the staff, the patients, not to mention it's exhausting..."**

**She trailed off and placed both of her hands on the table in front of her.**

**Connie remained silent, just watching, she could see the soft rise and fall of Rita's chest beneath her jumper and it began to quicken the longer she remained silent.**

**"Do you agree or am I just wasting my time here?"**

**She said eventually, her eyes pleading with Connie to say something...anything.**

**"No, I agree."**

**She said finally and Rita expelled a breath of relief, a smile creeping across her lips and Connie thought for a moment how pretty she looked when she smiled, the dim light from the bar against her cheek.**

**"Ok."**

**Rita looked at her expectantly and Connie raised her gaze, just looking over her head, into the mirror that showed the bar, looking at a group of tall young men who had just entered, already they staggered and their faces were flushed, their voices loud.**

**"I don't really know what you want me to say?"**

**She said, watching as the tallest of the five men ordered a round of drinks, and as he paused, waiting for his order he looked across, meeting her gaze in the large oval mirror.**

**She looked back to Rita who was looking over Connie's shoulder at the men.**

**"Just tell me what's wrong? Preferably without accusing me of anything."**

**She paused and glanced again at the men at the bar.**

**"He's staring at you, you know."**

**She said quietly and Connie raised her eyes quickly to the mirror, the group of men huddled together, laughing, tossing the occasional glance in their direction.**

**"Let them stare."**

**Connie murmured, raising her glass to her lips, feeling the wine fill her mouth.**

**"I blamed you for Audrey taking Grace from me."**

**She said once she had swallowed, and Rita widened her eyes though Connie raised a hand, stopping her before she could say anything.**

**"I realise that's ridiculous."**

**She added and Rita pursed her lips and drew her hands together into the middle of the table, only inches from Connie's own.**

**"I..."**

**Connie made to speak again but she found no words could come, her throat throbbed and ached and at the mere thought of Grace she felt her eyes sting with tears.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She whispered, blinking, running the edge of her hand just below one eye to stop the tears from flowing.**

**She let out a breath of air through her lips and she glanced down, feeling Rita's fingers touch against her own, her hand slipping over hers, squeezing gently.**

**"I didn't ask Mark to come, I didn't know he was even being released!"**

**Rita whispered, letting her thumb run the length of Connie's index finger.**

**"And when you said that you thought he'd taken Grace...!"**

**Connie held up her other hand to stop her again, she couldn't think about that right now. Her fingers trembled, she could feel the gentle vibration within her arms. She wouldn't cry, she told herself, not here.**

**"I know."**

**She whispered, and she cleared her throat.**

**She looked across the table, Rita's forehead was creased into a frown, her eyes were dark and wide.**

**"I know..."**

**She repeated, and as she spoke she glanced up again to the mirror above Rita's head, just in time to see one of the men at the bar point directly at her.**

****More soon, thank you ever so much for the lovely reviews, I've written a couple of other Connie stories as well if you'd like to have a look xxx****


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everyone, thank you for all the messages of concern. I am still here! I am still writing, and have several updates of each story ready and waiting. We have been without internet for some time now (the perks of living in the middle of nowhere!)

I'm so sorry for the huge delay, hopefully I will be back soon. We have yet another someone coming out to see if he can fix it on Thursday, so fingers crossed!

Thank you again for the messages, I hope you're all ok? xxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Connie watched as Rita tilted her glass up, draining the last dribbles of wine from the bowl of the glass and setting it back down in front of her, licking her pink lips before placing her hands flat, palms down on the table.**

**They had made progress, they had both agreed on that. Finally the ice between them was beginning to crack and thaw, leaving only cold running rivulets between them. **

**Rita cleared her throat and Connie blew out a breath between her lips and readjusted herself in her seat. Somehow, between their conversation they had become so at ease with one another that the silence now was no longer awkward, but comfortable.**

**"More?"**

**Connie asked, gesturing to the bottle that stood between them, condensation pooling at it's base leaving a pale ring of wood on the tabletop.**

**Rita leant back in her chair and shook her head, her eyes smiling.**

**"I couldn't." **

**She narrowed her gaze, as if wondering whether or not to say what she was thinking. She knew the barriers that they had broken down might not extend to that of actual friendship, not just yet , but when Connie let her head fall to one side, silently questioning, Rita found herself unable to remain silent.**

**"Come back to mine."**

**She said, with unintended bluntness. **

**"For tea..."**

**She paused, did Connie drink tea? Surely she was more of a coffee drinker...**

**"Is that an invitation, or a request?"**

**Connie asked slowly, a smile twitching the corner of her mouth. Rita felt her face flush and she pushed her hands together in her lap, her fingers pushing between her knees.**

**"An invitation."**

**She clarified, though she knew that there was really no need to, Connie knew very well what she had meant. **

**Connie pursed her lips against her smile and gave a slight nod of her head. Her face was partially in shadow, her lips were ruddy and her eyes dark, glittering like sea-soaked pebbles under the dim lighting. She cleared her throat.**

**"Lead the way."**

**She said simply, and slowly, elegantly, she pushed her chair back from the table and stood up, adjusting her bag on her shoulder as Rita gathered her things and moved ahead of her to navigate their way through the groups of people gathered at the bar.**

**As they neared the exit Rita stopped abruptly, both women recognising the man who stood directly in their path as one of the group who had continued to eye them in the reflection of the mirror whilst they had talked.**

**He was tall, taller than average, and as he pressed his pint of beer against his chest Connie noticed that across his knuckles were the inky dots of DIY tattoos.**

**"Excuse me."**

**Rita made to edge around the man, but with a look of drunken amusement he followed her movement, blocking her yet again.**

**Connie drew in a breath, irritated by this infantile buffoon. She placed a hand on Rita's forearm and with a grip that felt tight even through the fabric of Rita's coat, and sleeve, Connie pulled her around the laughing man and toward the door. His words followed them, crude words that they could barely make out, but the venom in his voice stung them and left them shaken as they pushed through the doors and back out into the street.**

**"Idiot."**

**Rita muttered, glancing back at the door, not once, but twice as she buttoned up her coat, and as she spoke Connie noticed how her lip trembled and she wondered for the briefest of moments whether these men had frightened her so much because of a past experience.**

**"I'll ring a taxi."**

**Connie said, overcome with a sudden urge to protect the woman shivering beside her. She pushed her hand into her bag and withdrew her phone, peering at the screen and tilting it so that she could see properly, avoiding the glare of a near by street lamp.**

**No signal. She began walking, feeling Rita close behind her. In the distance she heard the swing and slam of the bar doors, and again Rita turned to glance behind them. She paused, and touched her fingertips to Connie's arm, gaining her attention, though Connie didn't need to look back, she had assumed that they would be followed. She dialled and held the phone up to her ear when the signal bars finally appeared.**

**Rita folded her arms across her chest, not wanting to look around again, but the feeling she had of being watched made her skin creep and crawl as though it were sliding off of her very bones.**

**Unable to resist, she gave one last glance, just in time to feel the weight of someone knock into her, and all of a sudden Connie no longer had her phone against her ear and the side of her head stung from the sheer force of having the phone, and her hair, ripped from her.**

**A sudden aching shard of panic wedged itself deep within Rita's throat, she was paralysed, unable to do anything but hear the yell that Connie emitted, and to watch her running after the men who had taken her phone, they were all there, all of those men who had been watching them.**

**For far too long she seemed unable to move. She watched Connie give up only moments after she had given chase and she turned to walk back towards Rita, tossing her arms up in anger.**

**Without thinking Rita began to walk towards the other woman, her knee caps were shaking and her legs felt weak, as though they might just give way at any moment and refuse to work, leaving her lying on the floor, useless.**

**"Bloody..."**

**"Hey!"**

**Connie's curses were cut short by the sudden reappearance of two of the men at the end of the alley. Their bodies bulky shadows in the night though they could make out their laughing faces, their teeth oddly white against the blue of the dark.**

**"Give me back the phone."**

**Connie's voice sounded louder in the alley than she had expected, echoing and bouncing from the walls and bins left out for the next days collection.**

**The men laughed again, one leant back against an wall and lit the end of a cigarette, the lighter flaring violently, illuminating them for the briefest of moments.**

**"Come and get it!"**

**The man with the phone called, he held the phone up so that she could see it, the screen reflecting the stars above them as he waved it.**

**Connie drew in a breath, her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides. Rita stood behind her, she could feel the heat from the other woman, her rage blistering, her breath quick.**

**"Just leave it."**

**She whispered, but Connie refused to look away, her jaw was set and flexed and she narrowed her eyes, accepting the challenge.**

**She walked towards them with Rita behind her, allowing them to taunt and cat-call to them as until they neared. **

**Without a word Connie held out her hand to take back the phone, half expecting them to turn and run from her again, and deciding that if they did, she wouldn't follow again, she wouldn't play their games, no matter how many irreplaceable images of Grace there were stored on the memory of her phone.**

**Rita watched the exchange, Connie's outstretched hand, her little finger twitching just ever so slightly, betraying the bravery she tried so hard to portray. The man who held her phone sighed as though defeated, and held out the phone, making to place it within her hand, but as his fingers touched her own, he let the phone fall to the pavement, it hit the ground with a sharp crack and Rita saw the rest as though it were in slow motion, he grabbed at Connie's wrists, turning her and pulling her backwards against him before she had time to react, and as she herself made to move, there was the sudden jerk of an arm about her neck and a hot sweaty hand was slapped across her nose and mouth. Instinctively she screamed despite his hand and his grip tightened.**

**"Shut up!"**

**Someone hissed, and Rita swallowed, seeking out the dark form of Connie in the shadows.**

**"Make one fucking noise and I'll jam this in your aorta."**

**A voice whispered at Rita's ear, she could feel the hot breath and the cool of something metal press against her throat, she winced.**

**"Your aorta is in your chest..."**

**Connie spat, her voice low and thick with a lethal concoction of fear and rage.**

**Someone laughed and then another.**

**"Good to know!"**

**Two of the men spoke at once.**

**"Bring them over here."**


	6. Chapter 6

**The grip about Connie's waist tightened, her arms were forced and held behind her back, she could feel her blood running cold and the prickle of pins and needles before the numbness that would surely come to her fingertips and forearms, rendering them heavy and useless should he ever let her go.**

**"Don't make a sound."**

**The request was simple. His lips were in her hair, his breath at her face, she could feel the wisps of her hair billow and stick to the dampness of his mouth where he spat them free leaving only a wet trail to slap against her neck.**

**She was held against the wall opposite Rita, who in turn was surrounded by the other men, illuminated only slightly from a far off street lamp behind her. To Rita she must surely only look like the black muddy outline of a shadow, nothing of comfort at all, but Connie could see her face, the light from behind her bright enough to make out the glinting pin pricks of fear within the other woman's dark eyes, the tautness of her skin, the looseness of her body and the uncontrollable tremble of her lips.**

**Connie watched, helpless as one of the men circled Rita, surveying her as someone who was looking around a house for sale might, really looking at her, undressing her with his eyes, smiling at what he saw, realising what he could have...**

**The shorter of the men, one who seemed to be on look out duty made his way through the shadows to the man who held Connie so tightly. He leant towards them and she smelled the sour scent of beer on his breath and the hot meaty stench of his sweat. **

**"We'd rather have this one..."**

**He hissed, keeping his voice low, his eyes on Connie. **

**"No."**

**The man behind her paused, leaning slightly to watch the man who circled Rita run his fingers from her to her chin, and then to her chest, grabbing at her as though she were his for the taking. But still, paralysed with fear, Rita remained silent, the only thing to give her away, to show how terrified she was, was the fact that she closed her eyes.**

**"This one will struggle too much. Trust me. The blonde won't."**

**He said simply. He spoke from experience. Connie felt sick,suddenly so violently sick that she thought she might actually vomit. Those words were all it took to make her realise that those men were going to take what they wanted from Rita, they were going to use her like whore and leave her to cope with her wrecked, bleeding body and the numbness within her mind, whether they screamed, struggled or succumbed willingly.**

**She swallowed, the nausea bubbled in the back of her throat, she tasted the acidic taste of bile and struggled against her own gag reflex. Opposite her Rita's knees buckled, falling without meaning to into the arms of the man who pushed his fingers into the waist band of her jeans whilst the man who had restrained her unzipped his fly. Ready.**

**"I'll do it."**

**Connie spoke before she had realised that she was going to. Her throat hurt, her mouth was dry, the skin of her lips puckered.**

**"What?"**

**The smaller man who had come to stand at their side looked at her, his head cocked, his eyes narrowed.**

**She felt it again, that overwhelming urge to protect Rita. She couldn't let her take the pain. She thought of Mark, of what he had done to her. Somehow Connie knew that if these men had their way, Rita would never recover.**

**"You can have me. If you leave her alone, you can have me, I won't fight back."**

**She was at the point where going forward was easier than going back. Her whole body seemed to be shaking, though her face remained emotionless. She heard murmured voices, and even though they were only inches behind her, the stifled throb of tears that ached behind her eyes and pounded within her ears kept her from hearing their words.**

**The man holding her hoisted her back. He shouted for the others to halt, he called for them to come near. Rita was left, leaning against the body of the man who held her tight, a smirk on his face, his eyes on the hands that now reached for Connie.**

**"She wants it."**

**Were the only words she heard, and though her breath caught with fear, she refused to close her eyes. Instead she stared right back at them, she watched their eyes as they looked her over, and when they happened to glance up at her face, they slapped her for daring to look back at them. But still she kept her eyes open.**

**From the wall opposite Rita watched, words caught in her throat, words that for a moment she thought could stop them, but the stab of something sharp was held against her neck and she remained silent. Even the breath she breathed was released with caution. **

**Through squinted eyes she watched Connie, the freckles across the other woman's nose and cheeks stood out in the light, her cheeks raw and slapped free of make up by the backs of those men's hands.**

**She felt her stomach lurch as they stepped closer, and though it wasn't happening to her, she felt every tug and pull of Connie's clothes as if they were her own, and when the soft white skin of her body was revealed to the night and the stars it glowed as if the moon shone on her, and her alone. **

**Someone pulled Connie up and pushed her against the wall, trapping her body between his and the hard brick. She wanted to scream out, every instinct told her to fight back, but she had given him her word, she had protected Rita.**

**His hand wrapped around her throat and he squeezed just enough to make her choke and she let out a struggled gargle of a breath that caused Rita to call out, and the man who held her neck pushed his blunt knife so hard against her skin that beads of blood, black in the dark, showed against her throat.**

**"You yell like that again, I'll snap your neck," **

**He whispered whilst another** took hold of Connie's wrists in his hands. He pushed her down onto the concrete and pinned her hands above her head with one hand. His other hand moved roughly toward her skirt, pushing it further up…up. Connie stared up into the sky, she could see the formation of Orion above her, and the clouds glowing lavender in a ring about the moon.

His hold on her wrists grew tighter. He pressed bruising kisses to her mouth, and she held in the sickness that was bubbling raw in her stomach when his tongue pushed between her lips.

**Another set of hands ripped at her skirt, and as they moved closer…closer, she could feel the cool leather of his coat.**

**She felt him pull himself on top of her, cutting off her air supply but she concentrated on the stars, she refused to acknowledge who, or how many were touching her. **

**She felt his sick excuse for arousal pressing into her stomach. She struggled against crying out again as his hands ventured up her skirt once more. Instinctively she tried to close her legs, which only seemed to amuse them more.**

**"Fucking tease!"**

**Someone hissed. She could smell cigarettes, she could taste them on her own breath and it was only when she licked her lips and tasted salt that she realised she was crying. **

**"I'll show you what happens to women who tease!"**

**It was another voice, and another hand that was raised and brought to her face with a sickening slap. Her jaw began to throb in pain, and he hit her again and again. She felt a hand grab her breast, squeezing it roughly beneath the fabric of her bra.**

**Someone pulled her up a foot from the ground, before pushing her down, and her head made a loud thumping sound against an unidentified object, and she felt the blood beginning to flow. She touched the wound and she grew dizzy. Blood and tears stained her cheeks. She saw him come forward, and in that moment she knew what it felt to fear death.**

**Rita. As her legs were held apart, and the hot anonymous bodies forced themselves upon her she thought of Rita. She listened to the other woman crying, soft, inconsolable sobs in the dark. She had saved her, she thought , at least she had saved her. And when the men had taken what they wanted they simply stood up, and left, leaving only the man who held Rita to push her to her knees where he spat in her face before they disappeared and Connie rolled onto her side where she vomited on the pavement, retching into the curls of her own hair. **


	7. Chapter 7

**_Hello everyone, I'm back. I apologise for such a long absence. I have a string of excuses which I won't bore you with, suffice to say we have internet now, and touch wood we will have no more problems with it! I hope you are all well? Thank you for the lovely comments I've received so far. I've decided that I will allocate a day to each story, so that each will be updated at least once a week. This story will be updated on Tuesday evenings._**

**_Thank you in advance for the comments!_**

**"Connie?"**

**Rita's fingers were cold and Connie flinched from her touch.**

**"Don't."**

**She coughed, her ribs pinched and ached, her face stung and when she spoke the skin felt tight, but the real pain was within her, deep inside.**

**She rolled onto her back, staring up at the moon whilst she caught her breath and steadied her stomach.**

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Rita next to her, crouching on the floor, her fingers against her lips, her eyes wide, and every breath she took fogged white as she exhaled.

Slowly, slowly, she raised up her knees and pushed herself up with her arms. Her back twinged so sharply it made her wince, and for the first time she closed her eyes because of the pain.

Moments passed and still she didn't open her eyes. In her mind she was going through what had happened, she was taking each piece and she was turning it to ice inside her own body, closing herself off to it until she had nothing left to feel except the cold. Something which she hadn't had cause to do since she had been with Michael.

"Connie...?"

She could hear Rita's breath quickening, she could hear the panic in her voice and she opened her eyes to look at her.

"Did they touch you?"

Connie's question surprised her, it was Connie whom she was worried about...she shook her head which seemed some small comfort to the other woman who began slowly readjusting her clothes to cover herself.

"We should go to the police."

Rita whispered, her voice breaking. Connie ran her fingers through her hair before forcing herself to stand, ignoring the ice cold stab of pain between her legs.

"We're not going to the police."

She held out a hand and helped Rita to her feet. Just the tone in which she spoke meant that Rita knew not to say any more on the subject. Her voice was hard, solid, clear and cool and when Rita looked her in the eye all she was was her own reflection.

In silence they walked, side by side, back to where they had started. They stood outside the bar again, only this time Rita used her phone to ring for a taxi, and while they waited she did her best to avoid replaying the evenings events within her own head. She glanced to Connie who stood so still, her hair damp and dark, matted with vomit and blood. Connie had twisted it into a knot and tucked the bulk of it into the back of her collar, but curls still sprang free about her ears, curling at her jaw, the only part of her that seemed alive, fluttering in the breeze.

"You could come back to mine."

Rita ventured. It was clear she needed medical treatment, she was pale, and though the bleeding at the base of her head had stopped, it needed seeing to, and there was no way Connie could give it the attention it needed herself. And there were the other injuries too...internal injuries that she tried not to think about.

Connie cleared her throat and paused a moment before she spoke.

"I don't think that will be necessary."

She said finally, just as the taxi pulled up beside them.

"Connie..."

But Connie ignored her, instead she slipped unsteadily into the taxi and gave her address to the driver who merely nodded his head, waited for the two of them to do up their seat belts and began to drive.

Connie watched out of the window as they drove, she watched the city roll by, windows illuminated by the black and orange of Octobers Halloween decorations. Plastic pumpkins were set in window displays, full of sweets and adorned with fake spider webs.

The drive was relatively short, and Connie's face remained turned to the glass, but in her reflection Rita noticed how she would avert her eyes when the glare of street-lights dimmed to reveal her own reflection staring back at her.

"Just here."

Connie spoke quietly as the driver pulled into her road and began to slow, searching for the house numbers.

He parked, she handed over a twenty pound note, refused the change and stepped out of the taxi. Only noticing that Rita had followed when she turned to say goodbye and the taxi was pulling away. She widened her eyes and Rita was unsure for a moment whether it was anger or confusion that creased her forehead.

"You can't be left alone...not after hitting your head."

She paused whilst Connie regarded her, lips pursed with an unreadable expression.

As if admitting the nurse was right she simply withdrew her key from her bag and made her way to the door, letting herself in, leaving Rita to close the door behind her.

She went straight to the kitchen, Rita following, glancing up at her surroundings.

The kitchen was large and glossy, every surface shined, every appliance threw back an inverted reflection. The entire room looked as though it were torn from an interiors magazine.

Connie set her bag down on the kitchen counter, flicked on a switch that started a coffee machine ginding and slipped her feet out of her shoes.

"Coffee?"

She asked, glancing to Rita who was watching her intently. Now that she had removed her shoes she wasn't that much taller than Rita herself, and that fact alone surprised her.

She nodded, and Connie set out two large white mugs down on the worktop next to the coffee machine.

Rita cleared her throat, she wanted to ask if Connie was OK, she wanted to grab hold of her and cry, and ask her what the hell just happened. She wanted to talk about it, or talk it over, to imagine the ways in which they might have saved themselves. But instead Connie passed her a cup of coffee that was almost too hot to touch and she had to set it down on the table nearest her to save from burning her fingers whilst Connie held hers between both hands, not noticing when her palms began to burn raw.

"Would you..."

Rita stopped, alarmed at how loud her own voice sounded in the silence. Connie looked at her, the cloud lifting from her eyes and she took a sip of coffee, letting it scald the roof of her mouth.

"I could check you over...your head..."

"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you."

Connie interrupted, though her tone wasn't as harsh as expected, and she forced her lips to smile slightly.

"There is a guest room on the first floor next to the bathroom that you can use."

She paused and glanced at Rita's clothes.

"I'll leave you a change of clothes on the bed."

She said simply, the closest she would get to acknowledging what had happened.

Rita nodded, still unsure of what to say, still silently begging Connie to talk, so that she wouldn't have to go to bed alone in an unfamiliar bed, where she knew she would cry herself to sleep.

"I'll say goodnight."

Connie said suddenly, and taking her coffee with her, she left Rita standing in the kitchen by herself, lowering her gaze to the floor as she passed her by. Only when she was at the top of the house, standing in her own bedroom did she stop. She stood for a moment, just breathing, collecting herself. She sought out a pair of her own pyjamas, pale grey silk ones that she wore so often, but tonight she didn't feel as though she were herself enough to wear them.

She folded them over one arm, and from her wardrobe she pulled jeans and a jumper that faded from dark blue to white, she collected all of the items together and took the stairs back down to the first floor where she turned the light on in the guest room and laid the clothes out on the bed ready.

Once back in her own room she stepped into the en suite shower, turned on the water full blast, and whilst the water scalded her skin she stripped herself free of her clothes with her eyes shut, throwing everything she wore into a pile in the corner where the blood seeped from the fabric and ran in ruddy brown rivulets towards the plug hole.

She washed her hair, she pulled grit and congealed blood from each strand, she scrubbed her face until her eyes stung with soap and she washed her body, pressing down so hard with her exfoliator that her skin turned pink, yet the familiar burn of excessive scrubbing never seemed to come, and with her hair still wet she crawled into bed, her body wetting the sheets.

She pulled the duvet up over her head to shut out the cold, and she closed her eyes, falling into a fitful sleep, a sleep where **she dreamt her feet were bleeding, and her hair was plucked from her head by blackbirds. In her dream she went from house to house, looking for refuge but not a single person opened there door so she gave up speaking. She found herself on the side of a mountain where every day was snowy. She stood outside without a roof, without shelter, and before long she was made of ice—her flesh, her bones, her blood. She looked like a diamond, it was possible to spy her from miles away. She was so beautiful now that everyone wanted her and people came to talk to her, but she wouldn't answer. Birds lit on her shoulder, she didn't bother to chase them away. She didn't have to. If they took a single peck, their beaks would break in two. Nothing could hurt her any more. She had become invisible, queen of the ice. Silence was her language, and her heart had turned a perfect pale silver colour. It was so hard nothing could shatter it. Not even stones.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Rita stood in the middle of Connie's kitchen, her coffee cup left on the side. She had taken a sip but the it was much too strong. She didn't want to drink something that would undoubtedly keep her awake when all she wanted was the anonymity of sleep.**

**Instead she looked about herself. The kitchen was silent except for the low hum of what she assumed to be the fridge freezer standing there in the corner, a long sleek black appliance with a front so glossy that It showed her own reflection right back at her as though it were a full length mirror. She could see the smudge of her mascara and the limp blonde hair that stuck to her head with sweat despite the cold.**

**She folded her arms across her chest and moved away so that she could no longer see herself. She found herself moving slowly, taking in everything, the solid stone worktops, the hardwood floors without one creaking board...**

**She stopped in front of a door that was pulled to, she pushed on it, the room beyond was dark and she stepped in, feeling for the light switch and flicking it on. **

**It was a small room, the walls were lined with white painted shelves that were packed so full of books that if Rita hadn't noticed the glimpse of paint in one corner near the skirting board, she would never have known that the room was painted a pale sage green. **

**The only furniture in the room was a desk, an overly large piece made of dark knotted wood with a top that was inset with dark red leather studded all around the edge with gold, she assumed it must be an antique, or perhaps a family heir loom.**

**She approached it, there was a chair set before it, set slightly to one angle as if Connie had got up and left and forgotten to return. An A4 notebook was left open, a simple black BIC Biro lay on top, and right in the corner of the paper was a scribble from where Connie had been trying to get the pen to work. A large wine glass was set to the left of the notepad, the stain of red wine left right at the bottom, and as Rita looked closer she could see the soft pink imprint of Connie's bottom lip left against the rim of the glass.**

**Rita placed her hand over the open page, she imagined Connie sitting here in the evenings after work, paper work stacked up, glass of wine in hand, frustrated by this temperamental black Biro.**

**She must have been sitting here last night, she realised. She ran her hand across the arm of the chair where Connie must have reclined, feeling some odd, unexplainable comfort in the fact that she was touching the cool wood of the chair where last night Connie's body against it would have left it warm.**

**She exhaled, her breath sounding loud. It was all too normal, too painful. The Connie that was here last night had no idea that the following evening she would be held down and...**

**She found she couldn't even bring herself to think the words in her own head. Instead she backed away from the room as though she had been scalded by it's innocence. If she hadn't asked Connie to meet her after work then none of this would have happened, Connie wouldn't have put herself through that, just for her.**

**For a moment, standing back in the kitchen, she thought about that. Connie had sacrificed herself so that Rita was left unharmed, and thought she was so painfully grateful, she couldn't begin to imagine why she had done it. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. It was past midnight, she could see the reflection of the clock behind her in the fridge. She forced herself to leave the kitchen to find the guest room. She made sure to take the stairs slowly, careful not to make a noise. **

**Once on the landing she glanced at the array of doors, all identical, all white except for one in the far corner, left slightly open, and Rita made her way to it, pushing open the door.**

**Inside the room was illuminated by a bedside lamp. It was a pale, pretty room, everything was white, except for the dark wood flooring, and the bed in the centre took up most of the room, with only a small night stand and a wardrobe to match. **

**The bed was high, she touched her fingers to the clothes Connie had set out on the bed. The jumper, she remembered that jumper. She remembered Connie berating her whilst she wore it, and still she had thought how beautiful she had looked in it. She touched it, it was soft beneath her fingertips, and all of a sudden she wanted to take a pair of scissors to it. She wanted to cut through the fading of colour and shred it, leaving it as a crumpled mass of fraying wool on the floor.**

**She drew in a breath. She wanted to cry. A lump ached so painfully in her throat. She wished Connie were here, wearing that jumper, standing before her. She wished she could fall into her arms and just understand...**

**She cleared her throat and blinked against the blur of tears. She turned her attention to the pyjamas, picking them up, she remembered Connie saying how her room would be next to the bathroom. She held the pyjamas against her chest and made her way next door, turning on the light in the small bathroom.**

**She wondered briefly where Connie slept, and whether or not from wherever she was she was listening to Rita moving about in her house. She wondered if she could sleep, if she was crying, or if she was laying in bed, feeling that same fear as she felt herself.**

**Standing in front of the sink she set the pyjamas on the windowsill and stripped herself free of her clothes. She ignored the mirror, instead she used one of the clean, white flannels to wash herself with. She rinsed her arms and chest, her face and she ran her wet fingers through her hair, smoothing it free from her face, picking out the bits of a dead twig that she found right at the back of her head.**

**Finally she squeezed out the water from the flannel and hung it over the tap to dry before pulling on the pyjamas, she smiled as she stepped into the trousers, they were too long, but when she pulled the shirt about her body and began to button it up, she paused. She could smell her. The pyjamas smelled unmistakeably of Connie, not the woman she knew at work, the crisp smell of her perfume, the floral smell of her shampoo or the sweet powdery scent of make up...the pyjamas smelled of all of those things, but they were masked by the scent of something else, of wine laced on Connie's breath, of sleepless late nights where she had tossed and turned in the heat, unable to do anything but stare into the darkness, wishing for sleep.**

**Rita bought the collar of the shirt she wore up to her nose so that she could breathe in the smell even deeper. This was the Connie that nobody saw. **

**She buttoned the shirt up and shifted slightly, settling into the silk and hoping it would soon warm up, and gathering her things she made her way back to the guest room. **

**Connie hadn't drawn the curtains she realised, she made her way over to the window, and before she closed them she looked out. She could barely make out the trees, and the blink of a car in the distance. She raised her eyes to the sky, and noticed the dim light from above her. So that's where she was, directly above, she realised, watching the light against the sky that came from Connie's bedroom. **

**The faraway sound of heels caught her attention and she lowered her gaze back down to the street, watching as a woman walked by, her coat pulled tightly around her, her footsteps hurried, her face lowered.**

**The only people out at this hour were ones who couldn't sleep, those haunted by one thing or another: love thwarted, love lost, love thrown away. They were the sort of people who didn't want to be noticed, who wanted to slip through shadows, be alone with their despair, and Rita thought briefly how if it wasn't for Connie, up there all by herself, then she too would have probably preferred to be wandering the streets now, looking for answers.**

**But she couldn't leave, the thought of leaving Connie in this house on her own after what she had endured made her stomach ache and for a moment she thought she might throw up.**

**Instead she took a deep breath and pulled the curtains closed before turning back to face the bed.**

**She would find them, she vowed as she crawled into bed, pushing her feet down beneath the duvet. She would find out who those men were who had forced Connie down onto her knees. **

**She would find them, and she would make them pay for what they had done.**


	9. Chapter 9

**It was early on Friday morning when Connie woke. Her eyes opened quickly, her heart rate was raised, she could feel the rapid thumping of it within her veins, and she struggled to catch her breath. She'd been dreaming, though thankfully she couldn't remember what she had been dreaming about.**

**She glanced to the clock on the bedside table, squinting in the darkness. 4:14AM, she made out. She drew in a breath and ran her hands over her face. Her skin was wet with sweat and as she moved she realised her pyjama bottoms felt wet, they stuck to her thighs as she pushed back the cover.**

**Tentatively she pushed her hand down beneath her waist band and touched the skin between her legs, withdrawing her fingers quickly, unable to bear the touch. Her fingertips showed black and glossy in the shadows, as though she had dipped her fingers into ink.**

**With her other hand she fumbled for the switch that turned her bedside lamp on. Finding it she flicked it on. Her eyes burned and she waited for them to adjust before looking at her fingers. They were no longer black, now they showed the thick clotted scarlet of fresh blood. **

**Her throat contracted, the air she breathed in through her nose seemed too thin and too cold, she felt as though she were being smothered and she began to panic, she could feel it rising within her veins as though her blood were coming up to boiling point. She glanced down at herself, blood bloomed like roses through the cotton of her pyjamas. Had it stopped? Was it still seeping out of her? She couldn't tell, her lips felt numb, and her head hurt.**

**She forced herself out of the bed, she stood for a moment, feeling the warm dribble of blood making its way down the inner flesh of her right thigh. She swallowed, her head felt faint, her eyes were growing black and try as she might, she couldn't see. Despite her momentary blindness she moved quickly, erratically, she had to rid herself of these clothes, she had to get rid of the blood, she could feel it again, running down her legs, hot and liquid, her life force running out.**

**In her haste she tripped on nothing more than a loose strand in the small rug she had by her bedside, her stumble set her off course and she found herself hitting hard against the wardrobe. **

**"Fuck."**

**She cursed herself, she blinked, trying to get her bearings, her scalp began to prickle and she felt the hairs at the nape of her neck begin to rise. She wouldn't faint she told herself. She felt herself drop to her knees, the wardrobe door slamming as she fell. Instinctively she placed her hands on the floor in front of her and lowered her head, feeling the nausea wash over her as the blood began to pump and throb behind her eyes.**

**She was fine, she told herself, she was fine. Internal bleeding after something like this was normal...**

**normal...**

**Meanwhile beneath the floorboards in the room below Rita awoke with a jump, the clattering thump from above her paused, and for a brief moment she wasn't sure what had woken her, until she glanced about the room. In the dark she realised where she was, and then she heard the shuffle and groan from above, the floorboards creaked and through the ceiling she heard Connie swear.**

**A bang startled her and without thinking she pushed the covers from the bed and made her way out of the bedroom, the landing light was on and it was only when she was on the stairs up to Connie's room that she faltered. She was second guessing herself. What if Connie had merely rolled herself out of bed, and she was fine. Rita glanced about herself, she had no idea what time it was. **

**She took one step down and then stopped, she could hear something, a muffled noise from above her. Slowly she climbed the stairs, her fingers brushing along the cool white wall until she was at the top. Much like below she was presented with an array of doors. She looked to each one, working out which one would lead to the room above her own.**

**She approached it, and pressed her ear to the door. For several moments she heard nothing, and then she heard the staggered drawing in of breath and the gulp of a smothered cry.**

**Without thinking she opened the door.**

****LittleBooLost, thank you so much for the lovely reviews that you leave! It's always so encouraging to hear that people are enjoying what I'm writing. ****

****I'm intrigued however, and would love to hear what you all would like to see happen, or what you think is going to happen? How would you like to see their relationship develop (slowly, quickly etc)? I am writing this for the people who read it, after all, so I want to make sure I give people what they want! And I'd love to hear from any of you who haven't commented before? Thank you in advance :) xx****


	10. Chapter 10

**"Get out."**

**Connie spoke even before Rita had had a chance to open the door fully. She paused, weighing up her options. She could leave then and there and not even set eyes on Connie, but something deep inside of her was telling her to continue, something was telling her that despite the snarl in her cracked voice, it was her that Connie needed.**

**She pushed the door open fully, and at the sight of the blood all thoughts of turning away disappeared.**

**Without a word she moved towards her, and slowly, as if she were worried about startling her, she crouched down next to her.**

**"Connie..."**

**She whispered, her voice was thin, and it was only when she heard herself speak out loud that she realised that she was struggling not to cry.**

**Connie sat hunched on the floor, her body crumpled, her head lowered to ease the throbbing darkness that threatened to overcome her. The blood that showed through the white of her pyjamas was so vivid in it's colour that it had startled even herself. She had never paused to think just how red her own blood could be.**

**"Connie..."**

**Rita reached out a hand, and Connie raised her head just enough to meet her eyes. And it was then that Rita realised that she was not crying because of how broken Connie was, but because of how beautiful she looked despite the blood, despite the pain...**

**"I said get out."**

**It was all she could do to whisper, her throat ached, and deep inside her, her body pulsated with such a nauseating pain that even looking up made her feel faint again.**

**Rita pursed her lips. There were no words that could make this better. She blinked back the tears and shook her head. **

**"No."**

**She mouthed, not making a sound, and a tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek where it hovered at her lips before Rita swiped it away with the cuff of the pyjamas that she wore.**

**Connie watched the tear soak into the silk of her pyjamas, a tiny wet spot that she new she would haunt her forever.**

**Rita inhaled, trying to steady herself. She looked at Connie. Her face was so pale that the freckles stood out on her face the way they had when she was a child, when she was upset, or she hadn't slept. Had she noticed that Connie had freckles before, Rita wondered? **

**She cleared her throat, she blinked again to hurry away the tears, and she swallowed against the raw lump that ached at the back of her throat.**

**"Let me help you?"**

**She whispered, her legs were beginning to cramp up because of her position on the floor, and she shifted, so that she was standing again, but still she held out her hand to Connie, willing her to take it.**

**Connie drew in a breath. She knew all of this, she'd been here before, though it was such a long time ago that remembering only seemed as though she were recalling a book she'd once read.**

**She knew what to do when life as you know it suddenly disappears without warning. She would do what she had done all those years ago. She would go shopping, she would cook dinner, she would work odd hours and make love to men she barely knew...she would shut herself down, piece by piece until that wall about her was rebuilt, stronger than ever.**

**She closed her eyes. History seemed to be repeating itself... all of a sudden she was no longer really here. It had only been hours since those men had forced themselves upon her, but already she could feel herself fading away. Already she could see the future, she could feel the days weighing her down. The moments when she would think that she saw those men from the corner of her eye, behind the shadows in the trees, or their silhouettes behind a curtain on the ward...Already those men had taken over her, she could feel them inside her, she could recall, with clarity, every thrust and every grunt as they came inside her. **

**Without a word Connie held out her hand, and allowed Rita to help her to her feet.**

**"I don't want your help."**

**She said quickly, before she could change her mind. She saw the flutter of something behind Rita's eyes and she looked away.**

**"Connie, I..."**

**"Just stay with me."**

**Connie cut her off, and Rita's lips paused around the words that were left unspoken. She realised how much it meant for Connie to make such a request. She gave a brief nod of her head.**

**"Wait here."**

**Connie murmured, squinting against the glare from the lamp as she retreated slowly into the bathroom where she would remove the stained pyjama bottoms in favour of clean underwear and sanitary towels. She wrapped her dressing gown about herself and re-emerged only moments later to find Rita sitting up in bed, her legs warm beneath the duvet, and the bloody under sheet balled up by the wardrobe.**

**Connie moved over to the bed, and looked pointedly at Rita, the nurse taking only a moment to realise that she had settled herself into Connie's 'side', and hurriedly she moved over, giving the other woman room to slip beneath the duvet. **

**She could tell by the way she moved that she was in pain, and the knowledge of this, coupled with the fact that Connie was in pain because she had been protecting her made her feel even worse. **

**She shuffled down further beneath the covers, the duvet was so thick, and the heat radiating from Connie's body so warm that she had to kick off the lower quarter of the covers away from her feet.**

**With a pained exhale of air Connie reached over and turned off the light, leaving them in the dark with nothing but the sound of each others breath between them.**

**She heard Connie sigh, and roll over, and the sound of her hand on the pillow beneath her face.**

**"Talk to me."**

**She whispered.**

****Thank you so much for the reviews :) xx****


	11. Chapter 11

**Rita gazed up into the darkness, she could just about make out the round bowl of the glass light shade in the centre of the room. She was still talking, she seemed to have been talking for hours, though she couldn't quite remember what it was that she had found to talk about...and now, as she lay here listening to the change in Connie's breathing, she had the feeling that she was repeating herself.**

**She paused. Next to her Connie lay curled up onto her side, facing her. Even in her sleep she looked so neat. She was so still, and so small, her hair tucked perfectly behind one ear, her hands folded beneath her cheek against the soft white feather pillow.**

**Rita yawned, her jaw ached with the movement and her eyes watered. She hadn't slept yet, her face felt sweaty and already the room was beginning to take on the odd cool grey light of early morning. **

**She rolled over and shifted herself ever so carefully so that she could face Connie in the bed. She bought her knees up and blinked, trying to force her eyes to adjust to the dark.**

**She could just about make out Connie's face. Her skin was a luminous pale grey, her freckles dark against her cheeks and across the narrow ridge of her nose. Her lips were slightly parted showing the glint of her teeth, and every now and then the whisper of a frown would crease her forehead and her eyelids would flutter.**

**Rita watched her, wide eyed despite the tiredness that caused her head to throb. Never before had she had cause to be so close to this other woman, and she wondered how many others had had the chance to see her this way, so exposed, so beautiful...so completely stripped of all the barriers that she kept so well maintained. Her face was free of make-up, and asleep, she took on an almost ethereal innocence that made Rita's fingers ache to touch her.**

**She closed her eyes. She tried to think about what had happened to them that night, but try as she might the thoughts wouldn't come. It was like thinking about space, and the fact that it was expanding...the stars slowly moving, as if shattering away from one another in slow motion...**

**And then she was opening her eyes. Sunshine shone through the fabric of the curtains casting lemon yellow patches of light dancing across the walls. She stretched, she couldn't remember falling asleep...She glanced over to the other side of the bed. Connie was gone. She slipped a hand across the cushion, feeling the soft dip of where her head had been. It was cold, and the duvet had been carefully tucked back into place.**

**All of a sudden Rita felt a wave of embarrassment. Connie had been awake and had moved about in this room whilst she had slept the sleep of the dead. She had made her side of the bed, ready for tonight, and still Rita hadn't stirred. Had she snored or dribbled, she wondered? She felt her ears begin to burn and she kicked the covers from herself, feeling the cool autumn air prickle her body, sending goosebumps up and down her arms.**

**Once she was out of bed she caught sight of herself in the full length mirror by the door. She hadn't noticed it the night before. But there she was, staring back at herself, her hair tufted up on one side where she had slept on it, her eyes smudged with the mascara that she hadn't quite managed to get off the night before, and her eyes puffy from lack of sleep. She sighed, and for a moment she felt sorry for the mirror, as ridiculous as it was, she imagined it's life, forever showing back the reflection of Connie Beauchamp, only now to be forced to show this...her.**

**She ran her hands through her hair in a feeble attempt to tame her hair, and turned away from the mirror, this time making her way out onto the landing. **

**Out here the sunlight billowed in through the arched window above the stairs, the walls gleamed white and she had to blink against the glare of the glass as she walked down the stairs to the guest room where she had left her belongings. **

**Inside the small room she dressed, and gathered the pyjamas she had worn, taking them downstairs to the kitchen so that she could find the washing machine.**

**She paused as she entered the now familiar kitchen, with only a quick glance to the now closed door to the office. The house was silent, and she knew even before she spied the note next to the kettle, that Connie wasn't there.**

**She pushed the clothes into the washing machine by the sink and reached for the note. It was a page torn from the A4 pad in the office, she recognised the scribble in the top corner. **

**_Rita,_**

**_Your shift has been taken care of. _**

**_Help yourself to tea, coffee, and breakfast._**

**_I will be home by 1. _**

**_Should you be gone by then, please double check that the front door is locked when you leave._**

**_Connie._**

**The older woman's handwriting was looped and slanted dramatically to the right, her name written quickly and beautifully at the end, but it was Rita's own name, written by Connie's hand that caused her to smile, and the offer of breakfast that had her opening the door to the fridge.**

****More soon. Just a quick update for tonight as I had a message specifically asking for one :) I aim to please! Anyway, in the next update I will have Rita confiding in Dixie about what happened, and Rita continues to notice the little things about Connie which seem to make her all the more flustered...****

****As always, give me your thoughts and opinions, your reviews always make me smile :) Thank you in advance! xxx****


	12. Chapter 12

**Rita busied herself in Connie's house. She had set about stripping the bedding from Connie's bed. She had pulled the duvet cover from the duvet and checked that the faint blood spots on the cover hadn't marked the duvet itself, and she had tossed them into the same pile as the sheet she had removed last night. **

**Then, with her arms full of white sheets, she carried them into the en suite, guessing correctly that Connie had pushed the clothes she had worn the previous evening into the wash bin, and it was only when she saw them there that she hesitated, unsure as to whether Connie would welcome Rita rooting about in her house, changing sheets and tidying up...**

**She drew in a breath and looked again at the blood stained pyjamas in the wash bin. She couldn't let Connie see to them herself, she decided, and pushing any further worry from her mind she reached in and bought up the clothes, piling them all together before making her way back down to the kitchen. **

**She dropped everything she was holding onto the floor by the washing machine and picked out the pyjama bottoms that Connie had screwed up into a tight ball. The blood was still tacky, and when she unrolled the fabric it was warm to the touch. It made Rita shudder to see the smudgy red marks on her own hands as she filled the sink with cold water and dropped the pyjamas in to soak whilst she searched for the salt.**

**She opened cupboard after cupboard, each arranged and filled with something different, cleaning products arranged with their labels facing outwards, to brown paper packages of flour, organic loose leaf tea and small sacks of coffee beans that she smelled as soon as she opened the cupboard door.**

**Then to the next, where a row of preserves faced her, raspberry jam, and a larger than average jar of Marmite stood facing her, and Rita exhaled a smile. It seemed so odd that Connie would like something as normal as Marmite. Without a second thought she reached up and removed the jar, placing it down on the work top. She would have some on toast when she was done, she decided.**

**And finally she located a small cupboard above the work surface where Connie had rows of ornate glass jars filled with various herbs and spices, and on the top shelf, next to a long black pepper mill stood a green glass salt pig full of coarse white crystals that shimmered as she pushed her fingers in to take a handful. She smiled again, of course Connie wouldn't have your average supermarket salt...of course she would have sea salt...**

**She mixed the salt up with a little bit of water so that it formed a thick paste that stung a small cut in her finger that she hadn't known had been there. She worked the paste into the fabric, rubbing with her fingertips, and then the palm of her hand until the water began to turn a muddy orange colour, and the blood began to lift from the fabric. **

**Every now and then she would bring the fabric up from the water to check it. The stains were virtually gone, but if she looked closer, and she knew that Connie would, she could still see the faint red blood trapped in the thread of the seams. She pushed the pyjama bottoms back into the water and rubbed harder, so hard that her skin began to shrivel and burn from the salt and the friction. Finally her efforts paid off, and when she removed them for the last time, she could no longer find any traces of blood.**

**She did the same for the sheets, and for the one spot of blood on the corner of the pyjama top. Her hands were red and sore, and she winced as she scrubbed the blood from the under sheet. The water turned a dark scarlet that lapped against the edges of the white ceramic sink. Shockingly dark and alive as she plunged her hands back down into it. But she would not think, she vowed, she wouldn't think about the blood, or how much Connie must be hurting...**

**When she was done, she pushed everything into the washing machine, located the powder and softener in the little cupboard next to the machine, and turned it on, before rinsing her hands and drying them on the jumper she wore.**

**She glanced down at herself. The clothes she wore were so alarmingly 'Connie', that she felt as though she were looking down at the other woman's body instead of her own. She had never worn such well cared for, expensive clothes in her life, and suddenly she felt guilty that she had made the cuffs of the jumper wet.**

**She pushed up her sleeves. Tea, she thought. She would make a cup of tea, and she smiled as she made her way to the kettle. There next to it was one of the white mugs that she had had her coffee in the night before. But this time Connie had dropped a tea bag into the mug before she had left. Such a simple gesture made her chest ache. She could picture Connie, hurrying to get ready, and yet still pausing to set out a cup and a tea bag, as though she had known what Rita would prefer.**

**Meanwhile Connie stood in her office, her back to the door, the sleeve of her white shirt rolled up as far as it would go, and with her other hand she pushed the needle she held into the vein at her elbow. **

**She pulled back the syringe and watched as the clear plastic tube filled full of her own blood. She pursed her lips against the pinch, she thought of the night before. Inside her, there was the dull ache of internal bruising, and between her legs the skin was raw and sore to the touch, though she had still opted for a pair of tight black trousers. Somehow the pain caused by each step she took was comforting, when the stiff fabric pulled against her and she winced with a light headed nausea, she felt oddly satisfied, as though this were somehow her punishment for being unable to fight them off. **

**Slowly she detached the vial of blood and capped it, setting it on the desk, before attaching the second, until she had a neat row of her own blood. She labelled each one carefully, ****_C. Chase. _****She used her maiden name, a thinly veiled attempt at secrecy which she knew nobody would question. It was not uncommon for her to have results fast tracked to her office. Her own would be no exception.**

**There was a tap at the door. She slipped the tubes of blood into a brown envelope before she called to whomever was on the other side of the door to enter.**

**"Charlie."**

**She turned to face him, her voice was level and she smiled at him, as if nothing at all was on her mind.**

**He seemed to frown and smile at the same time. He looked confused, and he bought his hand to the back of his head, running his hand over the short white hairs behind his ears.**

**"The police are in reception, they've got your phone?"**

**He watched her carefully, and if he had blinked he would have missed the nervous flicker at the corner of her eye, or the way her eyes widened and she pursed her lips to stop them from trembling.**

**"Thank you, Charlie."**

**She spoke quietly. **

**He narrowed his eyes, and looked pointedly to her arm. Her sleeve was still rolled up, and about her wrist was the purple-yellow bloom of a bruise that crept up her forearm, the faint outline of the hand that had held her there on her skin, giving her away.**

**"Is everything OK...?"**

**He asked slowly, looking again to the bruises as she tugged down her sleeve, pulling it all the way to her wrist where she buttoned the cuff back up tightly.**

**She nodded slowly, avoiding his gaze.**

**"Fine. Thank you."**

**She glanced to the floor, cursing herself for not being able to meet his eyes. If it had been anyone else, she would have been able to lie.**

**"Connie...your phone is in bits, the bruises on your arm..."**

**"Charlie!"**

**She spoke louder than she had meant to and she touched her fingers to her lips before she spoke again.**

**"Not now."**

**She said, her voice low, and she made to move to the door, but as she approached she mistook Charlie's advance to open the door for her as a touch to her body and she shied away from him without meaning to. She stumbled backwards on her heels so that Charlie had to grab her arm to steady her, and when she pushed her hair from her face he saw the shake of her hand and the wild look within her eyes that he had seen in patients all too many times before.**

**"I think now is as good a time as any."**

**He said quietly.**

****Thank you for all of the lovely reviews! As Lollyblanco454 asked, yes I will have a chapter in which Connie finally breaks down and speaks to Rita. This story will probably be one of my long ones again (like the others, over 100 pages...) but I can shuffle things about a bit and have Connie speak to Rita sooner rather than later if that's what people would like ? :) xxx****


	13. Chapter 13

**Connie held her phone in her hands. The screen was smashed, little bits of plastic and glass crumbled into her palm as she held it. The police had given it back to her with little more than a casual enquiry after her health, which she had artfully deflected. And now she was here, back in the office, with Charlie.**

**She sat on the sofa, her legs crossed, her hands folded, fingers interlinked across her knee cap.**

**"You know that whatever you say, will remain between us...?"**

**Charlie spoke quietly. He was sat next to her on the sofa. Connie could feel the weight of his body so close to hers and as he spoke she was sure that she could feel his breath on her face.**

**She looked down at her hands. There was no point in pretending. **

**"We uh...we were at a bar in town. There was a group of men there..."**

**She pushed a strand of hair from her face and frowned. She could remember how cold it had been when they stepped out of the bar and into the fresh air. She could remember the stars above them, and how yellow and clear the moon had been.**

**"They uhm...they followed us out...four or five of them..."**

**She pursed her lips and glanced to the toe of her shoe. The black leather seemed to pixelate before her eyes and she drew in a steadying breath and blinked repeatedly. She would not cry, not now.**

**He watched her struggle, though it was almost unbearable to see her breaking before him. He watched as her whole body tensed, trying as hard as it could to shut out this thing that caused her so much pain. She wanted nothing more than to push it away and let it go ignored, but it was still there, they were still there, the men... She had assumed it would be easy to push to the back of her mind, to forget about it...She had thought she was stronger than this.**

**"I assume that these men did more than just take your phone?"**

**Charlie's voice was quiet and calm. He had seen so many women pass through the doors of this ED with that same wild eyed look of despair that laced Connie's now. He had seen the bruises before, and he had witnessed how hard it was to even say the words, as if their ordeal had rendered them mute. **

**He saw this all in the flicker of a moment when Connie glanced to the ground, and instantly he knew what had happened.**

**"I'm sorry..."**

**He whispered, and she bowed her head again so that her hair fell over her shoulder to shield her face. **

**"Connie..."**

**He made to reach out with his hand to touch her arm, but even as his fingers neared the fabric of her shirt he felt her flinch, and he retracted his hand, curling it back into his lap. Why was it that after all these years, and all of his experience, now that it was Connie sat here, admitting this to him, he had no idea what it was that he should do?**

**"I know you won't want to hear this, but there are tests that should be done..."**

**"HIV, STI's, pregnancy..."**

**She cut him off and he sighed, almost smiling. He should have known she would have thought of everything.**

**"The results should be with me tomorrow."**

**She murmured, and she glanced pointedly to the brown envelope that she had left on her desk. He followed her gaze and for a moment they were silent.**

**"What about physically...are you..."**

**He paused, he couldn't quite make the words come out. **

**Connie drew in a breath and looked up toward the ceiling, as though the mere act of tilting her head back might stop the tears from coming. She could feel the acidic burn of the lump within her throat. She could feel the sting of tears at the corners of her eyes, and try as she might she could not stop the tremble of her lips. **

**"Are you...hurt...?"**

**He ventured. But before he could even finish she shook her head. An odd groan of a breath escaped her lips and gave into the struggle and closed her eyes. He could see her body tense, every single bit of her was trying so desperately to remain in control, and every single bit of her was failing.**

**"What about the police?"**

**"No police."**

**She cut him off. Her voice was thick and as she spoke her words hitched and broke, as though it were someone else's voice that was passing through her lips.**

**He made to speak again, perhaps to try to persuade her otherwise, but she held up a hand to stop him and finally she looked back at him. Her eyes were bloodshot and glassy, her forehead creased with unimaginable pain.**

**He sucked in a long breath and released it through his teeth, all the while looking back at her, until suddenly a wave of realisation came over him and he frowned.**

**"I'm sorry...you said 'we'?"**

**He asked, recalling what she had said earlier.**

**Her eyes flickered away from him again.**

**"Rita..."**

**"Rita!"**

**He exclaimed, almost before she had even finished saying the nurses name.**

**"Where is she now?"**

**He asked, and it was Connie's turn to sigh.**

**"At my house. She stayed with me...she..."**

**She what? She let the words linger in the air though the sentence had no planned destination. Rita had what? Crawled into bed with her despite the blood, when she had needed her the most, when she was so scared to be alone that she had contemplated hurting herself? Or that she had talked to Connie for hours, until she had finally fallen asleep. She had talked about art and books, fictional characters she had dreamed of becoming as a girl. She had told her about her family, her childhood pets...simple things, but the sort of things that calmed her for a moment, just long enough for her to fall asleep.**

**"Is she ok?"**

**Charlie asked slowly, almost not wishing to hear the answer. **

**Connie's lips twisted into the thin line of a heart broken smile. **

**"I made sure they didn't touch her."**

**She whispered, her voice barely audible. Her tongue ached in her mouth and again she had to swallow against the tears that threatened her. And that was when Charlie realised that the woman who sat before him, who had spent so many years of her life proving herself to be better than the men who dominated her field of work, this woman wasn't an 'ice queen', or a 'demon' as so many liked to joke...she was a woman. And in this case, that was worse.**

****Oh this was a painful update! I wrote it...then it froze, deleted, and I had to write it again...and I was so pleased with the originial, too! It was longer, and included another Rita section at the end, but you will have to wait until tomorrow to find out what Rita got up to for the rest of her time in Connie's house now :) ****

****Not only that but I have lost all of my notes for it as well. Hooray! Ugh...****

****Any nice reviews to cheer me up would be SO gratefully received! :) xxx****


	14. Chapter 14

**Rita was standing in the kitchen, watching the blackbirds in the garden. The sunlight made her squint, a thin, yellow light, with flecks of gold as the morning crept into afternoon.**

**Apricot light, her mother used to call it. Peach light. Autumn time light that made a person forget grey skies and city life. The air was sweeter here, standing in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil. Late white roses bloomed by the kitchen window, she could smell them now as she inhaled, and when the blackbirds called, it was possible to feel the vibration of their song. She didn't want to go home, to her empty flat. It was as though the world had stopped turning, as though she might, for a little while at least, be safe here.**

**She made her cup of tea and held it against her chest. It was warm against her fingers and she felt the heat of the steam rise up into her face as she moved from the kitchen to the sitting room. She pushed open the door. **

**The room was wide and painted a pale grey, the colour of a dove feathers. It faced the back of the house, and the air in here was so cool that she shivered and wrapped her arms about herself, holding the mug closer to her as she moved about the room, sipping her tea.**

**She ignored the long sofa, instead she made her way about the room slowly, taking it in. Somehow she felt as though she should make the most of this. Never again would she have reason to be in Connie Beauchamp's home, alone, a place where the true Connie was left every morning, and returned to every evening.**

**She looked at the photos on the mantle piece, all framed in white and set out carefully against the painted wood, the dim sunlight failing to pick out even the tiniest fleck of dust on them.**

**They were all pictures of Grace. One of her sitting on a sledge in the snow, her coat and scarf pulled so tightly about her head that only her eyes and the very tip of her nose were visible, but still Rita could see how brilliantly her eyes smiled at whomever had taken the picture. **

**There were others, school photos with every hair in place, plaited tightly over her shoulder. A photo of Grace unwrapping presents on Christmas morning, and a photo of her standing on a beach, her feet disappearing into the sand and she was holding out a large white shell as though she were handing it to Connie...Rita felt her cheeks begin to burn as she looked at Connie in the photo. Her hair was loosely tied at the back of her neck, curling down her back. The brilliant light from the sun caught the strands of gold and auburn in her hair and the pin pricks of green within her eyes. She was smiling at her daughter, and Rita could almost hear the laughter that must have laced her voice in that moment. Sunglasses perched on her head, brown tortoiseshell ones. And she was leaning back, sitting in the sand, resting back on her hands, wearing a pink bikini. **

**Rita leant closer. This woman had the ability to burn her up alive; she could do it in a minute flat, and the thought of it wasn't easy to forget. Her heart beat erratically in her throat and a flutter of unexplainable excitement made her stomach wince. She allowed herself this moment of guilty pleasure and she looked at Connie's body in the photo. Her legs outstretched before her, tanned and smooth and crossed at the ankles, only the thin band of pink at her hip breaking up the line of her body as Rita took in flat skin of her stomach, and the gentle curve of her breasts, held within the pink bikini top. And she couldn't help but notice that the fabric was the same exact shade as the palest of climbing roses. The tint of seashells on a deserted beach, or the mouth of someone you might want to kiss...**

**Before she realised Connie was beside her, she had placed her hand on Rita's shoulder, the very tip of her littlest finger just touching the bare skin at the side of her neck making her shudder as she turned, looking up at her, so startled that she might as well have been shot.**

**"I just wanted to wake you up."**

**Connie smiled as she spoke, her eyes held that look of tell tale amusement and her lips turned downwards at the corners. Waking her up was exactly what she had achieved. One look at her and Rita's blood was pounding in her ears. One look, and whatever mean, hateful thoughts she had had about Connie in the past were shattered. Gone. Replaced by the beating of her own heart.**

****Mini Peacelet: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you think that I've managed to capture their personalities...such a relief :) xx****

****LittleBooLost: I always look forward to your lovely reviews, and hearing what you think xx****

****Danielle888: Thank you! Xx****

****Saz85: Connie and Rita will most definitely be getting together :) feel free to tell me if I'm going to slowly with the story, I tend to get a bit caught up in the detail! Xx****

****VictoriaEsmay, J-Mirth and everybody else... thank you so so much for the lovely reviews! They make me smile throughout the day :) ****

****xxx****


	15. Chapter 15

**"Grace's father took that photo in the states."**

**Connie leaned in closer, her arm pressing against Rita's as she looked at the photograph, and as her body pressed against her own she couldn't help but notice the way that Rita seemed to stiffen as if she were holding her breath.**

**"She's beautiful, isn't she?"**

**Connie murmured, looking at her daughter. The way her mouth was open in a smile full of such joy hurt her heart to know that she was gone, on the other side of the world.**

**Rita swallowed hard, looking at Grace, alarmed that she had to force herself to remain focused on her, her eyes longing to trace the path of Connie's legs instead. **

**"Mmm."**

**She mumbled her affirmation. She could feel her cheeks growing hot. Connie remained silent, clearly remembering the time when the photo had been taken. She was flustered. She could barely draw in a breath though she was convinced that she must say something.**

**"She takes after her mother."**

**As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted saying them. Was she flirting? Or sucking up to her? Whichever result Connie decided upon would not be favourable. Rita could feel the skin of her cheeks burning up, the blush creeping up to her ears. Her mouth was dry, and she found herself glancing at the other woman out of the corner of her eye.**

**Connie was looking at her, an unreadable expression within her eyes. She merely gave a slight press of her lips, gave one last look at the photograph and moved away.**

**"Have you had lunch?"**

**Connie asked, it was a little after 1PM and though she wasn't hungry, she needed something else to say, to bring the subject matter around to something more safe.**

**Rita drew in a breath. ****She wished she had time to run around the block once or twice without being noticed; maybe then she wouldn't feel as if she were about to burn up or shatter if she so much as met Connie's eyes.**

**Instead she shook her head, and exhaled.**

**"I should be going, I suppose..."**

**She said quietly, braving looking at Connie, only to catch the flicker of something behind the other woman's eyes, a look which she could have easily mistaken as disappointment.**

**Connie twisted the ring she wore on her right hand. There was a moment of silence between them which seemed to stretch forever, until finally Connie let her hands fall to her sides.**

**"Charlie knows."**

**She said it as though she were announcing something as mundane as the weather, and immediately regretted her choice of nonchalance. The pink of Rita's cheeks began to fade back to their usual colour and her brown eyes sobered. She looked up at Connie, searching for something...**

**"You told him?"**

**She asked quietly, and Connie lowered her gaze and raised a hand to her forehead, rubbing the tips of her fingers against her skin.**

**"I didn't have to."**

**She said simply, and Rita nodded slowly. She felt as though she should be thinking something serious... She should be recalling last nights attack, or asking if Connie was ok, but instead she was thinking about the fact that when Connie stood before her, all she could think about was the way that her hair fell about her jawline, and the flutter at her throat of her heartbeat, just below the flesh, or the way she held her hands at her sides...and the way she could smell her perfume.**

**"I'm sorry."**

**She whispered.**

**"Sorry?"**

**Connie repeated, she frowned and folded her arms across her chest.**

**Rita puffed out a breath of air and widened her eyes. She wasn't really sure what she was sorry for. **

**"For...asking you out last night, for not doing everything I could to stop them..."**

**She found herself looking at Connie as she spoke, she saw the flash of hurt behind Connie's eyes and she thought how blue they looked all of a sudden. Perhaps it was the sky reflecting in her eyes through the window, but she thought how odd it was that they appeared to change colour despite the hazel that laced through them.**

**"You have nothing to apologise for."**

**Connie murmured, and she half turned toward the doorway that led back to the kitchen.**

**"Have lunch with me."**

**She said.**

**Oh! I had trouble concentrating on this. I painted a picture of Chloe Howman last night and tweeted it to Crystal Yu, asking if she would mind showing her. I just received a tweet from Chloe (using Crystal's account) to say thank you! One very excited me, at the moment.. (The picture I painted is now the picture for this story)**

**And THANK you for all of the lovely, lovely reviews! I've had a very long, tiring day looking after my two young children and their two cousins, so nice reviews were very much appreciated! **

**And as for what is going to happen next, Connie is going to ask Rita to stay with her again for the night. Would you like the evening to be full of fluffy stuff, or some more angst...or an equal combination of the two!? Let me know, and I will write a nice long chapter for you all later xxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Connie set out cupcakes on a plate. On her way home she had stopped off at the little bakery by the hospital that she knew Rita was fond of. More than once the nurse had bought in arrays of frosted doughnuts and cupcakes for the staff members. Now it was her turn.**

**She placed the plate down on the coffee table, and set down a mug of tea for Rita and a black coffee for herself.**

**Rita's eyes widened at the cupcakes. She recognised the wrappers, surely Connie hadn't known that they were her favourites?**

**"Help yourself."**

**Connie said, as she folded her body into the sofa, slipping her legs beneath her and reaching for her coffee before she leant back and allowed herself to relax back into the cushions.**

**Rita looked from one cupcake to another for a moment, each had a different colour icing, complemented by pastel coloured sprinkles. Connie watched her deliberating for what seemed like far too long to make a decision about a cup cake when they were all the same flavour. **

**Finally she settled on the cupcake with the pale pink icing...the colour of kisses...**

**Rita nestled the cupcake into the dip between her thighs, pushed the wrapper down at the edges and broke off a piece of the icing, pausing as she bought it to her lips, seeing the crumbs flutter from her fingers to the sofa. She swallowed and glanced at Connie.**

**"You are allowed to make crumbs, Rita."**

**She almost whispered as she spoke, as though she needed to clear her throat to regain her voice.**

**Rita smiled, a guilty smile. She realised she hadn't thought to offer Connie a cupcake after she had taken her own, so, leaning forwards, she took up the plate in one hand and held it out to her. But Connie gave a wave of her hand and shook her head.**

**"They're for you..."**

**She murmured, noticing how Rita's wrist flexed and her fingers tensed as she paused, and then placed the plate back down onto the table.**

**"All of them?!"**

**Rita almost laughed. She glanced again to the cupcakes, there were five more on the plate. Connie dipped her head, a smile escaping her lips.**

**"Well, I didn't know which you'd prefer..."**

**Connie let her sentence trail off as she watched Rita press her thumb to her lips to lick off a stray smear of pink icing.**

**"I didn't realise you were so generous."**

**Rita spoke before she had meant to, and immediately she thought better of it. She coughed and stiffened in her seat.**

**"Have you eaten?"**

**She asked abruptly, when all else failed to come to her mind. But her voice came blunt and harsh and she could feel herself growing uncomfortable again. She was suddenly aware of every swallow, how loud it was, how her breathing might be too noisy, and how her body might be taking up too much room.**

**"Sorry...that wasn't meant to sound so accusatory..."**

**She held the cupcake in her lap and looked down at it, deflated.**

**"I'm not that hungry."**

**Connie said quietly. They were standing on thin ice again, both women could feel it, they were skirting around the real issue much like novice ice skaters skirted the edge of an ice rink – holding on for dear life, desperate not to fall.**

**There was a pause, the seconds ticked by, they could hear the beat of the clock from the hall, like the heartbeat of the house. **

**"Rita...?"**

**Connie's voice was barely a whisper, the tremble in her throat only slightly audible. **

**Rita looked over at her, her forehead beginning to throb. Connie looked so beautiful sitting there, curled up into the corner of the sofa, all tones of grey and white apart from the soft rose pink of her lips.**

**"I want you to stay with me..."**

**She paused and found herself looking down at her fingers whilst Rita held her breath.**

**"I don't want to be alone. Not tonight."**

**Rita nodded ever so slowly, and with her finger she began to pick at the paper wrapper that held the cupcake, it flicked back and forth against her skin. How had this happened? She wondered.**** Connie appeared to be a different person from the one she'd known before. Somehow, just by allowing Rita entrance into her own private world, she had rewritten everything, their history together, their friendship...and now where did they stand? As far as Rita was aware, Connie merely thought of them as having been thrown together by fate, destined to unravel together, fighting time until this was all over, and they began to feel normal once more. **

**But to Rita, something else had happened. It was as though, all of a sudden, whilst staring at the cupcake within her hands, she had realised that they were meant to be together from the start, and every single thing they had ever done in their lives had been leading to this moment. However sad, however terrifying it was, this crisis was what had united them, and if she thought that way, she could fall asleep without regret. She could put her whole life in place, with all the sadness and sorrow, and still feel that at last she had everything she ever wanted. **

**In spite of everything, she was here, and she had seen something within Connie that she never thought she would see. And for now, at least, she felt as though those men who had raped Connie so violently, hadn't quite destroyed everything, instead they had given her the glimpse of what could be.**

****More to come this evening once I've written the Thursday update for my other Connie story, Heavy Rain. ****

****Thank you again for the reviews...there will be fluff to follow! :) xxx****


	17. Chapter 17

**The afternoon slipped by in an odd sort of haze until the autumn light began to dim and the moon hung overhead, bringing with it the first of the stars. It was the time when the field mice ventured out, after the hawks had settled in the trees but before the owls came out to hunt.**

**Connie sat in her office, sorting through paperwork whilst Rita showered and changed upstairs. She sat at her desk, thumbing through documents and hand written notes that she had to squint to read.**

**Through the walls she could hear the clunk and hiss of the water in the pipes as Rita showered, and then, as Connie stretched back in her chair, yawning against the back of her hand, she could hear the squeak of the taps and the almost noiseless sound of Rita making her way across the floorboards back to the guest room. **

**She smiled, it dawned on her then how lonely she had been, even before what had happened. Since Grace had gone she was alone with nothing but the ticking of the clock and the thoughts inside her head. Now, with Rita upstairs, the house felt as though it were letting go of the tension it had built up from waiting, and all at once it was giving a sigh of relief.**

**She heard the open and close of a door, and she let herself relax forward in her chair before standing up and making her way upstairs. She glanced at the door to the guest room as she made her way across the landing to the stairway that led up to her own room. **

**The door was pulled too, and behind it was the gentle orange glow of lamp light. She stood, just watching as Rita's shadow moved about the room. She could hear her footsteps, precise and quick, and she thought of how she could always tell when it was Rita who was behind her on the ward, at work. The thought alone made her stomach flutter.**

**From behind the door the shadow paused, there was the sound of Rita yawning, and then she stopped just inside on the other side of the door, only one side of her body visible. Connie could see the curve of her neck, and the damp blonde hair that curled about her ear. She could see the dribbles of water that slithered from Rita's hair across her shoulder blade until they ran themselves out and all that was left was a trail that glittered in the light. **

**Connie realised she was holding her breath. She forced herself to exhale, knowing that she should move away before she saw too much. But somehow she found herself stuck. And she found she couldn't move when Rita's body twisted and Connie saw the pale cream skin of her thigh, her hip, her waist...as she passed by the door to the other side of the room. **

**It was just a glimpse, but something about it made her feel as though she had done something wrong. She felt guilty, she realised...guilty for witnessing the briefest passing of Rita's naked flesh. **

**Forcing the thoughts from her mind she folded her arms across her chest and made her way up to her bedroom. She stood in the doorway for a moment, gathering herself. She would get everything ready for work tomorrow, she decided. She would choose her clothes, and shoes, as she always did the night before. Tonight would be just like any other night.**

**Before she began, she unbuttoned the shirt she wore and reached for her pyjamas. It was then that she realised that her pyjamas shouldn't be there. Last night the cotton of them had been choked with blood, and she could remember balling them up and throwing them into the wash bin whilst she bit back tears.**

**She touched a finger to the pyjamas that had been folded neatly and placed on her pillow. Her eye wandered, and there was the bed sheet, neatly tucked back in around the mattress. She sucked in a breath. Rita...**

**She turned away from the bed and opened the drawer at the foot of her wardrobe and pushed her hand toward the back, finding the familiar fabric and pulling it free, before closing the drawer with more force than she had meant to, so that it banged and grated as it closed.**

**She held the night dress up before her. Somehow she couldn't face wearing the white cotton pyjama's again. Not tonight, not when she could remember how she had thought of roses when she saw the blood seeping through the seems. **

**The black silk slipped easily over her head, and she adjusted it, feeling the lace edging touch against her thighs as it settled against her body, and she reached out to take her dressing gown from the back of the door, shrugging it over her shoulders and holding it about herself whilst she tied the chord.**

**Then, as if this were the most normal evening in the world, she opened the doors to her wardrobe and selected a pair of shoes. The trademark Louboutin's, with the red soles that made her feel as though she were stepping into character as soon as she put them on. She set them down in front of the full length mirror and reached in toward the coat hangers.**

**The landing floor creaked as she stood on tip toes to reach for a belt, and she glanced around the wardrobe door to see Rita standing in her doorway, holding a hot drink in either hand, her face pale, her eyes full of hope.**

**"I thought you might like a drink?"**

**She asked, and then she paused, as if she weren't quite sure whether or not she should wait for Connie to ask her in.**

**"I realise now that was quite presumptuous of me...making you coffee...in your own house..."**

**She could feel Connie's eyes on her, and she couldn't help but release an exhale of relief when she caught the flicker of a smile at the corner of Connie's mouth.**

**"Thank you."**

**She said quietly, and she waved a hand to beckon her in.**

**"I'm just getting things read for tomorrow, take a seat."**

**She added, and Rita slipped past her towards the bed. She set the mugs down on the bedside table and sat stiffly on the edge of the bed as Connie ran her fingers over shirts and skirts, trousers and dresses.**

**Rita glimpsed a few that she recognised in amongst the hangers, clothes which she associated with different days, different events, different arguments. She tilted her head to the side so that she could watch as Connie extracted a pair of black trousers and a grey jumper for the following day, and she collected them together on one hanger, which she hung on the front of the wardrobe once she had closed the doors.**

**She turned to face Rita, a smile of satisfaction at her lips.**

**The nurses eyes had wandered, and had found themselves resting on the glossy spiked heels of Connie's shoes that were set so neatly in front of the mirror. She found herself wondering how she kept them so pristine, and how they must be worth more than just about anything that she owned, more even than the rent that she paid monthly on her flat.**

**"Is there a reason why you are staring at my shoes?"**

**Connie's voice made her jump and she flushed a brilliant scarlet so quickly that for the briefest of moments she thought perhaps she wouldn't even be able to answer.**

**"No..."**

**She laughed. She seemed to be forever destined to embarrass herself in front of this other woman, who had the ability to make her feel so silly with even the simplest of questions.**

**"Try them on."**

**Connie reached passed her for the coffee that Rita had made her. It was still too hot to drink, but she held it to her chest anyway. **

**"I'm sorry?"**

**Rita almost laughed again, and she looked up at Connie who was so near now. The dark grey silk of her dressing gown pulled tightly about her waist.**

**"Try them on."**

**Connie repeated, looking toward the shoes that Rita had been staring so hard at. **

**"But they're...you"**

**Rita frowned.**

**"Yours, I mean."**

**She corrected, and Connie's eyes smiled and she raised her coffee to her lips, blowing ripples against the surface to cool it down. She was silent, waiting...until Rita eventually rose apprehensively from the bed and approached the mirror where she crouched down next to the shoes.**

**"What is it they say? You'll never truly understand a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes?"**

**Connie spoke from behind her, and she bit her lip. Somehow the sight of Rita so nervous even to touch her shoes made her chest ache. **

**"I'm not sure that was meant literally..."**

**Rita murmured as she carefully pushed her feet into the shoes, and with great concentration she stood up. Her feet slipped down into the toes, the shoes were a size or two too big and they pinched the sides of her toes and made her wince. She braved taking a step back but the thin heel seemed to give out from underneath her and she stumbled. Connie reached out with her free hand and caught Rita's wrist, her fingers holding her steady, her upper arm tensing.**

**"Which is a relief as you're certainly not walking anywhere in those..."**

**Rita glanced up quickly, but Connie was smiling despite the bite of her words. Her eyes were laughing, and dimples showed beneath the freckles at her cheeks. **

**"More importantly, how do you?!"**

**Rita allowed herself to relax, and she steadied herself as Connie watched her. **

**"Practise."**

**She said quietly, and she made to release Rita's arm, but as she did so Rita glanced to where the sleeve of her dressing gown hung loosely against her forearm, where the hand shaped bruise was now so startlingly obvious against her skin.**

**Connie's smile faltered.**

**"They hurt you."**

**Rita whispered, as though she was only just realising. Of course she knew that they had hurt her... A lump formed within her throat that hurt when she tried to swallow.**

**Connie pursed her lips and made to let her arm fall back to her side, defeated. But now it was Rita's turn to reach out for her, and she caught her wrist between her fingers. Without thinking she raised Connie's wrist to her mouth, and placed the gentlest of kisses to the bruise just above her wrist, to where the veins throbbed, showing blue and purple beneath her skin.**

**Connie felt the flutter of the other woman's lips against her, and the beat of her own heart changed, somehow Rita seemed to have put another beat in there and it left her feeling breathless as she felt her grip on her arm subside.**

**She put her hand to her throat as though someone were strangling her. What had she thought? That love was a toy, something easy and sweet, just to play with? Real love was dangerous, she felt in then, like a lions roar within her own head, it got you from inside and held on tight, and if you didn't let go fast enough you might be willing to do anything for it's sake.**

**She saw Rita move as though she were in slow motion. She saw the flicker of apprehension in her eyes disappear, and whilst Rita stood, wearing Connie's own shoes, she leant forward and just touched her lips to Connie's, a kiss that felt of barely anything but a breath...**

**"Rita..."**

**Her voice broke as she whispered, and Rita paused, her face so close to Connie's that she could smell the coffee on her lips.**

**"This is ridiculous..."**

**She breathed, and Rita's eyelids fluttered closed for the briefest of moments, willing herself to persevere. The future, after all, was spun from moments like this. If she backed away now, it might all begin to unravel.**

**"Do you want to?"**

**She asked.**

**Connie pursed her lips. Her face felt hot and the blood within her veins felt as though it were vibrating.**

**"Such a simple question..."**

**She whispered, and Rita exhaled a smile and shook her head.**

**"And the answer?"**

**She asked slowly, watching the thoughts pass behind Connie's eyes.**

**"Not quite so simple..."**

**She whispered.**

****I hope you all enjoyed reading this, more to come tomorrow. I will update again early in the morning, it will get even fluffier before it gets dramatic again! ****

****And thank you again for the reviews, and the comments about my artwork! I'm still very much floating about on cloud nine after that message from Chloe ;) ****

****Anyway, please review and let me know what you think of this latest update, I'm off to bed now, but it's always lovely to read them when I wake up :) xxx****


	18. Chapter 18

**"We can't do this..."**

**Connie said the words, meaning them to come out with the firmness to end this before it could even begin, but instead she found she couldn't look Rita in the eye, and the words came out sounding vague and watery, with no conviction whatsoever.**

**She heard Rita draw in a staggered breath, and out of the corner of her eye she saw her bite her lip.**

**"Do we have a choice?"**

**Rita asked eventually. Her voice was so quiet, and as she spoke she sat down on the edge of Connie's bed, looking up at the other woman so that she had no choice but to look back at her.**

**"I'm not sure this is something we 'do', or 'don't do', I think this thing between us...it just 'is'."**

**Rita exhaled, she knew it wasn't the most eloquent of sentences, but the need to find out if Connie understood, or at least felt the same way, was too strong to worry about how she was stringing sentences together.**

**Connie was silent. Just standing there breathing in and out, her head too cluttered to think. ****Somewhere there must be a book of love, with all the symptoms written down that she had missed, or confused for blind hatred. Dizziness and Desire. A tendency to stare at the night sky, searching for a message that might be found up above. A lurching in the pit of the stomach, as if something much too sweet had been eaten. The ability to hear the quietest sounds-snails munching the lettuce leaves, moths drinking nectar from the overripe pears on the tree by the fence, a rabbit trembling in ivy. She had missed all of this, and now she was faced with it all at once, on top of everything else, with Rita staring up at her with real hunger within her eyes, a hunger just to see her, to just be near her, as if whatever Connie gave her would be enough, as long as it was her that gave it.**

**"What, uhm..."**

**She cleared her throat, a frown creased her forehead. Love like this wasn't planned, she realised. It wasn't what she had wanted, or expected, but it seemed to follow her, and despite everything it had settled within her and overtaken both common sense and willpower.**

**She exhaled, her entire body breathing out and she sat down ever so carefully on the bed next to Rita.**

**"Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I'm not saying 'no'."**

**She said quietly, and a flutter of something resembling hope ignited within the very pit of Rita's stomach.**

**"Whatever this is, I can't deny it. But I can't help but wonder if what we're feeling is a temporary reaction to...what happened."**

**Rita nodded slowly as the other woman spoke, though the words were painful to hear.**

**"I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have."**

**Connie glanced away again, looking down at her hands that she had folded into her lap until she felt the slip of Rita's own hand as it brushed against her thigh, and her fingers pushed between Connie's own, interlinking them.**

**"Do you really think this is temporary?"**

**She asked quietly, though both of them knew the answer. Connie glanced at her, and gave a slight squeeze of her fingers.**

**"I just want to be sure. We've barely begun to get to know one another, and after everything that has happened, I just want to..."**

**"Make sure it's not just a sudden aversion to men?"**

**Rita cut her off without really meaning to, and despite everything Connie laughed. More out of surprise than amusement, but the sound alone was enough to make Rita smile, and they looked at one another, really seeing each other for the first time in the stillness of the room.**

**"I just want to take things slowly."**

**She corrected.**

****More fluff to come. Let me know what you think, and if this Is going in the direction you'd hoped.. :) ****

****Have a lovely Friday everybody! xxx****


	19. Chapter 19

**"So, how is this going to work, exactly?"**

**Rita asked. She couldn't keep the smile from her lips. **

**Connie stood in front of the full length mirror, her arms raised, her hands behind her head, taking the hair grips from her hair and setting them on the dressing table one by one.**

**"Would you like a set of rules?"**

**She asked, glancing at Rita in the mirror, the hint of a smile behind her eyes. She pushed her fingers through her hair, searching for any stray hair grips, and then threaded her fingers through it to smooth her now loose hair from her face.**

**Rita watched her without blinking.**

**"I was thinking more of an instruction manual."**

**She murmured, and Connie arced an eyebrow as she turned to face her, her back to the mirror.**

**"I'd say you were doing perfectly fine without one."**

**She said simply, and folded her arms, the silk of her dressing gown creasing against her chest.**

**"I just, don't want to make a fool of myself... Are we friends?...are we dating? Are we seeing each other?"**

**She could feel herself beginning to get ahead of herself. She didn't want to push Connie, or to come across as needy. She just needed to know for sure that this wasn't some obscure dream.**

**Connie held out a hand, and Rita looked momentarily confused before taking it, and allowing herself to be pulled up from where she sat so that she stood before Connie. Still the heigh difference between them, even though Connie was without her heels, made Rita feel somewhat insecure. **

**"I'm struggling."**

**She began slowly.**

**"I'm struggling with what happened. I didn't think I would, but I am. I can't promise you this will be easy, and I can't promise that I'll be...physically able...yet..."**

**She spoke softly, in a voice that Rita hadn't heard before, and at the mention of the possibility of more, her cheeks coloured and she nodded hurriedly, glancing briefly to Connie's mouth. She wished so hard that she could erase what those men had done, so that what they had now was untainted, and as pure as it should be.**

**"I'll look after you."**

**Her voice was choked, but she meant it. She would do everything she could to look after her.**

**"I can wait for you. I don't have to kiss you, or even hold your hand...we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Just knowing I can be with you, and that I can help you in some small way...that's all I want."**

**She whispered. Her eyes pricked with tears that glittered in the lamp light. **

**Connie drew in a long, long breath, and glanced up to the ceiling, her own eyes shining, and her throat ached so that she was forced to swallow and clear her throat before she even attempted to speak again.**

**"Well, then."**

**She smiled a smile that wobbled at the corners, and she ran the edge of her hand beneath her eyes just before the tears fell.**

**"I think we should go downstairs, open a bottle of wine, and drink to 'us'."**

****Hello everybody. After I put that picture up that I drew/painted of Chloe Howman, my twitter has gone a bit mad with new followers, I wondered if any of them were you? Hello, if you are, and thank you! ****

****I will see if I can squeeze another update out tonight, just to see what they get up to next.. :) ****

****I hope everyone is having a lovely evening xxx****


	20. Chapter 20

**"You go first."**

**Rita curled herself up into the corner of the sofa, her legs tucked up underneath her body, a glass of wine held just below her chin, and she smiled as Connie half-coughed, half-laughed. Her own glass of wine held loosely between her fingers.**

**"What would you like to know?"**

**She asked, running the palm of her free hand over the curve of her calf muscle, her legs neatly folded before her, the lace hem of her night dress pulled tightly against her thighs and the cool silk of her dressing gown pooled about her as she sat, at the opposite end of the sofa to the nurse. **

**Rita drew up her shoulders. She tilted her head to one side, and with her elbow resting on the back of the sofa she twisted a strand of blonde hair about her fingers and smiled that beautiful, infectious smile. **

**"Anything! Whatever you want to tell me...just as long as it's something I don't already know."**

**Her teeth bit gently against her bottom lip as she waited for Connie to think, a gesture that Connie found mildly distracting. This wasn't the sort of game that she was used to playing, and she certainly wasn't well practised in sharing personal information about herself.**

**"What makes you laugh? What makes you cry? What are you afraid of...?"**

**Rita coaxed when Connie remained silent. She raised an eyebrow and touched her fingers to her lips.**

**"So many things..."**

**She murmured, her eyes were glazing over in thought and Rita slipped her legs along the sofa to nudge her with her toes.**

**Connie cleared her throat and turned to look at her, leaning back in the seat.**

**"You're rubbish at this game."**

**Rita pushed her toes beneath Connie's thigh, enjoying the warmth and the gentle shift of the other woman's body to accommodate them. Connie smiled and dipped her lips to the wine glass she held. She could feel the warmth of her breath against the glass, and she tilted her head back to drink.**

**"What makes me laugh?"**

**She murmured as she swallowed. She could feel the warmth from the wine radiating through her body. She hadn't eaten anything at all during the day, and the wine was certainly beginning to affect her long before it usually would have.**

**"The answer to all of those questions could so easily just be, 'you.'"**

**She let her head fall back against the sofa and glanced across to Rita whose toes still fidgeted beneath her thigh. **

**Rita pursed her lips slightly.**

**"I make you laugh?!"**

**She smiled as she spoke, and she rested her wine glass on her knee, watching as the red wine slopped against the bowl of the glass. Connie nodded slowly, sensing the other woman's doubt.**

**"Not much makes me laugh out loud. But you've made me smile many times over the past few months."**

**She shifted slightly so that she could face Rita, and as she did the shoulder of the dressing gown began to slip and gape open at the front. Rita couldn't help but notice how the fabric cast a dark grey shadow against Connie's chest, and how when she reached for her wine she could see the outline of her breast beneath the silk of her night dress.**

**"More than you'd realise."**

**Connie added, and she caught the faraway expression on the other woman's face as she glanced back at her. She saw how her eyes lingered, and she felt her chest flush as though Rita had physically leant out to touch her there.**

**"You've made me cry..."**

**Her words make Rita blink, and all of a sudden she was listening again, though she noticed that Connie didn't move to adjust her sleeve when it slipped further down her shoulder.**

**"And as for what I'm afraid of? I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of failing myself, I'm afraid of failing Grace, and those at work who depend on me...and I'm afraid of failing you."**

**She let her fingers slip down the stem of the wine glass until they lay splayed about the base, holding it steady. Rita watched her movements, her feet were still and she sucked in a long breath of air, filling her lungs until they felt like bursting before she released it.**

**"Well! This is certainly the most serious version of this game I've ever played..."**

**She breathed, and Connie caught her eye.**

**"Sorry..."**

**She murmured. Rita screwed up her nose and wriggled her toes again, feeling Connie shift slightly.**

**"Remind me never to play Monopoly with you...or Cluedo. They're serious enough games as it is."**

**Her dark eyes sparkled and Connie pursed her lips, feigning offence.**

**"I'm not accustomed to playing other people's games."**

**She murmured, and at her words Rita's toes stilled again and a smile flickered at the corners of her lips.**

**"You never will, you know."**

**She said quietly.**

**"Hmm?"**

**Connie raised an eyebrow and leant forwards to place her empty wine glass back on the coffee table.**

**"Fail me."**

**Rita said simply. Connie struggled with the ghost of a smile that threatened her lips.**

**"You're got a beautiful smile when you do that..."**

**Rita whispered, feeling the knot of something within her chest.**

**"When I do what?"**

**Connie asked, absent-mindedly letting her hand fall to Rita's legs where she let her fingers trail lazily across the smooth skin of her ankles, causing goosebumps to rise across her flesh.**

**"When you smile."**

**Connie arced a perfectly shaped eyebrow.**

**"I have a nice smile...when I smile?"**

**She repeated, amusement glittering behind her eyes and Rita's cheeks flushed, as they so often seemed to now.**

**"Shush. You were distracting me."**

**Rita whispered, looking pointedly to where Connie's fingers played. **

**For a moment she let them play longer, she ran the very tips of her fingers across the rise and fall of each bone and tendon, tracing them, imprinting them on her memory, and then she paused, her fingers so close to her skin but not quite touching. **

**She looked at Rita, really looked at her. She saw the pale blonde hair that curled about her ears, the flushed pink of her parted lips and the wide dark eyes that seemed to say so much without Rita saying a word. **

**Ever so slowly she moved, releasing Rita's toes so that they felt the chill of the air, and she crept across the sofa until she was above her, holding herself up with her arms either side of the other woman, her dressing gown falling about them like a cloak.**

**Rita glanced down at the ever decreasing space between them. Connie's body so closely to hers that she could feel the the heat radiating from her. She felt a jolt of something that felt as though a dozen butterflies had swarmed within her stomach and without thinking she arched her back so that she was closer...close enough to touch...close enough to feel how Connie's nipples hardened beneath the silk, and brushed against her own.**

**Instinctively Rita drew up her legs, parting them and wrapping them about Connie's thighs, pulling her closer still. She looked up at the woman above her. Connie's hair fell in dark glossy curls about her face, whispering at Rita's collar bone as Connie dipped her head to kiss her. **

**For a moment Rita did nothing but allow Connie to kiss her. Her kiss was so soft, and gentle, a kiss so unlike any other that for the briefest of moments she thought she might cry. **

**Instead she gave in. She relaxed. She shivered with pleasure as Connie's tongue touched against her own, and she tasted the wine on her breath, and the taste of her...just her. She could feel her blood, just beneath her skin, and when she breathed the air seemed full of Connie's perfume, her hair, and the scent of her skin. In this moment she was fearless, and instinctively she knew, as she gasped against her kisses, that this was Connie at her finest, this was what Connie knew how to do best of all.**

**She smiled against her, her lips swollen and her breath coming hard, their chests rising against one another. Connie paused, biting her lip, looking down at Rita who couldn't help but smile, her eyes so bright, so happy...**

**"Feeling more 'physically able' are we?"**

**She whispered, and Connie exhaled a breath of a laugh. She looked so beautiful, hovering above her like an angel.**

**"Don't get your hopes up. The wine has gone to my head."**

**She leant closer to rub the tip of her nose against Rita's.**

**"I just wanted you to know..."**

**I hope that last bit makes sense?! It did in my head...**

**Anyway, I will try to update again tonight, if you'd all like? I've got to get the next Connie/Rita SMUTfic up, after last nights episode, but apart from that (and children permitting) I will be able to get another chapter up this evening :) **

**Hope you're all having a lovely weekend xxx**


	21. Chapter 21

**It was Monday afternoon. Rita stood in the staff room, her eyes wide with the vacant stare of a daydreamer. She held a cup of tea between her hands, her index finger absently tapping against the rim. **

**She was thinking about the last few days. The days seemed to have all merged into one long endless pattern, but counting back she realised it had been nearly three weeks since that night, the night that seemed like a nightmare in the past.**

**She blinked. The strip lighting hummed overhead, though the room still had that dim warmth to it, as rooms do when outside the clouds hang low and grey over the city and rain hisses in the leaves that fall from the trees, and the windows glow yellow and black, pix-elated by raindrops.**

**She thought of going home, to her empty flat. Though neither woman had admitted it, they would have preferred to stay together at Connie's house, but reality, and the fact that they were keeping the slow burn of their relationship a secret meant that Rita was going back home. **

**She thought of it now, the white walls, the bare floors, the empty fridge. The thought of crawling into her bed alone, in the cold, shivering beneath the duvet until she began to feel warm enough to sleep made her feel even lonelier. **

**Despite that she smiled to herself as she thought of the nights she had spent with Connie, her body warm next to hers. For someone so precise and neat in her waking hours, she sprawled herself out in a state of complete abandonment during the night, her hair curled across the pillow in a dark streak as though she were moving at speed, and although Connie still found herself unable to give herself completely to Rita, she would miss the intimacy that they had shared, whispering for hours before drifting off to sleep, holding each other close and the kisses...**

**Rita felt her face begin to grow warm, and she tightened her arms about herself as she thought of Connie's kisses. How she gave herself completely with every kiss, how she touched her face with just the very tips of her fingers and ran them along her jaw leaving her breathless and her body aching for more.**

**She bit her lip against the grin that threatened her lips, her stomach wincing with pleasure...**

**"Penny for them?"**

**A hand on her back made her jump so that her hands shook and her tea threatened to spill over the rim of her cup.**

**"Charlie!"**

**She widened her eyes as he made his way over to the kettle.**

**"Sorry, I didn't realise you were so deep in thought."**

**He glanced back at her while the kettle boiled. She had an odd look about her, as though she were both blissfully happy and troubled all at once.**

**"I wasn't..."**

**She lied, though she had no idea why she felt the need to hide it.**

**She watched Charlie making his cup of tea in the reflection of the window. Her own tea was cold. She drew in a breath and set the cup down on the side. **

**"Everything alright?"**

**Charlie asked as she stood next to him, though he deliberately didn't look up. Instead he methodically dunked his tea bag back and forth with the teaspoon until it turned the right shade of brown. **

**"Fine...fine."**

**Rita pushed her hair behind her ears and then immediately un-tucked it again. She hadn't been alone with Charlie since Connie had told her that he knew about what had happened to them, and she certainly didn't want to have a discussion about it now.**

**She glanced to the door. The ward beyond showed through the small square window in the door. **

**"I'd best get back..."**

**She let her words tail off, and Charlie raised his eyes only to nod in acknowledgement before she left, exhaling a breath of relief as she closed the door behind her and stood facing the ward. She curled and unclenched her fists by her sides, and then she set off, readying herself for what remained of her shift.**

**The rustle of a curtain caught her attention. It drew back a little way, and she recognised the elbow that protruded ever so slightly from the blue curtain. She felt the flutter of adrenaline as Connie gestured with her hand to Dylan who was busy peering up at the screen above the nurses station.**

**Instinctively she found herself drawn to her. She by passed the other cubicles and peered in just in time to see Connie passing over the patient notes. She stood with her back to Rita, the red soles of her shoes visible, and Rita allowed herself a moment to just look at her standing their, with all the authority in the world, before clearing her throat.**

**Connie glanced over her shoulder, the corners of her mouth down turned, but her eyes smiled as she saw her, and she stepped back so that she could turn to face her.**

**"Everything OK, Mrs Beauchamp?"**

**Rita asked, and Connie gave a brief purse of her lips and a nod of her head.**

**"Just handing over to Dr Keogh here."**

**She said quietly, and the man who lay in the bed paused in his humming of whatever song it was that he had stuck in his head, and stared up at her.**

**"You're not leaving me?!"**

**His voice was thick and almost immediately Rita smelled the alcohol, even from where she stood. **

**Connie glanced down at him, laying on the bed, his legs jiggling.**

**"I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp has other patients who are more in need of her than you are."**

**Dylan murmured, glancing through his notes.**

**"I wouldn't say that..."**

**The patient smiled a lop-sided leer of a smile and looked Connie up and down, his gaze deliberately lingering on the curve of her hips and the rise of her chest beneath the white cotton of her shirt.**

**Rita felt her body tense, and she watched Connie took a step backwards, and how her foot seemed to wobble in her shoe as she moved.**

**"Is it true that you were found sellotaped to a lamp post?"**

**Dylan asked, frowning, oblivious to the patients wandering eyes.**

**The man in the bed tutted and swore under his breath.**

**"...must have taken an awful lot of sellotape."**

**Dylan added, more to himself than to anyone else. **

**"Can she just check me over once more, yeah?"**

**The patient gestured to Connie with two fingers, and narrowed his eyes.**

**"I'm perfectly capable of..."**

**"I don't want no other man touching me. It's my right isn't it? To request that she does it?"**

**He interrupted, and Dylan visibly winced at the man's poor grasp on the English language.**

**"'Don't want no...?' That's a double-negative, which I think you'll find..."**

**Connie exhaled sharply, cutting Dylan off mid flow and she made to lean over the patient one last time to check the puncture wounds on his arm, but as she did so he raised himself up off the bed just enough so that he could draw in a loud sniff, smelling her neck and laughing as she shied away from him so quickly that Rita had to grasp hold of her to stop her from falling backwards.**

**"Oh you're repulsive..."**

**She hissed, feeling how Connie's arm shook within her grasp, and the blue curtain billowed out behind them as Charlie peered in, a frown creasing his forehead.**

**"Rita? You're needed in cubicle two..."**

**He looked from the nurse to Connie and then to Dylan, who was watching the scene that played out before him with obvious interest. **

**"I'm sorry you'll have to find somebody else."**

**She said quietly.**

**"I hardly think it takes two consultants and a nurse to treat a drunk man?!"**

**Charlie attempted humour but was met by Rita's glare, her dark eyes so full of anger and her lips so pinched and white.**

**"I'll be fine, Nurse Freeman."**

**Connie felt the grip on her arm tighten, and behind Charlie she saw Dixie stop mid-stride, her eyes upon Rita.**

**"I am not leaving her alone with him."**

**Her voice was thin and brittle, as though she were struggling for breath and she looked sourly toward the man in the bed who yet again rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth.**

**"Rita...?"**

**Rita looked up at the sound of Dixie's voice. She stood between the curtain and Charlie, her hands on her hips, a look of confusion on her face and she looked out of breath, as though she had been running.**

**"Mrs Beauchamp is more than capable of looking after herself..."**

**Dixie raised an eyebrow at Rita, who merely stamped her foot slightly and turned away, too full of whatever this feeling was to do anything but remain by Connie's side.**

**"Thank you Dixie, but I would like Nurse Freeman to stay."**

**Connie spoke so sharply that even Dylan looked mildly alarmed, and Charlie found himself stepping into the cubicle completely, blocking Dixie's view of Connie almost entirely.**

**"I think it would be best all round if I stayed here and took over with Dr Keogh. Connie, you and Rita...take a break."**

**He looked between them, his blue eyes firm, his mouth set. **

**"I don't mind if they both want to stay...there's more than enough of me to around..."**

**The patient started up again, his eyes wide, his pupils dilated.**

**"I'm afraid you don't get a say in the matter."**

**Connie snapped, and Rita sucked in a breath through her nose before leaning closer to the bed, her eyes sparking.**

**"I'm sorry? Do you really, honestly think that somebody like you, could have somebody like her? Do you honestly think you are impressing her with this macho man crap? Because let me tell you...**

**"Alright! Nurse Freeman. Dixie?"**

**Charlie gestured for Dixie to retrieve the nurse, but as she made to reach out for her, the patient did the very same, and his grip on her wrist made her panic. She felt her whole body jerk backwards as though she had no control over herself, and from somewhere behind herself she felt Connie move.**

"Jealous?"

Laughed the man in the bed. He spat as he spoke and Rita struggled to draw a breath, she could feel the tendons twisting over the bones in her wrist.

"Excuse me?! Get your hand off my nurse!"

Connie's voice made her jump. It had been weeks since Connie had raised her voice at work. Weeks since she had felt able to.

The patient paused, eyeing her with a look of such irritating amusement that she could do nothing but place her own hands upon his arm.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER. NOW."

Connie spoke so loudly that a hush descended on the ward beyond the curtain. And with one almighty tug she pulled his arm from Rita's.

Nobody spoke for what seemed like an entire minute. Dylan merely raised his eyebrows and glanced about expectantly. Dixie stood open mouthed, whilst Connie's eyes remained on the man in the bed, and Rita's whole body shook as she stood next to Charlie, his hand on the back of his neck.

"Could we meet in your office please, Mrs Beauchamp?"

He said eventually. His voice unusually cool, and without looking at anyone he turned his back and pushed his way out through the fluttering blue curtain.

Connie stood up straighter. She drew in a breath, and as she excused herself, she slipped behind Rita and placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing her gently before following Charlie.

Rita exhaled, and glanced over to Dixie who was standing, arms folded, one eyebrow raised.

"Her nurse?"

She repeated.

Rita frowned quickly, and made a motion with her hands to usher her from the cubicle, leaving Dylan to mutter something as she closed the curtains and followed the paramedic out onto the ward.

"Her nurse?"

She repeated.

"Hmm?"

Rita feigned innocence as they made their way into reception, Rita following Dixie to the ambulance.

"She said 'get your hands off of 'my nurse'"

She repeated what Connie had said for the third time.

"I'm sure she meant to say 'nursing staff'"

Rita began, and Dixie stopped abruptly, placing her hands on her hips as she stood with her back to the ambulance.

"Well, he didn't have his hand on the entire nursing staff did he...he had his hand on you."

She raised both eyebrows in an look which was both accusatory and concerned.

**"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"**

**She asked when Rita offered nothing more but a glance to the ground.**

**"No."**

**Rita folded her arms across her chest, mirroring Dixie, she didn't care if she sounded like a sulky teenager. She couldn't bring herself to care about anything at that very moment, except for Connie.**

**"Well! That's the first honest answer that's come out of your mouth so far!"**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**Rita's eyes widened in defence.**

**"Rita, sweetheart, something is going on, and maybe it won't help to talk to me, but maybe it will..."**

**"Connie was raped."**

**She said it quickly, before she had time to stumble over the word. She blinked quickly and looked to the ambulance window, seeing the reflection of the sky above the hospital looming back at her, and again she thought how lonely she would be tonight...**

**"What?!"**

**"I met her for a drink."**

**Rita spoke quietly.**

**"You were with her?"**

**Dixie asked, her face was crumpled with confusion and disbelief, and it was only when Rita braved looking her in the eye to tell her the rest that she truly believed what it was that she was saying.**

**"They didn't touch me. They tried...I suppose they thought I was the easier target. But Connie said that if they left me alone...then they could have her. They wanted her all along...and that's what they got..." **

**She felt the burn of bile rising in the back of her throat as she spoke and she could hear Dixie breathing in the silence.**

**"Rita..."**

**She whispered, but the nurse shook her head and drew her lips into a tight white line.**

**"Don't feel sorry for me. It wasn't me that lay there in the dirt while those men..."**

**A strangled noise came from her throat and she stopped speaking mid-sentence, her eyes wild and she had to steady her breathing before she continued.**

**"I lay in bed, and I watched her sleeping, and I knew that I did that to her..."**

**Her voice was barely audible over the distant hum of traffic and the faraway sound of a police siren.**

**"I'm sorry? You lay in bed with her? What?"**

**Dixie struggled to string a sentence together, the thoughts within her head had been shot so far apart that she could barely locate them in the confusion.**

**"I've been staying with her."**

**Rita whispered.**

**"In her bed?!"**

**Dixie asked, lowering her voice as she glimpsed Iain heading towards them from the ED entrance, his boots making the puddles sparkle as he walked.**

**"Its complicated..."**

**Rita murmured, already she knew that she had said too much. Dixie drew in a breath and exhaled, her breath showing white in the air.**

**"You don't say!?"**

**She exclaimed.**

**Thank you so much all of you, for the extra lovely reviews! It took me so long to actually get that update written, so I'm glad you liked it. **

**As for this latest update, it's not my best, but I'm tired and I'm not feeling that well, so please forgive me! I will do better tomorrow ;) **

**CandyTV: Don't worry, the crime will be reported, because of a later incident...don't worry, Rita will make sure that they don't get away with it ;) thank you ever so much for the review! **

**LittleBooLost: Your review made me smile so much, I had to show my husband :)**

**Oh! Also tomorrow we will find out the results of Connie's tests...**


	22. Chapter 22

**Charlie looked at her. He was weighing up the words within his head, choosing them carefully, knowing that whatever he said, and no matter how he said it, they would never be able to make things better.**

**"Connie..."**

**Even saying her name made her body tense. She placed her hands on her hips, her chin tilted up in defiance.**

**"You really shouldn't be here."**

**He said gently.**

**Connie ran her tongue along the inside of her teeth. She knew he was only concerned, what's more she knew that he was probably right, though she wouldn't admit it.**

**"I'm perfectly capable, Charlie."**

**She spoke quietly, though her voice was firm, the tell tale sign that this was Mrs Beauchamp he was speaking to, not Connie.**

**"I'm sorry, but what happened in cubicles just now suggests otherwise. And Rita! She's behaving more like your personal guard dog than our Clinical Nurse Manager."**

**He clapped his hands to his sides, he had no idea how to get her to understand.**

**"Nurse Freeman reacted as any woman grabbed unexpectedly by a severely inebriated man would."**

**She snapped, her words clipped and every one of them had a sharp edge to it. **

**Charlie sighed. He'd known all along that anything he said wouldn't be listened to. He smiled slightly, he was fond of her despite her starchiness.**

**"You do make me hold my breath when you do those long sentences."**

**He allowed himself to smile again, and he lowered himself down onto the sofa and folded one leg over the other. Connie watched him, her expression softening. She felt inexplicably drawn to him, and for a moment she thought of the relationship that she had with Elliot. Charlie could never compare, but he was fast becoming a very good substitute.**

**"What about the test results? You haven't mentioned them?"**

**He asked. She hadn't realised he had been waiting for her to tell him. She glanced down to her desk to where the brown envelope lay on her desk, the very corner of it tucked beneath a stack of patient notes. He followed her gaze.**

**"You haven't opened them?"**

**He asked, his blue eyes widening. She gave a slight shake of her head. She'd stored it up, the hurt inside of her. She'd trapped it, as though within her was a tower made of fallen stars, invisible to most people, but brightly burning inside of her, only Rita knew it was there. Only Rita knew how cold her grief was****. Knowing the results to her tests seemed oddly unimportant. This thing that had happened to them, It was nothing to share. It was nothing to speak about, nothing to feel. **

**Charlie eased himself back up from the sofa with a groan and held out his hand as he neared her.**

**Without a word, only a slight hesitation, Connie reached out and slipped the envelope from beneath the folders and handed it to him.**

**He opened it before she could change her mind. He tore it quickly and pulled out the single sheet of white paper within. Connie looked down at the desk, her fingertips resting against it's surface, just concentrating on the in-out rhythm of breathing.**

**Charlie scanned the words before him, double checking, triple checking, before he folded it back up with one swift gesture and placed it down on the desk in front of her. She looked up and he gave a brief nod of his head.**

**"You were lucky."**

**He said simply. **

**"Lucky?!"**

**She almost laughed.**

**"Sorry...that was an incredibly poor choice of words."**

**Charlie cringed inwardly, having a conversation with Connie at any time was always fraught with danger, and the very real possibility of making a fool of oneself, but now more than ever he was treading on thin ice.**

**Connie ignored him. Instead she glanced to the paper before her. NEGATIVE. The words ran in a line, repeating themselves in a list against every item that she had tested herself for. Her eyes lingered on the NEGATIVE next to the pregnancy test. The only one which had caused her to panic briefly every time she had felt the pain twinge within her.**

**"I'm sorry, Connie."**

**She felt his hand on her arm as he moved to stand next to her. Behind his words she heard it. He wasn't just sorry for the careless way in which he had spoken to her, he was sorry for everything. He was sorry that it had ever happened in the first place.**

**She pursed her lips and gave a shake of her head. Through the window opposite her desk she could see Rita, standing on the ward, speaking to someone just out of sight.**

**Love had ambushed her, it had lain in wait, dormant for months. It was the red thread from Rita's jumper that she found tucked between the sofa cushions when she wasn't there, the peach stone that she had left on a plate in the kitchen, forgetting to put it into the recycling. And the kisses before bedtime. It had crept up on her, and though it remained invisible to everyone else, it was everything to themselves, all at once, it was everything...all consuming.**

**She watched as Rita smiled to whomever she was talking to, her face stunningly beautiful despite the harsh hospital lighting. She found her chest ached, and she was suddenly jealous of the strangest things – the sunlight through the window that highlighted the different shades of blonde in Rita's hair, the nurses station on which she rested her hand, even her clothing, anything that was close to her she was jealous of, and the realisation of that alone was enough to make a lump form within her throat. **

**"Are you ok?"**

**Charlie's voice broke through the silence. She had just been standing there watching Rita through the reinforced mesh window of the office door without a thought to the man standing beside her, waiting for her to speak.**

**"I used to think there was a plan."**

**She said vaguely, her eyes still on Rita. **

**"A rough plan, but a plan nonetheless. Now, I believe there are a thousand plans. Every breath, every decision, influences the plan, expands it, shortens it, twists it all around. It's always changing. Those of us lucky enough to make it through the multitude of possible diseases and accidents get old. We get tired. We close our eyes...but what happens to the ones who don't make it? What happens to the ones who struggle with each and every day because of something which they had no control over?"**

**She paused, she wished the nightmares were all that kept her awake at night. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that she didn't know any more which disturbed here more, the daytime or her dreams.**

**She smiled despite herself. She knew she was silly to ask him as though he knew, but in fact he didn't hesitate. He took hold of her hand and placed it over her chest, in the place where he knew her heart to be, and he followed her gaze through the window to where Rita stood, now alone, head bent, the end of a Biro between her teeth as she concentrated on whatever it was that she was reading, completely oblivious to the eyes upon her.**

**"There."**

**He said simply. **

**"You go there."**

****More later :) Hope everyone's having a jolly Monday. Reviews very welcome as always! xxx****


	23. Chapter 23

**On the way home she stopped off at the local supermarket to buy milk. She stood in the queue, holding the carton by the handle and watching the food that belonged to the person in front move along the conveyor belt. **

**To her left, over by the counter that sold lottery tickets and cigarettes stood a group of teenagers. She glanced over at them occasionally, she knew their eyes were on her as she placed her carton of milk down for the cashier to pick up. **

**She smiled to the woman who muttered a 'hello', scanned the milk and held her hand out expectantly as Connie handed her the exact change and waved away the receipt. She pushed her purse back into the bag she held tightly under one arm and made her way back towards the exit. **

**There was a wolf whistle as she passed the teenagers. She glanced at them, the boys at the counter too dreamy and young to do anything but stare at her body as she moved passed, and when one attempted a smile she gave a brief nod of her head, all too aware of the furious glare of the girl next to him. **

**She understood then that theirs might just be the last hearts she would break. She was forty-seven and tired. She'd come to realise it whilst she stood in the queue of ordinary people, carrying out their ordinary weekly shop, she had realised that everything was limited, including her own appeal. Now she looked at those young boys with tenderness, since they know so little and thought they know so much. And she found when she glimpsed the teenage girls with their made up faces and short skirts despite the weather, she felt shivers up and down her arms - the poor creatures didn't know the first thing about time or agony, or the price they would have to pay for just about anything. **

**She drew her coat more tightly about her body as she walked to the car. The night was drawing in, it was growing darker and darker with each step and she found herself breathless by the time she reached the car, and as she slammed the door behind her, she found her hands were shaking and she struggled to start the car, and all the way home she could feel herself leaning forwards, as if this alone would hurry along her journey.**

**She exhaled with relief once she was home, and the front door was closed and locked behind her. Her whole body thrummed with the throb of adrenaline. Coffee, she decided, she needed coffee.**

**The kitchen was cold and she panicked for the briefest of moments when she couldn't find the light switch. She looked about the room, mentally checking that everything was how she had left it. She looked to the windows, blind black eyes that looked back at her, and she couldn't help but wonder at what might be beyond her own reflection.**

**She flicked on the coffee machine, grateful for the noise it made as it ground the beans. She hugged her arms about her, running her fingers up and down across the fabric of her coat. She had the feeling that she was being watched. Her skin felt as though it were crawling with a million invisible insects, creeping into her ears and up into her hair, dropping down the back of her neck and making her shudder.**

**She wondered what Rita was doing. Was she home from work yet? Was she OK? Or was she chasing her imagination around in circles as she was? **

**The coffee machine hissed and spurted out a stream of hot coffee onto the work top, she had forgotten the cup...Quickly she pushed a cup beneath the flow, the coffee spluttering over the edge of the cup as her hand trembled, scalding her skin. She swore under her breath and bought the burning flesh of her hand to her mouth, holding it their while she waited for the machine to finish. But as she made to reach for a cloth to tidy the mess, the phone began to ring.**

**Rita was standing in the middle of her living room when her phone rang. The noise of it shocked the breath from her body and her hand shook as she answered.**

**"Hello?"**

**Connie spoke before Rita had even had the chance to. She smiled at the sound of the other woman's voice.**

**"Are you alright?"**

**She asked, looking down at her hands and flicking a hang nail back and forth. She listened as Connie exhaled.**

**"Yes! Yes..."**

**There was a pause. Rita imagined Connie standing in her house, her hand on her hip.**

**"Are you OK?"**

**Connie asked, and Rita smiled, she could hear the nervous edge to her voice though she knew better than to mention it.**

**"I don't know what to do with myself."**

**She answered honestly. She had been home for just under an hour and she hadn't yet been able to focus on one single task. At first she'd thought she would make a drink, but upon opening the fridge she'd found what little milk she had was off, and when she wondered about making something to eat she realised she wasn't really hungry, she was just looking for something to do.**

**She had imagined she would have been scared for her life out in the open when she had walked back from work, but as it turned out it was here that she was terrified. Here in her own home, even after double-locking the windows, drawing the curtains and then hanging up blankets over the top, just in case their was a gap to peep through. **

**"Grace's father phoned."**

**Connie's voice bought her from her thoughts. **

**"Oh...?"**

**Rita listened to the sound of Connie hesitating on the other end of the line.**

**"She's coming home for a week at the end of next month. Sam has an apparently unavoidable conference in Chicago."**

**"Is this good news...?"**

**Rita asked tentatively. She couldn't tell by the tone of the other woman's voice whether she was pleased about this or not.**

**"Oh...good. I'm just not sure things will have improved between us in such a short amount of time."**

**Connie sighed as she spoke, and Rita glanced to the calendar she had pinned up on the kitchen wall. Grace would be home just in time for Halloween. She smiled to herself, how apt...**

**Connie cleared her throat and Rita glanced about the room she stood in. Her stomach knotted at the thought of going to bed on her own for the first time since that night.**

**"Connie?"**

**She spoke slowly, drawing out her question in case the other woman refused.**

**"Mmm?"**

**Connie murmured, Rita could hear the breath she exhaled and the sip of her taking a drink.**

**"I was just wondering...if you'd like to come here? We could talk...we could have tea..."**

**She heard Connie swallow.**

**"Or coffee?"**

**Connie murmured a laugh and Rita almost regretted asking.**

**"I would love to."**

**She whispered.**

****Thank you again for the lovely reviews, they really do make me smile! I'm looking after my own children, and my neice today, so probably won't be able to update again until later, so until then, I hope you all have a lovely day! (Wish me luck with the children ;) ) xxx****


	24. Chapter 24

**Rita looked about her sitting room. It had been fifteen minutes since she had put the phone down, and within that amount of time she had managed to stack every dirty plate and cup that she had managed to locate into the dishwasher and turn it on. The washing machine was going, and she had rinsed out the kettle, paranoid that there might be errant flakes of lime scale in it should Connie want a hot drink. **

**She wrung her hands together before her, her chest was full of the fluttering nervousness of anticipation, and when the doorbell finally rang she had to stop herself from running to answer the door. Instead she slowed herself and took a deep breath in before she opened the door, releasing it all in one breath when she saw Connie.**

**"You're here!"**

**She couldn't help but smile as Connie stepped into the hallway, her eyes glancing quickly about the white painted hallway, before settling on Rita. **

**"I am."**

**She almost laughed, amused at Rita's obvious excitement, and she paused as Rita closed the door behind her and led her into the kitchen-cum-living room. **

**She turned to face her, watching as Connie set her bag down on the worktop and began to unbutton her coat, only glancing up when Rita reached out a hand to take it from her, her face so full of happiness that she found herself laughing again.**

**"Someone looks happy?"**

**She murmured, allowing Rita to take her coat which she hung on the hooks just inside the hallway.**

**"Sorry..."**

**Rita apologised instinctively, then without quite realising what she was doing she drew Connie into a hug. **

**"I'm so glad you're here."**

**She whispered, burying her face against Connie's shoulder, her lips pressing against the fabric of her jumper, and she could smell the soft scent of her perfume, and the powder of her make up.**

**Connie hugged her back, placing a hand at the back of Rita's head, her fingers running through the fine blonde hair.**

**"Well, we almost made it through a night apart."**

**She whispered, and she felt Rita smile against her before she pulled away just enough to be able to look up at her without pulling away from the embrace.**

**"I'm glad we didn't."**

**She said, biting her lip, and Connie tucked the stray strand of blonde hair that had fallen into her eyes back behind her ear. **

**She looked down at her, Rita's face so bare of make up but so beautiful, the sort of beauty that you feel so deeply that it becomes contagious and somehow makes whoever looks upon that person to feel beautiful too, and Connie couldn't help the flush that came to her cheeks when she realised that the look of happiness within Rita's eyes was because of her. Because she was there...because she existed...**

**"So...Grace is coming..."**

**Rita spoke quietly. She knew that she should have offered Connie a drink, or at least a seat before having broaching the subject, but the warmth of her arms around her, and the feel of her breath on her face and those eyes looking down at her made it impossible to step away, even for a moment.**

**"I can't imagine what she will have picked up whilst she's been over there...and it hasn't even been that long!"**

**Connie exhaled, she had already been over thinking matters, and It was such a relief to be here, that she only now noticed that Rita had a blanket hung over every window, over the top of the curtains.**

**"So she's coming for Halloween?"**

**Rita asked, noticing her gaze stray. Connie looked momentarily flustered, but almost immediately she regained her composure.**

**"Yes. I expect I will have to throw a party..."**

**She raised an eyebrow as she spoke, and Rita grinned slowly, pulling Connie closer, enjoying the press of her body against her own, and thinking briefly how much better she would sleep tonight, just knowing Connie was there, curled about her, holding her close.**

**"And will I be invited to this party?"**

**She asked, alarmed to see the flicker of doubt behind the other woman's eyes.**

**"Sorry...I shouldn't have asked..."**

**"No!"**

**Connie cut her off, squeezing gently. **

**"Don't be silly. I'm just worrying about what to tell her..."**

**She tailed off and Rita waited for a moment before speaking.**

**"About...?"**

**She coaxed.**

**"You? Us..."**

**Connie said slowly.**

**"Ah."**

**Rita inhaled through her nose and glanced down at their bodies, so warm and cuddled together.**

**"Well, I suppose it's either all or nothing. Either you tell her we're just friends, or you tell her everything...I don't suppose she'll mind either way..."**

**She paused, nervously willing Connie to confirm this theory.**

**"Will she?"**

**She asked. But Connie just drew up her shoulders.**

**"Your guess is as good as mine."**

**She admitted.**

**Evening! I've had ever such a long day, but surprisingly I've managed to get quite a bit of writing done. I will update again tomorrow if you'd all like. Thank you as always for the lovely reviews and comments, they really cheer my days up! Whenever I'm sitting, working, or trailing about after my children trying to get them to wipe yoghurt up off the floor, and I hear the sound of my email make a noise, I get all excited about reading what you think... silly as that may be ;) **

**Anyway, I'd better say goodnight before my eyes fall out of my own head... goodnight everyone, have a lovely evening, and thank you in advance for reading :) xxx**


	25. Chapter 25

**"Would you like another cup of tea?"**

**Rita asked, placing the kettle on to boil even before Connie had looked up.**

**"Please."**

**She smiled. Rita rinsed out the mugs they had already used and dropped fresh tea bags into them before glancing over her shoulder to where Connie sat on the sofa. She held her phone within one hand, and her thumb moved quickly across the keys as she emailed Grace goodnight. Something she did every evening at 11PM, despite the time difference. **

**Rita smiled to herself, watching Connie without her knowledge was fast becoming one of her favourite past times. She loved the way in which Connie's mouth turned down at the corners slightly whilst she was concentrating on the email that she was sending. She loved how one particular curl of hair just refused to stay behind her ear, springing out every now and then so that she had to reach up to set it back into its place. And she loved how she felt when she was near her – so exposed and raw in a way that meant every touch and word was amplified and made even more beautiful.**

**The kettle came to a rushing, spluttering boil and she poured the water into each cup, making the tea. She heard Connie sigh and place her phone down on the coffee table. She poured in the milk, gave a quick stir with a tea spoon and made her way back over to the sofa with the mugs.**

**Rita curled herself neatly up into the corner of the sofa, it was small, much smaller than Connie's, and she immediately felt herself begin to relax again as she felt the warmth of the other woman's body beside her.**

**"Thank you."**

**Connie exhaled as she spoke, receiving her tea and placing it down on the floor next to her, waiting for it to cool slightly.**

**She was so beautiful, Rita thought. She was perfect, sitting there, with the dim orange glow of the lamp light showing her face in profile. The curve of her chin, the line of her jaw and the carefully sculpted ear, the top of which was hidden by that errant curl of hair. She felt her heart wince. Just having her in such close proximity made her feel as if she were choking, as if all the air had left her body and she was floating, smothered and free all at once. **

**Connie cleared her throat and leant back again, catching Rita's gaze. The younger woman's eyes were sparkling and she bit her lip to contain a smile.**

**She knew in that instant, when Connie met her eye's and the wind whispered and howled against the corners of the house. It was then that she fell in love completely. It happened the way things are never supposed to happen in real life, like a sledgehammer, like a bolt from out of the blue. She had known she adored her, she had even known that she loved her. But it was only now, when one minute she was doing something as mundane as making a cup of tea, and then; in the next one, Connie looked up and she was someone whose whole world had exploded, leaving her adrift in the Milky Way, so far from earth she was walking on stars.**

**"I don't think I've ever seen you so happy."**

**Connie's voice came out as a low whisper, and Rita noticed how her eyes strayed from her eyes to her lips for a fraction of a second too long. **

**"I haven't had much cause to be happy lately..."**

**Rita answered quietly, and she gave a slow shrug of her shoulders. Connie looked down at her own hands. She knew full well that a lot of that had been down to her.**

**"You make me happy."**

**Rita added. She knew what Connie was thinking, she didn't want her to think that she had meant she blamed her for their past relationship. She watched as Connie's lips turned down again, this time in a smile that slipped out before she caught it.**

**"It's so strange to really have you hear."**

**She whispered when Connie made no move to say anything herself.**

**Connie glanced up again, her eyes were soft and warm and smiling. She leant her weight back fully into the sofa, twisting so that she faced Rita.**

**"Come here."**

**She said quietly, holding out her arms. She was tired, she always seemed to be tired recently, but the look on Rita's face made her realise she needed her, she needed to know that what was happening was real, and that Connie was really there.**

**Rita only hesitated for a moment before she set her own mug of tea on the floor by Connie's and shifted herself along. Connie made a turning motion with her hand and she turned around and allowed herself to be pulled back against her. **

**For a moment Connie felt that the intimate contact was too much. Just for that moment, as Rita lay back in between her legs. She had the fleeting feeling of that night sticking to her like super glue, invisible and heartbreaking and unavoidable, threaded to the future, just as surely as day is sewn to night. **

**She drew in a breath and closed her eyes, and when Rita had adjusted herself and made herself comfortable, she allowed herself to open her eyes. **

**Rita's hair just touched against her cheek, it was pale and soft and smelled faintly of honey. She could see the gentle rise and fall of her cheek and the edge of her lips as she smiled.**

**Gently she drew her arms around the smaller woman, curling them about her arms so that her fingertips rested against her stomach, and her heart tripped over itself as Rita exhaled a sigh of pure happiness.**

**She allowed herself to close her eyes again, just letting herself fall into this new existence that seemed to have created itself for her. Some things, she realised as her breathing slowed, and she saw the flutter and close of Rita's eyelids, when they change, never do return to the way they once were. Butterflies for instance, and women who fall in love.**

**Apologies for the lack of updates. We've been celebrating our wedding anniversary, and my two year old son isn't very well, so I haven't been able to get online. Hopefully I'll update at least twice today/this evening for you all and we'll see Connie become 'more physically able', and hopefully I'll get to Grace's appearance! I have a storyline planned for Grace, but I would love to hear what you all might like to happen when she does appear :) xxx**


	26. Chapter 26

****This is where it gets 'M' rated...****

**Connie felt the tug and move of something against her chest. For the briefest of moments she felt panic rise within her, she remembered the feeling of being held down...but then, as she awoke properly, she realised she was safe, and that it was merely Rita shifting against her that had caused her to stir. **

**The nurse was still asleep, though her body twitched with dreams. She struggled against a yawn, and the sudden rise of her chest meant Rita twisted against her, her elbow pushed into her stomach, and Connie could see her face quite clearly in the lamp light. **

**Her forehead was creased and her lips were partially open. She arched her back ever so slightly, and murmured something inaudible under her breath before collapsing back onto Connie, pushing the breath from other woman's lungs.**

**Connie wrapped her arms about her tighter and stroked her hair, she kissed the side of her head and whispered to her, drawing her slowly from her dream as gently as she could.**

**She murmured her name and held her close. Rita's eyes opened slowly with a half-blink, her heart ticked quickly and she struggled to calm her breath. She squinted up at Connie with vague dark eyes, taking a moment to realise where they were. **

**"What were you dreaming?"**

**Connie asked gently. **

**Rita frowned at her as though they hadn't been real words that she'd spoken. She had to pause whilst they filtered through the fog inside her head, before they made any sense at all.**

**"You were..." **

**She stopped abruptly and cleared her throat, her eyes widened as she realised what she had been dreaming about, and her face coloured, she knew Connie would assume it had been another one of her nightmares, when in fact it had been quite the opposite. **

**"I was...?"**

**Connie repeated, and she pushed the hair from Rita's face with one hand, smoothing it back behind her ears, adoring how flushed her face was, and how the indentations of the buttons of shirt were pressed into the side of her head.**

**Rita glanced away, avoiding eye contact. Instead she looked down to the crumpled white fabric of Connie's shirt. Between the buttons, just over the rise of her right breast, the cotton was damp and had turned see-through. She could see the faint pink of her skin. She looked back up to find Connie watching her.**

**"I dribbled on you!"**

**She exclaimed, looking again to the wet fabric. Connie pulled the shirt tight across her skin so that she could see where the freckles on her breast showed through the wet fabric.**

**"Don't worry."**

**She said gently, watching how mortified Rita was, and how she seemed to struggle to look away from where the freckles that showed through the cotton.**

**"I'm sure everybody dribbles in their sleep..."**

**"Even you?"**

**Rita cut in, recovering slowly from the embarrassment.**

**"Even me."**

**Connie confirmed, her eyes a dark bottle green in the light.**

**Rita bit her lip, she thought again of how Connie slept in such a surprisingly carefree manner, long, beautiful limbs spread wildly across the bed so that there was little room for anybody but her.**

**With a yawn she settled down again with her back pressed against Connie's chest, her head against her shoulder. This was happiness, she realised. Connie's skin was so warm against her own, and she noticed if she let her head fall to the right then her lips brushed against Connie's neck. **

**She could hear the other woman's heartbeat, and absently she reached for Connie's right hand. She stroked the thin skin of the back of it, tracing the tendons and smoothing the tiny blonde hairs that caught the light. Even her hands were freckled - the realisation made her smile - and she could feel her pulse begin to quicken as she realised this was Connie Beauchamp's hand, and that she was holding it! **

**She turned her hand over so that her palm faced upwards, her long fingers curled, her nails so neat and all exactly the same, painted with a thin layer of clear varnish that made them sparkle. How many lives had these hands saved, she wondered briefly, before tracing the curve of her life-line about the base of her thumb.**

**"You still haven't told me what your dream was about?"**

**Connie's voice bought her thoughts back into the room and she felt her body grow warm again at the thought of admitting what had played out in her mind whilst she had slept.**

**"Oh, no...nothing..."**

**She caught Connie's eye.**

**"I'm not embarrassing myself in front of you twice in one evening."**

**She added, casting her eye again to the wet patch on the other woman's top.**

**"Ah..."**

**Connie smiled, she knew very well what sort of dream she had been having, but it was endearing to watch Rita struggle against the flush that was rising up across her cheeks. It was only when Rita braved glancing up at Connie from where she lay, that it became clear to her that she was being teased. She felt herself tense with the realisation that Connie knew...she knew exactly what sort of dream it had been.**

**There was a moment between them so charged that neither spoke. Connie could feel the frustration within the other woman's body, she could see the rise and fall of her chest that she struggled to slow.**

**"Relax..."**

**She whispered. She felt dizzy. Something about this woman lying on top of her stirred something within her that she hadn't felt before – the desire to give her what she wanted...needed...without expecting anything in return.**

**With a breath she reached for Rita's hands with her own, interlinking their fingers, squeezing gently. **

**Rita exhaled. Connie's breath against her cheek did little to relax her, and her body simply refused to do anything but remain stiff and uncomfortable. **

**Connie cleared her throat and shifted ever so slightly, unlinking one hand from Rita's and placing it upon Rita's shoulder. The very touch of it made her feel as though the air had been sucked right out of her lungs, and the skin of her right arm prickled with goosebumps.**

**"Tell me..."**

**She whispered, and Rita closed her eyes. She'd known she wouldn't give up asking...**

**Connie used the very tip of her middle finger to draw tiny circles on the skin of her neck, just behind her ear, every one made her shiver, every one made her heart beat that little bit faster. She inhaled slowly to steady herself.**

**"We were in your office."**

**She began, struggling to concentrate. The circles that Connie was drawing were getting gradually larger, slipping gracefully and feather-light across her flesh.**

**"You were...only wearing your underwear..."**

**She paused again to swallow, and to feel the smile of Connie's lips against the side of her forehead. Her breath was hot and sweet, and her fingers began to stray from her neck, reaching down further, and further, tortuously slow, molasses slow, lovesick slow... **

**"You stood behind me and held me there...you kissed my neck..."**

**She couldn't help but let a small smile slip between her lips as she remembered that particular moment...how hot Connie's mouth had been against her...**

**"Did I?"**

**Connie asked, her voice barely a breath, and before Rita could begin to speak again Connie dipped her head, she brushed her lips against her neck, parted them, and slowly, slowly she trailed hot, wet open mouthed kisses from behind her ear, to her collar bone, where she caught the involuntary rise of Rita's body, and the utterance of a moan that escaped her lips. **

**Rita's head felt light. Her body seemed to gasp for more. She closed her eyes tighter as the warm flutter of teeth across her throat made her chest rise and the diffusing heat of adrenaline made her nipples stiffen so painfully that she could feel every movement of the clothes she wore against them.**

**"Keep talking..."**

**Connie whispered, barely able to keep her voice level.**

**It was all Rita could do to force herself to remember. Connie's lips remained so close to her neck that with each exhale she shivered and the wet skin of her neck was flushed cold whilst the fingers of Connie's right hand slipped in lazy patterns across her arm, ever so often grazing her breast.**

**"You held me so tightly. You whispered to me that you wanted me...and you touched me..."**

**"Where did I touch you?"**

**Connie murmured quickly. But Rita couldn't answer, and Connie knew very well where it was that she had touched her in her dreams, because when she allowed her fingers to stray from her arm to the skin in between where her top met her jeans, Rita let her head roll back against Connie's shoulder and her hands balled into fists at her sides as she tried to remain still.**

**With one hand, Connie pushed the button of Rita's jeans open, and with her fingers she lowered the zip just enough so that they gave way at her hips. She held the other woman tighter, holding her close, and she listened to the shallow gasps of breath within Rita's throat, how they grew shorter and coarser,and how her body shuddered with anticipation as her fingers slipped below her waist band.**

**She paused, wanting her to need her, and Rita pushed her body back against Connie's, the little shift of her hips silently asking for more.**

**Ever so slowly her fingers pushed further beneath the dark blue denim, being careful not to touch until her hand was completely obscured, only the elegant flex of her wrist was visible as she hesitated again, before ever so slowly running the tip of her middle finger across her underwear.**

**Rita's entire body flinched, her breath caught in her throat. She was hers, in that moment she existed solely at the tips of Connie's fingers, and she gave herself to her completely.**

**Connie's fingers traced that line up and down, up and down across the lace of her underwear. She was wet, and she was hot, and she swore low in her throat as Connie touched her through the fabric, her body gently writhing as she parted her legs, wishing she would push beneath the lace, so desperate for it that when she finally did, her vision splintered, her eyes blotted out everything but the burning white light of pleasure that built, and built, until like a mirror thrown to the ground her body shattered into pure energy.**

**She squeezed her eyes shut, the feeling so exquisitely beautiful and full of pleasure that she didn't notice that she had thrown her arm back above her head, or that she had balled up Connie's hair into a fist until she relaxed with a final shuddering gasp of ecstasy and she was left panting and light headed, her body slack against Connie's.**

**"Fu-uck..."**

**She hissed, her mouth was dry and she licked her lips, they tasted of salt. She felt Connie smile into her hair and the kiss of her lips against her head.**

**"How did you...?"**

**Rita made to ask but she was too out of breath, her body twitching involuntarily as Connie slipped her hand free. She hadn't kissed her, she realised, she hadn't touched her, or undressed her...and yet she had never felt pleasure so intense ...and just from a single finger tip. **

**Connie merely smiled slipped her hand over Rita's.**

**"Practise."**

**She whispered.**

**Well, that was entertaining to write. I hope it was ok...?! Let me know what you think as usual, please :) I'll update again after dinner! xxx**


	27. Chapter 27

**It was 4AM, a time that was neither day nor night, when the veil of illusion was thinner and you could see things in the lilac-tinged light that could not be spied at any other hour - like the steady ticking of a pulse-point in another woman's throat, and the glitter of something more behind a glance. **

**Connie twisted a lock of blonde hair about her fingers, curling it and flicking the end so that it splayed out like a fan. She gazed at it for a moment. So many different shades of gold that she had never noticed before, white, honey, buttercup, all threaded together to form this head of hair that was propped up above her.**

**Rita had turned over, and now she lay flat against her, her body warm and her eyes upon her so bright.**

**"You're amazing..."**

**She whispered, and she ran a finger from Connie's hair line all the way down to the tip of her nose, where she paused, and then allowed her finger to fall to the rise and curve of her lips.**

**Connie rolled her eyes and pursed her lips against a smile. She could still feel the race of Rita's heart beating through her chest against her own. She exhaled, and though Rita's weight made her feel far too hot, she didn't want her to move...not when she was above her, looking down on her with that look...the look that had the ability to catch her, and make her wish she could go on looking forever.**

**"So, tell me more about this 'practising', that you do...?"**

**Rita grinned against the bite of her lip. At some point the lamp had been turned off, and now, looking down at Connie she saw all the beauty in the world beneath her. Her hair looked black as ink, her skin paler than It usually appeared, and every freckle was darker.**

**"Oh, I'm sure you can well imagine what sort of 'practising' I meant, N..."**

**"Were you about to call me Nurse Freeman?!"**

**Rita's sudden laugh caught her off guard and she felt the blood rush to her face, suddenly grateful that the lamp had been turned off.**

**"A Freudian slip..."**

**She murmured, though her lips twitched with amusement and Rita feigned a frown, her brow creasing and her eyes narrowing.**

**"Al-right...Mrs Beauchamp..."**

**She paused to consider how that sounded on her tongue.**

**"Do you know? I think I might quite like that..."**

**Rita bit her lip again, a habit that had the ability to make Connie forget whatever it was she had been doing, or thinking, and when Rita moved closer to kiss her, she lost track of absolutely every thought within her head. **

**Rita kissed her slowly, so slowly that she could feel every slip of her tongue and she could taste her, just her...**

**The blonde's body moved against hers, shifting and rubbing against her causing her body to ache in the familiar way that it used to... **

**Her body shivered. A****ll this kissing was making her head hurt; it was reminding her of what she could feel, and how it could be when you wanted someone as much as they wanted you, because when someone kisses you with everything they feel, you don't stop thinking about it for a very long time. And it was happening then, she realised. Rita whispered against her cheek and she was halfway to the point of no-return, her breath quick and every fibre of her being wanted her. She wanted her to push her fingers up her skirt and touch her where she so wanted to be touched, and when she felt Rita's hands against her hips, holding her, moving higher, slipping beneath her shirt, her hands so hot on her skin that she struggled to breathe. **

**She forced herself not to listen to the voices in her head telling her how disgusting she was, and she inhaled sharply against the flicker of a flashback, because if she let them in, she would hear those voices...she would feel those hands on her, those men inside her, fucking her...**

**"I can't..."**

**She pulled back quickly, away from Rita's kisses...those kisses that tasted of everything she had ever wanted...**

**"I can't...not yet..."**

**She began to feel hot again, too hot. Her scalp prickled and she had to move, and as though Rita had read her mind she pulled herself backwards so that she sat on her haunches, her jeans were still undone and the unmistakeable scent of sex laced the room.**

**Connie's eyes were closed, her body stiff, she forced herself to breathe in and out until she felt the panic subside but still it haunted her. She could feel it, like a cold blue cloak smothering her.**

**Rita held out a hand as she opened her eyes, and when Connie took it she drew her up into a sitting position, wrapped her arms about her and held her gently.**

**"It's fine, it's absolutely fine."**

**She whispered, stroking her hair and placing the lightest of kisses on her shoulder. Connie drew in a breath, inside her chest her heart felt as though it were trembling.**

**Rita leant back again, ever so slightly and took her hands, holding them between themselves.**

**"You know, my Grandmother told me when I was little...that when you're really...when you..."**

**She paused, a nervous twitch at the corner of her mouth.**

**"When you really like someone, you always know right away...despite your differences..."**

**She began again and glanced up at Connie.**

**"Despite your arguments."**

**She tilted her head to one side before continuing.**

**"She always said it was like flash lightening, or an angel tapping you on the shoulder...you could always ignore it if you wanted to, but in the end it was like choosing a puppy...you think you're going to pick the cutest, best behaved one, the one your mum would like...but really you wind up going home with the one who keeps insisting on climbing into your lap..."**

**She glanced back up, and once again she felt herself blush. Connie was watching her, one eyebrow perfectly arched.**

**"Do I feature in this analogy of your Grandmothers?"**

**She asked slowly, not quite following.**

**"You're the puppy I ended up going home with..."**

**Rita answered in defeat, realising how silly she sounded.**

Connie nodded slowly, thoughtfully.

**"I don't ever recall climbing onto your lap?"**

**She asked, vaguely aware that whatever it was that Rita was trying to say, at least it had stopped her from thinking...**

**"Well, no...but you were always there! I just meant...you weren't what I was looking for, but..."**

**"But you ended up with me because I was persistent? Constantly on your back...?"**

**Connie cut in, but in the dim early morning light Rita failed to see the laughter within her eyes and she sighed, her body crumpling slightly.**

**"No! No...Oh..."**

**She gave up with a sigh, finally out of words.**

**"Rita?"**

**Connie reached out and took her fingers within her own. **

**"What?"**

**Rita asked, with a wary lowered glance.**

**"I love you too."**

**She said simply.**

****More tomorrow! This one took a while because I'm so tired, hopefully I haven't made any glaring errors!?****

****Thank you so much for the reviews of the last chapter, I was particularly nervous about that one! ;) There will be more like that though...probably quite a bit more, if it's wanted :) xxx****


	28. Chapter 28

**The morning dawned sweet and blue. Outside the dead summer leaves rattled in the branches and the sun hung high within the cloudless sky, a cool pale yellow that cast the colour of autumn over everything it touched.**

**Rita yawned, the air she inhaled was cold and thin and made her shiver. Her eyes watered and she rubbed them with the heels of her hands, groaning against the pale lemon sunshine that made the windows glow and the kettle gleam as it boiled before her.**

**She poured the water into the two mugs she had set out, wishing she had something other than cheap instant coffee. **

**She added milk, stirred, and stared down at the murky looking drinks. She sighed and made a mental note to buy proper coffee after work. But for now, this would have to do, and she dribbled a little more milk into each for good measure, ignoring the fact that the coffee granules didn't seem to be dissolving as they should.**

**Sleepily she padded back over to the sofa, and with yet another yawn she placed the mugs down onto the coffee table and collapsed into the cushions. She ran the side of her hand beneath her eye leaving a watery black trail of mascara across her finger. Her right eye began to tick at the corner and she closed them tightly, willing the muscle spasm to ease.**

**As she lay, she could hear Connie in the bathroom - sounds only she would recognise – the way the hooks wobbled on the back of the door when a towel was removed, or the way the floorboards in front of the sink squeaked loudly when stepped on. **

**She smiled, despite the tiredness that made her eyes throb and her head ache, she was happy...she could still feel Connie's touch upon her skin, and she hugged her knees up against her chest, remembering how it had felt to have her touch her so intimately.**

**Meanwhile Connie was stood in front of the mirror above the sink in the small bathroom. She'd showered and washed her hair and now as she stood here in the cold her skin prickled and shivered. **

**The light in here was too bright, she decided, though there were no blinds nor curtains at the windows to do anything about it. **

**The light hurt her eyes and showed every line of her face. She looked older than she had realised. The lines about her eyes didn't fade as much as they used to when she relaxed her face, and the skin of her neck didn't seem as taut. **

**With a sigh she unzipped the over night bag that she had packed and withdrew her make up, setting it out along the back of the sink and drawing in a breath, readying herself to take on the task of making herself look more like the woman she had thought she was. **

**Whilst she smoothed foundation onto her skin, she cast her mind back to the night before, and as she brushed blusher onto her cheeks she watched her fingers in the mirror. Only hours ago the hand she now used to hold her make up brush had been between Rita's legs, touching her, feeling how incredibly soft and warm she was. She bit her lip against a smile, how relieved she was that she'd been able to give Rita so much pleasure, and how nervous she had been...**

**She unscrewed the top of her mascara and, begrudgingly, she leaned in closer to the mirror in order to apply it to her eyelashes. She pursed her lips, the lines about her mouth showed...laughter lines...something which had always surprised her. She drew in a breath and lightly pressed some colour to her lips with her lipstick before pressing her lips together. **

**She didn't look too bad, she supposed, and there was still her hair...once her hair was dried she would feel better, she decided, but for now it was towel dried and twisted into a loose bun at the back of her neck to keep it from dripping cold water down her back.**

**With a final glance to the mirror she stepped back. She stood for a moment, clad only in the black satin of her underwear. She had left her clothes in the sitting room, whether or not she had done this deliberately she wasn't sure, but now she was faced with the decision to wrap a damp towel about herself to conceal her modesty, or go as she was...she looked herself up and down. Somewhere deep within the pit of her stomach she felt the vague stirring of something familiar. She drew in a breath and hung the towel back up against the door. She would go like this, she decided. After all, she felt guilty about the night before, that she hadn't been able to allow Rita to touch her, and somehow she thought that perhaps the simple act of being so exposed would show the other woman how much she trusted her.**

**She smiled to herself, she remembered how much she used to enjoy using her body to tease...**

**Without allowing herself to think again, she slipped from the bathroom, closing the door gently behind her and made her way back into the main living area. She smiled as she noticed the top of Rita's head lolled back against the arm of the sofa. Without a sound she knelt down next to her and allowed herself a moment to look at her, her skin was pale, her lips pink and parted slightly and her neck was long and exposed as she leant back.**

**Ever so quietly Connie leant forwards and placed one soft kiss after another against the rise of Rita's throat until she felt Rita swallow and laugh, tilting her head back down and opening her eyes.**

**"Tickles..."**

**She murmured, yawning. Her eyes were bloodshot and heavy but still she looked so beautiful.**

**"Do you have an iron?"**

**Connie whispered, and Rita frowned. Whatever she had been expecting her to say, it hadn't been that.**

**"Hmm?"**

**She murmured, and stretched against the sofa, raising her arms up above her head in an exaggerated movement, and Connie couldn't help but notice how her top rose up exposing her stomach, and how her jeans were still undone, hanging low on her hips...**

**"Do you have an iron that I could borrow?"**

**Connie asked again, glancing to the crumpled clothes that she had folded and placed neatly on the coffee table before she had showered.**

**"Uhm..."**

**Rita rubbed her fingers against her forehead. She knew she owned an iron, but the exact whereabouts of it often eluded her.**

**"I have clothes that you can borrow?"**

**She offered, not relishing the thought of looking for the iron in any of her various cupboards.**

**Connie raised an eyebrow.**

**"Thank you, however you're quite a bit smaller than I am..."**

**She reached out as she spoke and without thinking she pushed a strand of Rita's hair back from her face, the mere act making Rita smile.**

**"Shorter, yes...but there's nothing of you. There must be something you can wear, come on..."**

**She forced herself to rise and get up from the sofa, and it was only when Connie stood up from where she had been knelt beside her that she noticed she was only in her underwear.**

**She paused, glancing at her, her underwear, the trail of water that slipped across her collar bone and ran between the curve of her breasts, the flat of her stomach and the skin of her thighs.**

**"Uhm?"**

**She exhaled all at once and looked back up at Connie, her eyes wide.**

**"Clothes?"**

**Connie prompted.**

**"Clothes!"**

**Rita repeated with a determined nod of her head, and she glanced again to the length of Connie's legs.**

**"Maybe not trousers..."**

**She added.**

**Good morning everyone! Not my best update, but my excuse is that I've been up since 4 and I'm about as tired as Rita is in this chapter ;) **

**Anyway, please review, and I'll see if I can get another chapter written before my children decide they want to do something with me :) Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday! **

**Oh, and if you're on twitter, I uploaded a picture I drew last night of Connie and Rita ...my user name on there is Someofherparts xxx**


	29. Chapter 29

**Rita flipped through the pages of patients notes that she held before her. She was looking for something, though she had completely forgotten what it was, and she flipped back and forth between sheets of handwritten notes scanning them for a clue as to what it might be.**

**She rested her elbow against the nurses station and supported her chin with her hand. She sighed, she would have to go back to Dr Hanna and ask what it was that she was supposed to be doing. She blew a breath from between her lips and glanced up, straightening herself up quickly as she saw Connie in the distance. **

**The other woman was paused outside her office, notes in hand, she stood for a moment, and then turned back around and slipped back into her office before reappearing with her stethoscope. **

**Rita watched as she adjusted it about her shoulders so that the cool metal pad hung against her chest and she wondered briefly whether Connie was having trouble concentrating too.**

**A hand on her shoulder made her jump, and she turned quickly to find Dixie leaning into her.**

**"You made me jump!"**

**She whispered. Dixie pursed her lips against a smile.**

**"I'm not surprised...what were you so deep in thought about?"**

**She asked, though the glint within her eyes was enough to tell the nurse that she had a fair idea of what thoughts may have been distracting her, and all Rita could do was blush and glance away to the space in the corridor where Connie had been only moments before.**

**"Take your break."**

**Dixie murmured, and looped her arm through Rita's.**

**"I can't! I'm..."**

**Rita paused and looked again to the file she had been reading.**

**"Ok."**

**She sighed, realising she probably wouldn't ever remember what she was supposed to be doing, so instead she closed the notes and allowed herself to be led away by the arm, out to the ambulance bay.**

**The air outside was cold and crisp and it stung Rita's nose as she breathed in. **

**"So!"**

**Dixie opened the back doors to the ambulance and beckoned the nurse inside. **

**"How was your night last night?"**

**She asked as Rita looked about tentatively before climbing into the ambulance and sat down on the bed opposite Dixie.**

**"Fine..."**

**Rita frowned, glancing away from the laughter within Dixie's eyes, willing herself not to blush.**

**"I have to say, I never thought fashion sense would be something you and Connie would have in common..."**

**She murmured, and her eyes narrowed again as she watched the colour creep up across Rita's cheeks as she remembered the last time she had worn the dark blue top that she had leant to Connie, and she mentally chastised herself for not thinking that Dixie would remember that night, when they'd kissed...**

**Rita looked down to her hands that she had folded within her lap.**

**"So what happened?"**

**Dixie asked quietly, carefully, her jaw tensing. Rita glanced up. She touched her tongue to her lip. She thought of Connie, and though they hadn't spoken about it, she knew that their relationship wasn't something she would want gossiped about. But then she looked at the concern within Dixie's pale blue eyes and she sighed. She knew she wouldn't tell anybody.**

**"We spent the night together..."**

**She kept her voice low as she spoke, aware of the various staff members or lost patients that may have cause to pass them by.**

**"At mine."**

**She added, as though it made a difference.**

**Dixie's lips pressed together tightly and she nodded slowly.**

**"Was this an innocent sleepover with a friend because she'd had too much to drink, or...?"**

**Rita's cheeks burned a brilliant red and Dixie smiled slightly.**

**"I see."**

**She murmured.**

**Rita ran a hand across her forehead, feeling the heat of her skin and she looked across at Dixie whose calm blue eyes were watching her with interest.**

**"Well, well, well...the Clinical Lead and her Clinical Nurse Manager..."**

**Her smile spread as she spoke and she nudged the other woman's knee as her eyes widened in dismay.**

**"Don't panic, your secret is safe with me."**

**She added, and got up from her seat opposite to sat down on the bed next to Rita.**

**"Thank you."**

**Rita whispered. She turned her hands over in her lap and stared down at her palms. **

**"So, what was it like?"**

**Dixie asked, and again Rita looked up sharply, her eyes wide and dark.**

**"Dixie!"**

**She exclaimed, though beneath her look of mild alarm she smiled.**

**"What?! Who doesn't want to know what Connie Beauchamp is like in bed...or what she looks like beneath those clothes of hers...or clothes of yours..."**

**She raised an eyebrow and Rita rolled her eyes.**

**"To be honest I don't know."**

**She said with a raise of her shoulders.**

**"What she looks like I mean."**

**She added, and she noted the flicker of a frown across Dixie's forehead.**

**"Don't tell me you did it in the dark..."**

**"No! ****_We _****didn't do it...she wasn't ready to '****_do it' _****properly... for me to touch her. She just touched me."**

**Rita paused, she could feel her ears burning pink and Dixie watched her with pure amusement.**

**There was a pause, and Rita drew in a long sigh and bit her lip, struggling against the bubble of elation that was rising within her.**

**"It was ****_incredible...She _****was incredible...****_"_**

**She squeaked, and Dixie couldn't help but laugh.**

**"No, seriously. Why didn't you tell me what I was missing out on?"**

**Rita couldn't help but laugh as she spoke. She was relieved to have finally told her, relieved to have somebody to talk to about it all. Inside she wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but for now, Dixie would do.**

**"Well now you know."**

**Dixie said quietly. She could feel the warmth of Rita's body next to her, she could feel her elation prickling and radiating from her skin. She was like a ball of sunshine, filled with happy energy, and it made her smile just to be near her, though she couldn't help the knot of worry that niggled away at the very back of her mind.**

**"Are you in love with her?"**

**She asked, her question taking Rita completely by surprise. The nurse blinked and rubbed her fingers against her forehead.**

**"Would you think I was ridiculous if I said yes?"**

**She asked slowly. **

**"Ridiculous?!"**

**"Because it's so soon..."**

**She explained, and Dixie shrugged, drawing up her shoulders slowly and heavily.**

**"If you fall in love, you fall in love. There's not much you can do about it."**

**She paused.**

**"Have you told her?"**

**She asked, and Rita nodded, a grin spreading across her lips.**

**"She said she loves me too."**

**She whispered, her voice higher than usual and even the sunlight that pooled in through the ambulance doors seemed to dance for joy within her eyes.**

**"Well there you go!"**

**Dixie nudged her, and again Rita looked towards her hands and as she inhaled an odd sort of nervousness seemed to shroud her. She couldn't help but feel guilty for telling Dixie all of this, and her stomach hurt when she thought of telling Connie. **

**Her train of thought wandered, she thought of the night before and how perfect it had been. The butterflies in her stomach began to swarm again and she frowned. What if when Connie finally did feel able, she found she didn't know what to do...or worse, she couldn't give Connie the same mind-shattering pleasure that she had given her?**

**"What is it?"**

**Dixie asked gently, feeling the change in the other woman's mood. Her whole body seemed to droop and Rita just looked at her, suddenly dejected.**

**"What if I'm not good enough?"**

**She asked quietly, and Dixie exhaled a breath of a laugh and placed an arm about Rita's shoulders.**

**"Don't be silly!"**

**"I'm not being silly! Dixie, last night was the best I've ever had...she didn't even kiss me, she just used the tip of one finger. That was all. The single most erotic experience of my life. How can I compete with that!?"**

**She slumped against the side of the ambulance and Dixie clapped a hand onto her thigh.**

**"Well, you might not be able to top it, but you're more than capable of matching it."**

**She said, patting Rita's thigh, and Rita rolled her eyes and blew out a breath between her lips.**

**"What if she's some sort of sex God? What if all she's ever had is mind-blowing sex and now she's got me...she'll expect..."**

**"She will expect you to enjoy yourself, not spend the entire time worrying. You will be fine, trust me."**

**Dixie cut in. She could sense Rita was beginning to panic, and she knew that if she did, she would be plagued by the worry of it, and then she would be certain not to enjoy it when they did decide that they were ready.**

**"But it's ****_Connie!"_**

**Rita pouted.**

**"You'll be fine."**

**Dixie repeated, though when the other woman put it that way, she could see why she was worrying. It was, after all, Connie Beauchamp they were talking about. Most members of staff, everyone knew a little bit of everything, they knew each others types, likes, dislikes, what they found attractive in a person. But nobody knew anything about Connie...**

**"Do you think she's had relationships with women before?"**

**She asked before she could stop herself, and she immediately regretted asking when she saw Rita's body stiffen.**

**"I don't know? Do you think she has?!"**

**She asked, wide eyed.**

**Dixie tilted her head and clasped her hands together between her knees.**

**"Now how would I know that?"**

**She smiled, Rita was particularly endearing when she was worrying, she realised.**

**"Oh...now I'm definitely nervous."**

**She sighed and let her head fall back, closing her eyes.**

**"Well, why don't you do some research?"**

**Dixie asked, and Rita opened one eye to peer at her from her position against the ambulance wall.**

**"Google it."**

**She added.**

**"What? '****_How do I sexually satisfy the most attractive woman on the planet?'" _**

**She laughed again at the thought.**

**"Well, it's either that or you worry yourself silly until you actually do do it, and then you'll probably be too nervous to do anything other than dribble on her!"**

**Dixie exclaimed. Rita raised an eyebrow.**

**"Ugh. I've already done that."**

**She sighed, and again there was a moment of silence whilst Rita collected her thoughts. She knew Dixie was right, and perhaps doing a little bit of research might be a good idea...She smiled to herself as she thought of earlier when Connie had stood before her and she glanced to Dixie who was watching her with thinly veiled amusement.**

**"I did see her this morning in just her underwear."**

**She whispered, feeling silly, as though she were a teenager all over again.**

**"And?"**

**Dixie laughed, and Rita screwed up her face into a look of adolescent excitement and let out an almost silent squeal of happiness.**

**"Thought so..."**

**Dixie laughed.**

**A long update for you all! Hope you enjoy it and you'll all having a lovely weekend :) xxx**


	30. Chapter 30

**She seemed to be forgetting things. Simple everyday things which she would usually remember without even having to pay them a second thought.**

**Her stethoscope for example. She had spent most of her day looking for it. She had lost patients notes in the most unlikeliest of places, and when when she had paused in her day to go in search of her 3PM coffee, she had ordered tea by mistake.**

**She had told herself that it was just her hormones, or lack of sleep, or perhaps she was coming down with a cold. She wouldn't acknowledge the fact that her thoughts strayed more often than not, or that she had read the same page of a patients notes three times before realising she was repeating herself. **

**But some thing's are true no matter how hard one might try to block them out, and a lie is always a lie, no matter how prettily told, and it was becoming clearer by the second that this wasn't just some momentary glitch in her usual professionalism. This was something much worse than hormones, and something much more severe than a cold. **

**This was Rita.**

**She sighed and pushed her fingers into the bridge of her nose, allowing her eyes to close as she sat at her desk, motionless.**

**There was no point in opening her eyes. It was as though she was walking about in a fog, she couldn't concentrate, she couldn't see what was right in front of her, when usually she was the first one to spot it. Now she seemed to have lost the whole world. Everything she knew was still here, but she couldn't see them. **

**When she'd passed by the nurses station earlier she hadn't seen the wary looks of the nursing staff, or Robyn gossiping when she should have been working. Instead she'd noticed the way Rita's nose crinkled as she frowned down at the computer screen, oblivious to Connie's presence. **

**She hadn't noticed the leaking chest drain in RESUS, or the lighter that slipped out of Max's pocket and clattered onto the floor when he leant to help a patient onto a bed. Instead she had smiled at how Rita touched her tongue to her teeth when she was concentrating, and how her uniform perfectly curved at her waist.**

**She drew in a breath and opened her eyes. **

**Everything seemed to have evaporated, leaving her empty of everything except the startling blue static of her own wants and needs. Her own lust... She had never been a person to question herself; now, however, she questioned everything, just to check she hadn't forgotten anything, or overlooked an important development in a patients symptoms, just because Rita had happened to pass by.**

**It made her helpless, because that's what love did. There was no way around it, she realised, and no way to fight it. Now if she lost, she lost everything. Helplessness wasn't something she was comfortable with. She knew all too well that she was powerless when it came to Rita, and she found herself reaching for the compact mirror she kept in her top drawer, needing to know whether the mask she wore was slipping.**

**She unclipped the compact and held it before her. She could see it, plain as day. This love she carried within her seemed to weigh her down and age her, just as much as it filled her so full of elation that she felt she may float away. She tried so hard to focus on what she saw before her. She was still beautiful, but she looked very far away. Her eyes had a glazed look about them as though she were dreaming and couldn't wake up, and no matter how wise or clever she was, she looked like a woman who hadn't truly believed how much love there was in the world. Not until this moment.**

**A gentle tap at the door roused her from her thoughts. She cleared her throat and called for whomever it was to 'come'. Her voice sounding lost in the small room.**

**Rita.**

**Connie let out a breath and leant back in her chair as the nurse entered. Her blonde hair was wind-swept, her cheeks pink from the cold and her eyes were dark and so full of everything that Connie found she had to glance down at her desk for a moment to gather herself.**

**"I bought you these. Silly I know, but..."**

**Connie looked up to see Rita's hand held out before her, offering her a bouquet of purple bearded iris's. The grass she had walked on to collect them had been new and freshly cut, and a sweet smell clung to her uniform. There was blue dye on her hands from the flowers – the colour of the sky, a shade that when placed upon her skin couldn't be replicated, just as heaven could never be seen from the confines of Earth, and she realised, all at once, just how beautiful a woman could be.**

****Hello everyone, just a quick update! I hope you're all still enjoying it and that it's going where you all want it to go?! ****

****I'd like to ask, before I continue, would you like me to skip a few days so that we are nearer to Grace's visit, or would you like me to creep up to it gradually? I will do whatever the majority prefer, so please let me know!****

****Thank you in advance :)****

****Also, if any of you are Tumblr whizz's, and fancy telling me how to work it, please send me a PM as it's driving me mad... xxx****


	31. Chapter 31

**"They're beautiful."**

**Connie murmured, glancing up at Rita as she arranged the Iris's in a blue and white jug full of water, which she placed on the corner of her desk.**

**"I didn't know if you were a 'flowers' sort of woman, but I saw them by the ambulance bay..."**

**Rita let her words trail off. Connie smiled though she said nothing, she merely let a finger slip over the fragile purple petals, admiring them for a moment. Touched by such an open display of affection.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**Rita asked, nearing the desk. Connie glanced up at her again and drew in a breath, her chest expanding beneath the dark blue top of Rita's.**

**"It's been a long day."**

**She sighed, and she reached out a hand to Rita, taking the nurses hand within her own, and drawing her nearer so that she stood before her, only inches away. She touched her fingertips to her forehead and ran them along the side of her face to her jaw, with a fleeting glance of her thumb to her lips.**

**"And I've missed you."**

**She whispered, watching as her words made Rita smile, a beautiful smile that made her eyes sparkle and her cheeks flush.**

**"Have you?"**

**Rita asked, biting her lip, and Connie nodded, allowing her fingers to stroke her hair, threading their way between the strands and curling as she loosened the hair from behind her ear.**

**"You're so beautiful."**

**She breathed, and she felt the warmth of Rita's skin beneath her fingertips, marvelling at how much warmer the flesh of her neck was just behind her ear. **

**Rita's eyes widened and she looked back up at the other woman, wondering whether or not it would be acceptable to kiss her right here, in the middle of her office.**

**As if Connie knew what she was thinking she glanced to Rita's lips, but just as she made to lean towards her there was a clattering crash of a noise just outside her office door, and Charlie opened the door without knocking.**

**For a moment neither Rita or Connie moved from where they stood, it was only when Charlie paused, his hand on her door handle, his eyes upon them both that Connie let her hand fall quickly from the touch at Rita's cheek, and immediately cursed herself for how obvious her movements were.**

**"We've got a little girl coming in..."**

**He began, watching how Rita failed to meet his gaze, and how her lips twitched with amusement.**

**"ETA ten minutes."**

**He added, forgetting the details as Connie cleared her throat, folded her arms, and then immediately unfolded them in favour of placing her hands upon her hips.**

**"We'll be right there."**

**Connie said at last, clearing her throat.**

**Charlie nodded and narrowed his eyes, a glimmer of amusement behind them.**

**"Maybe you should start locking your door..."**

**He added quietly, and he couldn't help but smile at how Connie's eyes widened and the colour began to rise within her cheeks. Never before had he seen her blush.**

**"Yes. Thank you..."**

**Connie glanced to behind Charlie where Max and Lofty seemed to be gathering things up off the floor.**

**"Well, I'll leave you to it."**

**Charlie gave a brief nod of his head but Connie waved a hand for him to hold the door.**

**"We'll follow you out."**

**She glanced to Rita who, though she held her face low, raised her eyes to Connie, her lips quivering against a laugh.**

**They slipped through the door that Charlie held open, murmuring their thanks and stepping out onto the ward. Before them Max had his arms full of used packaging that he had collected from the floor, and Lofty was busy fixing the lid of a dustbin, his face flushed, his eyes flicking nervously from Rita to Connie.**

**"What is that?"**

**Connie asked, looking pointedly to the trolley that Lofty stood behind. He opened his mouth to speak, but found no words came and immediately he looked to Max for help.**

**"It's two bins on a trolley."**

**Max said, raising an eyebrow at Rita.**

**"I can see that. And when I asked you the question it was a rhetorical one, which does not need a direct answer as you new very well in the first place."**

**Connie placed her hands on her hips, and Rita couldn't help but feel the rise and flutter of something glorious within her stomach. Standing next to Connie whilst she was firmly wielding her power was something of a thrill...especially when her wrath wasn't aimed directly at her as it used to be.**

**"Connie Beauchamp...why use one word when twenty seven will do..."**

**Muttered Max and Connie raised both eyebrows, her eyes flashed, her lips pursed and Rita could almost feel the static electricity from her body.**

**"What ****_is _****it..."**

**"It's two rhetorical bins on a rhetorical trolley."**

**Max cut her off, and Rita had to turn her head to conceal the smile that played and tugged at the corner of her mouth.**

**Connie cleared her throat.**

**"What is it doing outside my office?"**

**Connie repeated, finishing her sentence, her voice raising slightly and Max gave a dramatic sigh as though he were bored of the conversation.**

**"Lofty thought it would be a more efficient way of disposing of waste...moving two bins at once."**

**He paused and glanced to Lofty who was still fiddling with the plastic lid of one of the bins, desperate to avoid eye contact.**

**"It turns out the wheels on the trolley weren't strong enough and it tipped up..."**

**"Outside my office."**

**Rita noted how Connie's fingers dug into her sides as she spoke, and she felt suddenly relieved that she wasn't the one on the receiving end.**

**"Yes."**

**Max said simply.**

**"Well. Will you please remove them before somebody from upstairs sees us standing here, amongst all of this rubbish."**

**She glanced down to the packets and pieces of plastic that had yet to be collected and put back into the bin.**

**"They'd have less chance of seeing us if we hide behind the dustbins."**

**Max joked, almost laughing as he spoke, amused to see how angry he could make Connie in such a short amount of time. **

**The clinical lead made to speak again but Rita placed a hand on her arm and moved between them, her body only a fraction of an inch in front of Connie's.**

**"Let's just get this cleaned up shall we? We don't need to have a discussion about it..."**

**Rita folded her arms across her chest and glanced from Max to Lofty who looked up at her, relieved to have her take over the situation.**

**Rita watched them for a moment before turning. She stumbled slightly, taken aback by just how close to Connie was, and as she caught herself she realised she could smell Connie's perfume, the scent of it making her stomach wince with pleasure.**

**"Shall we?"**

**She gestured to the corridor and Connie drew in a breath through her nose, her gaze still firmly on Lofty, and she only broke it at the very last moment, turning, joining Rita as they made their way to RESUS.**

**"You know you really shouldn't frighten Lofty so much, he's nervous enough as it is..."**

**"I wasn't frightening him."**

**Connie cut her off and Rita glanced up at her, fighting the smile at her lips.**

**"You're a very terrifying woman."**

**She said quietly as Connie held open the double door that led into the corridor towards RESUS. She slipped by her, catching her eye as she did so and falling into step with her again.**

**"I however, find it quite attractive."**

**She added, lowering her voice, and she watched as Connie glanced about them, double checking that they were alone.**

**"Do you now?"**

**Connie asked, purposefully slowing to a halt and touching her fingertips to Rita's arm.**

**"Mmm."**

**She narrowed her eyes as she smiled and turned to face Connie, looking up at her. The clinical lead smiled, the corners of her lips down turning and her eyes lowering to glance between them.**

**"Well, that's something we'll have to remember isn't it?"**

**She said quietly, and ever so gently she raised a hand to touch Rita's chin, tilting her face up to hers, and placing a brief, soft kiss against her lips.**

****Everyone asked that I don't skip, and just carry on the way I'm going, which made me smile :) I'm so glad you're all still enjoying it! Thank you for the reviews! Later today we'll see Connie and Rita looking after a patient, and then going home together for an evening that Connie has planned at her house :) xxx****


	32. Chapter 32

**"**Ok, what have we got?"****

****Connie unwound the stethoscope from about her neck as Dixie pushed the trolley into RESUS bay 2, and the little girl who lay on it was helped over onto the bed.****

**"**This is Madison, aged eight. Severe asthma, she's had five milligrams of ventolin and ten of salbuterol. Parents are on their way in."****

****Dixie gestured to the teenage girl who hovered behind her.****

**"**This is her older sister, Rowan, who phoned the ambulance."****

****The girl stood, her face pale her blue eyes wide and she chewed nervously on her lip as she watched what was happening before her.****

**"**Ok, Rowan? I'm Rita. I'll be looking after your sister alongside Mrs Beauchamp here. Can I ask how old you are?"****

****Rita touched the girls arm, she was as tall as Rita herself was, and as she touched her she could feel her entire body was trembling.****

**"**Fifteen...nearly sixteen."****

****She answered quietly. Rita squeezed her arm gently and glanced over at Connie who was listening intently to Madison's chest.****

**"**Mrs Beauchamp is going to do everything she can to make your little sister feel better. She's the best there is, so you've got absolutely nothing to worry about, OK?"****

****Rowan nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving her sister.****

**"**Now, I'm going to ask Nurse Miller here to take you to the relatives room so that you can have a drink, and wait for your parents to get here. When we've made Madison feel a bit better we will come and find you, and you can come and see her, alright?"****

****She asked, gesturing for Robyn to take over, and allowing the young girl to be guided back out of RESUS towards the relative room.****

****She watched her go, thinking for a moment how terrified she must have been, phoning the ambulance whilst her sister was so poorly. She drew in a breath and ran her hands across her stomach, smoothing her top.****

**"**How's she doing?"****

****She asked, making her way back over to the bed where Connie was running a finger over the veins in the crook of the young girls arm. ****

**"**Her veins are impossible..."****

****She paused and glanced up to the BP machine.****

**"**Can we have an IO gun ready, just in case?"****

****She asked, and the nurse opposite gave a sharp nod of her head and moved away from the bed to carry out her orders as quickly as possible.****

**"**Can we have five more milligrams of ventolin, please, Nurse Freeman?"****

****Connie glanced up at her as she tried again to locate a vein, and as Rita met her gaze she smiled, just the hint of a smile, but a smile nonetheless, and it struck Rita how much nicer it was to be at work, now that they got on. ****

****Without a word, Rita reached for another clear plastic nebule, and emptied the clear liquid into the nebuliser before settling down on the other side of the little girl. ****

****She reached out and took hold of her hand. It was small and cold and her fingers shook from the excess ventolin and steroids throbbing within her veins.****

**"**Alright sweetheart, just take nice, deep breaths for me. Just try to relax and let the magic gas make you feel all better..."****

****She ran her thumb across the back of the little girls hand, and with her other hand she stroked the fine blonde hair back from her face, running her fingers through it and smiling down at the little girl who stared back up at her, her face mostly concealed by the mask she wore, but her eyes remained steady, blinking slowly, heavily, watching Rita as the she mimicked the slow and steady inhales and exhales, breathing in through her nose, and out through her mouth, and slowly, slowly with each breath she managed to draw in just a little bit more air, and by the time Connie had located a vein and warned her of the sharp scratch her eyes were so heavy that she drifted off to sleep.****

**"**Alright, well done-"****

****Connie looked up mid-sentence at the little girl who was fast asleep against the bed, her head lolled to one side, her breathing slowing right down, and Rita, leaning against the bed watching her sleep, stroking her forehead ever so gently. Her heart swelled within her chest. How had it taken her so many months to realise how incredible this woman was..?****

**"**You seem to have done the trick..."****

****She said quietly, and Rita glanced over to her, and as her hand stopped in it's movements the little girl frowned in her sleep and murmured 'mummy', so softly that instinctively Rita began the soft stroking of her fingertips across the little girls forehead and into her hairline again, instantly soothing her.****

****The door to RESUS pushed open again and Robyn poked her head around the door.****

**"**The parents are here. How's she doing?"****

****She asked, straining to see the little girl from where she stood.****

**"**Nurse Freeman managed to relax the patient so much that she fell asleep."****

****Connie answered, and Robyn exhaled a sigh of relief as Rita glanced at her, her face so sweet and happy.****

**"**Great! I'll go and let them know."****

****She grinned, and she let the doors swing closed again as she exited.****

**"**Yet again you've impressed me, Nurse Freeman."****

****Connie murmured, watching the rise and fall of Madison's chest, and looking occasionally to the BP machine that showed the steady beat of her heart.****

**"**All in a days work..."****

****Rita looked over at her as she spoke, her eyes glittering.****

**"**Yes, well. All the same, I would like to treat you later..."****

****Connie said, tilting her head to one side so that her hair curled at her throat, and she smiled slowly as Rita bit her lip.****

****A quick update in between looking after my children. It's not the best! But at least I managed to get something out :) more to come hopefully! Fingers crossed the children stay asleep! xxx****


	33. Chapter 33

**The evening air was crisp and thin, and as they walked the short distance from the hospital entrance to Connie's car, it filled their lungs and made them shiver within their coats.**

**They climbed into the car, with only the briefest flicker of a thought between them about who might see, who might question their sudden friendship. But there was nobody else there but the odd porter leaning against the wall, his back to them, thin ribbons of blue smoke curling up from a cigarette he held at his side.**

**Once in the drivers seat, Connie rubbed her hands together, blowing on them to warm them and Rita wrapped her arms about herself. Winter had finally arrived, they could feel it on the wind, in the air and deep within their bones.**

**"So, do I get to know what this treat might be?"**

**Rita asked, clipping her seat belt into place whilst Connie started the engine and checked her mirrors. She smiled as she reversed out of the parking space.**

**"Don't get your hopes up too high. It's just something a little bit different."**

**She glanced to Rita as she pulled out of the car park and onto the main road, tailing behind a red Peugeot.**

**"I didn't have much time to think of something..."**

**She added, smiling as she spoke, and Rita pulled her arms tighter about herself.**

**They drove in silence for several minutes, listening to the hum of the engine and the gentle whirr of the heater that blew warm air into their faces, making Rita yawn into the back of her hand. She watched the cars flash by, and the moon as it hung so steady and still, high above them in the cloudless sky, surrounded by stars. **

**She squinted against another yawn and bought her attention back to the car, back to Connie**

** She adored this woman, she thought, letting her eyes linger on the profile of Connie's face. It was dark as night outside and the street lamps cast flashes of brilliant gold across her face, making her eyes sparkle and her skin glow. She watched her concentrate on the road before her, how every so often she would press her lips together just that little bit tighter, or a frown would flicker across her forehead. **

**"Any particular reason as to why you're staring at me?"**

**Connie asked, without a glance, turning off of the main road and down onto the less well lit road towards the cliffs.**

**Rita exhaled a silent laugh. She hadn't realised she had been staring. **

**"That's one of the perks isn't it? Am I not allowed to stare at my..."**

**She paused, suddenly very aware that she didn't know what the end of that sentence should be. Instead she cleared her throat and adjusted her seat belt against her chest, feeling it catch and pull against one of the wooden toggles of her coat.**

**"You."**

**She concluded quietly.**

**Connie leant forwards slightly to see the road ahead.**

**"At your me?"**

**A smile twitched the corners of Connie's lips, and she turned left onto the cliff tops and came to a stop just outside the little row of three buildings, a house, a small news agents and a fish and chip shop.**

**Rita peered out of the window to where the sign for the chip shop squealed on it's hinges and buffeted back and forth in the wind.**

**"Fish and chips?"**

**She asked, deciding it might be better just to ignore the fact that she had stumbled so embarrassingly over her own words.**

**"Don't tell me you don't like them?"**

**Connie asked, unbuckling her seat belt.**

**Rita looked away from the window and again towards Connie. **

**"Of course I do. It was more the surprise that you do!"**

**"I don't survive entirely on a diet of caviar and champagne..."**

**She reached out to touch her fingers to Rita's.**

**"I thought we could sit in the car and eat them looking out over the cliffs."**

**She added slowly, gauging Rita's reaction.**

**"Very romantic!"**

**She murmured, feeling the other woman's eyes upon her, and she glanced at her out of the corner of her eye.**

**Connie was watching her, a frown furrowing between her eyes.**

**"I am yours you know."**

**She whispered.**

**Rita turned to look at her properly, her eyebrows raising.**

**"You are?"**

**She found herself saying, and Connie pressed her lips together and gave a slight nod of her head.**

**"Mmm."**

**She murmured, and then looked back out through the wind screen. **

**"Come on."**

**She said simply. **

**They opened the doors against the wind and climbed out of the car. Connie immediately regretted not changing her shoes as her heels began to sink into the soft earth. She bowed her head against the weather and reached out to Rita, slipping her hand within hers as they crossed the small road to the shops.**

**Rita glanced down between them to their hands, her eyes blinking rapidly against the drizzle of rain. Connie had a way of taking your hand which made it clear that she would have to be the one to let go, and as they came to the door of the fish and chip shop, Connie squeezed her fingers.**

**"Come and tell me what you want."**

**She raised her voice against the wind, and with her free hand she pushed open the door.**

**Good morning everyone! More later :) Thank you in advance for the reviews! **

**Oh, and I forgot to mention, a few days ago I received an email from a guest saying that 'the noise they made (whilst reading what I'd written), made their ears fall off', thank you for making me laugh, and I hope you located your ears.. xxx**


	34. Chapter 34

**The sea was flat and black beneath them. From where they sat, high above, on the cliff top, closer to the sky than the sea, they couldn't see how the wind ruffled the water into waves that crashed and shattered against the shore, scattering glossy pebbles against the sand.**

**Inside the car, far below the moon and the stars, it was warm, and the air smelled of grease and fish and chips – a smell Connie knew she would be smelling for weeks to come. The scent would linger in the stitches of the leather seats, and would disperse everty time she sat down, making her remember this moment.**

**Rita speared a particularly long chip onto the little wooden fork and held it up before her, contemplating it from various angles.**

**"I can't remember the last time I had fish and chips by the sea."**

**She said, bringing the chip to her mouth and biting off the tip, chewing slowly, savouring the warmth and the acidic bite of vinegar.**

**"Well, it's hardly the weather for it..."**

**Connie glanced up at the sky, how calm and deceptive it looked up there, when down here on earth the wind whipped and howled and the temperature made the drizzle of rain freeze on her windscreen.**

**"We should do it again in the summer."**

**She added, sipping carefully from a can of Coca Cola. They had bought two, though somehow they had ended up sharing the one that Rita had opened, and she thought to herself how she couldn't remember the last time she had tasted a fizzy drink – perhaps as a teenager, she thought, as the bubbles made her eyes water.**

**Rita took a second bite of her chip and glanced to Connie as she chewed. She couldn't help but focus on what she had said, and a flurry of hope and pure happiness writhed within her because of the new found knowledge that Connie wanted to do this again...she had mentioned their future as though it were real. She had mentioned an outing, together, in the distant future, without blinking an eye.**

**For a moment she wanted to ask what else they might do together, but she found she didn't want to jinx the here and now.**

**"Do you come here a lot?"**

**She asked instead, her breath warm as she spoke, and before Connie replied she popped the rest of the chip into her mouth.**

**Connie swallowed the mouthful of fish that she was eating and licked her lips.**

**"I come here to think."**

**She paused and pushed her fork into the soft white flesh of her cod that she held in her lap, all wrapped up with crisp white paper that crinkled and rustled every time she moved.**

**"I've been here more often lately."**

**She added, allowing herself to bare a little piece of herself.**

**"What do you think about?"**

**She asked, reaching for the can that was nestled into the cup holder between them. Though it had been taken from the fridge it was vaguely warm. She took a sip, aware that what she had asked was a much more personal question than she would usually ask, and certainly a much more personal question than Connie would usually answer.**

**"Oh...so many things. Work..."**

**She glanced to Rita, meeting her eyes.**

**"You."**

**Rita lowered her gaze to her own meal. She wondered if Connie realised how obvious it was that she had missed out what had happened that night. Surely, surely she must think about that, too?**

**"Me?"**

**She asked, taking another sip of the drink before placing it back into the cup holder.**

**Connie leant her head back against the head rest and looked up at the moon through the window. It was so clear that she could see the dark grey craters upon it's surface. **

**"I think about you most of the time."**

**She admitted.**

**"I think about what we were, and what we have become. I think about each day we have spent together, and I think about how unlikely this all is...I worry about the future, about Grace...I worry about our lives together, I worry about losing you as I did Grace...and I wonder if you think about a life with me, too..."**

**"I do."**

**She hadn't meant to cut her off, not really. But the desire to put an end to the other woman's worrying was too great to ignore. Of course she thought about it. She day dreamed about each day with Connie, and about what a life time with her would be like. **

**Connie touched her tongue to her teeth, the faint ghost of a smile struggling its way to her lips. **

**"Is this all too soon?"**

**She asked, her voice soft and faraway.**

**"No! I don't think so...do you?"**

**Rita asked, second guessing herself as soon as she had spoken.**

**Connie smiled slightly.**

**"No, not really."**

**She touched her fingers to her lips.**

**"Dixie said-"**

**Rita stopped abruptly, realising what she had said and Connie's glance swivelled towards her, a frown creasing her forehead.**

**"Dixie?"**

**Rita rolled a chip back and forth with her fork.**

**"She said that if you fall in love, you fall in love...there's nothing you can do about it."**

**She poked the chip with the prongs of the fork, just enough to break the skin.**

**"And to whom was Dixie referring to when she said this?"**

**Connie asked slowly, her voice low, and Rita had the skin-prickling feeling that used to haunt her when it was 'Mrs Beauchamp' who was speaking to her.**

**Rita glanced at her, she could feel her pulse within her throat, but when she looked at her she realised the glare she had been expecting wasn't there, only a look of slight confusion.**

**"I spoke to her,about us..."**

**"Ah..."**

**Rita raised an eyebrow, not quite knowing whether to assume the small noise the other woman made to be a positive or not.**

**"What about us?"**

**She asked, realising Rita was floundering.**

**"Just about how I feel about you. And how I worry that I won't be able to please you...I'm not experienced in..."**

**She waved a hand, gesturing in the hopes that Connie would realise what it was she was trying to say.**

**"Well, neither am I?"**

**Connie said slowly, hoping she had got the right end of the stick.**

**"You aren't?!"**

**Rita asked, and her voice was so full of surprise that Connie coughed without meaning to, almost choking on a laugh.**

**"Not at all...!"**

**She laughed, amused that Rita would think such a thing.**

**"I just thought...maybe you had because of how you..."**

**She felt her face grow warm and Connie bit her lip against her smile.**

**"I've never had a sexual relationship with a woman before."**

**She said softly, and she slipped her hand over to Rita's for the second time that evening, and Rita felt her whole body exhale with relief as the other woman's fingers held hers. She thought of when they had bought their fish and chips. They'd walked into the little shop, holding hands, they'd stood in the queue of two other groups of people. She'd glanced down at their hands more than once, and when their turn came she'd struggled to keep the smile from her face as they'd ordered, the man serving them giving their joined hands a quick glance, and that was it, but that was enough to make Rita feel like the luckiest woman in the world. She was overwhelmed with pride to be standing next to the woman beside her, completely unaware that Connie felt the same.**

**She drew in a long breath and exhaled before she spoke again.**

**"I'm sorry...for speaking to her."**

**She said quietly.**

**Connie gave a squeeze of her fingers and shook her head.**

**"You needn't be sorry. She's your friend. Though I would like to keep things to ourselves just until after I've told Grace. I don't want her to feel she was the last to know."**

**She said, and Rita nodded slowly, relieved to have told her, and even more relieved by her response.**

**"Of course...Dixie won't say a word, I'm sure."**

**Connie pressed gently on her hand again, and smiled, her eyes catching the light of the moon.**

**"Let's finish up here and get back home shall we?"**

**She asked, watching as Rita tried to spear her last piece of fish onto the fork.**

**"And I can show you how inexperienced I really am."**

**She added, watching Rita's eyes widen and her hand slip as she spoke, sending the piece of fish bouncing over her knees and down into the foot well.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! LittleBooLost – I wouldn't bother having a look for your ears until after you've read the next chapter, I don't want you losing them again! ;)**

**Lollyblanc – Thank you so much for your lovely reviews! The next will be what you asked for – a chapter of them back at Connie's :)**

**Danielle: Connie certainly has more up her sleeve! ;)**

**Saz: Quite soon you'll get to see Rita's protective side, she's going to do quite a bit more of her guard dog routine! And then later on in the story (quite a bit later) her jealous side will surface... ;)**

**And thank you to everyone else, too! I will update again later this evening. I've got plans for it to be another 'M' rated chapter, but am always open to suggestions...! xxx**


	35. Chapter 35

**Connie stood at the kitchen sink, turning a corkscrew into the neck of a bottle of wine whilst she stared at the window before her. **

**Beyond she could just make out the dead stalks of plants bristling and shivering in the wind as they tapped against the glass. **

**In no time at all, she thought,winter would pass and spring would come. Then the perennial borders in her back garden would be thick with rosy-pink foxgloves and cream-coloured lilies, each of which would hang like a pendant, collecting dew on it's satiny petals, and the roses about her windows and back door would shiver with the cool silver light of lengthening spring evenings.**

**She blinked, and saw herself in the window instead. Her hair was loose and her lips parted as she flexed her arm and pulled the cork free from the bottle in one swift movement. **

**"You've done that before."**

**Rita murmured, allowing her fingertips to come to rest on Connie's hips as she stood behind her, standing on tip-toes to peer over the other woman's shoulder.**

**"Far too often."**

**Connie smiled, and she placed the corkscrew down on the draining board before turning, bottle in hand so that she faced Rita.**

**The nurse shivered, her hair was still damp from the rain and she moved closer, holding Connie there against the work top, the cool of the sink against her lower back.**

**"Are you cold?"**

**Connie asked, holding the bottle to the side so that it wasn't between them.**

**"Little bit."**

**She answered, enjoying the warmth that emanated from the other woman. **

**Connie looked thoughtful for a moment. She pursed her lips and raised her free hand to smooth Rita's hair, slipping her fingers about the soft skin behind her ear and running it down along to her shoulder.**

**"I have an idea."**

**She said finally, a smile behind her eyes and Rita looked up at her, the corners of her lips upturned, and her eyes so dark and beautiful.**

**"Do you now?"**

**She asked, her voice barely a whisper, and without a word she stepped back, allowing Connie to gather the wine glasses, and to lead her through the hallway and up onto the top floor. **

**She opened the door to her bedroom and made her way directly to the en suite where she set the glasses and bottle down on the side of the bath.**

**Rita followed her, pausing in the doorway. The small bathroom was cast in a dim yellow glow from the bedside lamp in the bedroom beyond.**

**"A bath?"**

**She asked, as Connie leant over the large enamel coated bath to turn the taps on.**

**"Well spotted."**

**Connie glanced over her shoulder as she spoke, and Rita rolled her eyes, enjoying the way Connie's top fell away from her body as she reached for a glass bottle of pearly pink liquid that she poured into the water. It foamed up immediately and gave off the scent of lilacs.**

**She replaced the bottle upon the shelf above the bath and turned back to face Rita. Slowly she reached behind herself for the single button that fastened her top. She slipped it free of it's loop and took hold of the hem of the blue material, raising it up and off from her body, folding it loosely and placing it on the surface next to the sink.**

**Rita watched, her mouth open, her eyes unashamedly watching as Connie reached behind herself for the clasp of her bra.**

**"Are you going to join me?"**

**She asked, pausing, a perfect look of innocence within the green of her eyes.**

**Rita swallowed and licked her lips, realising how dry they were suddenly, and she gave a nod and cleared her throat.**

**Connie unclipped the clasp at her back whilst Rita fumbled with the buttons of the shirt she wore, her fingers seemingly useless, her brain forgetting how to perform such a simple task.**

**Connie slipped the straps from her shoulders, and carefully she removed her bra, and with a look of pure nonchalance she placed it alongside the folded top.**

**"Let me help you with that..."**

**She murmured, stepping forwards and reaching out to unbutton Rita's shirt whilst the nurse struggled against the heat that rose and prickled at her cheeks as she glanced down at Connie's chest, how sparsely freckled the skin was there, how soft it looked and how full her breasts were.**

**Connie's fingers slipped beneath each button of her shirt, popping them free one by one until the fabric hung loose and was easily pushed from her shoulders and tugged free from her wrists.**

**As soon as the fabric slipped to the floor, Connie's hands were at her back, releasing the clasp with such gentle movements , and she ran her fingers beneath the straps at her shoulders and lowered her bra until she was holding it, dropping it to the floor at her feet. **

**All the while the bath was running, the sound of water rumbled and splashed, the bubbles crackling and popping as they neared the rim of the bath tub and the whole room was dimly foggy and hung with the sweet smell of flowers.**

**With hands damp from the hot air in the room, Connie drew Rita towards her, and when their upper bodies touched for the first time, neither one of them could do little more than shudder into one another, nipples stiffening, just touching – grazing one another, until Rita could bare it no longer and she reached up with her arms, and curled them about Connie's neck so that she could kiss her – slow gentle kisses, kisses that fluttered at the corners of Connie's lips so that she was kissing the smile that would have her forever falling in love, and as Connie opened her mouth to touch her tongue against Rita's, she let slip the very briefest moan, a sound that vibrated within her throat more than it sounded out loud. At last she knew how it felt to take a chance when everything in the world was at stake, breathless and heedless and desperate for more...**

**She could taste the wine on her breath, she could feel Rita's fingers on her body, tentatively running from her hips to her ribs, wanting to touch more, but hesitant to do so.**

**Connie reached blindly for the button and zip of Rita's jeans, feeling the other woman's skin flinch from her touch as she grazed the sensitive skin of her stomach with her knuckles. **

**The button was stiff, but the zip slid down easily once it was released, and whilst she trailed soft, warm kisses across her jaw to her throat, Connie pushed the denim from Rita's thighs, coaxing it down and steadying her as she kicked it from her ankles.**

**They paused, catching their breath, Connie's fingers hooked into the elastic of Rita's underwear, pausing in her kisses to seek silent permission, and when Rita failed to stop her, she slipped her underwear from her hips where it joined the various other items of clothing, kicked to the corners of the room by bare feet.**

**Rita shivered despite the warmth of the room. Connie's eyes remained solely on hers, and with one hand she guided Rita's to the fastening of her skirt. **

**Rita swallowed. How many times in her mind had she played out this very moment. How many times, she wondered, whilst she lowered the zip, had she thought of Connie's skirt falling from her thighs as it did now, and how many times had she dreamt of running her fingers against the lace of her underwear, teasing the other woman with her feather-light touch before pushing the underwear from her as she did now, leaving before her, the most beautiful woman in the world.**

**With a touch to her fingers Connie led her backwards, and reached down with one fluid motion to turn off the taps, every muscle in her arm flexed and caught the light. And as the water turned off the air around them was silent, with only the constant blur of bubbles popping and the gentle lap of water.**

**"After you..."**

**Connie murmured, her voice low and she held the nurses hand steady as Rita stepped into the bath.**

****Apologies for the delay, my husband and I had to watch the Bake Off and then my son woke up!****

****The next bit will be updated tomorrow morning (first thing), but I'd like to know...would you like it 'M' rated, like the 'sofa' scene, or more, or less...or...you tell me and I will write it :) xxx****


	36. Chapter 36

**The water was warm, almost too warm, and Rita noticed how it turned her skin pink as she settled down into it. Connie had her back to the taps, and she leant forward ever so slightly so as not to feel the prickle of ice from the cold tap, or the burn of the hot. She reached out slowly, her hand just below the surface of the water as it slipped across Rita's knee towards her thigh.**

**Rita felt it, a touch warmer than the water, though it made her shiver. She exhaled. A fortune teller in a little side street in London had once told her that when she fell in love, it would be forever, and she remembered now how she had laughed at the notion, but being here now, amongst the bubbles, facing Connie, she realised that he had been completely on target.**

**Before she could stop herself, she thought about desire, how it lived within you and yet was somehow separate, surfacing when it chose to, without permission, at the moment when you least expect to find it. That's what it was like with Connie. All those days ago something had switched, and now she was here, drawn to the other woman, desperate to be near her, to breathe in the smell of her skin, to touch her, and be touched by her.**

**She drew in a breath and watched the water lap to and fro against Connie's breasts as she moved – slowly at first, as though waiting for Connie to correct her, after all she has assumed she would be the one to take charge, she'd never expected that she herself would be the one who would slip forwards in the water, guiding the other woman away from the taps, and moving so that her body slithered across her, causing Connie to arc her body into the touch.**

**Rita looked down at her, the bottom of her hair was wet. Curls with sharp ink-black tips painted wet curlicues about her neck, like vines, creeping over her skin, and then, all of a sudden, the water would rush against them sending them splaying out, showing auburn against her flesh.**

**"You're beautiful."**

**She whispered, but it didn't seem enough.**

**"You're so, so...beautiful."**

**She murmured, and Connie gazed up at her, her hazel eyes wide, her lips ever so slightly parted. **

**The water rippled against them. Both women aware of the slight movement of their bodies against one another, just gentle movements that caused the colour to rise across Connie's chest and up her throat, to her cheeks. **

**Rita lowered herself further into the water, allowing her body to rest against Connie's, feeling how different in was to have another naked female body against hers, how much softer she was than any man, how every touch her fingertips made to her sides, her back, her arms was more gentle, more thoughtful, as though she instinctively knew were to touch her to bring her the utmost pleasure.**

**She traced the fingers of one hand up along the back of Connie's neck, up to the nape of her scalp, and then threaded her fingers into her hair, pulling just slightly so that Connie let out a short gasp, but still she allowed Rita to ease her head back against the cool of the bath tub, her eyes drifting shut, her mouth open, her throat exposed.**

**She leant lower still and brushed Connie's lips slightly before kissing and nipping her jaw, her neck, and her collarbone, hesitating between each kiss, wanting her to want her, and needing to taste her.**

**As she sucked gently on the pulse point behind Connie's ear, she listened intently for Connie's breathing, keeping track of every shallow gasp, every barely audible moan, and every twitch of her body in response to the light but persistent touches that she was delivering. **

**Instinctively Connie gave in. She allowed herself to be taken, she gave up her power to Rita whose body held her down beneath the water, and without thinking, she raised her knees, and curled her legs around the blonde, pulling her so close that she struggled to breathe, the warm water and the weight of the other woman threatening to smother her, but the ache between her legs and the throb of blood within her veins told her to go on.**

**She felt Rita's body flex against hers, hip to hip, breast to breast. **

**Connie squeezed her eyes shut tighter as Rita rolled her hips, pressing herself against her, making her bite down on her lip to stifle the moan she tried so hard to swallow. **

**She exhaled hard, and again Rita pressed her lower body against her, she wanted her to react, she wanted to make her forget herself.**

**Rita's kissed her again, the kisses at her throat becoming more insistent, her lips blurring with the water as she licked her skin before raising her head to look at her again. Her lips were dark and swollen, her chin and neck glittered from the water, and as Rita bent her head to kiss her lips she couldn't help but moan against her, a low breath of a moan that sent a shock of electricity from the tip of Rita's tongue to where she wanted Connie the most, between her legs, where the flesh ached so painfully.**

**Connie arced her body again, beyond it's natural curve, desperate for contact, feeling how hard Rita's nipples were as they pressed against her own, and how Rita tasted of wine and salt, the taste of the seaside on her lips.**

**She felt Rita's hands move lower, the water rippled about her and Rita's hands were on either side of her, running against her ribs, pressing against the edges of her breasts, and then lower, lower, across her hips to her thighs were her fingertips pressed into her skin, tugging her legs higher so that her calves broke the surface of the water and draped across Rita's lower back. **

**Her left hand paused at her waist whilst her right moved lower, inwards, between their two bodies, pausing just below between her hips, and she glanced up to Connie, who's eyes fluttered open and her head lowered to look at her.**

**"Gently..."**

**She whispered, her voice barely there, her chest rising and falling and the flicker of her pulse at her throat.**

**The flutter of a smile graced Rita's lips and she gave the briefest nod of her head.**

**"Always."**

**She promised, and with her eyes still on Connie's, she let her hand move lower, until she touched her between her legs, and she felt the flinch of her stomach against her, and she saw the bite of her lip, the roll of her eyes as she closed them again and her chest rose, her body so beautiful, a silver-gold in the half-light, held above the water like a mermaid one moment, collapsing back into it the next as Rita's fingers ran long slow strokes against the warm wet flesh.**

**Nothing had prepared her for it to feel like this. Rita's body against hers, the heat of her breath, and the steady rhythm of her fingers that perfectly matched every strain and buck of her hips. Her head felt light and her lips throbbed so that she had to bite down against them. **

**Without thinking she reached for Rita with her own hands, she touched her waist, and the curve of her hips, and she felt the flex of her arm. **

**Beneath the water she pushed her hand along side Rita's, turning her palm to run across the blonde hair between the other woman's legs, and as Rita faltered slightly, she pushed against her, matching the rhythm that the other woman had set, and hitching her legs up higher against her waist so she could push Rita's legs further apart, loving how hot her skin was, and how the water made everything smoother, like ice slipping across velvet.**

**Together they moved, writhing against one another in perfect unison, their breath catching and expelling in gasps that left them struggling for the next, and whilst their fingers slipped against one another, the backs of their hands touched, their fingers moved lower, pushing inside each other where it was hotter, wetter and tighter than either had expected, and they kissed each other as they came, pressing their bodies so hard against one another that the bones in their wrists grated and the world about them disappeared as they fell beneath the water, struggling for a single breath.**

**Connie was the first to recover. She drew in a gulp of air that made her throat dry and she coughed, raising a hand to cover her mouth, and Rita raised her head, a breathless laugh escaping her lips.**

**"Too much for you?"**

**She panted as Connie's legs slithered from her hips back into the water, and Rita shifted so that she could carefully remove her hand, taking a moment to intertwine her fingers with Connie's and holding them there between them.**

**"At my age...probably."**

**Connie laughed and raised an eyebrow. The water had cooled and she could feel the skin of her chest begin to rise with goosebumps.**

**Rita ran the index finger of her free hand from the bridge of Connie's nose to the tip, where she paused, then let it fall to her lips where Connie placed a kiss, and turned her head to face her.**

**"You know I never did get to say how beautiful you are in return..."**

**Connie whispered, touching the other woman's cheek, feeling the warmth of her blush as she smiled.**

**"Shall we find somewhere more comfortable to lay?"**

**She asked, noticing how goosebumps spread across Rita's skin, as though they were catching.**

**"Somewhere warmer?"**

**Rita asked, biting her lip against a grin, and Connie couldn't help but lean to kiss the corner of her mouth in response, making the other woman shiver again.**

**With great effort they disentangled themselves from one another and stood up, taking a moment to steady themselves against the wobble of their legs before stepping out onto the cold tiled floor. **

**Connie reached up for the towels that hung on the back of the door, handing one to Rita before drying herself off, rubbing down every bit of herself, marvelling at how sensitive her skin still was before wrapping it about herself and leading the way into the bedroom.**

**The bedside lamp made the whole room glow, and they blinked as they entered from the dimness of the bathroom. **

**Connie let the towel fall from her body and hung it on the door handle of the bathroom, watching Rita copy her before she turned back the duvet cover and slipped beneath the sheets, her toes curling and her whole body shivering at how cold it was against the mattress.**

**Rita crept in next to her, glancing at Connie as she pushed her legs beneath the covers and pulled them up to her chin.**

**"All the money you must have and you don't have an electric blanket?!"**

**She muttered, her teeth chattering, and she laughed again as she felt Connie's hand reach out for her, but instead of punishing her for her comment, she merely pulled her closer so that Rita could curl herself against her to get warm, one leg thrown over Connie's thighs.**

**Rita's head was tucked perfectly beneath the other woman's chin, her blonde hair against the damp dark curls. Connie ran her fingers through her hair, her nails just scraping her scalp and with her other arm she held her closer, rubbing her hand up and down the soft, smooth flesh of her arm, over and over until the skin felt warm again. She could feel Rita's breathing slow, her chest rising and falling against her and with her lips just touching Connie's collar bone, she drifted off to sleep.**

**Connie continued to stroke her hair, her fingers running over the soft, blonde strands over and over until her own breathing slowed, and she found herself thinking about how love could move you in ways you wouldn't have imagined, one foot in front of the other, even when you thought you had nothing left inside.******..****

**Real love was dangerous, it got you from inside and held on tight, and if you didn't let go fast enough you might be willing to do anything for its sake. Had she fallen in love the moment she had chosen to save Rita that night? Had it been the moment in the bar when Rita had pressed her hand to Connie's back, or had it been the very moment they had met? She didn't know. But right now, with Rita's sleeping body pressed firmly against her own, she knew it would be forever. **

****Oh! A long day! Thank you for the reviews, and to all of you who have only just discovered this story who have commented! I'm so glad it's being enjoyed, and I hope this chapter lives up to expectations :) xxx****


	37. Chapter 37

**Connie awoke in the night for no apparent reason. She was just suddenly, inexplicably awake. She stared into the darkness, letting her eyes adjust. She drew in a deep breath, she could feel the weight of Rita's head against her chest and the flutter of blonde hair against her chin.**

**In the silence her stomach gave a lurch and rumbled noisily. Hunger. That's what had woken her. She hadn't eaten properly for weeks, and eating fish and chips earlier seemed not to have filled her up, but to have made her realise just how hungry she was.**

**She reached out with her hand, fumbling for her phone which was set on the bedside table. She flicked it on, the light from the screen burning her eyes. It was 1:06AM. **

**She closed her eyes and tried to fall back to sleep but somewhere in the back of her mind, her thoughts began to stray. There was an odd lonely feeling within her, she realised, it was right where Rita had touched her. **

**She shifted her thoughts to Grace, and her stay...but as she was wondering what they could get up to whilst she was here, her mind flickered back to the feeling inside – deep inside – and it grew, and it grew, as it had done for so many nights after their attack.**

**She squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could. Fear, like heat, rises; it drifts up to the ceiling and when it falls down it pours out in a hot and horrible rain, and she could feel it now, pouring, drowning her. **

**She tried to think of Rita, beautiful, kind Rita who lay so heavily against her. But even thoughts of her were turned to stone when she thought of how those who love you will love you forever, without questions or boundaries, or the constraints of time. On the surface daily life was real, unchanging as a well-built house. **

**But houses can burn; they can catch fire in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep...and nobody will notice until you are gone, burnt up and turned to ash on your bedroom floor.**

**True love, after all, could bind a woman where she didn't belong. It could wrap her in cords that were all but impossible to break. **

**She struggled to draw in a breath, she could feel her chest rising and falling and the beat of her own heart within her head. Those men seemed to have planted something within her when they had raped her. A seed of something from which grew self-doubt, and self-hate. She wondered if she was doing the right thing. And she was absolutely consumed with the blind white fear that she would hurt Rita...or worse, lose her completely.**

**Fear was contagious. It doubled within minutes; it grew in places where there'd never been any doubt before. She could feel it. Teasing her, tricking her, drawing her in until she was sure she would ****vanish altogether, and there was no way to stop her.**

**She loved her. Her breath caught in her chest. She adored her so much that every limb felt heavy, every joint felt real pain when she was without her, and her heart ached as though it were breaking when her mind tricked her into thinking that she was worthless, she didn't deserve her...and sooner or later Rita would realise that...**

**"What are you thinking about?"**

**Rita's voice was so soft and clear that she didn't even jump when she heard it.**

**Carefully Rita lifted her head from where she lay on Connie's chest, she looked up at her, her hair was ruffled and her eyes squinted against sleep.**

**She reached up a hand and touched Connie's face in the dark, smoothing her fingers across her cheek, feeling the thin film of sweat despite the cold.**

**"You're scared."**

**She murmured. Just a touch to her skin told her more than she had ever realised. She could feel it, Connie's whole being fluttering like the heart of a bird that she held within her hand, too frightened to move, but desperate for release.**

**Connie remained silent. She tried to slow her breathing. Rita moved beside her, easing her body further up until she could wrap an arm about her, slipping it behind her neck and about her shoulders, holding her close, Connie's face turning in against her, at throat, and for the first time since the attack, she cried. These weren't the tears that she had shed with Charlie, those had been tears that she could just about hold back despite the pain.**

**These were tears that broke her in two whilst she lay, in the dark, held tightly against the one person in the world that she trusted. She cried, her entire body racked with great silent sobs that left her breathless, moaning and choking against tears. But Rita held her, she stroked her hair and pressed her lips against the top of her head, and she whispered to her whilst Connie's fingers gripped onto her so hard that they left tiny grey bruises. But still she held her, and she rocked her like a child until she fell back to sleep, her breath hot and damp against Rita's chest and her fingers never once releasing their hold.**

****-1-****

****Hello everyone, apologies for the lack of update yesterday. I've been working on a piece of artwork that needed to be sent off. ****

****Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I'll update again tomorrow, hopefully more than once, and we will get to meet Grace! :) Hope you're all having a lovely weekend ! xxx****


	38. Chapter 38

**6:30AM dawned. Even before Connie opened her eyes she knew it was stormy outside. She could hear the wind gushing, wailing and pulling against the house and the roar of the rain– a sound like a train coming, and coming, but never seeming to pass. **

**She rolled over slowly, oddly disorientated by the dim blue light, and as she opened her eyes a low roll of thunder crept across the sky, like the warning growl of a cat.**

**She yawned and reached out a hand, taking a moment to realise that she was alone in the bed. She splayed her fingers over the pillow next to her, it still showed the indentation from Rita's head. It was vaguely warm, and as she sat up, she could hear the soft tread of bare feet on the stairs and the creak of a floorboard on the landing.**

**She shivered and hugged the duvet up to her chest, her naked body wincing as the air from the room gushed in beneath the sheets.**

**Rita pushed the bedroom door open with her foot. She smiled when she saw that Connie was awake.**

**"Good morning!"**

**She glanced down to the tray she held. She was a picture of loveliness standing in the doorway, Connie's dressing gown pulled tightly about her waist, her blonde hair un-brushed and fluffy, tufting up at the sides and her cheeks still flushed from sleep.**

**"I made you breakfast!"**

**She added, making her way over to the bed with the white wooden tray.**

**She sat down on the edge of the bed and placed the tray on Connie's lap, watching the other woman look over the contents with raised eyebrows. **

**"You didn't have to do this..."**

**Connie murmured. There was a cup of tea, and freshly ground coffee in Connie's favourite mug – a large white one with a grey handle. Steam rose from it and filled the room with the warm nutty smell. And there was toast. She smiled to herself. Rita had made a stack of Marmite toast, something that she considered true comfort food, and she wondered briefly if she had told Rita that, or if, like so many other things, she just knew.**

**"It's not much..."**

**Rita's eyes were wide, and Connie realised she hadn't said anything. She looked up, her lips pressed into a smile, her eyes bright despite how tired she felt.**

**"It's perfect. Thank you."**

**She whispered, and she reached out to gently pat the space in the bed next to her, gesturing for her to join her.**

**Connie held the tray steady whilst Rita clambered in next to her and pulled the cover up about herself, making sure to tuck the duvet in tightly about them so that no drafts could get in.**

**Connie set the tray down in between them, and Rita reached out for her cup of tea, but just before her fingers touched the handle of the tea cup, Connie placed a hand over hers, stopping her, turning to her.**

**Rita looked back at her, momentarily confused.**

**"I love you"**

**Connie whispered.**

**A smile spread slowly across Rita's lips, and she expelled a breath of happiness.**

**"I love you, too..."**

**She said, squeezing her fingers, feeling her chest contract with elation.**

**"I want to thank you for last night."**

**Connie began, breaking eye contact. She was embarrassed, not just because she had cried, and shown just how much she was still hurting, but because it had been such a perfectly lovely evening, she didn't feel she had the right to bed sad.**

**"You don't need to thank me."**

**Rita said, squeezing her hand again, and she moved just that little bit closer to her so that their arms touched and she could lean to place a soft kiss on Connie's lips.**

**"That's just what people in love do."**

**She added, and Connie exhaled. She felt better, she realised. Gone were the niggling doubts of the previous weeks. She could think about what happened and she could bare it, for a moment anyway, before putting it away. She seemed to have cried it all out, and now she would begin the process of filling herself up with only good things, she thought, glancing to Rita who reached out to smooth the dark curls from her face. Only good things...**

**-1-**

**Thank you for such lovely reviews of the last chapter! :) I've spent all day in bed today with a migraine, but I'm feeling much better now so I will update again in a little while – and I'll finally get to the 'Grace' chapters. Hopefully there are no glaring errors in the above piece. I have checked, but I'm not completely 'with it' yet! xxx**


	39. Chapter 39

**The week had passed smoothly. Every day Connie felt as though she shed just a little bit more of the weight that she was carrying about with her, and by Friday morning she felt as though that weight had been lifted. Every night she had slept in Rita's arms and not woken once. Finally she was rested, and, despite her nerves, she felt ready to meet Grace at the air port that evening. **

**Connie glanced at the clock on her desk. She'd been working her way through patient notes at break neck speed, wanting to get it all done so that she wouldn't have to worry about Zoe falling behind whilst she spent time with Grace over the next few days.**

**It was coming up to 4:15. Grace's plane landed at 6:30. She thought of her now, up in the sky somewhere, on her own. She was braver than Connie had been at her age. Flying on her own with only the occasional checks of the air stewards and stewardesses, but when Connie had asked her over Skype whether or not she minded, she hadn't blinked an eyelid, in fact she had seemed quite excited about the prospect of doing something so grown up.**

**She rubbed her hand across her forehead, her pen held within her other hand, poised over the dotted line where she was to sign, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door, and Tess peered in.**

**"We need you in RESUS, we have an elderly woman found collapsed in the car park. She was Dr Knights patient, but he's gone walkabouts..."**

**Connie sucked in a breath through her teeth at the mention of Dr Knight. She seemed to be growing used to his unprofessional-ism.**

**With one quick flourish of her pen she signed her name at the bottom of the page, and pushed back her chair, making her way around the desk to follow Tess from the room.**

**The doors to RESUS were held open by Max who was busy trying to readjust the wheel of a wheelchair. **

**Rita was standing next to the patient, drawing blood from her arm whilst Charlie held her hand and spoke to her quietly. The suck and hiss of the doors opening made her glance up, and her eyes glittered as she saw who had entered. **

**Connie caught the quick flicker of Rita's eyes, looking her up and down and Connie bit her lip against a smile as she made her way over to the bed. It was the first time she had worn a skirt since the attack. Something about the freedom of it had made her nervous, but now, as she unravelled her stethoscope from her shoulders, she felt the rush of satisfaction that she used to feel when she caught somebody looking at her with unashamed lust within their eyes.**

**"Alright, Mrs...?"**

**"Albright."**

**Rita said, passing her the patients notes.**

**Connie cast an eye across the blood results and various other hand-scrawled notes before placing them on the table by the bed.**

**"Ok, can we get some more light, please?"**

**Connie asked, placing the ear pieces of her stethoscope into her ears. The storm still raged outside, the windows were black as night, and the lights in the room seemed dim despite their usual brightness.**

**Rita gave a brief nod of her head, glancing again to the flared black skirt that Connie wore.**

**"Can we get some more legs here, please?" **

**She asked, turning to a technician who was busy restocking a cabinet behind them. The technician made to move, then paused, looking back at Rita, his eyebrows drawn into a frown, and Max snorted a laugh through his nose from where he stood, by the double doors.**

**"I believe the patient already has a fully functioning pair of legs, Nurse Freeman."**

**Connie said gently, when Rita failed to realise her mistake, and almost immediately the blondes cheeks coloured a burning pink and she turned back to the technician.**

**"Light...I meant light."**

**She said quietly, and folded her arms across her chest, looking directly across to Connie, whose eyes were on the patient as she listened to her chest, but the tell tale twitch of the corners of her mouth gave away her amusement.**

**"Thank you, Nurse Freeman."**

**She murmured, as she listened to the beat of the patients heart.**

**-1-**

**Apologies for another really short one, but my head is beginning to hurt again, so I will get an early night and promise you all a lovely long update tomorrow! :) xxx**


	40. Chapter 40

**"So, you like my skirt?"**

**Connie asked, buttoning up her coat as she stood behind her desk.**

**"Your skirt?"**

**Rita grinned and raised an eyebrow. **

**"Yes, I like your...skirt."**

**She said, glancing to the other woman's legs. Connie narrowed her eyes, watching how Rita tilted her head to one side to get a better look.**

**"What're you thinking?"**

**She asked, buttoning the last button and moving slowly around the desk, stopping just before her and pushing her hands into her pockets.**

**"I'm imagining running my hands up your skirt..."**

**"Nurse Freeman!"**

**Connie exclaimed with mock shock, and Rita bit her lip against a laugh, her straight white teeth making perfect indentations in the soft pink flesh.**

**"Well, perhaps we can do something about that tomorrow evening."**

**She said quietly, removing her hands from her pockets and slipping them about Rita's waist, pulling her closer so that she could smell the other woman's hair, and her perfume, a smell that had the ability to make her realise that nothing else mattered...**

**"Tomorrow? Are you sure that's not too early?"**

**Rita asked, her face raised to meet her eyes.**

**Connie drew in a breath. They were both painfully aware of how difficult it would be to spend that night apart after spending so many together. It would be their first night alone, in their own beds, in their own houses, and the thought of it made both women nervous. **

**"Grace will have to meet you eventually."**

**Connie said slowly, thinking.**

**"There's a circus at Trinity Park tomorrow afternoon. I could invite one of Grace's friends..."**

**She paused, looking down at Rita. How beautiful she was, even now, with her make up mostly worn off after a long shift, and her brown eyes tired.**

**"And you could come?"**

**She added, noticing the flicker of a smile behind Rita's eyes.**

**"As your friend?"**

**She asked, with mild amusement.**

**"I will tell her..."**

**"Oh! No I didn't mean...I wasn't pushing you to tell her. I just..."**

**Connie kissed her gently on the lips, stopping her mid-sentence.**

**"I know."**

**She murmured, her lips brushing Rita's as she spoke, and with a sigh she pulled away and let her hands fall from Rita's waist.**

**"Walk with me?"**

**She asked, reaching out for her bag that she had placed on her desk and Rita gave a slight nod of her head, mortified to realise that she felt a lump within her throat as she realised that she was going home alone.**

**Connie adjusted her bag onto her shoulder, smoothing out the straps before glancing back to Rita whose face was lowered.**

**"Rita?"**

**She touched her arm and Rita smiled and shook her head. She could never seem to speak when her throat ached like this, instead she had to wait until it passed.**

**Connie drew her close and wrapped her arms about her, holding her tightly.**

**"Is there a friend you could ask to come and keep you company?"**

**She asked quietly, knowing full well what it was that was causing the glassy eyed look within her dark eyes.**

**Rita cleared her throat twice and swallowed hard against the lump, but even when she did speak her voice still sounded thin and strained.**

**"I'll be fine."**

**She whispered, unconvincingly.**

**"I'll just miss you..."**

**She added, her voice breaking and she sighed at herself, realising how ridiculous she looked. Connie squeezed her closer and kissed the side of her head, brushing her lips back and forth against her hair.**

**"I'll miss you too."**

**She murmured, frustrated that she couldn't think of a way around this. There was no reasonable excuse as to why Rita would have to stay with her tonight once she had picked up Grace, and she didn't want Grace to find out about them so soon after arriving...**

**"What will you do?"**

**She asked, feeling the sting of tears within her own eyes.**

**Rita shrugged within her arms and laughed slightly.**

**"I'll probably just curl up on the sofa in my onesie, eat my weight in chocolate and watch '****_You've Got Mail'. _****The DVD's a bit scratched up and in parts it goes at double speed and makes Tom Hanks sound like a hamster..."**

**She paused and leant back to look up at Connie, noticing how glassy her own eyes had become.**

**"But that and a glass of wine will cheer me up."**

**She added, and it was her turn to stand on tip toes to kiss Connie who smiled against her lips.**

**"I'll ring you when Grace is in bed."**

**She whispered, feeling her own voice catch, and Rita nodded. **

**They stood for a moment, just holding one another and thinking about how they would miss this, when they crawled between the cold sheets of their separate beds later, until finally Connie cleared her throat and Rita knew it was time to leave.**

**Walking side by side they left the office, moving in step with one another, so close together that their arms never broke contact, and Charlie couldn't help but watch them and smile as he glimpsed them leaving through the double doors.**

**Outside the wind still wailed and shrieked around the corners of the hospital, blowing cigarette packets and the plastic lids of disposable coffee cups scuttering up and down against the curb.**

**Rita walked Connie to her car, and stood with her arms folded about her chest and her head bowed, her chin beneath the collar of her coat as she watched Connie open the door and fish about in her bag for her keys.**

**"I'll see you tomorrow?"**

**Connie asked, looking up once she had located them. **

**Rita nodded, pushing her hair back behind her ears that whipped about in front of her face. **

**"The circus."**

**She confirmed, with a forced smile. She knew that once she woke up tomorrow she would be looking forward to it, but now, watching Connie leave she felt as though her heart were falling out of her body.**

**Connie swung her bag into the passenger seat and ran her hands down the front of her coat, glancing about them, spying Max and Zoe by the entrance, heads bent together as they shielded a lighter from the rain, and Cal who was standing just inside the entrance, his phone raised to his ear as he scanned the car park with his eyes.**

**"I wish I could kiss you..."**

**She whispered into the wind, and Rita barely heard her, but she saw the move of her lips and instinctively she knew what she had said and she tightened her arms about her chest, worried she might reach out for her if she didn't.**

**"Tomorrow."**

**She said instead, and Connie gave a purse of her lips and a brief nod of her head.**

**"Tomorrow."**

**She repeated, and with a glance back she slipped into the drivers seat of the car, pulled the door shut behind her and clipped her seat belt into place.**

**Rita stepped back as she reversed from the parking space, raising a hand in return as Connie pulled off and she was left to exhale a breath into the air, a breath that clouded and dispersed before her as Connie's car disappeared and she turned to walk home, head bowed, grateful for the rain that disguised her tears.**

**Connie could feel the wind buffeting against all sides of the car as she drove, and she had to narrow her eyes to squint through the wind screen despite the wind screen wipers working as fast as they possibly could.**

**With one hand she turned on the radio, desperate for something to take her mind off of Rita, and the nervousness that she felt building up within her chest.**

**The radio blinked yellow and music she couldn't identify began to play. She adjusted herself in her seat. She wondered if Grace would have changed in the short time she had been away...would she be glad to see her?**

**She glanced out of her side window as a Land Rover over took her, and she was caught up in the slip stream, the body of her Mercedes shuddering, the tires hissing against the water on the road.**

**She wondered, as she drove, who all these people in their cars were leaving behind, or who they were driving toward, and if they knew that in the distance, the echo of their tires on the tarmac sounded like a river, and that to someone like her, it could all seem like a dream, driving in the mist that sprayed from the tires in front.**

**She shifted again in her seat, leaning forwards, willing the rain to lessen. The music had stopped and she could hear the drone of a man's voice, though she couldn't make out the words. Instead she thought of Rita, and their relationship. Never before had she imagined she would find herself in a relationship with a woman. She smiled to herself, she had never imagined it would be so different...so much more than she had ever felt before.**

**She turned off the main road, following the signs to the airport and glancing to the time. It seemed oddly surreal that she was about to welcome Grace home, and she couldn't help but let her mind wander, imagining everything that could be, splayed out before them – the road, the clouds, the sky, all the elements of a future, the sort that you have to put together by hand, slowly and carefully until the world was hers once more. But surely she could do it, surely if she worked hard enough she could convince Grace that this was where she wanted to stay? She would be better this time, she convinced herself, now she had Rita, she felt calmer, more in control, more able to be a Mother now that she had somebody by her side.**

**She sucked in a breath. She knew she would have to think about telling Grace about her relationship with the nurse eventually. But right now, she was sure that it was best to keep it from her. After all, people hid their truest natures from their children all the time, didn't they? What ****sort of world would it be if people bled all over the streets, if they wept under trees, smacked whomever they despised, kissed strangers, revealed themselves? It would do no good to tell her so soon, she was convinced of that. She would allow them to get to know one another first... **

**She rolled her shoulders, relaxing herself. She had thought she would feel tense, but instead the nerves seemed to ease and she felt an odd calmness take her over. Was this the way people felt at the instant they leapt into rivers and streams? Was it like this when you stood on the train tracks, went to a country where no one spoke your language? That was the country she was in most of the time with Grace, a place where Grace heard what she said but not what she meant, a place where she wanted to be known, but no one knew her.**

**She pulled up into the car park, in a space as near to the airport entrance as possible. She parked and glanced into the rear view mirror, checking her reflection, running her fingers through her hair to smooth it despite knowing that the wind would do as it wished with it as soon as she stepped out of the car.**

**She opened the door, having to force her weight against it as the weather threatened to push it closed again. Once out the wind knocked the breath from her body. It was ice cold and shocked her through the warmth of her coat. She shivered and lowered her head as she made her way as quickly as she could to the air port and in through the doors.**

**She pushed her hair from her face, feeling the warmth of the overhead heaters blow her hair from her face, and the doors opened and closed behind her. She stood for a moment, gaining her bearings and glancing about herself. **

**A board in the distance showed the incoming flights and she made her way over to the screen that blinked up yellow writing that flickered as she stared up at it.**

**Flight BA0180 from JFK landing at 18:00 blinked up as having arrived on time. She glanced at her watch, it was one minute to six. She looked up again. Gate 6. She repeated it to herself as she moved through the crowds of people, all swarming in different directions, pushing against her and pulling her with them all at once.**

**Eventually she reached the gate. Men, women and children were lined up about the barriers, talking, laughing, some crying as they waited. **

**She stood back, her arms folded across her chest, watching the various passengers as they began to make their way out. They all had that look about them, as though plane journeys left behind a residue that was obvious to those waiting for them, it stuck to them and made them feel disorientated and sluggish. **

**She pressed her lips together and raised herself up out of her heels to try to see over the heads of the women in front of her, and then, all of a sudden, there she was, running towards her, her hair loose, whipping about her shoulders, her arms out stretched, her face flushed and smiling. **

**Her little girl.**

**-1-**

**A long chapter as promised! I hope you all enjoy it. Once I've put the children to bed I will update again :) xxx**


	41. Chapter 41

**Rita lay on her side on her bed staring at the wall. She could hear her heart beat within her ear, ticking away like seconds. She inhaled slowly and exhaled all at once as she rolled over onto her back. **

**She looked up at the ceiling and chewed on the skin of her bottom lip. **

**With another sigh she hauled herself off the bed and pulled the hood of her onesie up over her head to keep her warm. She padded into the sitting room. She was lost without Connie, she had no idea what to do with herself. She had made dinner, and had left most of it uneaten, she had showered and had forgotten to use shampoo to wash her hair, and now it had dried oddly, tufting out at obscure angles and tickling her ears every time she turned her head.**

**She paused at the dining table where her phone lay, and without picking it up she flicked it on. It was 8:45PM. She wondered what Connie was doing now, and she hoped for her sake that Grace was behaving. **

**She picked up the phone and slid the screen to unlock it before running her fingers down the contact list, pausing over Connie's name. She frowned. She knew Connie had told her she would ring, but she couldn't help the urge she felt to ring her now, just to hear her voice.**

**Reluctantly she scrolled down one name lower to Dixie's and pressed call.**

**Holding the phone up to her ear she counted the rings and held her breath until she answered, and when she heard Dixie's voice she exhaled so heavily that Dixie paused.**

**"Are you alright?!"**

**She asked, and Rita could hear a rustling sound in the back ground as though she were eating crisps.**

**"No..."**

**She whined and let herself fall back onto the sofa, her other arm limp, the back of her hand touching the floor.**

**"I'm lonely."**

**She huffed, and the Dixie's rustling paused briefly.**

**"Oh, you softie."**

**She could hear the smile in her voice and she rolled onto her side, her face pressed into the back of the sofa so that she had to close her eyes.**

**"I'd come and keep you company if it wasn't for this storm."**

**Dixie added, the rustling returning, and she heard the sound of her biting down on one and chewing loudly.**

**"Thank you. I'll be OK...I just miss her...I miss being near her, I miss the smell of her..."**

**"Rita! You're being ridiculous."**

**Dixie laughed, though there was affection in her voice.**

**"I even miss her freckles."**

**Rita whined again, and pressed her face further into the sofa cushions, well aware of how hopeless she sounded.**

**"You're in love Rita, surely you remember how awful that is?"**

**Dixie asked, and Rita laughed, she knew all too well how awful it was to feel as though your heart was being ripped out whilst it was still beating, just because you were apart from the person you longed to be with the most.**

**She made a noise in the back of her throat and squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She felt like a teenager all over again, though she couldn't pretend that there wasn't a small part of her that enjoyed it.**

**"She's so beautiful, Dixie, even without make up, she's just...her freckles-"**

**"If you mention her freckles again..."**

**Dixie warned through a mouthful of crisps and Rita let out a long groan and sighed.**

**"You'll be counting them next, storing them up in your 'Connie spank bank.'"**

**She added once she'd swallowed and Rita let go of the phone, testing to see if it would balance on her cheek whilst she spoke and she flexed her hand in the air above herself.**

**"174."**

**She said without hesitation.**

**"I'm sorry?"**

**Dixie asked after a pause, wondering if she'd missed something.**

**"There are 174 freckles on her face."**

**"Oh for crying out loud..."**

**Dixie sighed, and Rita opened her mouth to defend herself but as she did so the doorbell rang, echoing loudly through the hallway.**

**"There's someone at the door."**

**Rita said out loud, although she was sure Dixie would have heard the bell.**

**"Shall I go? It's probably Lady Beauchamp's driver coming to whisk you off up to the mansion."**

**Dixie laughed to herself as Rita scrambled up from the sofa, pushing her hood down, and immediately rethinking and pulling it back up again. Whoever was at the door didn't deserve to be witness to whatever it was her hair was doing this evening.**

**"I only wish it were..."**

**She breathed, and made her way to the front door.**

**"Bye Dix..."**

**She said, frowning at the obscure shadow that whomever was on the other side cast against the glass of her front door.**

**"Don't do anything I wouldn't do..."**

**Dixie called, and there was the rustle of the crisp bag again as she hung up.**

**Rita slipped her phone into the pouch pocket at the front of her Christmas onesie and slipped the latch on the door before opening it and peering round.**

**"Miss Freeman?"**

**A woman glanced up at the creak of the door opening. She was young, her hair pulled back into a tight pony tail and she wore a black uniform obscured by the number of items which she held all at once. **

**Rita closed the door, slid back the latch and opened it fully.**

**"Yes?"**

**She murmured, glancing to the black cardboard box that she held with one hand, resting her chin on top of it as she held out an electronic pad.**

**"Can you sign here, please?"**

**She asked, and without a word Rita signed her name.**

**"What is it?!"**

**She asked, completely confused, but the delivery woman just smiled and drew up her shoulders. **

**"It's a surprise, I guess."**

**She said, and carefully she offloaded the box into Rita's arms. It was lighter than it looked, though the weight of it was distributed unevenly and it wobbled as she took it so that she had to steady it with both hands before thanking the delivery woman and pushing the door closed with her foot.**

**She made her way back through into the kitchen and placed the box on the counter, reaching for a knife to open it with. She ran the blade between the folds of cardboard, slicing through the tape that held it together, and then, placing the knife back on the work top, she opened the box and reached in.**

**She felt the rustle of tissue paper, and cellophane, and she withdrew a bouquet of twelve perfect red roses, each just about to bloom, their petals crimson and unblemished, each stalk perfectly green without a single prickle.**

**Connie...**

**She felt her cheeks grow warm and she held them to her chest, dipping her face against them to breath in the sweet scent of them. She bit her lip against a smile, never before had she been sent roses, let alone such perfect ones!**

**She untied the red ribbon that held them together at the stems and reached under the sink for the one vase that she owned, a clear crystal one that had once been her mothers. She filled it with water and arranged the roses, taking time to touch each one, marvelling at how soft the petals were against her fingertips.**

**Setting them carefully on the table she turned again to the box and peered inside. With a hand she moved away the scarlet tissue paper and reached for a box. She set it on the worktop. It was a deep red with an intricate gold pattern of flowers and vines all over it, held together with a white ribbon. **

**She untied it and lifted the lid. Immediately she smelled chocolate, the smell of them so strong that her mouth began to water. She ran her hand across the thin piece of gold paper that was placed across the top of them, just the squiggle of a name she recognised to be that of the French chocolaterie in town. She had often stopped to stare at their window displays at Christmas and Easter, but never had she dared to enter, unsure whether she would even be able to afford one chocolate. **

**She removed the gold paper and stared down at them. Twenty four hand crafted chocolates lay before her, perfectly arranged and each one different. There were chocolates coated in nuts, some with flakes of raspberry and some the colour of gold. She reached for one she recognised from the Easter window display, 'nipple of Venus', she remembered the name because it had amused her. She raised it to her lips, taking a moment to smell it before biting off the very tip of white chocolate, letting it melt on her tongue before popping the rest into her mouth and chewing slowly, sighing at just how exquisite it was.**

**Carefully she set the lid of the box back over the chocolates and reached again into the box, she felt the cool neck of a bottle of wine, and lifted it out, frowning at the label, it was French, she decided, though she didn't recognise the name, but the colour of it was beautiful, a very pale pink that caught the light. She set it next to the chocolates and tipped up the box to put it by the back door, but as she did so she heard the scrape of something else against the cardboard, and when she looked in she couldn't help but laugh out loud. She reached in and pulled out the very last gift, a brand new copy of '****_You've Got Mail'_****. With a post it note stuck to the front, and in Connie's beautiful cursive hand writing she had written:**

**_'I couldn't bear the thought of Tom Hanks sounding like a hamster._**

**_I miss you._**

**_I love you._**

**_Connie_**

**_X'_**

**_-1-_**

**_More again tomorrow! I hope you enjoyed it. In the next update we'll see what Grace and Connie got up to whilst Rita was unwrapping her box of presents :) xxx_**


	42. Chapter 42

**Connie yawned into the back of her hand. She was exhausted from the day, the drive to and from the air port, and from Grace's constant excitable chatter. **

**She had told her everything. She had described Sam's house in detail, in particular her bedroom which he was having redecorated to her specifications. And the school, where they didn't have to wear uniforms and her new friends, whose names were so bizarre that Connie had forgotten them almost as soon as she had heard them.**

**She yawned again. She couldn't help but feel oddly estranged from the little girl who sat beside her. It had only been a few weeks but already she was different, much more detached and it shocked her to hear what a lovely time she had been having, living in New York – somehow she hadn't really expected her to enjoy it, or to cope being so far away from everything she knew...from everyone she loved...**

**Connie arranged the crusts of pizza that Grace had left into a circle on her plate. On her request they had stopped off at a take away and ordered a pepperoni pizza which the little girl had eaten all of, except the crusts, whilst Connie had made herself a salad that she hadn't really wanted.**

**"We have this every weekend, Daddy and I."**

**Grace said, swallowing her last mouthful and laying back against the sofa.**

**"Every weekend!"**

**Connie repeated, raising her eyebrows, and Grace gave her a sideways glance, a smirk at her lips.**

**"Saturdays AND Sundays!"**

**She grinned, and Connie nodded slowly, looking down at her hands.**

**"Well, I'm glad your father's looking after your dietary needs."**

**She murmured, running her thumb across a hang nail at the edge of her index finger.**

**"What?"**

**Grace asked, frowning.**

**"Pardon, Grace."**

**She corrected without thinking, and Grace rolled her eyes and folded her arms.**

**"Can we watch Frozen?"**

**She asked, and Connie glanced to the clock, it was half past nine.**

**"I think it's bed time, don't you?"**

**Grace raised an eyebrow.**

**"I'm not tired..."**

**Connie touched her tongue to her teeth and glanced to the clock on the mantle piece again. Rita would have received her parcel by now, she wondered if she was laying on the sofa watching the film right now. She glanced to the photo of herself on the beach with Grace that stood beneath the clock and smiled to herself as she remembered how Rita had stood looking at that same picture not long ago, and how she had come home to find her standing there, lost within her own thoughts.**

**"The DVD is in the drawer, I'll make you a milkshake."**

**She sighed, giving in, and placing her hands on her thighs as she stood up.**

**"Oh...I don't like milkshakes any more. Melissa says they're nothing but calories that make you fat."**

**Grace said with a shrug, and she slipped down from the sofa and made her way over to the drawer by the television, oblivious to the wide eyed amazement that had stopped her mother in her tracks.**

**"I'm sorry? Who is Melissa?!"**

**Connie asked after a pause. Grace leaned into the draw running her finger over the DVD spines, searching for the right one.**

**"Melissa! Daddy's girlfriend."**

**She paused and looked behind her to where Connie stood, her arms across her chest. **

**"She's got blonde hair."**

**She stated, and Connie couldn't help but feel that this was a thinly veiled attempt to make her feel second best.**

**"She says it's a good job there aren't any calories in oxygen otherwise she'd have to stop breathing."**

**Grace added, and she looked back to the drawer, locating the DVD instantly and tugging it free.**

**"Well...maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea."**

**Connie muttered beneath her breath and she watched as Grace unclipped the case and slipped the disc into the DVD player.**

**"Grace...you are nine years old!"**

**She began, collecting herself, but Grace raised an eyebrow and instantly Connie realised that she'd already made an error in mentioning her age.**

**"You're too young to be worrying about what you eat."**

**She said simply, but Grace merely pursed her lips in a manner so like her mothers that even Connie recognised it, and she sighed, she knew she didn't stand a chance of changing her mind.**

**"I'm going to make myself a coffee, would you like anything?"**

**She asked slowly, trying in vain to take the edge out of her voice.**

**"Drinking coffee causes premature ageing of the skin."**

**Grace replied nonchalantly without looking up as the film began.**

**Connie inhaled ever so slowly and let her arms unfold, holding them by her sides as she clenched and unclenched her fists.**

**"Do you know how many calories there are in pizza?"**

**She asked tartly, immediately regretting it. But Grace seemed to barely notice, instead she just folded herself up onto the sofa, leaning her head on her hand, her eyes firmly on the screen.**

**"Can I have a glass of water?"**

**She asked after a pause and Connie exhaled and left the room, taking pleasure in how cold the air in the kitchen was. **

**She retrieved her phone from the island in the middle of the room and selected Rita's number, pressing call and moving over to the coffee machine. **

**Rita answered even before the coffee beans had begun to grind, her voice was happy and sleepy and Connie could hear the murmur of the television in the background.**

**"Hello you..."**

**She sighed, and immediately Connie felt the anger that had been bubbling beneath her skin begin to subside. **

**"Rita."**

**She whispered her name and let her eyes close as she leant back against the kitchen worktop.**

**"That bad, hmm?"**

**Rita asked, sensing the other woman's tension.**

**Connie breathed a laugh and murmured an noise of affirmation.**

**"I'm sure she's just overtired and grumpy after the flight."**

**"She said coffee causes premature ageing of the skin!"**

**Connie hissed, making sure to keep her voice low, and on the other end of the line Rita smiled, she could hear the coffee grinder whirring in the background and she could imagine Connie standing there, her back against the sink, one hand resting on the worktop, her eyes closed against real life.**

**"I'll make you feel better tomorrow."**

**Rita whispered, knowing that nothing she said now would make the slightest difference.**

**"And I'll thank you for my gifts!"**

**She added, hoping the vague promise of something more within her voice would be enough to make Connie realise that everything would seem better in the morning...**

**-1-**

**Apologies for no updates yesterday! Every time I tried to update the site was down?! Anyway, I will update once or twice more today :) feel free to let me know what you'd like to see happen, or think will happen between Rita, Grace and Connie! xxx**

**Oh, and I forgot to mention, that was my intention...to have you all worrying about Connie crashing ;) **


	43. Chapter 43

**Rita awoke the next morning with a smile on her face. Winter sunshine pooled in through the thin curtains at her window and made her squint as she opened her eyes, stretching out across the bed, her arms above her head, and she released a low, happy moan from within her chest.**

**She licked her lips, remembering the chocolates she had eaten the night before, pleasantly surprised that she didn't feel sick from eating nearly half of the box.**

**She kicked her legs free of the duvet and sat up. She had thought she would feel nervous. After all, today was the day that she was going to meet Grace properly, and she was well aware of what she could be like, but instead she felt blissfully happy and content for the first time in weeks, and she was determined that she would make a difference...she would convince Grace to like her for Connie's sake, whatever it took.**

**She cleared her throat and slipped out of the bed, taking her phone from the bedside table as she did so, the screen showed one new message. She opened it, her stomach wincing with excitement just at the sight of Connie's name.**

**"_Good morning sweetheart X"_**

**Was all it said, but that was enough to make her give a little squeal of happiness, and when she looked up, she realised she had wandered into the bathroom instead of the sitting room.**

**Meanwhile Connie was busying herself with breakfast whilst Grace read quietly at the dining table. **

**She spooned porridge into two bowls with a wooden spoon and reached for an apple from the fruit bowl, rolling it about in the palm of her hand before taking up the grater, and she glanced at Grace as she grated apple onto the porridge, the steam rising into her face.**

**Grace had only been here for one night, and already, here she was, all used up. The self she had convinced she would become upon Grace's arrival was already disappearing a little more each minute, so thin, so frail, a wisp of smoke, and she wondered would Grace notice at all if she disappeared altogether?**

**"Fuck!"**

**There was the sudden sharp sting of the grater against her knuckles and she let the remainder of the apple fall into her bowl. She raised her hand to her mouth and pressed her tongue against the blood, tasting the tang of it in her mouth.**

**"I heard that."**

**Grace said, not looking up from her book.**

**"Melissa says swearing shows poor vocabulary."**

**She added with a sigh, and she turned a page, her lips pursed, eyebrows raised.**

**Connie clenched her hand into a fist and looked down to where the skin was shaved clean off, the pressure of her fist making the blood come quicker and she took a minute to breathe before responding.**

**"I thought we could go to the Circus this afternoon."**

**She said coolly, surely such an innocent suggestion couldn't add to the tension within the room any more. **

**Grace had refused to go to bed until midnight the night before, and still she didn't seem to be tired, though Connie could feel her eyes were dry, and her head ached, and when she placed Grace's bowl in front of her, and sat down to her own, she realised she was slouching.**

**"Grace?"**

**She said, when the little girl refused to respond, and she looked up, her dark eyes wide.**

**"I thought we could visit the circus this afternoon...you could invite a friend?"**

**She said, and Grace's eyes lit up, perhaps she really hadn't heard her the first time she had spoken. She did have a tendency to get lost in books the way Connie herself had done as a child.**

**"Can I ask Florence?"**

**She asked, and Connie bit her tongue against correcting her 'can I', to 'May I...'**

**"Of course. I'll call her mother after breakfast."**

**She said, dipping her spoon into the porridge, watching as Grace grinned, set down her book and reached for her own spoon.**

**Connie raised a spoonful to her lips to blow on it, contemplating her next question. She could feel it there within her throat but somehow coaxing it up to her lips was causing a problem. **

**She touched the porridge to her tongue, testing the temperature before placing it into her mouth. She could feel the sting of her knuckles again as she moved her hand, and she swallowed.**

**"Would you mind if I asked somebody to come with us, too?"**

**She asked slowly, as casually as she could manage, but still she felt Grace stiffen on the other side of the table and she looked up at her, spoon raised before her, a large helping of porridge slipping and dropping back into the bowl with a 'plop'.**

**"Who?"**

**She asked, though Connie knew all too well she suspected it might be a man.**

**"She's called Rita."**

**She answered, and gave her breakfast another stir, finding it increasingly difficult to meet Grace's gaze.**

**"Who is ****_Rita_****?"**

**Grace asked, spitting her name out with disdain.**

**Connie cleared her throat, refusing to react.**

**"A friend, darling. Just a friend."**

**She murmured, and Grace shrugged and turned back to her food.**

**"Sure, I don't mind."**

**She sighed, turning her book back over, signalling the end of their conversation.**

**And with an exhale of relief Connie reached out to the radio on the dresser next to the table and flicked it on, all too aware that this lie she had told had seemed far too easy...and she knew deep down that it was never the lie itself that caused the problem; but the distance that lie forged between the people involved. **

**-1-**

**More later! I'll see if any of you would like anything particular to happen before I begin writing, seeings I just missed one that could have been included in the last chapter :) xxx**


	44. Chapter 44

**The drive to Connie's took longer than expected because of an accident on the main road which meant she had to take the long way around, making her fifteen minutes late.**

**When she eventually arrived, the sky was already growing dark, despite it only being early afternoon, and she heard Connie before she saw her, a sudden, alarming burst of 'Mrs Beauchamp' through the closed door, demanding that her daughter wear something more appropriate as Rita climbed the steps to the front door and rang the bell.**

**There was the scrape of a high heel against the hallway floor, as though Connie had momentarily lost her balance, and she saw the hourglass shape of Connie's figure walking towards her through the frosted glass before the door opened. **

**"I'm sorry I'm late!"**

**She exclaimed before Connie could utter a word, one arm was held behind her, holding her hair in place whilst the other held a series of hair grips.**

**"Oh don't worry. We might never get anywhere at all unless Grace decides to put some clothes on."**

**Connie waved the hand that held the hair grips as she spoke, sending one to the floor by Rita's foot and as she bent to pick it up there was the slam of a door upstairs and the sound of heavy footsteps.**

**"I AM wearing clothes!"**

**Grace shouted, stalking to the top of the stairs wearing her skinny jeans and a black crop top. She spied Rita and paused, her hands on her hips, but before Rita could say hello she gave a toss of her long dark hair and ran back to her bedroom where Florence was waiting.**

**"God, she really is a carbon copy..."**

**Rita murmured, glancing to Connie who was twisting her hair into a bun at the back of her head, and fighting with a hair grip that she held between her teeth whilst she tryed to prise it open.**

**"Yes, well. I can't say I would ever wear a top like that, let alone in October."**

**She huffed, and Rita couldn't help but smile as she closed the door behind herself and followed Connie into the living room, watching her struggle with her hair as it all began to unravel between her fingers, and she muttered something inaudible under her breath.**

**"Let me..."**

**She moved behind Connie and placed her hands over the other woman's, waiting to feel her give in before releasing the grips from her hand, and with her other hand she ran her fingers through Connie's hair, loosening it and arranging it about her shoulders before circling her so that she could place the hair grips on the mantle piece and turn to face Connie.**

**"There."**

**She said simply. **

**"There?"**

**Connie repeated, glancing at herself in the mirror, her hair loose about her face, curling about her shoulders.**

**"You look beautiful."**

**Rita said with a nod, and she looked her up and down, taking in the black jumper, tight black jeans and the Louboutins.**

**"Though you're not wearing that."**

**She said matter of factly. **

**Connie glanced down at herself.**

**"We're going to a circus, not a funeral! And how far across the field are you going to get in those heels?"**

**She asked, watching Connie's expression change from one of confusion to indignation, and finally to the realisation that Rita was probably right.**

**"Go and change. We've got time, and I'll go and introduce myself to your daughter."**

**She concluded, and gestured with her arms for Connie to make her way back into the hallway and to the stairs.**

**"Good luck..."**

**Connie murmured, at a loss for what else to say. Rita had come into her home, whipped up all of the tension she felt, packaged it up and sent her back up to her room to change, and somehow she hadn't uttered a word.**

**She climbed the stairs, glancing back to Rita as she made her way up the second flight to her own room.**

**Rita tapped on the door beneath the wooden letter 'G' that indicated she had the right room, and from beyond she heard a scramble of limbs and a flurry of giggles, before eventually Grace opened the door, and Rita was amused to see the look of surprise on her face as she looked up at her.**

**"Hello Grace, I'm Rita."**

**She said, holding out her hand to the alarmed looking little girl. She glanced to the girl behind her who sat on the bed, her hair a mass of golden curls, her eyes small and close together.**

**"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"**

**She asked, looking back to Grace whose cheeks were growing pink and her lips were pursed in a look that was unmistakeably Connie's.**

**The little girl folded her arms tightly across her chest and gave a toss of her hair, letting her eyes settle on Rita's converse trainers.**

**"You look like a lesbian."**

**She said, as airily as she might comment on the weather. **

**"And you'll look like a Smurf if you go outside wearing that top in this weather. I've told your mother to go and get changed into something more appropriate, now, I suggest you do the same unless you want to risk hypothermia."**

**Rita said quickly, all too aware that she must not hesitate. **

**The little girls mouth fell open and from behind her, the girl on the bed let out a snort of laughter through her nose and clamped her hand over her mouth, and Rita couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness for them, they seemed to be teenagers already, before they had even finished just being children.**

**"You told her to change too?"**

**Grace repeated, raising her eyes to Rita's, noticing how this woman shared the same dark brown eyes that she did, and finding herself oddly drawn to the kindness that she saw within them.**

**"Yep."**

**Rita crossed her own arms, mirroring Grace who without really meaning to found herself stepping out of the doorway, silently granting Rita entrance as she gestured limply with a hand to the girl on the bed.**

**"This is Florence."**

**She said, Rita smiled in greeting as she stepped into the room, and without a word Grace made her way over to the wardrobe and opened the door, staring up at the various other tops she had to choose between.**

**"So, are you glad to be home?"**

**Rita asked, picking up a soft toy rabbit from the arm chair in the corner before settling down into it herself and resting her hands upon it's arms, imagining as she did so, how many evenings Connie must have spent in this chair, watching over Grace when she was younger.**

**Grace shrugged.**

**"I wanted to spend Halloween in New York. Everyone says the parties there are amazing..."**

**She pulled a black and white striped jumper from a hanger as she spoke and pulled it on over her crop top.**

**"But Daddy's got to work next week, and I had to come back yesterday otherwise I would have missed Mummy's birthday."**

**She sighed and looked down at herself, then across to Rita, gesturing to her jumper.**

**"Better?"**

**She asked, though Rita was still processing what it was she had just said.**

**"Lovely..."**

**Rita said, frowning, and she paused before speaking again.**

**"I'm sorry? When is her birthday?"**

**She asked, and Grace looked at her with a glance that Rita couldn't quite determine whether it was suspicion or exasperation.**

**"Tomorrow..."**

**She raised that Beauchamp eyebrow again as she spoke, and Rita's eyes widened. How had she known nothing of this?!**

**"Tomorrow!?"**

**She repeated, and Grace nodded slowly, before collapsing onto the bed. **

**"She's going to be 48."**

**She added, picking at a loose piece of wool that stuck out from her right sleeve.**

**"Is she now!"**

**Rita smiled, sucking in her bottom lip as she thought this new information over. **

**"Daddy says that's nearly fifty, and that is REALLY old...like, really old..."**

**Grace grinned and even Rita laughed at how amused both Grace and her friend were by Connie's age.**

**"I wouldn't let your mother hear you say that if I were you..."**

**She murmured, hearing Connie moving about upstairs. She could hear the wardrobe door creak, and the sound of her bare feet on the floorboards.**

**"How old are you?"**

**Grace asked, breaking her train of thought, and she laughed and shook her head.**

**"I'm not sure I want to tell you!"**

**She grinned, and to her surprise Grace smiled back at her, her eyes equally wicked with amusement, and with a laugh she rolled over onto her back whilst Florence giggled again and Rita looked between them and narrowed her eyes, an idea forming ever so slowly within her mind.**

**"Right."**

**She said, deciding on her plan of action.**

**"Grace!...this is what we're going to do..."**

**-1-**

** : Thank you so much for your review! I have some scenes planned that you will love (hopefully) where Rita will get ******very****** protective over Connie, and show her feisty side with the mother of Grace's friend, Grace's Grandmother, and later on in the story, with 'Melissa' :)**

**And lollyblanc: A night together again? I shall grant your wish within the next couple of chapters :) xxx**


	45. Chapter 45

**The big top loomed before them. A series of spiked roofs rising against the blackening sky, each point made up of yellow and red panels adorned with fairy lights that were just becoming visible as the sky grew darker, and on the breeze there was the hint of caramel, beneath the crisp scent of autumn leaves. A subtle sweetness at the edge of the cold. **

**"Glad I made you change your heels?"**

**Rita asked, slipping her arm into the crook of Connie's elbow and leaning against her as she spoke. She could smell her perfume on the wool of her coat, the blue of which was speckled with raindrops that clung to the fabric like diamonds before falling to her feet. **

**Ahead of them, walking across the field towards the circus tent were a family of four, the mother of which was struggling to keep the heels of her suede boots from sinking into the mud, and she clung onto her husbands arm for support whilst their children ran ahead, long blond hair like streamers in the wind.**

**"Amateur..."**

**Connie murmured, a glimmer of amusement behind her eyes as she glanced from the woman before them to Rita, enjoying the way the blonde had taken her arm without a thought.**

**She tucked her chin into the grey scarf she had wound about her neck, her breath making the wool of it damp against her lips.**

**Grace and Florence danced ahead, calling to one another as they ran, their breath showing white as they exhaled.**

**They neared the trailer that was set up outside of the circus tent and waited in the line before buying their tickets. **

**"Can I hold them?"**

**Grace asked, breathless, reaching out for the tickets as they made there way through to the entrance of the big top, held open by two men in red suits with black buttons that looked like blackberries from their necks to their waists.**

**"Don't lose them."**

**Connie said, passing her the tickets, and Grace gave an exasperated sigh and turned back to Florence, the two girls leaning together, looking at the pictures on the decorative tickets.**

**Rita glanced at her, one eyebrow ever so slightly raised.**

**"What?"**

**"Relax..."**

**Rita whispered, squeezing Connie's upper arm with her fingers, feeling how tense the muscle was and how it barely moved beneath her touch.**

**They watched as Grace held out the tickets to one of the two men who stood holding the curtains to the big top open. The older man took the tickets with a smile and tore them in two, handing back the stubs to Grace and Florence who pushed them into their pockets, barely remembering to thank him before rushing into the darkness of the tent, eager to find the best seats.**

**As Connie dipped her head unnecessarily to pass through the entrance behind them, Rita noticed how the doorman watched her, his eyes taking her in, every curve of her body, undressing her with his eyes, and smiling as she went.**

**"Wow. Could he be any more obvious?"**

**She hissed, glancing back as they followed Grace and Florence to their seats, moving through the circus tent, twinkle lights showing above them, the tent like**** fairy tale under a curtain of stars.**

**"Hmm?"**

**Connie asked, distracted.**

**"The man on the door. His eyeballs nearly fell out of his head when he saw you."**

**Connie glanced back to where he was still staring at her, her face expressionless.**

**"I didn't notice."**

**She said, squeezing Rita's arm as the younger woman looked pointedly over to the man at the tent opening, glaring at him when eventually he looked away from Connie to meet her gaze. **

**"Come..."**

**Connie moved her arm so that Rita had to let go, and instead she reached out, touching her fingers to Rita's elbow, gesturing for her to follow as they side stepped between the wooden benches to where Grace and Florence sat, their legs swinging in unison.**

**Rita made to sit down next to them but the grip on her arm stopped her, and she glanced up.**

**"We'll sit behind."**

**Was all she said, and with one long leg she stepped elegantly over the dividing bench to the one behind, where she paused and held out a hand to steady Rita as she followed, and the two of them sat down, the vacant bench rocking slightly beneath them.**

**"Mummy?"**

**Grace turned the moment they sat down, the lights from the ring before them casting shadows on her face, highlighting her cheekbones, giving it a structure that Rita hadn't noticed before, it showed the differences between the little girl and Connie, she could see her father in her, and she remembered the photo of him on the mantle piece in Connie's living room.**

**Connie leant forwards. Music was playing from overhead speakers and she frowned, the skin at the corners of her eyes creasing as she strained to listen.**

**"Can we have candy floss?"**

**The little girl asked, her legs paused in their swinging and she lowered her chin, though her eyes still looked up, matching her mothers, challenging her.**

**Connie glanced from her daughter to Florence who sat meekly beside her, hands folded in her lap, her blue eyes on the Grace, and Rita realised that to anyone else they must look like two mothers and two daughters out for the afternoon together.**

**"Of course, darling."**

**Connie's words were only just heard above the thump of the music, and she leant back to reach into her bag.**

**"And popcorn?"**

**Grace added, her eyes on her mothers hand that dipped into the black leather of her handbag. Connie paused, Rita caught the flicker at the corner of her lips and she placed her own hand over hers and leant against her.**

**"Let me."**

**She said, giving a gentle press of her fingers and she stood up, gesturing with both hands for Grace and Florence to go with her.**

**"Come on you two. Come and show me what you want."**

**She raised her voice as they moved, and placed her hands on the shoulders of the girls, ushering them towards the smaller tent in the corner which boasted a fluorescent 'Sweets' sign.**

**They waited their turn, listening to the music, and glancing to the ring, the curtain at the back fluttering occasionally in the wind, and from where they stood they could see that it had begun to rain.**

**The father and child ahead of them side stepped out of their way with an apologetic smile and Grace and Florence stared up at the array of sugar coated confections. There were glossy red toffee apples on lollipop sticks, bags of pastel coloured candy floss hung above them and a heated glass box popped sticky popcorn up against the sides, the smell of it tempting them, warm and sweet in the air above them, like a dose of warm honey, creeping through the veins.**

**"Can I help you?"**

**The man working behind the sweets turned from whatever he was doing and leant over the counter so that he could look down upon the two little girls, their eyes wide, looking at everything.**

**"Well?"**

**Rita grinned, amused that all it took was an array of sweets to turn these two back into little girls again.**

**As she spoke the man from behind the counter glanced up at her, smiling, though as he looked at her a frown flickered across his face, and an odd look of recognition clouded behind his eyes.**

**"Popcorn, please...and candy floss."**

**Grace paused and looked around to Rita.**

**"Please may we have a drink each?"**

**She asked, her voice low, and Rita cleared her throat, glancing away from the man who served them, slightly unnerved by his presence.**

**"Of course! What would you like?"**

**She asked, and Grace stood up on tip toes to read the list of drinks that were pinned behind to the boards above the toffee apples.**

**She bent her head to confer with Florence before settling on a can of Coca Cola each and Rita pushed her hand into her bag for her purse, waiting whilst the man served them, handing down the bag of candy floss and scooping out popcorn into a large red and white striped box which he set on the counter along with the two drinks before looking again to Rita.**

**"£7.50 please."**

**He said, his voice oddly low and ****almost out of breath, though he wore a grin that had far too much wolf in it to be sheepish, and his eyes glittered a tainted green.**

**Rita counted out change into her left hand, and as she reached out to place the money within his hand she noticed tattooed dots across the ridges of his knuckles and she glanced back up at him, wondering if behind the eye liner and the jaunty circus hat, she knew him.**

**"Thanks."**

**He took the money from her without breaking eye contact, and she felt the hairs rise at the back of her neck as her fingertips brushed his palm.**

**She gave a brief nod and passed down the cans of drink to Florence who carried them back to Connie ahead of Grace who held the candy floss and Rita followed with the popcorn, refusing to glance back at the man at the stall who would now be serving someone else.**

**-1-**

**More later! Hope you're all still enjoying it? Feel free to let me know if I'm ever going too slowly xxx**


	46. Chapter 46

****For Sarah, to read after work...****

**-1-**

**They arranged themselves in their seats just as the music was changed, and the lights began to dim. Rita raised her hand to her mouth to clear her throat, sitting up straighter so that she could see as a spotlight was turned on, illuminating the curtain at the back of the ring.**

**Connie pressed herself against her, leaning in close so that she could whisper and still be heard.**

**"Thank you."**

**She murmured, and Rita glanced at her, the dim light casting a pale pink glow across her face, making her even more beautiful than she already was.**

**She glanced to her lips, had it been any other moment she would have kissed her in reply. Instead she gave a quick smile and slipped her hand ever so discreetly into the shadows between them, searching for Connie's, and finding it, feeling the chill of her fingers intertwine with her own, their palms pressed flat and close against one another, their knees touching so as to obscure their hands should either Grace or Florence turn around.**

**They turned their attention back towards the stage where the ring master appeared, a tall thin man with a curled moustache and a top hat so shiny that whenever it caught the light it blinded whomever happened to be looking directly at it.**

**He introduced his show with a theatrical wave of his hand and a deep bow, and Connie found herself looking at her daughter as she applauded. Grace was leaning forwards in her seat. She could just see the side of her face, the shell like curve of her ear and the way her cheek rose as she smiled and laughed out loud as the clowns appeared.**

**She drew in a long breath, only barely noticing how the clowns pulled doves from their sleeves, and how their white faces never seemed to move, their painted smiles never faltering. She remembered how as a child she had been to only one circus. Her grandmother had taken her, and she had walked away from it as though in a dream. She'd felt so aware and awake within the confines of the circus, and yet when she had left she was no longer certain which side of the fence the dream was.**

**She felt like that now, whilst she watched acrobats in luminous white body suits fall from the fairy lights, stopping themselves just before they hit the floor. It was the thrill of being surrounded by something wondrous and fantastical, only magnified and focused directly at her. She could feel everything so much more in the dark, surrounded by so many others but so very alone with her thoughts. **

**She looked again at Grace, the back of her dark head, and she imagined how small Grace had been when she was born, how she'd slipped her hand into the incubator to touch that little head of hair, feeling it pulse with life against her palm.**

**Now she felt Rita's pulse against her hand. The feel of her skin against hers reverberated across her entire body, though her fingers remained entwined in hers. **

**She licked her lips. She longed to unlink their hands and raise her fingers to touch her face, to thank her for the simple act of taking Grace and Florence to buy what they'd wanted. **

**But she resisted,too fearful of Grace turning around. Instead she stole glances, watching the way the light fell over her skin. **

**Several times she caught Rita looking back at her, and in those moments, when she held her eyes with hers she felt she had to kiss her, that there was no other option, and as the music bloomed louder, and Grace and Florence whooped and shouted their applause, Connie leant in towards her and kissed her gently and perfectly on the lips, and as she kissed her, the lights in the ring flared brighter, the acrobats caught the light perfectly as they spun high in the air – the entire circus sparkling, dazzling every other person in the tent.**

**Rita pulled away first, her cheeks flushed, her heart pulsing in her throat.**

**"Grace..."**

**She whispered, touching her fingers to her lips, her voice worried, though her eyes smiled.**

**Connie glanced to the back of Grace's head. **

**"****People don't pay much attention to anything unless you give them reason to" **

**She whispered, and as she spoke Rita happened to glance just over Connie's shoulders, to where the man at the sweet stall stood staring at them, his arms folded, his figure dimly illuminated by the circus ring, and she couldn't help but feel a shiver of something all the way through her body, as if the past were there in the room with her, though it was only a glimmer, a hint of something that stayed on you the way powdered sugar stayed on your fingers. Some people can get rid of it but it's still there, the events and things that pushed you to where you are now, it's still there, hidden in the dark, watching...**

**-1-**

**LittleBooLost: Not Rita's husband ;) I did give a clue as to who the man at the sweetstall actually is...did anybody get it?!**

**Jenny: Thank you for pointing out that I had set the story as 'complete'! I don't know whether it has been like that all the way along, or if I just accidentally managed to do it! Apologies anyway!**

**Lollyblanc: Thank you, as always! It won't be long now until Grace finds out about them!**

**Amie.o'neil: Thank you so much for your lovely reviews!**

**Kate:! THANK YOU! Your review made me smile for the entire afternoon! What a lovely message to get! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, and I hope you continue to. If you have anything you'd particularly like to see happen, let me know!**


	47. Chapter 47

**By the time the circus came to an end it was 5:00. Their legs were numb and stiff from sitting so still on the wooden benches, but as they left, following the line of people from the tent out into the dark, Connie found she was smiling. Grace had adored every moment of the circus from start to finish, and now as she and Florence walked ahead to the car Connie watched how her face lit up as she spoke, her hands gestured wildly and her cheeks were flushed. She was happy.**

**They drove the short distance home slowly, the car tentative on the road as the rain that fell from the sky turned slowly to black ice on the road, and Connie remained silent, enjoying the sound of chatter from the back , and how Rita twisted in her seat, the belt straining at her shoulder so that she could join in with their conversation.**

**Once home the warmth of the house greeted them, and each shivered a sigh of relief as they unwound scarves, unbuttoned their coats and untied their boots. **

**"Please may we watch Frozen?"**

**Grace asked, her words coming out in a rush, her eyes bright as she kicked her shoes into the corner by the front door.**

**"Grace! You watched it last night!"**

**Connie exclaimed, though her lips pursed with a smile and she reached out to stroke her daughters hair, how soft it was between her fingers...**

**Grace grinned, her nose crinkled and she turned to usher Florence along into the sitting room.**

**Connie exhaled and raised both of her arms, pushing her fingers into her hair and stretching, she'd become so stiff whilst concentrating on the road that her muscles had cramped up and her whole body craved release.**

**Rita watched her, unable to stop herself from reaching out to slip her hands up the arc of Connie's back to her shoulders, and as the other woman let her arms fall back down to her sides Rita massaged her shoulders gently, pressing her body up against her, and letting her breath fall against the bare skin of her neck making her shudder against her.**

**Connie let her head fall forward slightly and closed her eyes, she couldn't quite get used to how gentle Rita was, and how just being with a woman could feel so much more beautiful than she'd ever imagined.**

**"Mummy?"**

**There was the soft noise of Grace's sock-clad feet on the stone floor of the hallway as she reappeared from the sitting room, stopping short as she watched Connie jerk free of Rita's touch, the two women separating guiltily.**

**Connie cleared her throat, the tension that Rita had begun to release immediately reclaiming her.**

**"Rita was just giving my shoulders a rub."**

**She murmured, and Grace looked between the two of them, her expression unreadable.**

**"We're hungry."**

**She said eventually. **

**"Please can we have something to eat?"**

**She added when her mother paused.**

**Connie smoothed her hands against the fabric of her trousers, collecting her thoughts one by one, wondering whether or not Grace suspected anything.**

**"I'll make supper."**

**She said with a nod of her head, her dimples showing in her cheeks as she smiled at Grace, watching her give a nod of her little dark head before she disappeared once again into the sitting room.**

**"Want a hand?"**

**Rita asked quietly, and Connie turned to glance at her.**

**"We should be more careful."**

**She murmured, more to herself than to Rita.**

**"I meant with the food?"**

**Rita pressed her hand to Connie's arm, making a mental note to ease her of all this tension she carried with a proper, uninterrupted massage later that evening.**

**Connie covered the hand that Rita held on her arm with her own hand and stroked the rise and fall of her knuckles with her thumb.**

**"I thought I'd just make us a chicken salad? After all they've eaten rather a lot this afternoon already..."**

**She murmured, letting her hand fall and making her way into the kitchen, leaving Rita to follow her, unsure whether or not her words had meant to sound as abrupt as they had.**

**"I could make some cupcakes? For desert?"**

**Rita asked, pausing by the island in the middle of the kitchen whilst Connie opened the fridge door and stood, running her eyes over the various items within, before she began selecting vegetables, lining them up on the counter top one by one.**

**"Don't you think they've had enough sugar for one day?"**

**She asked, her back still turned, and Rita raised her eyebrows, she had grown used to not hearing that particular tone within Connie's voice. The vague accusatory tone that made her skin prickle.**

**"It's a treat, Connie..."**

**She said quietly as the other woman turned, and Connie shook her head and smiled, visibly shaking herself free of this mood she had found herself in.**

**"Of course, I'm sorry, I'm worrying again."**

**She sighed. Grace catching them together, despite how innocent their touch was, had made her realise just how soon she was going to have to tell her, to avoid her finding out by accident.**

**"Go ahead, I'd like to taste your cupcakes."**

**She added softly, laughing slightly as Rita raised an eyebrow.**

**They cooked together, each of them always gravitating towards the other, yet never touching, instead moving about one another, speaking occasionally, and listening to the murmur of the television and the sporadic giggles and chatter of the girls in the other room.**

**Connie sliced up freshly cooked chicken, the steam rising up into her face and smothering her lips as she cut into it whilst Rita stood peering down at her cupcakes which she had set out in four rows of three along the chopping board. She touched them with the tip of her finger, impatient for them to cool.**

**"Do you have icing sugar?"**

**She asked suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. **

**Connie glanced up from plucking tomatoes from a vine, her eyebrows raised ever so slightly, the corners of her lips down turned in thought.**

**"I doubt it."**

**She said slowly, and Rita sighed. She hadn't thought of that. She looked again to the rows of little chocolate cupcakes, she'd wanted them to be perfect...she'd wanted to impress Grace...and Connie.**

**"Chocolate?"**

**She asked as an after thought, and Connie plucked the last tomato from the vine and dropped it into the bowl of salad she was preparing before opening the cupboard above her head and removing a white enamel tin which she passed to Rita.**

**"Grace's sweet tin."**

**She said as Rita set it down and prised off the lid.**

**"Perfect!"**

**Rita cast an eye across the sweets, selecting an expensive looking bar of French chocolate and half packet of 'Love Hearts'.**

**"Thank you."**

**She added, and Connie smiled at her, a sweet smile that creased the corners of her eyes.**

**Whilst Connie finished chopping and seasoning, she set about melting the chocolate, spooning it onto the tops of the cupcakes, waiting until each had cooled just a little before placing a 'Love Heart' onto the top of each one.**

**When the last one was complete she placed her hands on her hips and smiled down at them, satisfied.**

**"Beautiful..."**

**Connie whispered from just behind her, her breath against Rita's ear.**

**Rita reached out and selected the cupcake from the far right hand corner and turned, holding it between them.**

**"For you."**

**She said quietly, holding it within both hands, watching as Connie smiled and looked down at it. 'All Yours', was written across the love heart in pastel pink writing.**

**"Are you now?"**

**She murmured, and Rita nodded, biting her lip against a smile.**

**"Thank you..."**

**She breathed, not daring to look up from the cake, knowing that if she did she would kiss the woman before her.**

**They heard a burst of laughter from the other room and both women turned in the direction of the noise.**

**"You know you're brilliant with them...with Grace."**

**Connie said ever so quietly, glancing quickly to Rita who met her gaze.**

**Rita held the cupcake within one hand and wrapped her other arm about herself.**

**"She's a lovely girl...strong willed...but lovely."**

**She blushed as she spoke though she wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was the warmth of the room from having the oven on, or perhaps it was just the close proximity of Connie that seemed to always make her feel like the cold of winter could never touch her.**

**"Mmm."**

**Connie exhaled and finally she took the cupcake and held it against her chest.**

**"What are you thinking?"**

**Rita asked, watching how her eyes glazed.**

**"Nothing of great importance."**

**"Don't give me that...tell me or I'll take back the cupcake."**

**Rita grinned, folding both arms across her chest and leaning back against the work top.**

**Connie raised an eyebrow and drew in a breath. She knew full well that if she said the words out loud there would be no going back.**

**"I was thinking that this is how it could be."**

**She answered all in one breath.**

**"This?"**

**Rita asked, catching the flicker of Connie's mouth as she paused.**

**"With Grace...with you, as a family..."**

**She said slowly.**

**Rita's eyes widened and her lips parted into an 'o' of pure surprise.**

**"Sorry! I'm sorry, this is far too soon to be thinking things like that. I'm sorry I shouldn't have..."**

**"No! No...it's fine, I was just surprised!"**

**Rita cut her off, feeling her cheeks grow even warmer, and she tilted her head to one side, narrowing her eyes and regarding Connie with a look of amusement. Never before had she seen her so flustered.**

**"I like that you were thinking about that."**

**She whispered, and she leant up on tip toes and kissed her quickly, a softer, sweeter kiss than any other, a kiss that tasted of candy floss and happiness.**

**-1-**

**I'm getting such a lot of really lovely reviews at the moment and I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH! Every time my phone plays the 'Bewitched' theme tune (my e-mail message tone) I smile, because I know its a review from one of you, and they really do brighten my day...cliché as that sounds!**

**Anyway, thank you, and I will look forward to hearing what you think of this chapter. :) xxx**


	48. Chapter 48

**Rita stretched as the film credits began and the clock in the hallway whirred and begun to chime 10:00. **

**She arched her back from the cushions and raised her arms high above her head, yawning loudly before slumping back against the sofa, allowing her arm to brush up against Connie as she shifted back into position.**

**"Tired?"**

**Connie asked, feeling the beginnings of a yawn of her own in her jaw and she held the back of her hand over her mouth to cover it.**

**"I just cant seem to keep up with these two!"**

**Rita grinned, nudging Grace, who sat on the floor in front of her, with her toes so that she tilted her head all the way back to look at her upside down.**

**"Tired yet?"**

**She asked, and Grace shook her head so that the very tips of her hair brushed against the floor.**

**"Nope."**

**She said, her voice strained from leaning back, and beside her Florence rubbed her eyes and flopped to one side against the pillows that they had arranged about them.**

**"We could stay down here and watch TV if you're tired, Mummy?"**

**Grace twisted herself around so that she could face them properly, catching her mother yawning again.**

**"Grace..."**

**Connie murmured with a sigh.**

**"We'll be really good, I promise...we'll just watch DVDs until we fall asleep!"**

**She pleaded, widening her pretty brown eyes in what Rita already knew was a failed attempt at getting around her mother.**

**Connie adjusted herself on the sofa so that she could sit up straight and ran her fingers across her forehead, but before she could begin on her list of reasons why she didn't want them to sleep in the sitting room, Rita clapped her hands onto her knees and leant forward.**

**"I know! Why don't you bring your bedding down here and you can make one big bed on the floor? And while you're doing that, your mum and I will get some bits together so that you can have a midnight feast. How does that sound?"**

**She asked, laughing at the stunned expression on Grace's face, and Florence scrambled up to sit next to her, both girls glancing nervously to Connie, just waiting for her to say 'no'.**

**But instead Connie gave a sideways glance to Rita, and with the wave of one hand she let herself fall back against the sofa again without a word, defeated, and Grace let out a squeal of excitement, bobbing about on her knees for a moment before standing up and ushering Florence from the room to collect the bedding.**

**Connie listened to the pound of their footsteps as they rushed up to Grace's room, and overhead they could hear the scrape and clatter of things being pushed from Grace's bed, and muffled laughter as the children gathered things to bring down.**

**She breathed out a sigh and turned to face Rita, just looking at her for a moment, a small frown between her eyebrows.**

**"I'm sorry, was that awful of me?"**

**Rita asked after a moments pause, unable to read Connie's expression, but worried she might have overstepped the mark.**

**The flicker of a smile curled at Connie's lips and she gave the slightest shake of her head.**

**"No, not at all..."**

**She glanced down to where she held her hands in her lap, folded neatly against the fabric of her trousers. She thought how old they looked, curled there, every line and wrinkle highlighted by the dimness of the light, their shadows long and dark. She'd been noticing more and more lately how her body seemed to be changing in ways that she didn't notice until they were there, and then they would shock her with their presence the way she had been shocked to find her first grey hair at the age of 27. **

**The way her skin seemed thinner, for instance, how it creased about her eyes and stayed in lines about her mouth. This was what happened then, as one grew older, she thought, you were constantly surprised by your own bodies ability to just wear out – the colour fading, the elasticity giving... and she frowned to think that tomorrow she would be one more year older.**

**She flexed out her hand across her thigh, watching the lines lessen only slightly, and she watched as Rita's own hand slipped to cover hers, her fingers curling about her own, her thumb rubbing gently at her palm.**

**"I should have said yes, to Grace..."**

**She sighed, and tilted her head to look back at Rita. How perfect she looked in the light, how prettily her eyes shone and the skin that curved about her jaw was so taught and flushed that she couldn't help but imagine kissing it.**

**"I don't know why I didn't."**

**She added.**

**Rita squeezed her hand and inhaled, slipping her legs out from underneath her and touching her feet to the floor.**

**"Well, you can make up for it now by making them a midnight feast they'll never forget..."**

**She said, standing up as she spoke, and she tugged Connie up to her feet by the hand, smiling as she groaned.**

**"And then once they're in bed, I'm going to take you upstairs and give you a proper massage...get rid of all that tension of yours..."**

**She added, catching the glitter of a smile behind Connie's eyes as they moved into the kitchen.**

**-1-**

**Hello everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the update, quick question – I want to know whether you'd like to see Rita give Connie a romantic, but fluffy massage, or a romantic, fluffy AND M-rated massage? :) xxx**


	49. Chapter 49

**Well! The result of the vote between this update being M-rated or not M-rated was unanimous...**

**-1-**

**They'd arranged the midnight feast for the girls on the coffee table – an array of cupcakes and the left over popcorn and candy floss from the circus, along side two ice cold cans of Coca Cola which Connie had tried to take back at the last minute, but Rita had insisted they stay, telling her that water just wasn't good enough for a midnight feast, before ushering her upstairs to bed.**

**Now Rita stood in front of the full length mirror as Connie moved about the room, locking the door, drawing the curtains, and then double checking that she had locked the door.**

**"Do you think I look like a lesbian?"**

**Rita asked, tilting her head to one side, gazing at the reflection of herself, her short blonde hair, the white of her t-shirt beneath the red and blue striped jumper, and her jeans. Was this what a lesbian looked like?**

**Connie laughed and glanced over from where she was reaching down to turn on one of the bedside lamps.**

**"No, really..."**

**Rita frowned, turning to the side. She wasn't sure what she was hoping to see, and whatever it was she wasn't even sure if she saw it or not.**

**"Connie made her way about the bed, stopping close behind her so that she could wrap her arms around her.**

**"I don't know...are you?"**

**She asked, feigning disinterest in the question as she rested her head against Rita's, looking back at their reflection as they stood together.**

**"Now there's a question..."**

**Rita murmured, gazing into the mirror, still stunned to find her own reflection looking back at her, wrapped up within Connie's arms.**

**"What do you think I am?"**

**She asked quietly, watching the tell tale signs of Connie's hesitation – the touch of her tongue to her teeth and a breath drawn in through her nose.**

**"Me?"**

**"Mmm."**

**Rita murmured, enjoying the feel of the side of Connie's forehead against her own.**

**"I think you're beautiful"**

**Connie said eventually, and Rita grinned and glanced down to the floor.**

**"Well deflected, Mrs B."**

**She sighed, and she turned around within Connie's embrace, reaching up with her own arms to lace them about Connie's shoulders, the fingers of her right hand running lazily between the curls of dark hair that rested against her back.**

**"You know its odd."**

**She began, narrowing her eyes and looking up at the other woman who stood so close to her, her face so expectant.**

**"I always thought you were beautiful. Even when you were terrifying, you were always beautiful."**

**She murmured, thinking out loud, thinking how it always seemed to be that the finest of pleasures were always the unexpected ones.**

**"Were?"**

**Connie asked, repeating her words.**

**Rita smiled slowly and drew in a breath full of Connie – her perfume, her breath, and the warmth of her skin.**

**"Now you're not just beautiful...you're..."**

**She drew up her shoulders. She wasn't even sure that there was a word that completely summed up what it was that she wanted to say.**

**"...it's the way your lips down turn at the corners, it's the way that you get that little, almost invisible, dimple in your cheek by your nose when you smile...it's your freckles, and the way you raise your eyebrows..."**

**She paused as Connie's smile grew, her lips pursing against it and she glanced down between them as her cheeks grew pink.**

**"...everything about you, even the littlest things, make my chest ache."**

**She tailed off into a whisper, noting how when Connie glanced back up at her, her eyes were glassy and she had to clear her throat before she could speak.**

**"Umm-"**

**She swallowed, there was a lump in her throat, not from sadness, but from the overwhelming feeling of being loved as she was. She had always been loved for her potential, for what her status could bring to a relationship. Never before had she found somebody who loved her for who she was right then. **

**She wanted to tell Rita that she felt the same. She wanted to kiss her and tell her that she she didn't see as well without her, she didn't hear as well without her, or feel as well without her. That she would be better off without a hand or a leg than to be without her. **

**There were so many things she wanted Rita to know, but at the same time she felt suddenly exposed, aware that she had somehow always known where each of them stood. Known every time she opened a door for her or passed her the brown files of patients notes and their fingers had brushed. She had known she adored her, every time she had stared at her as she did now, with those disconcertingly bright-green eyes. **

**She was amazed at the places that love would carry you, and astounded to discover just how far she was willing to go for it.**

**She swallowed again against the pain in her throat and touched her tongue briefly to her top lip.**

**"This...how you make me feel...I felt it even before I knew who you were, when I first glimpsed you in RESUS, and every time I think it could not possibly get any stronger, it does." **

**Her breath caught and she rolled her eyes at herself, blinking back the tears, knowing she must look ridiculous, becoming so emotional all of a sudden.**

**Rita slipped her arms about her tighter and held her close whilst Connie drew in a long breath to steady herself.**

**"Well...I think now would be the perfect time to begin that massage, don't you?"**

**She asked quietly, twisting her fingers through Connie's hair and uncurling them slowly, running her fingertips across her neck making goosebumps rise across her chest.**

**Connie raised an eyebrow.**

**"I hope you're as good at these as you claim to be."**

**She said, feeling the cold air against her replace Rita as the blonde moved back from her to flick the light switch off by the door, leaving the room only dimly illuminated by Connie's bedside lamp.**

**"Let me show you."**

**She said with the raise of her eyebrows, and the glitter of mischief behind her eyes.**

**She reached out for Connie and took her hand within hers, leading her over to the side of the bed until the backs of her knees touched against the duvet.**

**Without a word Rita slipped her hands ever so slowly beneath the hem of Connie's jumper, raising it inch by inch up her body, waiting for Connie to raise her arms before easing it off over her head. **

**"On, or off?"**

**She asked, her voice a whisper between them as she smoothed her hands across Connie's chest, just brushing against the black lace of her bra to which she gestured to. **

**"It is entirely your decision..."**

**Connie replied, biting her lip against a smile as Rita arced one eyebrow, knowing what she would do even before she slipped her hands behind her back, her fingers undoing the clasp, the straps slipping from her, and Rita slid it from her body, letting it fall to the floor before gesturing to the bed.**

**"Lay down."**

**She whispered, and Connie obeyed her, lowering herself to sit before twisting herself so that she lay back, her head against the pillows, and Rita crawled up next to her, allowing herself only a brief moment to run her fingers across Connie's stomach before she reached for the fastening of her jeans.**

**She pushed the button free and lowered the zip, before gently pulling at the waist band so that Connie had to raise her hips, and the denim was pulled from her legs, slowly, over her thighs, her knees, and finally off over the point of her toes onto the floor.**

**Connie shivered against the duvet, her skin prickling at the chill in the air and Rita couldn't help but glance at how her nipples hardened and how her breath made her chest rise and fall just that little bit quicker.**

**She exhaled slowly and pushed herself up so that she rested on her knees, and slowly, carefully she began to undress herself, keeping her eyes firmly on Connie's until she was left in her underwear, dove grey lace against her skin that caught and turned silver in the light.**

**She leant down, closer to Connie than she had really meant to, her body glancing against hers as she bent to kiss her, a soft kiss that lingered longer than she hand intended for it to.**

**"Turn over."**

**She whispered, pulling back just enough so that she could focus on Connie beneath her. How green her eyes looked, how her lips were parted and her cheeks flushed. **

**Without a word she turned herself over, her body twisting so elegantly that Rita found herself staring at her, how her skin was lost in both light and shadow, how it curved and dipped and made her heart beat flutter.**

**Connie turned her face to the side, her hair curling neatly behind her ear and she closed her eyes.**

**Rita drew in a breath, she had been planning this moment all day, it had been there at the back of her mind in every waking moment, so she was surprised to find that now she was here, she was nervous to even touch her.**

**Ever so carefully she rose herself up, and placed one leg on either side of her so that she straddled her. She held her breath, she felt Connie's body twitch just slightly as she settled into position, and the ghost of a smile fluttered across her lips as she lay flat against the bed.**

**Rita ran her hands across the curve of Connie's back, her fingers tracing the rise of her shoulder blades, and the dip to her spine. She shifted gently, her thighs neatly tucked on either side of Connie's waist and she pushed herself forwards, leaning down to breathe feather light kisses across the elegant curve of the back of Connie's neck, and with her right hand she reached out for the bedside draw, opening it slightly and slipping her hand in, retrieving the small bottle of almond oil that she had hidden in their earlier that evening.**

**She sat up again, and the squeak of the plastic top opening made Connie open her eyes, she watched Rita through her eyelashes, squeezing the clear glossy liquid into the palm of her hands before setting the bottle down onto the bedside table and slowly she rubbed the oil between her hands.**

**Steadying herself with a breath, she placed her hands flat against Connie's back, her skin glistened as she moved, oiled and beautiful before her, her skin moving with every push of her hands.**

**She could feel the heat of her, and how beneath her skin her muscles fought against the tension that had built up. She pushed her fingers into her shoulders, kneading gently, but firmly, noticing how as she did so Connie's eyes flickered closed again and she exhaled, giving in...**

**She sucked in a breath, relieved that she must be doing something right...she ran her hands across her shoulder blades and down her arms, pulling gently at her wrists before her hands moved back up, all the way up to where her hair began at the nape of her neck, and then back down, down across her back, running either side of her spine to her hips.**

**She was so smooth, every inch of her so soft that it made her fingers tingle just to touch her.**

**With even lighter touches she curved her hands inwards along her sides, feeling her flinch, as her hands wandered up, between her ribs and her arms, just running back and forth over the muscles in her back, the very tips of her fingers grazing over and over the slight curve of her breasts that were pressed against the duvet, and Rita smiled as Connie expelled the quietest of moans without meaning to.**

**She could feel how her muscles seemed to be relaxing, how each one unfurled and became pliable beneath her touch, but as they did, she felt Connie's body move ever so slightly beneath her, how she pushed herself into the bed when Rita grazed the sides of her breasts with her nails, and how she shifted, her mouth opening, her eyebrows furrowing as her touch ran lower, and Rita shifted again, uncurling herself so that she could move lower, holding herself up above Connie's legs and working her hands over her hips to the backs of her thighs where she found herself paying special attention.**

**She pressed down firmly, the skin there turning glossy from the oil, and as Rita bent lower to place a kiss at the very base of Connie's spine, smelling the sweet smell of frangipani as she did so, Connie sucked in a breath and clenched her hands at her sides, the feel of Rita's lips on her back making her gasp.**

**She moved lower, and kissed the inside of her knee, tracing a trail of warm sweet kisses up to the inside of her thigh, where again she paused, smiling as she saw Connie's fingers flex and tense again, gripping hold of the white cotton sheets.**

**For a moment longer she just let her wait, she moved her fingers in feather light touches against her, biting her bottom lip against a smile as Connie's hips rolled against the bed, and between her legs she could just see the dampness of her underwear.**

**With one last kiss Rita gave in and moved back.**

**"Roll over..."**

**She whispered, watching the rise and fall of Connie's back as she paused, collected herself, and then turned back over again.**

**Rita smiled, she had never seen a more beautiful, more erotic sight than Connie Beauchamp laying before her in nothing but black lace knickers, her face flushed, her chest rising and falling and her eyes – her pupils wide and dark, everything, absolutely everything she felt visible within them – every unsaid 'I love you', every ache of want...**

**Rita crawled up above her, her legs spread over Connie's and she lowered herself down, pressing the full length of her body against the other woman's before kissing her.**

**Connie arced up against her, relishing the touch of their bodies, the press of their breasts, and how Rita rolled her hips against her, grinding against her, making her wetter, hotter, heightening every little movement that she made so that she frowned into the kiss, deepening it until she could barely catch her breath.**

**It was Rita who broke the kiss, gasping as Connie's hands took hold of her waist, holding her, pushing her down against her as she gave a gentle rise of her hips.**

**"I want you inside me."**

**Connie whispered, her breath coming hard against Rita's lips as she spoke.**

**Rita kissed her again, slipping her tongue against hers only briefly before pulling away and moving back down her body, though this time she took her time, and Connie felt she might stop breathing altogether as Rita toyed with the lace of her underwear, slipping her fingers beneath it and running them against her skin.**

**"Please..."**

**Connie arched her back as she begged, her body breathless and writhing as Rita ran the wet tip of her tongue along the skin of her inner thigh, higher, higher, but never quite touching where she wanted it the most.**

**Rita smiled against her skin, she could smell her, she could feel the heat radiating from her body and her skin caught the light, wet and bare, a copper gold in the dim light.**

**She exhaled against her, her breath making Connie shudder involuntarily and her fingers grasped the sheets once more, scrunching them up into fists at her sides and arcing her back even higher. **

**Giving in at last, Rita pushed her fingers into the elastic of her underwear and slowly she bought it down, letting the lace brush all the way along the length of Connie's legs before she turned back to her.**

**She felt Connie shiver as she sucked and nipped against her thighs before kissing her between her legs, pushing her tongue against her and tasting her for the first time, her breath caught in her throat and she sucked and kissed gently at first, memorising every breath of warm wet flesh, how soft she was! And how she tasted like the very moment of falling in love.**

**Connie reached for her blindly, her eyes closed, her lips parted, struggling for breath as she reached for Rita, pushing her fingers into her hair, threading them through the blonde strands, clutching her, never wanting her to stop. **

**She bit her lip against the urge to cry out as Rita's tongue entered her, she could feel her inside her, how hot her tongue was and how she moved, how she gasped for breath but pushed for more, so desperate for more of this woman who pushed her fingers inside her as her tongue teased her, and she uttered a breathless moan against every flick and suck of her tongue.**

**With one hand Rita ran the very tips of her fingers of her other hand up the fluttering skin of Connie's stomach, feeling it grow taut as she flexed and arced her back from the bed, and her hand met her breast, cupping it, rolling the very tip of her nipple beneath her palm so that Connie had to place a hand over her own mouth to keep from making too much noise.**

**She flexed her legs, rocking her hips against Rita's mouth until she could feel the white hot burn deep within her, she could feel every press of her lips and curl of her fingers, the hot wet flick of her tongue against her as her body tensed and fell, ached and crashed. She came hard, and she came slowly, rolling her hips, holding her breath, feeling nothing but Rita's fingers curling within her, her mouth open, kissing her, wanting her, tipping her over the edge-**

**She gasped for breath and she cried out, the worry that Grace would hear, forgotten.**

**She exhaled all at once, allowing herself to sink back into the sheets, and as her body stilled, there was the whirr and distant chime of the clock downstairs striking midnight. **

**Slowly and carefully Rita crawled up to curl up beside her, a hand on her cheek, noses touching, and Connie's eyes flickered open to look at her, but before she could utter a word, Rita placed a kiss on her lips.**

**"Happy birthday."**

**She whispered.**

**-1-**

**Hope it was ok...very tired now...I've stayed up much later than I usually do writing this, so I hope I havent made any bizarre sleepy-errors...let me know what you think, as always!**

**xxx**


	50. Chapter 50

"Can I assume that it was my daughter who told you about this awful day?"

Connie asked, holding Rita close, smiling against her hair as the blonde nestled her head against her chest, their breath still heavy, and Connie could still feel the faint sparks and shivers of pleasure running through her veins.

"You can..."

Rita murmured, her hand arm was curved about Connie's waist, her palm against the ridges of her rib cage and she traced her thumb in idle movements – back and forth – against the soft skin of Connie's right breast, marvelling at how her nipple would stiffen every time she edged her thumb nearer.

Connie inhaled slowly, hugging Rita just that little bit tighter and she felt her smile against her chest.

"So...how does it feel to be forty eight?"

Rita asked, raising her head slightly as she spoke so that she could catch the raise of Connie's eyebrows and the look of mild alarm that graced her beautiful features.

"I was under the impression that birthdays were a time when those you love are supposed to be nice to you..."

Connie asked, narrowing her eyes with amusement, and Rita stretched herself against Connie's body, biting her lip against a smile.

"I won't say another word..."

Rita murmured, dipping her head to nuzzle into Connie's neck, making her shiver as she grinned against her skin.

Connie cleared her throat through a laugh and groaned. Rita's body was so warm against her own, every inch of her was pressed against her and she could tell by the ever so slight tilt and flex of her hips that she wanted her to touch her, she wanted her to make love to her, to take her over the edge...

She smiled to herself and ran her free hand down from the rounded curve of Rita's shoulder, down further, to her hip where she pushed gently against her so that the blonde rolled over onto her back.

"You can laugh now, with your skin so smooth and wrinkle free..."

Connie murmured, running the tips of her fingers over the rise of Rita's breast to her nipple, where she splayed her fingers, cupping her breast fully and gently pinching her nipple between her fingers making Rita arc her back against her.

"You just wait until you reach your 'late forties..."

She whispered, slowly easing herself on top of Rita, her body moving with the silent gracefulness of a cat as she straddled her, her knees against her hips, her hands placed either side of Rita's shoulders so that her hair fell in gleaming dark curls about her face.

"So you can count my wrinkles?"

Rita asked, though she wasn't quite paying attention, her eyes were on the flat stretch of Connie's stomach held taught above her, and her breasts, larger than hers and tipped with soft pink nipples, a shade or two lighter than her own.

Connie touched her tongue to her teeth and smiled the whisper of a smile that made her eyes glitter. She shook her head.

"So that I can kiss you..."

She lowered herself down so that their bodies just touched, and Rita couldn't help but draw in a breath as she arced her back into the touch.

Connie brushed her lips ever so gently against Rita's, loving how the other woman's lips parted instinctively, and at the briefest of touches, and she kissed her, slipping her tongue against Rita's, making her breathless before breaking the kiss and holding herself just moments away.

"So that I can love you..."

She whispered, looking down on the other woman, looking directly at her, meeting her eyes and holding that look for just a moment before she inched back slowly, slowly, slipping in-between Rita's legs as she parted them, and lowering herself to kiss a trail from the gentle rise of her stomach downwards, all the while maintaining eye contact with Rita who's face was flushed, and she bit against her lip in anticipation, her body trembling, her hips shifting just slightly, desperate for more.

Connie placed a sweet wet kiss just above where she knew Rita wanted her touch the most and the younger woman shivered against her.

"So that I can make you feel just as incredible as you make me feel."

Connie whispered.

-1-

**Apologies for the delay, I've been unexpectedly busy. Another (longer) update later! Hope you all enjoyed Casualty (and lovely little moments between Connie and Rita...) last night! xxx**


	51. Chapter 51

Morning dawned upon rain speckled windows, the sun was low in the sky and thin brittle-cold air bloomed across the glass, painting pale yellow slats of light across the creases of the duvet through the gap between the curtains.

Connie stretched. She was smiling even before she woke properly, and as she blinked her smile grew and her eyelids fluttered open. She inhaled, enjoying the warmth of Rita's naked body tucked so tightly against her own, their limbs intertwined, their faces so close that every breath they breathed seemed as though they breathed as one.

She curled her toes and shuddered against the stretch, clenching her jaw against a yawn, her movements causing Rita to stir.

Connie watched as Rita screwed up her nose, wriggling the tip from side to side before opening one eye and peering up at Connie, her face still pressed into the pillow, the faint pink marks from the folds of fabric indented into her cheek.

"Morning birthday girl."

She whispered, and she lifted her head to place a hand beneath her cheek, before withdrawing her other hand from beneath the covers to place it against Connie's cheek and drawing her in for a kiss.

Connie sighed against her lips, returning the kiss with a smile that seemed infectious, and as she pulled away she watched Rita grin.

"Good morning..."

She whispered in return, placing the softest, briefest kiss on the very tip of Rita's nose.

Instinctively Rita cuddled closer, she wrapped her legs tighter about Connie's, curving her feet about the other woman's calves and slipping her fingers into her hair, stroking it, pushing it behind her ear, touching the soft skin at the very edge of her cheek.

"I can't believe I've really got you..."

She murmured, closing her eyes again and inhaling the warm heady scent of Connie's skin at her neck. She smelled of yesterdays perfume, of warm skin and sex and the very breath she drew in made her shiver with happiness.

Connie held her, tilting her head back so that her chin rested on the top of Rita's head, blonde hair tickling her lips. She closed her eyes, this feeling she felt, it was so alien to her that she barely recognised it – every limb, every muscle in her body lay relaxed against the mattress, every breath she took was a faultless drawing in of morning sunshine and the smell of Rita's hair, and every bit of her being, every beat of her heart, was for this woman laying smiling within her arms. Contentment, she realised, she was content, at last.

"I love you..."

The words fell from her lips on an exhale and if Rita had been drawing a breath in at the time she had uttered them, she wouldn't have heard them, they had been so quiet. Instead she had held her breath, and the sound of Connie's whisper made her lean back. She looked up at her, a beautiful sleepy smile across her pink lips, her cheeks flushed from the warmth of Connie's body against her own, and her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that looked so full of hope, so full of love...

"I love you too."

Rita puckered her lips to kiss Connie's chin, unable to quiet reach her lips.

"I'll show you how much..."

Rita murmured, gently pulling back further so that Connie could lower her gaze to meet her eyes again, one eyebrow perfectly raised.

"Not like that."

She added, her dark eyes flickering with amusement and Connie pursed her lips into the down turned smile she wore so well.

"How disappointing..."

She breathed.

Rita cleared her throat and drew in a breath, as though she were about to tell a secret.

"I want you to have a nice long shower, and then I want you to come downstairs, and Grace and I are going to make you breakfast...and then we're going to give you your birthday presents...ok?"

She smiled as she spoke, watching the careful way in which Connie watched her.

"You and Grace?"

Connie repeated, attempting to veil her surprise.

Rita nodded slowly and began to move away.

"Surely you haven't had time to buy me a present..."

Connie thought out loud, but Rita merely smiled. Downstairs they could hear the clatter of something in the kitchen and the vague murmur of the television volume being turned up too high.

"I'll go and see what they're up to."

Rita said, changing the subject, rolling over and slipping her legs out from beneath the covers, the cold air in the room pinching her skin and running goosebumps up and down the skin of her thighs.

Connie stretched again, letting the cover fall from her shoulders as she watched Rita move about the room collecting her clothes, enjoying the brief glimpses of the younger woman's naked body, wondering at how lucky she was.

"Shower."

Rita said eventually, pulling on the jeans and jumper she had worn the day before and placing a hand on the door knob, and Connie eased herself up into a sitting position as Rita slipped from the room.

She drew in a long breath of cool air and looked about herself. The room, despite the temperature had taken on a much less sparse, cold look. Now it glowed, the sheets were softer, warmer, there were two glasses on the bedside table with the remnants of wine consumed the night before...

She exhaled slowly and, bracing herself for the rush of cold air, she slipped from the covers and made her way quickly into the bathroom, and whilst she stood beneath the beating down of the scalding water from the shower head she closed her eyes again.

She thought of Rita downstairs, plotting away with Grace. She thought of last year, how Grace had gone to a friends, forgetting her mothers birthday altogether, and how she had spent the day alone, drinking, and moving about the house as though she were scared she might bump into her own shadow.

**Now she was here, on her forty eighth birthday, wondering what her daughter and partner had planned. She smiled, and almost laughed out loud as she tilted her head back, allowing the water to smother her lips. The word 'partner' sounded so unlikely...this all felt like a dream. She might, at this moment, be nothing but a floating intelligence; not even a brain inside a skull, just a presence that perceives, as a ghost might. Yes, she thinks, this is probably how it must feel to be a ghost. It's a little like reading-that same sensation of knowing people, settings, situations, without playing any particular part beyond that of the willing observer. **

She blew out a breath against the water and turned her head, running her hands across her face to smooth the water from her eyes. She blinked, and reached for the shampoo.

-.-

With hair still damp from the shower, Connie adjusted the sleeves of her jumper, eyeing herself in the mirror. She would do her hair and make up later, she decided, refusing to admit to herself that she was perhaps postponing them because deep within her stomach was the flutter of excitement.

She took the stairs slowly, thinking it odd how her heart rate seemed to increase with every step, and her breath caught in her throat as she heard a shriek of laughter and the clatter of a pan lid from the kitchen.

She turned and paused in the doorway, the sight before her halting her.

**Grace was stood on a chair in front of the oven, beside Rita, Connie's largest saucepan on the stove top, and every so often Rita lifted the lid, only to crash it back down again as a cacophony of tinny popping noises started up again and Grace let out a squeal of laughter, grabbing hold of Rita's arm and hopping from one foot to the other, the chair wobbling precariously beneath her.**

**As if sensing her presence Rita glanced up, holding the lid onto the saucepan with a tea towel as though she were worried the force from within would shoot the lid straight off if she were to let go. She smiled. Her eyes were shining and her face was flushed.**

**Grace felt Rita hesitate and she looked up, her eyes widening as she saw her Mother.**

**"We're making popcorn!"**

**She announced, and Rita raised the hand that held the lid to nudge her, popcorn sputtering up from the pan and hitting Grace on the cheek causing her to laugh hysterically whilst Rita peered back at the pan, repositioning the lid.**

**Connie took a step forward into the room and looked down at the piece of popcorn that squeaked beneath the sole of her bare foot.**

**"I can see that..."**

**She murmured, and Rita pointed at her with the wooden spoon she was holding in her other hand, making to say something, but Connie spoke first.**

**"And why are you making popcorn?"**

**Connie asked, raising her foot behind herself and reaching down to take the popcorn from her skin.**

**"So that we can eat it!"**

**Grace replied, pushing her hair back from her face haphazardly and Rita expelled a giggle of a laugh whilst Connie rolled her eyes.**

**"You ask a silly question, you get a silly answer..."**

**Rita murmured. Her eyes held the glimmer of that look, as she looked across the room at Connie. That look that said 'I have a secret', that look that said 'that secret is you'.**

**"Yes, thank you for that..."**

**Connie smiled, her voice low, and she moved into the room properly.**

**"It's for you!"**

**Grace glanced down to the saucepan before looking back at her mother.**

**"I'm making you breakfast...to say Happy birthday!"**

**She added with a grin, before turning back to the stove to watch Rita give the pan a firm shake with both hands.**

**Connie watched as Rita turned back to the saucepan, Grace standing next to her on the chair, both leaning over, and every time Rita lifted the lid, and the popcorn spat up into their faces they shrieked in unison and were left laughing, Grace's hand clutching hold of Rita's arm again, holding herself steady. She smiled again, slowly, the corners of her mouth twitching.**

**This is it. Connie thought watching them. This is how it should be.**

-.-

More tomorrow. Good lord that episode of Casualty was dramatic! (lovely little bits of Connie though..that smile as she passed through the double doors of RESUS in particular...my heart may need time to recover!) Anyway, hope you enjoyed the update! Let me know what you think, as usual! xxx


	52. Chapter 52

First I would like to begin with an apology. I received a complaint about the fact that when I update, they often appear with random lines/words/paragraphs in bold and some not. I'd like to apologise for it because I have absolutely no idea how to stop it! When I'm writing, it doesn't show up..it looks absolutely fine in my ! Though I've realised it happens with the sections that I copy and paste from one file to another (I have two word documents open at once, one with the story I'm writing, one with bits to add in that I've already written)... I will keep trying things to stop it, but if I don't succeed, please don't let it put you off reading!

Annnd on with the story...

-.-

"I don't think I've ever eaten popcorn for breakfast before..."

Connie said, raising her last piece of popcorn between her thumb and forefinger before placing it into her mouth.

"Grace's choice!"

Rita rested a hand briefly on Grace's shoulder as she moved about the dining table, collecting bowls as she went.

Connie smiled across at her daughter as Rita stacked the bowls up next to the sink and began to run the tap. Grace shifted in her seat and smiled back at her mother. She looked happy, and excited, she sat on her hands and wriggled about on her seat as though she were sitting on top of a secret that wouldn't keep still.

Connie slipped a hand across the table to her, her fingers running against the smooth wood until her hand reached half way. She recognised this excitable Grace from when she was younger, how she would wriggle about uncontrollably on Christmas mornings, or before opening her presents on her birthdays...

"Thank you sweetheart."

She said quietly, and Grace's smile expanded into a grin and the little girl gave a quick glance to Rita who was rinsing the bowls, the backs of her hands glittering with bubbles, her arms moving back and forth quickly as she washed them up.

"Can we give her her cards now?"

She asked, unable to hold the words back any longer.

Connie saw the rise of Rita's cheek from where her head was bowed over the sink. She raised her hands and shook them free of excess water before reaching for the tea towel that hung over the rail at the front of the oven, drying her hands before answering.

"Go on then."

She smiled, a wide smile that crept across her lips, the most exquisite smile, veiled by memory, tinged by dreams.

Grace clattered from her seat immediately, her dark hair fluttering at her back as she bounded from the room, her bare feet slapping against the tiled floor of the hallway, disappearing into the sitting room.

Rita flicked on the kettle and set the coffee machine to begin grinding again before turning and positioning herself behind the chair where Connie sat. She slipped her hands across the other woman's shoulders, rubbing them gently, running her thumbs up and down the soft warm skin of Connie's neck making her sigh and lean back into the touch.

"Making yourself at home?"

Connie murmured, tilting back her head so that she could look up at Rita, watching the flicker of apprehension pass behind her eyes and feeling the pause of her hands on her shoulders.

She smiled and reached up to place a hand over Rita's.

"It makes me happy."

She added, and a fluttered smile of relief curled the corners of the other woman's lips.

"You make me happy."

She added, her voice low, but Rita had no time to respond as Grace's footsteps sounded again in the hallway, and as she stepped back from Connie, letting her hands fall back to her sides Grace appeared, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright.

She did a half-skip, artfully manoeuvring around the corner of the kitchen table before coming to an abrupt stop in front of her mother, her hands behind her back.

"Close your eyes and open your hands."

She said, her eyes flashing.

"Oh-kay..."

Connie murmured warily and closed her eyes as she held out both hands together. She heard the rustle of paper against paper and then felt the feather light touch of something cool and smooth against her palms.

"Open them!"

Grace clapped her hands together and Connie opened her eyes, blinking to adjust to the light again and lowering her hands to her lap. Two cards were folded into make-shift envelopes and a little round package wrapped in white paper decorated with tiny pink flowers drawn in felt tip and tied up with one of Grace's pink hair ribbons.

She made to pick up the first card with Grace's hand writing on the front but Grace's hands were on her all of a sudden and she pushed the little package into her hands.

"This one first!"

She announced, folding her mothers fingers about the paper before dancing about on tip toes, watching without blinking as Connie loosened the ribbon and unfolded the beautifully decorated paper.

She paused as she glanced inside, tiny glass beads, all different shades of grey, were threaded onto a thin piece of elastic. She ran her fingertips against them before raising it from the paper, surprised to find it fell into two bits, a bracelet, which she held, and a longer necklace made from the same beads, only one pale pink bead in each.

"Grace...!"

She glanced from the beads to her daughter, suddenly far more emotional than she had imagined she would be. She could feel the prick of tears at the corners of her eyes and she had to clear her throat twice in order to say any more.

"They're beautiful!"

"I made them!"

Grace said quickly, her pride evident on her face.

Connie rolled up the sleeve of her jumper and gently arranged the bracelet on her wrist, twisting it so that the pink bead showed at the front.

"I did it all in grey because you like grey, but I put a pink one in them both because they're from me."

Grace explained, watching as her mother touched the tips of her fingers against the pink bead surrounded by the glittering grey of the others.

Connie smiled though she blinked against tears and quickly lowered her gaze to the necklace, bringing it up to slip gently over her hair so that it hung about her throat, the pink bead resting in the dip of her collar bone.

"Thank you."

She whispered, her voice barely sounding and Grace looked up at her in alarm.

"Why are you crying?"

She asked, her eyes growing wide. She had meant for the gifts to make her mother happy, but instead she had made her cry.

Rita reached out for her and placed a hand softly against the top of her head, ruffling her hair as she leant down closer to the little girl.

"Your mum's just a bit overwhelmed."

She said softly, casting a glance over at Connie, her eyes glittering with a smile that seemed never to fade.

"She's happy though, aren't you, dear?"

She asked, and Connie couldn't help but laugh at Rita's tongue-in-cheek use of the word 'dear'. She gave a slight nod of her head and reached out again to Grace who took her hand.

"Yes."

She said.

"I couldn't be happier."

-.-

Hello everyone, I will update again this evening. Hope you enjoyed this last update – please let me know what you think, as usual :)

C: Don't worry, though this story has a long way to go as yet, I will finish it :)

LittleBooLost: Your review made me smile! I'm glad reading this makes YOU smile! Your mum would be surprised...!

Lollyblanc: Thank you so much!

Danielle888: Grace will find out at the end of Connie's birthday...you'll have to wait and see how she reacts! :)

xxx


	53. Chapter 53

**Both Connie and Rita stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Connie had brushed her hair whilst Rita showered, and as the blonde picked up her glass bottle of foundation she found a long dark hair curled about the lid that stuck to her damp fingers.**

**Connie glanced at the blonde in their reflection, her make up brush paused half way between her compact and her face.**

**Rita met her gaze and she frowned slightly in question as she smoothed foundation into the skin of he cheek with her fingertips.**

**"You're incredible."**

**She began, and Rita grinned, expelling an amused breath of a laugh.**

**"Thank you, for helping Grace...and for the card."**

**She added, finally bringing up the brush to he cheekbone. Her cards had been beautiful, Grace's with it's felt tip drawing of herself and Grace, and Rita's, decorated with nothing but a hand-drawn picture of a pair of glossy black Louboutin's, Rita's hand writing – straight up and down and written with black ink, wishing her the best birthday...giving her all of her love.**

**Rita rubbed a streak of foundation just beneath her eye before turning away from the mirror to look at her properly.**

**"You're very welcome!"**

**She was still smiling and her teeth touched against he bottom lip in a way that made it impossible for Connie not to lean in and kiss he gently, quickly, brushing the tip of her nose against Rita's before pulling away again and turning back to the mirror.**

**Rita watched her for a moment as she bronzed the hollows of her cheeks, contouring her face before highlighting her cheekbones.**

**"It's funny..."**

**"Hmm?"**

**Rita paused and looked down at the array of make up before them. She wasn't quite sure how to put into words what she wanted to say.**

**"I mean...months ago, if someone had told me I'd be standing here now, next to you..."**

**She paused, that wasn't what she meant, this wasn't about the fact that the woman she stood next to was 'Connie Beauchamp', she'd come to terms with that, somehow. This had to do with something else entirely.**

**She glanced back up, Connie was watching her, her eyes slightly narrowed.**

**"I never imagined I would end up with a woman."**

**She concluded finally and Connie leant her hip against the sink, turning slightly to face her and reaching out to take her hand, not to draw her in, not to comfort her, only to hold it, because it was hers.**

**Rita flushed, their hands held between them, silent for a moment until Connie spoke.**

**"It's different, isn't it."**

**She said quietly, a smile behind her eyes.**

**"Good different."**

**Rita added, and the smile that had hidden behind Connie's eyes spread across her lips.**

**"Yes...good different."**

**She ****confirmed and she squeezed the blonde's hand before letting go, both women turning back to the mirror.**

**Connie reached for her eye liner and removed the lid, leaning forwards to apply the black pencil to the outer corners of her eyelids.**

**"So..."**

**She murmured, trying to keep her mouth still, and Rita couldn't help but smile as she watched her whilst she twisted off the lid of her lip balm.**

**"What have you got planned for the rest of the day?"**

**She asked, knowing full well that Rita had something up her sleeve.**

**The blonde arced an eyebrow and touched her tongue between her teeth, setting the lid of the lip balm down onto the counter.**

**"Grace and I have something planned...but you'll need to put on something warm...and I'll need to borrow your car."**

**Connie stopped what she was doing and raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow.**

**"My car?"**

**She repeated dubiously.**

**Rita nudged up against the other woman, amused by her obvious worry.**

**"I'm going to take us all out."**

**She said with a look of triumph and the eye liner Connie held between her fingers gave a slight wobble.**

**"Well, just tell me where we're going, I don't mind dri-"**

**"Connie."**

**Rita struggled against a laugh and she raised her stick of mascara at her, pointing at her with the end of it, her dark eyes lowered.**

**"I'm perfectly capable of driving your car. I won't crash. I promise."**

**She paused and let her head fall to one side.**

**"I just want to take you out."**

**She added, her voice quiet, testing, waiting for Connie's response.**

**"Ok...ok...sorry."**

**Connie drew in a breath and Rita grinned triumphantly and unscrewed the lid of her mascara, following Connie's movements as they both leaned against the mirror and Rita attempted to apply her mascara without her mouth gaping open like a fish.**

**"It means ever so much to me that you're trying so hard with Grace."**

**Connie's words were muffled as she swapped eye liner for lip stick and Rita pushed the mascara wand back into the tube.**

**The blonde shrugged and drew in a breath. **

**"We're getting there."**

**She winked. **

**"Now hurry up, your daughter will be getting impatient."**

**-.- **

**More later! Thank you ever so much for the lovely reviews from the last chapter, as usual they made me smile! xxx**


	54. Chapter 54

_The morning had broken into afternoon-_** like an egg that had split with a crack and was spreading. **

**Before them sprawled the houses of the city, interspersed with the green of fields and trees. **

**Holby was cast under the low October sky, the clouds just wisps of white, streaked across the brittle blue, as though drawn with the careless stroke of an artists brush,. There were it's roads and it's hedges, it's churches, it's chimneys, it's rising threads of smoke from the first fires of the year. **

**The buildings grew taller as they drove, the roads and river wider, the threads of city pollution faint in the distance above the city centre,a smudge, a stain, a darkness - a darkness, like the darkness of the coal in a fire - a darkness that was broken, here and there, where the sun caught panes of glass and the golden tips of domes and steeples, with glittering points of light.  
**

**Connie drew in a long breath through her nose and smiled, her arms were folded and she relaxed back into the passenger seat for the first time on their short journey from home to the secluded outskirts of the city, where the trees were greener and the air was colder.**

**She loved days like today, when the treat of winter came on the breeze, sinking it's ice cold fingertips into your very bones, making you shiver. **

**In some ways, she thought, she preferred winter. She seemed to become porous in the darker months, to soak in detail after detail, like a battery becoming charged. Yes, that was it, she thought, as Rita turned a corner, her dark eyes on the road ahead. It wasn't a liquid creeping, it was a tingle, something electric, something produced as if by the friction of the wheels of the car against the tarmac. **

**She was at her truest, it seemed to her, in these tingling moments, with the hum of the car engine and the silence between the three of them, the sort of silence you only get when the people involved are so comfortable with one another that they can forget, momentarily that they exist, and are free to daydream until woken.**

**Rita indicated and pulled over into the entrance to Elmhurst Park, a park in the city named after the majestic elm tree that presided over it. She pulled up neatly into the nearest parking space and turned off the engine. **

**"Ta da!"**

**She released her hands from the steering wheel and glanced over at Connie who seemed to blink as though she'd fallen asleep, slipping back into reality very slowly, and without a though she reached out and squeezed Rita's fingers, realising suddenly as she did so that they were with Grace, and she pulled away more hurriedly than she had meant to.**

**Rita cleared her throat and glanced over her shoulder to where Grace was taking out her ear phones and wrapping them about her iPod.**

**"Come on then, Grace, it's your surprise..."**

**She ushered, and Grace looked up, a grin spreading across her lips. Without a word she popped open her seat belt and opened the car door, slipping out into the cold.**

**Rita looked back at Connie as the car door slammed and Grace raised the boot of the car. **

**"You ok?"**

**She asked, wanting to place a hand against her knee, but somehow she managed to resist. Connie gave a nod of her head and smiled.**

**"Somebody kept me up late."**

**She murmured, her voice low, and Rita bit her lip and braved nudging Connie with the back of her hand. **

**"Yeah? You'll have to get used to it...maybe you've reached the age when it's time to start taking an afternoon nap-"**

**She barely finished her sentence before Connie made a sound of mock alarm and gave her a sharp thwack to the upper arm. Rita flinched, emitting what could only be described as a giggle as she undid her seat belt and opened her door.**

**"Come on you, chop chop..."**

**She laughed, giving a sideways glance to Connie as she placed one leg out of the car, her boot crunching against the gravel, her body turning slightly as she caught sight of Grace struggling her way towards her, her knees bowing under the weight of the picnic basket.**

**Rita turned back to Connie, her dark eyes glittering.**

**"I hope you're hungry."**

**She grinned.**

****-.-****

****Grace will be find out everything in tomorrow's updates...so just a short one tonight in preparation...hope you're all ready! ;) xxx****


	55. Chapter 55

**"Close your eyes!"**

**Grace was standing over the picnic basket, poised to open it, looking pointedly to Connie, who, for the second time that day, closed her eyes on command.**

**There was the soft creaking sound of the wicker picnic basket as Rita helped Grace to unbuckle the stiff leather belt that held it together, and then the lid lifted, squeaking on it's hinges.**

**Connie shifted slightly so that she could sit more comfortably. They were sat on a waterproof backed woven picnic blanket that Connie vaguely recognised from when Grace was little. Above them the branches of the elm tree stretched out, reaching for the sky, bare of leaves, only the tangle of a few deserted birds nests nestled amongst the bows. **

**She moved again, her legs were folded beneath herself and her knees were beginning to stiffen. **

**"Open them!"**

**Grace announced behind an almost silent murmur from Rita.**

**Connie opened her eyes again, her lips parted in amazement. Before herGrace, with the help of Rita's steadying hand, was holding a birthday cake. A Victoria sponge topped with soft pink butter cream that Grace had decorated with little multicoloured sugar flowers, arranged neatly all the way around the edge, with a few placed in the centre, and all over the top of the cake were pink candles, their little flames flickering and billowing in the breeze.**

**Connie expelled a laugh of surprise and touched her fingers to her lips.**

**"Happy birthday!"**

**Rita said quietly, adoring how shocked Connie looked, how her eyes sparkled and she couldn't help but smile. This is what she had wanted, just one day when everything went right, and Connie didn't have to worry, or argue, or fight with anybody.**

**"Happy birthday, Mummy!"**

**Grace's face flickered and glowed with the light from the flames and Connie glanced up from the candles to her daughters face, reaching out to touch her cheek, feeling the warmth from the candle flames as she moved.**

**"Thank you sweetheart."**

**She looked quickly to Rita, the blonde just giving a purse of her lips and a gentle nod of her head, a silent 'thank you' between them.**

**"Are you going to blow them out?"**

**Grace asked impatiently, watching with concern as pink wax began to drip down onto the butter cream.**

**Connie placed her hands into her lap and lent forwards slightly, looking back down to the cake.**

**"Wait, wait! Don't forget to make a wish!"**

**Grace exclaimed, her excitement making the plate that held the cake wobble and Rita reached out with her other hand to steady it again.**

**Connie's lips twitched with a smile as she inhaled, and paused, she had never made a wish before...not since she had been a child, but now, for some reason, she found herself making one, and then all at once she exhaled and blew out the candles, all but one which she let Grace see too. **

**She leant back, the three of them watching the thin white streamers of pale grey smoke filter up into the air above them. **

**"What did you wish for?"**

**Grace asked as Rita helped her settle the cake down on the rug between them.**

**"Hmm?"**

**Connie murmured, watching Rita bring out one of her kitchen knives which she handed to Grace before reaching back into the picnic basket for the plates.**

**Grace's dark eyes were wide and expectant.**

**"Well, if I tell you it won't come true, will it?"**

**Connie smiled, reaching out to squeeze her daughters fingers as she huffed and rolled her eyes in a way that Connie recognised as her own.**

**"Do I get to try it?"**

**She asked, and Grace wrinkled up her face, suddenly realising that she was the one holding the knife...that Rita had trusted her with it, to cut the cake.**

**"Big bit, or little bit?" **

**Grace asked, wielding the knife above the cake in a manner that made Connie want to reach out, to guide her hand.**

**"Big bit."**

**Rita answered for her before she had a chance to respond, and Grace grinned, slicing down into the cake, her tongue touching between her teeth as she concentrated on cutting a perfectly straight line, and then another, before slowly, slowly drawing out the slice from the cake and placing it on the little white plate that Rita held for her.**

**"Perfect!"**

**Rita murmured, passing the plate to Connie, their fingertips brushing beneath the china.**

**"Thank you."**

**Connie set the plate upon he thighs and watched whilst Grace cut Rita's slice.**

**"I think you made a slight miscalculation with the candles."**

**She said. There were twenty of them left on the cake, twenty two including the ones on her slice. Oh to be twenty two again...**

**"Well, at your age the fewer people that know the better."**

**Rita answered quickly, dipping her chin, looking up at Connie, wickedness glittering behind her eyes as she grinned and Connie raised an eyebrow, watching intently as Rita accepted her own piece of cake and raised her thumb to her mouth, licking off a stray piece of icing.**

**"Rita said if we put any more on it would be a fire hazard."**

**Grace spoke as she cut herself a slice, a slice noticeably bigger than both her mothers and Rita's.**

**"She did, did she!"**

**Connie exclaimed, narrowing her eyes at Rita, struggling to stifle her own amusement as Rita coughed and broke off a piece of cake with her fingers, popping it into her mouth quickly so that she wouldn't be expected to answer. Connie watched her, the familiar ache of love fluttered somewhere between her stomach and her throat. She drew in a long breath, she was growing used to how difficult it was to conceal a palpitating heart, only to still be fearful as she did so that the beats should come too loudly, and betray her.**

**She glanced to he daughter, wondering how long she could keep this all a secret.**

**"Mummy?"**

**Grace asked, breaking her train of thought and she raised her plate to her chest, breaking off a piece of cake as her daughter swallowed.**

**"Please can Rita stay over again tonight? I want to watch Frozen with her...she said we could dress up, and have ice cream...?"**

**She asked, and Rita looked suddenly alarmed.**

**"I didn't necessarily mean tonight."**

**She answered, swallowing quickly.**

**Connie glanced to her, the wind was blowing towards her and she could have sworn she smelled Rita's perfume as she inhaled. **

**"You'd like her to?"**

**She asked, looking back to Grace who was shovelling in another mouthful of cake so that she could only nod enthusiastically when Connie spoke.**

**"Well then it's entirely up to Rita."**

**She said evenly, trying to force nonchalance but instead she sounded vaguely breathless. **

**Rita opened her mouth to speak, closed it again and then cleared her throat.**

**"I'm sure I can manage one more night."**

**She said eventually, and Grace clapped her hands together, unable to do much else considering the amount of food she had in her mouth, and Connie threw her the flicker of a frown.**

**An odd silence fell between them, a silence that Grace seemed oblivious to, but one that caused both Connie and Rita great discomfort. Connie shifted, trying to concentrate on the sweetness of the butter cream in her mouth, but instead she couldn't help but feel the tug and pull of her jeans between her legs, a tight feeling that made her clear her throat, her eyes looking anywhere but at Rita.**

**"Napkins!"**

**Rita exclaimed suddenly, as Grace surreptitiously wiped her fingers on the picnic blanket by her thigh.**

**Connie widened her eyes.**

**"They're in the car, I'll just..."**

**"I'll get them!"**

**Grace cut in, snatching the car keys from the blanket and setting down her plate, only a few crumbs left scattered across it. **

**The little girl was up and running towards the car before Rita could blink and she turned to Connie, her mouth open in surprise.**

**"She certainly inherited your sense of urgency."**

**She said quietly, watching as Connie smiled and teased off another piece of cake, holding it between her fingers.**

**"She seems to like you."**

**She said simply, making Rita flush, and she placed the cake into her mouth, chewing and swallowing before speaking again.**

**"This is perfect by the way...the cake, the picnic..."**

**Rita smiled again and pressed her lips together, glancing down at the pattern on the blanket. Behind them, some distance away they heard the boot of the car open and close.**

**"So...what ****_did_**** you wish for?"**

**Rita asked, changing the subject, pressing her fingertip against the crumbs on her plate, capturing them and licking them off with her tongue.**

**Connie drew in a breath and squinted against the sunlight that filtered through the branches, casting a vague warm shaft of light against her face. Did Rita really believe in wishes? More to the point, did she?**

**"I wished for it to always be like this."**

**She murmured, the sun against her lips.**

**"Just the three of us. Always this easy...always this happy..."**

****-.-****

****In the next update (which I will update this afternoon or this evening depending when I complete it) Grace will find out about their relationship. Any guesses as to how she will react?! ;) xxx****


	56. Chapter 56

**The afternoon had been a success, the picnic of birthday cake and pink lemonade had left them feeling full and happy. Grace had spent an hour at the park putting Rita's upper arm muscles to the test by asking her to push her on the swings, and they'd taken the long route back to the car, doing a circuit of the park, passing the newly built band stand and the duck pond, and back to the skeleton of the elm tree and the car beneath.**

**Rita had driven them back, though there was no real need for her too, and now they were home. **

**Grace and Rita were curled up on the sofa together in the sitting room, a blanket pulled over them, so that from where Connie stood in the door frame - half way between the kitchen and the sitting room - she could only see the top of Rita's blonde head, and her sock clad feet sticking out from opposite ends of the blanket. **

**The kettle came to a rolling boil behind her, and reluctantly she turned from where she stood to made her way back into the kitchen. It had been a long day, but a happy one. She felt as though she could just curl up in bed, lay her head against Rita's chest and fall asleep without a care in the world.**

**She drew in a breath and smiled to herself as she spooned hot chocolate into two mugs, a mug for Grace, and a larger one for Rita and she reached for the kettle as the rising notes of '****_Let it Go' _****began to play from the other room. She bit her lip against her smile and listened as she heard both Rita and Grace begin to sing along, Rita murmuring the odd word that she didn't know, and Grace laughing at her mid-warble.**

**She watched as the hot chocolate powder turned the water brown, pausing before stirring it, watching the bubbles rise to the top. **

**She thought about their day, how happy Rita had made her, how she'd allowed Grace to have the spot light – decorating the cake, the cards, and helping her to make the beautiful necklace and bracelet she wore now. **

**With her free hand she touched her fingers to the necklace, fingering the single pink bead. How could she tell her, she wondered? She had no idea how much Grace knew about relationships, homosexual or otherwise. She sighed and pushed the tips of her fingers against the bridge of her nose.**

**"Penny for 'em?"**

**Rita was behind her and she hadn't even heard her enter. She exhaled through a smile and turned, finding Rita so close to her that their lack of physical contact caused a sharp stab of physical pain within Connie's chest.**

**"Oh, I was just...taking stock? Isn't that what birthdays are for?"**

**She lowered her gaze to where her fingers touched together at her waist.**

**Rita smiled slowly, her eyes narrowed, not quite convinced.**

**"Grace is hungry..."**

**She said, and Connie raised an eyebrow.**

**"Grace is always hungry."**

**Rita raised a hand to just touch against Connie's fingers.**

**"I said I'd make her some toast. Why don't you go and sit with her?"**

**She asked, squeezing the other woman's fingers. Instinctively she could sense her apprehension, she knew what she was feeling, and she knew that she was worrying.**

**"Ok?"**

**She asked again when Connie didn't reply. **

**"Ok."**

**Connie whispered glanced up, her eyes sparkling with a hidden smile.**

**"Thank you."**

**She leaned in closer - she couldn't help it.**

**"For everything."**

**She drew Rita in, and kissed her, without a thought. She kissed her softly and sweetly, pulling her close, running her hands up across the smaller woman's arms, across her shoulders and up into her hair, cupping her face.**

**"Mummy?"**

**The very sound of Grace's voice made the two women pull apart, Rita took several steps backwards, clearing her throat as Connie reversed into the kitchen counter top, wincing as her hip met with the handle of a drawer.**

**"Grace! You made me jump!"**

**Grace stood in the doorway, her face was hot and pink, and she looked between the two woman, her dark eyes finally settling on her mother. She just seemed to stand there, breathing in and out, a frown creasing her forehead.**

**"Grace..."**

**Connie pushed her hair behind her ears and folded her arms across her chest before unfolding them again, worrying that her stance may appear too defensive.**

**"Why were you kissing her?"**

**Grace asked eventually, her voice high and thin, her arms stiff by her sides.**

**Connie paused, her mouth was dry, and when she swallowed her throat hurt. She drew in a breath, steadying herself, not daring to glance towards Rita who she could glimpse from the corner of her eye, just a smudge of blonde in her peripheral vision.**

**"Sweetheart, there's something that Rita and I need to tell you."**

**But Grace began to turn away from her, making her way silently out of the room, like a ghost, moving without really seeming to.**

**"Grace...Grace! Grace, wait..."**

**Connie followed her, realising as she moved how icy the tiled floor was against her sock clad feet, how white and sterile the room was, how cold the house had become in only an instant.**

**"Grace..."**

**She shivered as she caught hold of her daughters arm, stopping her as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She could smell her skin, her hair...and she remembered all at once how she used to smell as a baby, cuddled up in her arms. Scent seemed so insignificant in this moment, though suddenly it seemed to be the most evocative of senses.**

**She knelt down before her, and Grace looked at her in disgust, her chest rose and fell quickly and her eyes were hot and pink with anger.**

**"I was going to tell you..."**

**"Tell me what?"**

**Grace asked sharply, shaking her arm free from Connie's grasp and folding them tightly across her chest. **

**Connie held her breath, she could feel her flesh prickling with panic, with this feeling that had haunted her and inhabited her each day whilst she worried about this very moment, like a sickness, it covered her, like skin. **

**"About Rita and I...that we're seeing one another..."**

**"But you didn't."**

**Grace said flatly and Connie placed her hands on her knees.**

**"No... but..."**

**"You just didn't bother telling me, just like you never bother telling me anything! You never think about me!"**

**"Grace!"**

**Connie made to reach out again as Grace began to climb the stairs but Grace tossed her arms in an over-exaggerated movement, flapping her touch away.**

**"It's just like Grandma said it would be!"**

**She shouted, her breath catching.**

**"You care more about your work than looking after your own daughter and now you'll have even less time for me because of HER!"**

**She paused on the third step up to glare at Rita, her hands clenched into fists, staring down at her mother who knelt on the cold tiled floor, stunned.**

**"It's not like that, Grace..."**

**"Well I don't want to spend time with you either... I want to go home."**

**Grace's voice was beginning to rise again, and the her cheeks were so flushed that she could feel them throbbing.**

**"And I don't mean HERE!"**

**She shouted, and crashed up the stairs, taking each step with a slam of her feet against the wood, kicking the rises as she went.**

**-.-**

**More later! Apologies for no update last night, we had a difficult evening. Hope you're all looking forward to today's updates :) xxx**


	57. Chapter 57

**Connie stood up, her arms falling to her sides, her eyes on the stairs, to where Grace had disappeared from.**

**Rita looked at her, her heart ached for her. She longed to reach out for her, to hold her close and tell her that it would be OK, but she knew Grace, and she knew that whatever she said, she couldn't be certain of it being true.**

**"What're you going to do?"**

**She said eventually, her voice barely a whisper though she hadn't meant for it to sound so weak, it had merely stuck in her throat, unwilling to be heard.**

**Connie drew up her shoulders and breathed in slowly.**

**"I suppose I should go and try to sort this out."**

**She said through an exhale, her words breathy and hopeless.**

**Rita glanced towards the top of the stairs, she could well imagine how much luck Connie would have if she did try.**

**"Why don't you let me speak to her?"**

**Connie raised her eyebrows at Rita's suggestion. **

**"Well, she's not going to listen to you..."**

**Rita murmured.**

**"But I'm her mother!"**

**Connie almost laughed and Rita reached out to her, just touching her arm.**

**"Exactly."**

**She paused, she could see Connie giving in, and with a defeated clap of her hands against her thighs she nodded.**

**"Good luck."**

**She said simply, and she turned without another word and made her way back into the kitchen, her head bowed.**

**Rita drew in a breath, steadying herself. She knew this wasn't going to be easy, and she wished she didn't have to do it, but for Connie, she would do anything, especially today. So, ignoring her nerves she climbed the stairs to the first floor where Grace's bedroom was.**

**She hesitated, deliberating between knocking and pushing the door. She noted how it wasn't properly closed, having bounced against the frame as Grace had slammed it.**

**She cleared her throat to forewarn the little girl of her presence before pushing it open ever so slightly, so that she could peer into the room.**

**"Grace?"**

**The little girl was lying face down on her bed, her hair splayed across the pillow like the long dark legs of a spider.**

**"Can I come in?"**

**Grace ignored her, so with careful footsteps she entered the room and closed the door softly behind herself.**

**She looked about the room, at the framed photos on the wall of Grace and Connie, of her friends, and her father...**

**She took another step towards the bed and lowered herself down onto it so that she was sitting by Grace's feet. **

**"Do you want to talk?"**

**She asked quietly, and from where she lay Grace shook her head, her face still pressed firmly into the pillow.**

**Rita ran a finger over a pluck in the dark purple duvet cover.**

**"You know your mum was really worried about telling you."**

**Grace remained silent, her back rising up and down slowly, as though she were asleep.**

**"She thought that telling you that we were just friends would be easier in the beginning. You could get to know me before..."**

**"I don't want to get to know you!"**

**Grace shouted into her pillow, her voice muffled and she balled her fists against her ears.**

**Rita sucked in a breath, she wanted so badly to make things right.**

**"Ok..."**

**She paused and tugged at the corners of the pluck, pulling the thread neatly back into place. **

**"Well, you know what? That's absolutely fine. "**

**She noticed a pause in the rise and fall of Grace's back.**

**"When I was little, my parents split up, and I was fine, it was much nicer not having the arguments. My brother and sister and I finally had the attention that we'd always wanted...but when they met other people it was awful, they'd forget to pick us up from school, or cancel plans we'd made, and I felt like they didn't want us around any more – like they had better things to do..."**

**She paused again, Grace's hands had relaxed and she was listening, though her face was still buried.**

**"But I'm not going to let that happen to you. I never want to make you feel like that."**

**She crossed her legs, the wooden bed frame creaking beneath her movements.**

**"All I want to do right now is to talk to you. Is that OK?"**

**Ever so slowly Grace moved. She rolled over and crawled up to the head of her bed, leaning against the headboard and pulling her knees up to her chest. She looked directly at Rita, her face flushed from being pressed into the pillow, her eyes bloodshot and her lips drawn into a tight white line. She looked so like her mother that, for a moment Rita wanted to reach out for her and draw her in close – to stroke her dark hair-**

**"I want you to know that I really like your Mum."**

**She said quietly. Grace pushed her hair from her face with slow movements, and for a moment Rita thought she might not respond at all.**

**"My mummy says you only kiss people like that when you love them."**

**She said eventually, and Rita exhaled, relieved that she had finally spoken.**

**"Well, I think that people kiss each other when they care a lot about one another, and they want to show the other person that... They want to feel close to them. But I do love your Mum...very much."**

**"But you're a girl."**

**Grace said pointedly, and Rita gritted her teeth. Now came the difficult bit.**

**"I am. But that's OK. If two people love each other, then that's what's important. It doesn't matter if that love is between a man and a woman, two women, or two men. All that matters is that they're happy...don't you think?"**

**"But it's weird..."**

**Grace let the words hang in the air between them, her nose wrinkled up, her eyes lowered.**

**"Why do you think its weird?"**

**She asked, and Grace shrugged, glancing down to her knees.**

**"It means my mum is a lesbian."**

**She said quietly, and Rita couldn't help but wonder if she even really knew what the word meant.**

**"Not necessarily. It just means that your mum has found someone she wants to spend time with-"**

**"And kiss."**

**Grace interjected.**

**"And kiss..."**

**Rita repeated, meeting Grace's eyes.**

**"Are you going to get married?"**

**Grace asked suddenly, the thought occurring to her as quickly as the words had left her lips.**

**Rita smiled and shook her head.**

**"I don't think we've been together long enough to begin thinking about that."**

**"How long have you been together?"**

**Grace asked, and Rita had the overwhelming sense that this child was trying to trick her into admitting something. She was after all, Connie's flesh and blood, and she knew full well how manipulative both females could be.**

**"Not long."**

**She said simply.**

**"Not long enough to be thinking about getting married any time soon."**

**She added. Grace nodded slowly, thinking something over, though her eyes gave nothing away.**

**"It's going to be OK, Grace...I promise you that."**

**She slipped her hand across the duvet closer to Grace, but the little girl refused to respond. Instead she hugged herself tighter and rested her chin on her knees, relishing in the fact that she could make Rita feel nervous just by looking at her.**

**-.- More soon! :) Let me know what you think, as always, and if there is anything you'd like me to include.**

**LittleBooLost, you are absolutely write to think that, Grace is far more upset because Connie is in a relationship ,and therefore she thinks she will have even less time for her, rather than being particularly worried about the fact that Rita is a woman – for now anyway...there's a chance that may be about to change due to the interference of somebody else ;) xxx**

**Also, how lovely did Connie look last night with her hair all over the place whilst she was doing the chest compressions on Charlie?! Most distracting!**


	58. Chapter 58

Grace stayed in her room until bed time. Connie glanced at the clock on the mantle piece from where she was sat on the sofa, Rita by her side, her blonde head resting on her shoulder.

"What're you thinking?"

Rita murmured. She could tell by the gentle change in pace of the pulse that beat against her ear that Connie was worrying again.

"I should go and say goodnight to her."

She said quietly. She ran her fingers down the stem of the wine glass that she held. She couldn't help worrying. Rita had tried to put her mind at rest, but nothing seemed to be able to rid her of the feeling that this, this relationship that caused her so much joy, could cost her everything.

Rita raised her head from Connie's shoulder and looked at her, her dark eyes narrowed.

"You know this is all going to be ok...?"

Connie raised her eyebrows and inhaled slowly, her chest rising and she splayed her hands flat out on the denim that covered her thighs.

"What's going on in there?"

Rita asked, raising her hand and touching a finger against the side of Connie's head, smoothing her hair, letting Connie lean into her touch.

"I'm thinking I hope you're right."

She sighed, and she turned her head to kiss Rita's fingers before pushing herself up from the sofa. She cast an eye back to the other woman as she left the room, catching the strained smile at her lips, before she turned the corner into the hallway.

She climbed the stairs slowly, letting her fingers trace the grain in the wood of the banister. It would be fine. She told herself, Rita's voice replacing her own in the back of her mind, repeating over and over, though it didn't seem to help to quell the nervous butterflies that swarmed within her stomach.

She pushed open Grace's door. It was dark, and she paused in the door frame, wondering whether to retreat. She squinted into the dark, holding her breath, and then, against the pillow she caught the glimmer of the white of Grace's eye as she blinked. She balled her hands beside her and made her way over to the bed.

"Grace?"

The little girl didn't move, but again she caught the glitter of her eyes as she sat down, as Rita had, on the bed beside her.

"I just came up to say goodnight."

She reached out a hand and with the very tips of her index finger and thumb she drew the strands of Grace's hair from across her forehead and tucked them neatly behind her ear.

"Are you ok?"

She asked, wishing she knew what to say, what to do...she felt Grace shrug beneath the duvet.

"I was so scared of telling you."

She whispered, running her hand lower, tentatively feeling the rise and fall of the duvet where, beneath the covers, her daughter's body lay stiff, unmoving, only the slow blink of her eyes giving her away.

"Why?"

Finally Grace spoke. Her voice was cracked, as though she needed to clear her throat.

Connie blew a breath from between her lips. Why? She wasn't really sure. She drew up her shoulders and edged nearer, gazing into the dark.

"I've never spoken to you before about things like this. You know as well as I do, that I'm not very good at talking about how I feel..."

She saw the grey shadow of Grace's face as she frowned and she knew that this was just as uncomfortable for Grace as it was for her.

"What I feel for Rita...It's like -"

She paused, drawing her hands back to her lap, twisting her fingers together.

"I don't know what it's like. It's as though I never saw anything at all before. It's like I'm filling up, like a glass when it's filled with water. Everything I worried about before, all of it, all of those worries – now they're like dust. She's so pretty, she's so sweet...She makes me want to smile and cry all at once."

Grace was staring at her, unblinking.

"She makes me sore, here."

She placed a hand upon her chest, upon the breast-bone.

"I've never met anybody like her before."

Her voice became a trembling whisper then, and she found that she could say no more. There was another silence. She looked at Grace - and knew at once that she shouldn't have spoken. There was a look on her face that she could see even in the dark - it was not ambiguous at all now - a look of mingled shock, and nervousness, and embarrassment or shame. She had said too much.

She stood up abruptly and folded her arms tightly across her chest.

"I'll see you in the morning."

She said quietly, the façade that she had let slip was now firmly back in place, and she made her way back to the doorway, her body illuminated as just a black silhouette against the landing light, just a shadow where her face should be.

"Night night, Mummy."

Grace's voice made her breath falter.

"Good night sweetheart."

She whispered, glancing down to the floor at her feet, blinking against the sting of her eyes.

"Sweet dreams."

-.-

**Apologies for the delay, I've been so busy with my son's third birthday and my daughter starting primary school that I haven't had the chance to get any writing done! I'll get back into the swing of things now :)**

**Somebody asked me if there will be more 'smutty' scenes, like the sofa and bath scenes. Yes! There will be many of them. I have planned an office 'scene', an office 'scene' at home, and a drunk one, to name a few for you to look forward to. And I'm always open to suggestions, if you would like to see any particular 'smutty' scenes, just let me know xxx**


	59. Chapter 59

Connie exhaled and pushed her fingers into the frown between her eyes, massaging gently as she leant back against the sofa. This was the situation that she had been worrying about, and she hadn't expected to find herself dealing with it so unexpectedly, she had wanted to prepare herself for it, to plan it...

She let her eyes close and rolled her head back so that it rested against the back of the sofa. She dare not let herself think of Grace, upstairs, seething with anger and confusion – She heard the soft steps of Rita's bare feet on the carpet as she made her way from the kitchen into the sitting room.

She opened her eyes, but let her head rest where it was, turning only slightly to face the other woman.

"I made you a coffee."

Rita folded herself carefully onto the sofa, two mugs in hand, and she rested her own between her knees, ignoring the burn whilst she turned the other mug within her grasp so that Connie could take the handle.

"Thanks."

Connie took the mug and cupped it against her chest, feeling the warmth of it against her heart.

"Thank you."

She said again, looking across at Rita this time, and slipping her free hand across the small gap between them, across the rise of Rita's knee, just letting it rest there, palm down, feeling the shift of the cotton pyjama bottoms that she wore shift against the warm skin beneath.

"You know it's going to be ok...she's just cross, but we knew she probably would be. She'll get over it..."

Rita paused as Connie smiled slightly – a press of her lips, the corners down-turned, and she glanced at the other woman with a raised eyebrow.

"Eventually."

Rita added, catching the look. Connie's smile widened and squeezed the hand that rested on Rita's thigh gently.

"And what about everyone else?"

She asked quietly.

"Everyone else?"

Rita repeated, watching as Connie raised her mug to her lips, blowing gently across the surface of the coffee creating ripples that lapped against the rim.

"Family, friends...staff members."

Connie said, emphasising the end of her sentence and she took a sip, wincing as the coffee warmed the inside of her mouth and she swallowed quickly, feeling it burn all the way down.

Now it was Rita's turn to sigh. She sucked in a breath and released it slowly, with no idea of what to say. Instead of answering she tucked her legs up more firmly beneath her and shifted closer so that she could lean against Connie, resting her head on her shoulder, gently pushing the dark curls of Connie's hair away from her eyes to beneath her cheek. She drew in another long breath, closing her eyes, relishing the sweet warmth of Connie's neck.

"We don't have to tell them just yet, do we?"

Connie felt Rita's voice vibrate against her shoulder and she tilted her head slightly to place a kiss against the grown of blonde hair. She shook her head, her lips remaining there, Rita's hair tickling her mouth.

"No."

She whispered, her breath against the other woman's scalp causing her to shiver.

Rita yawned and slipped an arm about Connie's waist, cuddling her, drawing her closer.

"I'm not looking forward to it."

She sighed and rested her cheek against Rita's head, her eyes glazing over as she stared, unblinking at the fireplace opposite them.

Rita was quiet for a moment. Neither one of them wanted to have to announce their relationship. Neither one wanted to break the bubble that they had found themselves in, as though it protected them, their bubble, their secret.

"I can just imagine their faces..."

Rita frowned, thinking of everyone at work, of Robyn, of Cal... and she sought out Connie's hand with her own.

"Since we're being honest, can I ask..."

She raised her head slightly and Connie lowered her eyes to meet hers.

"Why didn't you want to go to the police..."

"Rita..."

Rita's eyes remained on hers, steady and dark. Every so often she would think of that night, and she would wonder why she had been so adamant that she would not involve the police...she knew there would never be a right time to ask, so it may as well be now. She watched as Connie drew in her bottom lip, holding it there between her teeth, contemplating her answer.

"I wouldn't be able to cope...with the media attention, with everyone knowing-"

She said eventually, forcing herself not to look away. She wanted Rita to understand...

"But what if they do it again, to somebody else?"

Rita couldn't help asking, but as soon as the words had passed her lips she felt the change in her, she felt the tightness of her body and caught the flicker of something behind her eyes.

Connie glanced down to where their fingers intertwined.

"I've been trying not to think about that."

She said simply.

Rita followed her gaze to where their hands met. Connie's just slightly darker, and flecked with freckles, her nails polished with a pale cream polish that caught the light, and her own pale hand, her nails cut short, her veins showing a faint blue beneath the skin. She looked up again, to Connie, to the shadows that her eyelashes cast across her cheeks, and the press of her perfect lips.

"I'll always look after you, you know that?"

She whispered, waiting for Connie to meet her gaze once more.

"I know."

Connie drew in a breath before looking at her.

"I know..."

She breathed, and behind her eyes was the glimmer of the sadness, and the fear that she had fought so hard to bury deep within her.

Rita ran her thumb along the rise of Connie's knuckles and squeezed tightly.

"I might be short, but I can pack a punch..."

She said, dipping her chin, looking up at her, relieved to see the quiver of amusement at the other woman's lips.

"I can well imagine!"

Connie almost laughed as Rita smiled a smile that she couldn't help but return and she leant towards her, closing the gap between them, kissing her gently, a soft, lazy kiss that made Rita sigh with happiness.

"I'll always look after you, too."

She whispered as she pressed another kiss against her lips.

"I promise."

**-.-**

**Hello everyone, new update! Hope it's ok, let me know what you think, please :) **

**There's a clue in this chapter as to what's going to happen next...only a vague clue, but a clue nonetheless! More to come a bit later today :) xxx**


	60. Chapter 60

They made their way upstairs early, the clock had barely struck ten by the time they were in bed, the light turned off, just the gentle pale silver glow from the moon through the cotton of the curtains allowing them to catch the occasional glimpse of one another in the dark.

Rita blew out a breath from between her lips and rolled over, the sheets were slow to warm up tonight, but both women had opted to sleep unclothed, preferring the chill of the cold and the closeness of one another bodies, the slip of skin on skin and the gentle brush of fingers.

She leant across Connie, moving deliberately slowly, loving how Connie's skin felt against her own, how their breasts pressed against one another, and how the taught skin of her stomach fluttered as it brushed Connie's hip.

She reached for her phone that she had left on the bedside table.

"What're you doing?"

Connie shifted slightly and traced an absent minded pattern across Rita's shoulder as the younger woman's body flexed and strained, her hand fumbling in the dark, eventually making contact with whatever it was she was looking for.

"Setting my alarm. Some of us have to work tomorrow..."

Rita squinted as the screen of her phone clicked on.

"At least the boss is away..."

Connie murmured, allowing the pattern she traced across Rita's flesh to sprawl out further, to her shoulder blade...her neck...

Rita tapped at the screen a couple of times, Connie could see her smile illuminated in the dark, her face a picture of shadows and light, the glint of her teeth and the spark within her eyes - and suddenly she was gone, the room in darkness once more, and she heard the scrape of the phone as she set it back down on the bedside table.

Connie sighed as she drew the other woman into her, she kissed her cheek and Rita hummed against her skin, running her hands across her naked torso up to her chest, just brushing the sides of her breasts, her thumbs grazing each nipple so that they stiffened against her as she lay on top of her, nuzzling against her neck, grinning into the dark.

"You're so sexy..."

She murmured, her voice muffled slightly as she bent to kiss where she guessed Connie's lips to be, instead she kissed her chin, and she felt Connie's body tremble with a silent laugh as she tried again, finding them this time, and capturing them, both women kissing against a smile, struggling not to laugh, though neither were quite sure what was so amusing.

"I still cant believe I get to see you like this."

Rita whispered, pulling away just enough so that she could speak.

"I can't see a thing..."

Connie blinked again, the moon must have slipped behind a cloud whilst they kissed, because the room was now so ink black that she had to strain her eyes just to check whether or not they were open.

She heard Rita smile again and felt the peppering of kisses she placed along the line of her jaw.

"Ok, I can't believe I get to feel you like this, then."

And as she spoke she ran her hands once more down the length of her body, pausing only slightly at her hips to feel the rise of bone that shifted and moved as she eased herself between Connie's legs, the sensation of being the one to part them never failed to make her heart beat just that little bit quicker.

She felt the subtle roll of Connie's hips against her own and she ran her hands back up, higher and higher about the soft curve of her waist, across each ridge of her rib cage, to her breasts, gently cupping them, pressing her palms flat across the sensitive flesh, and as she bent her head to kiss her again she noticed how her lips quivered as she ran her nipples between her fingers.

"Do you know what I'd like to do?

She whispered as Connie arced her back up against her, and she slipped an arm beneath her, holding her, whispering against her throat, their bodies pressed together, her fingers marvelling at how full her breasts were.

"Hmm?"

Connie murmured, forcing herself to pay attention as Rita sucked lightly on the skin just behind her ear.

"I'd like to do it in your office."

She pressed herself against the subconscious rocking of Connie's hips, biting her lip as she felt the wetness there, and without thinking Connie expelled a low moan deep within her throat that sent a shiver straight to where Rita felt her most.

"Would you now?"

Connie asked, lowering herself back down onto the bed as Rita withdrew her arm from about her, and ever so slowly the blonde began to move, slipping one leg back over Connie's so that she could position herself directly against her, coaxing Connie's leg further up, up so that it rested against her hip, up so that when she lowered herself back down neither women could help the guttural groans of mutual pleasure as they found they could grind against one another.

Rita dipped her head once more, burying her face into Connie's neck, her lips against her ear.

"I'd like to have my way with you on that desk of yours..."

Connie shivered and smiled, amused at her choice of words, and she her head roll back further, exposing the rise of her throat to Rita's tongue.

"I'd like to force you up against it...I'd like to push up your skirt and spread your legs... and fuck you..."

"No..."

Connie cut her off, and before she could utter a single word, the older woman placed an arm about her waist and rolled them both, taking Rita by surprise, making her laugh out loud as Connie pushed her onto her back, maintaining their position, hips moving together, pushing and straining, rubbing up against one another whilst Connie held her down, her lips just a whisper from Rita's, their breath just whispered gasps between them.

"You want to fuck Mrs Beauchamp..."

She whispered, just brushing her lips against Rita's, feeling her push up against her, hearing her catch her breath.

"You want to take my power, you want to fuck me in my office because then you'll have me...every bit of me..."

She smiled then, just the hint of a smile as she kissed Rita, cupping her face, shivering as the blonde groaned into her mouth and the bed let out a satisfying creak from beneath them.

Then from the floor below there was the slam of a door and both women stopped their movements, breath held, waiting...listening...

"I can hear you!"

Grace's shout from downstairs made Connie start. She opened her mouth to reply, but immediately thought better of it and remained silent, listening as Grace slammed her bedroom door again, and there was silence once more.

Connie exhaled. She hadn't realised she had been holding her breath.

"Grace..."

Was all she seemed capable of whispering. She could feel her skin beginning to crawl with embarrassment and she cursed herself...of course this would happen...of course it would...

"No! No...don't worry..."

Rita reached out for her clumsily and they slipped from their embrace, collapsing against one another instead, their foreheads pressed together, eyes closed.

"It's ok..."

Rita whispered again, and though she was speaking to Connie, she forced herself to listen, too.

Connie exhaled again and Rita could feel her frown as she sighed.

They held each other like that, breathing in and out, laying in silence, Rita's breathing slowing, in and out, rhythmic and ever more peaceful whilst Connie lay awake, listening for Grace, wishing she could go to her, wishing she would know what to say if she did...wishing she knew what it was that a mother was supposed to do...

She screwed her eyes shut so tightly that she began to see the sparkle of lights that weren't really there and she opened them again, grateful for the light of the moon that now shone brighter than ever and she glanced down to where Rita lay, her face upturned to Connie, her cheek just resting against her chest, her lips parted, her hair brushed back from her face.

All of a sudden she felt her body relax. Perhaps Rita _was _right, she thought, feeling the flicker of hope ignite within her chest. Perhaps it would all be ok...

She bit her lip against a smile, and carefully, so as not to disturb the slumbering blonde, she reached out a hand for her own phone, finding it after only a brief search with her fingertips, and, holding it so that the screen faced slightly away, so as not to blind herself, she found the camera, and quickly clicked 'capture', closing her eyes against the sudden flare of light, hesitating before moving again, waiting to check that Rita would not stir before glancing at the picture.

Despite the flash the photo was still dark, though the picture was still visible, Rita's blonde head, her cheek against Connie's bare chest, her face so beautiful...so peaceful.

She smiled to herself and squinted her eyes against the glare of the screen as she flicked through her contacts and selected Rita's name, opening the image up in a message, pausing just long enough before sending to type a message.

"_Watching you sleep, and falling in love with you all over again."_

-.-

Thank you for the lovely reviews from the last chapter, really made me smile, and I could do with a smile at the moment :)

Can anybody guess what's going to happen in the next part...?

I'll update again tomorrow :) xxx


	61. Chapter 61

They awoke to the sound of Rita's alarm. A soft bleeping sound that rose in volume until it roused them, and with her eyes still closed Rita threw an arm out from beneath the duvet, across Connie's chest to where she could silence the noise with a practised touch of her finger.

She groaned and opened her eyes as Connie stretched beside her, their bodies warm and soft from sleep.

"Morning Sweetheart."

Connie's lips pressed against Rita's, and the blonde smiled against her, sighing and cuddling closer.

"It's so nice, waking up with you..."

Rita wrapped herself about Connie, head against her chest, one leg tossed over hers.

"Ugh. I don't want to go to work."

She sighed again, her breath warm against Connie's skin.

Connie squeezed her close and ran her fingers through her hair. She placed a kiss on her forehead, taking a moment to breathe her in, the smell of Rita in the morning always made her heart flutter.

"I'm sure you will have a much less stressful day than I will"

She stroked the soft short hairs at the base of Rita's neck and ran her lips back and forth against her hairline. She was thinking of Grace. She had planned a 'mother and daughter' day. A day of shopping, and lunch out to a place of Grace's choice...now she was almost certain that her daughter would refuse such an idea.

She drew in a breath and Rita pushed herself up slightly so that she could look down at her, her cheeks were flushed and on one side of her face was the faint indentation of the pillow on which she had slept.

"Do you want me to stay? I'm sure I could find somebody to swap a shift with-"

"I'm not having you use me as an excuse to have the day off!"

Connie exclaimed, her eyes sparkling.

"No, I didn't mean-"

"I know."

Connie smiled and ran her fingers lightly up the pale flesh of Rita's chest to where her collarbone jutted out, casting a small grey shadow at her throat.

"I just don't want you to have to deal with this on your own."

Rita murmured, kissing Connie's fingertips as they traced the veins that led from her neck to her chin, to her lips.

Connie smiled again, admiring the pink rise of Rita's lips, how they parted slightly when she touched them, revealing just the very edges of her straight, white teeth.

"I know."

She said again. She didn't want to say that she had been dealing with Grace on her own for years...surely she should have had enough practise to know what to do now...

Rita kissed her fingers again before leaning down to kiss her on the lips. She knew what Connie was thinking, she knew what she felt wasn't as simple as just worry, it was guilt, anxiety, and fear all muddled up.

"I'll be back later. I'll cook you dinner?"

She offered quietly.

Connie flexed her legs, stretching them out whilst with her hand she cupped Rita's face.

"You're perfect."

She whispered, and she looked up at her, meeting her gaze. She could never quite get over just how very dark Rita's eyes were.

"Far from it, but I'm glad _you_ think so."

She murmured, reaching down to kiss Connie quickly before rolling off of her, expelling a huff of a breath as her body hit the mattress.

From the floor below they heard the opening of a bedroom door, a pause, and then the creak of the stairs. Grace was up. Connie yawned, letting out a soft groan and she ran her hands across her face. She wished she had had time to go downstairs and have a coffee before facing Grace.

"Come on, you..."

Rita nudged her gently.

"Let's get this over and done with."

She added, and with a deep slow sigh, she pushed the duvet back.

-.-

Downstairs the kitchen was cold. Colder than it had been the last few mornings. They could smell the frost in the air. Through the windows, the outside world was in milky darkness, the night just creeping back, slow and lazy, the grass in the garden glittered, already brittle with frost, shining like stars, and just by the kitchen window the leaves of the old rose bush had turned scarlet and gold, though in the dark everything was a shadow of itself, grey with a purple edge.

Rita was in the sitting room starting a fire, Connie could hear the shuffle of wood and rustle of paper as she built it up. She hadn't looked at her phone yet, except to silence the alarm. Connie smiled to herself and flicked the switch of the kettle, and the coffee machine on simultaneously before moving to the fridge to locate the milk.

Once the fire was lit and the flames had begun to hiss, extending long yellow tongues to lick at the dry wood, she leant back on her knees, enjoying the feel of gradual warmth and the flicker of light across her face. She shifted, she had her phone in her pocket and it was digging into her hip. She removed it and, holding it in one hand flicked it on.

_1 New Message - Connie_

She glanced to the time, it was only just 7:00AM. She clicked on the message and smiled as it opened, her own sleeping face showing back at her, though it was Connie's bare chest that held her attention, and when she scrolled down to read the message she bit her lip. A bubble of love caught in her throat and she set the phone down on the coffee table before making her way into the kitchen.

Connie was stirring a cup of tea with one hand, her other hand raised, working out a tangle in a curl of her hair.

Rita stopped just behind her.

"Thank you..."

She wrapped her arms about Connie's waist and kissed the back of her neck. Connie turned every so slightly, a smile at her lips.

"You got the message, then."

She murmured, glancing to her left as she heard Grace's footsteps approach the sitting room.

"Shame you cut your own head off."

Rita grinned, resting her head on Connie's shoulder, peering down at the two mugs before her. She'd left her own coffee black and strong.

"It was dark! Just be glad I got anything in it at all."

Connie smiled again and set the teaspoon she was using down beside the mugs.

"Oh, there's two things I can think of that I'm glad you managed to get into it."

She murmured, but as she spoke Grace's footsteps came nearer and she let her arms fall from about Connie, taking a step back from her as the little girl entered the room with a smile of satisfaction on her pale face.

-.-

**Another update! Hope there are still some people out there reading this? I'll try to update again this evening xxx**


	62. Chapter 62

**There was a soft vibrating noise that carried from the sitting room into the kitchen. Connie frowned in it's direction whilst Grace arranged herself on a dining chair, her IPod placed on the table before her and she sat, untangling her headphones, without looking up.**

**"Good morning sweetheart..."**

**Connie's words seemed to come too late. She had waited just that little bit too long between Grace coming into the room, and sitting down, to speak, and now her words seemed stilted and hollow. **

**She swallowed and glanced to Rita who widened her eyes, neither woman had any idea what to say to make this better...to make it bearable...**

**Connie pulled out the chair nearest Grace and sat down stiffly. She folded her hands in front of her, and then, as if instantly changing her mind, she reached out her right hand, slipping her fingers across the table towards Grace, willing her to accept her touch, willing her to reach out to her in return.**

**"Grace..."**

**She cleared her throat, her attention caught momentarily by the return of the vibrating from the sitting room.**

**Grace remained motionless. Her eyes still lowered, showing only the reflection of the screen before her. **

**"I thought we might go into town today. Just you and me? I thought we could do a bit of shopping, and then you could - "**

**Grace pushed her headphones into her ears and pressed play, the music so loud that it sounded out into the room about her head.**

**Connie flexed the hand that she had extended, clenching and unclenching. Again she looked to Rita who stood opposite her, leaning against the work top, tea in hand. The younger woman glanced to Grace, her pale face lowered, her dark eyes fixed on the black screen of her ipod, her body unmoving despite the tinny beat within her ears.**

**Defeated, Connie pushed her chair back from the table with an alarming grate and stood up. She touched her fingertips to the surface of the table, feeling the cool wood beneath her touch. Again came that incessant buzzing and Connie glanced towards the doorway to the other room.**

**"Is that your phone?"**

**She asked sharply, the noise suddenly irritating her.**

**Rita followed her gaze.**

**"It's probably work wanting me to come in earlier."**

**She spoke as she raised her mug to her mouth and took a sip of her tea. As she swallowed the noise came again, the sound of her phone vibrating against the solid wood of the coffee table. She made an irritated noise in the back of her throat and set the mug down on the side before making her way back into the sitting room.**

**Connie watched her go, loathe to turn back to her daughter. She drew in a breath and exhaled slowly. She was tired of trying to hold things together that could not be held. Trying to control what could not be controlled. She watched as Rita appeared back in the doorway, a frown creasing her forehead. She was tired of denying herself what she wanted for fear of breaking things that she could not fix. They would break, she realised, no matter what they did...**

**"What the fuck?!"**

**Rita's exclamation caught her off guard, it roused her from her thoughts and she noticed out of the corner of her eye, how Grace reached out to lower the volume of her music slightly.**

**"Fuck!"**

**Rita repeated, her mouth was open, one hand was at her forehead, her fingers threaded loosely through her blonde hair, her forehead creased, her eyes wide as she stared down at the phone within her hand.**

**"Rita?"**

**As Connie spoke, Rita looked up at her, her mouth still hung open, as though whatever it was she wanted to say, just wouldn't come out. Instead she held out her phone as Connie came near, and as the older woman took the phone from her hand, she could feel herself beginning to tremble.**

**Connie looked at the screen. For a moment she wasn't sure what she was looking for. And then, with the rising creep of ice up her spine, she realised, as she looked down at the photo she had sent to Rita that morning – she realised as she looked at the 14 missed calls, and 22 text messages...23 text messages, the phone vibrated again as she held it. **

**"Everyone in my address book."**

**Connie looked up at her.**

**"It's been sent to everyone in my address book..."**

**Rita whispered. Her cheeks were flushed, and she swallowed. Her stomach winced as the phone began to ring again.**

**** : your reviews are always so lovely, thank you!****

****SuranneKeeleyBeauchamp and LittleBooLost: Now you know what Grace has been up to!****

****Wowstars: Grace will come round...eventually... :) and as for the office scene(!) you won't have to wait too much longer...thank you so much for your lovely reviews.****

****More tomorrow, I promise it will be a longer update :) xxx****


	63. Chapter 63

"It's your Mum."

The phone was ringing again. Connie held it out to her, but Rita splayed out her hands as though she were surrendering, and shook her head. She didn't say anything, but her lips were pursed and her eyes glittered. The panic was beginning to rise. She was running through everyone in her phone book. Her mum, her dad...her friends, work colleagues...

"Rita?"

Connie placed her free hand on Rita's shoulder.

"Are you going to-"

"Just turn it off."

Rita's voice was low and choked. She touched her fingertips to her lips, one hand on her hip, thinking...wondering what to do.

The phone call cut off and immediately began to ring again, this time flashing up with '_Dad'._

"Rita..."

"Can you just turn it off!"

Rita exclaimed, the sudden loudness of her voice peaking Grace's interest, and again she slipped her hand across the table to lower the volume, a motion which didn't go unnoticed by the nurse.

"Please..."

Rita added, glancing quickly to Connie before turning to Grace. She pressed her palms down on the table. She was at the opposite end, the length of the table before her. She leant heavily against it, looking at Grace, waiting for her to look up.

"Look at me."

She spoke loudly so that Grace would hear her, her heart throbbing painfully within her throat. But Grace ignored her. She sat, unmoving, listening to her music.

Connie closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Without even looking across at her daughter she knew she was to blame.

"Look at me!"

Rita leant lower against the table, her words seemed tight in her chest and she struggled to draw in a breath. She felt Connie's hand at the small of her back.

"Let me speak to her..."

She whispered, instinctively she knew that Grace wouldn't respond. She was stubborn, and right now she was fearless with an inner rage – a rage against her.

Without another word Rita backed away from the table. Her face was pale and her eyes appeared even larger, and even darker as she watched Grace. In that moment she hated the little girl who sat before her, her lips a smug line, her eyebrows raised slightly in satisfaction.

She turned sharply and made her way into the hallway. She knew Connie would follow her, and when she paused at the door to push her feet into her boots she wasn't surprised to see the outline of Connie standing in the door frame, her hands by her sides, her lips dry and parted.

"Where are you going?"

She asked quietly. Rita glanced across at her as she tied her laces, pulling them so tight that they hurt her ankles.

"Work."

She answered flatly. She tied a double knot in the first lace and moved on to the second. Connie glanced at the clock on the wall behind her, though she knew the time.

"It's too early..."

"A walk then."

Rita finished tying the second shoe and stood up. She reached for her coat that hung on the wooden coat pegs by the door, pulling it on roughly, shrugging her shoulders as she drew it about herself.

"Rita, please..."

Connie began to move towards her but Rita just held out her hands, her back to the door. There was nothing to say. There was nothing Connie could say that would change her mind. She just needed to breathe. She needed the rush of ice cold air within her lungs to clear her head.

Silently she let her hands fall, and she opened the front door, slipped through, and closed it firmly behind her.

Connie exhaled and closed her eyes. She felt flat, limp – unable to follow.

From the kitchen she could hear the faint thump-thump of Grace's music. Had she listened to music at her age? She couldn't remember. She stood there, in the door frame, counting back the years to 1977, when she would have been Grace's age. She remembered her fathers hatred of disco music, she remembered ABBA...Rod Stewart...Elton John...

She bit down on her bottom lip.

The music dimmed and the rhythm paused, and changed, softer now, somewhat familiar.

It took all of the strength she had to turn back into the kitchen. Silently she made her way – barefoot over the cold floor. She sat down at Grace's side, the little girl remained silent.

"Grace?"

She saw the flicker of a frown between her eyes.

"I need to speak to you."

She tried again but still Grace remained silent. She held her breath, struggling to keep her cool, knowing that it was more important now, than it ever was.

"Why did you do it..."

She whispered. She had assumed that Grace wouldn't hear, but the little girls lips twitched into a satisfied smile, one eyebrow raised in an expression Connie recognised as her own. She felt herself break. She almost felt the snap of the switch within her and she stood up so quickly that Grace looked up at her without meaning to.

"Grace! I want you to listen to me, and I want you to listen to me now-"

Before she could finish Grace sighed elaborately and once more she reached to turn up the volume, but before she could, Connie snatched the Ipod from the table, wrenching the earphones from Grace's ears.

"LISTEN!"

She bought the little music player up, and threw it so hard at the wall that it shattered. The earphones spiralled out wildly before impact, the screen splintered and bled, the music blared and then cut out altogether.

"I HATE you."

Grace pushed her chair back so hard that it toppled over backwards.

"And I HATE her."

She hissed, as she stormed from the room.

**-.-**

**More later... :) xxx**


	64. Chapter 64

Connie was still standing in the kitchen when there was a knock at the door. She glanced at the clock. She wasn't quite sure how long she had been standing there – an hour? More? Grace had shut herself away in her bedroom, and the house was silent except for the occasional drip of the cold tap.

For a moment she considered ignoring whoever it was at the door, and she waited for the inevitable second knock before moving. Perhaps...perhaps Rita had come back...perhaps she should give her a key...

She wrapped her arms about herself and made her way slowly to the front door, the floor was cold underfoot and she shivered as she stopped, just shy of the door mat. She opened the door, the rush of cold air making goosebumps rise across her flesh.

"Charlie!"

There he stood, on her doorstep, a frown of concern creasing his forehead.

She raised a hand to her forehead, self conscious all of a sudden. She must look awful, she thought. Her hair was snarled and tangled at the back from where she had slept on it, and she hadn't even thought about make up yet.

"Hello Connie."

He glanced behind her, as if he were expecting to see somebody else.

"Can I come in?"

He asked. The early morning cold had made his face pale and he tugged his jacket about himself even tighter.

"Of course! Yes...yes. Come in."

She stepped back, moving quickly, suddenly snapping out of the daze that she had found herself in. She glanced down at herself as he entered and stopped to wipe his boots on the mat. She tugged at the hem of her oversized jumper. She wasn't accustomed to having visitors when she was so ill prepared...so exposed.

She took his coat and hung it up where Rita's had been as he closed the door, shutting out the blustering icy winds that howled and licked at the corners of the house with white cold greed.

"Come through."

She gestured to the kitchen, and Charlie followed her as she led the way.

"Coffee?"

"Grace not here?"

They spoke in unison and he smiled slightly. She sighed and clapped her hands to her sides before gesturing to the mugs.

"Please."

He watched as she flicked on the coffee machine and busied herself with cups, contemplating his question.

"She's upstairs."

She turned to face him just in time to see him glance at the smashed Ipod that she had collected into a pile on the table. Almost invisible flakes of glass had splintered into her fingertips as she'd gathered the bits together. She could still feel the sting of them now, and the headphones were left, still plugged in and coiled tightly into a ball.

He pushed his hands into his pockets and drew in a breath, glancing at her.

"I had a text message from Rita this morning."

He paused, leaving the rest of his sentence hanging in mid air between them. Connie lowered her gaze to the floor.

"In fact, I think most of the department did..."

He watched as Connie's cheeks flushed and she frowned slightly before looking up, meeting his gaze.

"I can't say I recognised you from the picture, but I assume it was you and her?"

He asked gently.

She exhaled and raised her eyes to the ceiling as the coffee machine finished in it's coffee making. The knowledge that Charlie, and whoever else, had seen such an intimate picture of them both, a picture of her topless, made her skin crawl. At least she was other wise unrecognisable, she thought, at least she hadn't managed to capture her own face as she had Rita's...

"Grace..."

Connie murmured and stirred milk into one of the coffee's.

"She didn't take the news of Rita and I well."

She handed Charlie his mug and he took it with a murmured 'thanks'.

"She sent the picture to everyone in Rita's phone book."

She concluded, and again Charlie glanced to the Ipod.

There was a pause between them. The atmosphere seemed to shift from one of mild discomfort to one of friendship. Despite the bristle and prickle of her embarrassment, she knew he cared.

"You should go to her, you know...make sure she's ok."

He spoke quietly, and without Connie saying a word he set down his mug on the table top and sat down. She drew in a breath and exhaled slowly before she joined him, sitting opposite him.

"You saw her this morning?"

"She was an hour and a half early..."

Charlie answered without hesitation, and Connie nodded slowly.

Charlie cleared his throat and raised his coffee to his lips, taking a sip and swallowing, biding his time, for he knew what he had to say may not be well received.

"She shouldn't have to deal with this on her own..."

She pursed her lips.

"I have Grace, there's nothing I can-"

"I'll stay here and see to Grace. You go...Rita needs you. She's just been outed in the worst possible way, Connie."

He set his mug down again and she raised a hand to her forehead, pushing her fingers against the bridge of her nose.

"I can think of worse ways."

She murmured, and immediately regretted her choice of words. She hadn't meant to sound so petulant, as though Rita's reaction was uncalled for.

"Surely you're not going to let her go through this on her own?"

He asked as Connie sucked in a breath and blew into the steam that rose from her coffee cup.  
"Come on, Connie, this doesn't have to be nearly as bad as either of you seem to think it does."  
Connie raised an eyebrow.  
"It would be made a great deal better if you were supporting her instead of avoiding..."  
"I'm not avoiding..."  
She answered sharply, and Charlie looked disbelievingly at her. She drew in a long breath and sighed. She knew that whatever she said, it wouldn't fool him. He knew her better than most, perhaps sometimes he even knew her better than she knew herself.  
"I'm not ready...I'm not ready to 'come out'..."  
She whispered. The very words making her throat feel tight.  
"And Rita is? Think how she feels Connie. Your daughter sent an intimate picture of her to everyone she knows, her friends, her family, and who knows who else. She's humiliated, she's upset, and she needs _you_."  
Connie rubbed her forehead. He was looking at her with that mix of concern and frustration that only he seemed capable of.

"I don't know what to do,Charlie..."

She whispered. She had no idea. The thought of the entire staff knowing...

She closed her eyes.

"You love her?"

Charlie asked, his voice quiet. She nodded ever so slightly, still her eyes closed, just the bloom of gold from the light showing behind her eyelids.

"I adore her, I love her...so much..."

"So what's the problem?"

"I...I just..."

She stopped and opened her eyes, looking at him. She raised her hands in defeat and let them fall back down to her sides.

"You don't think you'd have the support of your staff? I know you haven't seen eye to eye with a lot of them, but despite that, they love Rita. They'll talk about it, and laugh, maybe even poke fun but they wont be malicious about it."

"And Grace?"

"Grace is in shock."

Connie puffed out a breath from between her lips.

"I don't feel qualified to come out...I don't feel as though I even know who I am..._what_ I am..."

He paused and reached out across the table, placing his hand over her own.

"Connie, you don't have to label yourself."

He placed his cup down on the table.

"Then how do I know who I am?"

She sighed.

-.-

**Hello everyone. I needed a brief break as some not very polite 'reviews' were left on this story, which meant I didn't really want to write it! Anyway, I'll update again later, but first, would you like to see the scene between Grace and Charlie, or shall I skip straight to Connie and Rita at the hospital? I'll write whatever the majority would like to see :)**

**Also, I've been asked to add some "full on smut". I'm not entirely sure what the guest who requested this meant. Do you mean sex scenes similar to what I have been writing, or did you mean more graphic/longer/...? I write sex scenes where I feel they would naturally occur, not just for the sake of them, but rest assured there will be more!**

**Anyway, let me know! xxx**


	65. Chapter 65

****_Little bit more Connie and Charlie, and then I will continue on to the Connie and Rita scene in the hospital, as that was what the majority of people asked for._****

****_Enjoy..._****

**_-.-_**

**"Have you ever had feelings like this before, for a woman?"**

**It was Charlie who broke the brief moment of silence in which Connie felt her throat constrict with dread, contemplating what it was that she would inevitably have to do.**

**She drew in a breath and looked across at him. He looked so patient, so understanding sitting there in his dark blue woollen jumper, the faint tufts of white hair tousled by the wind and the knuckles of his hands that rested by hers were ruddy from the cold.**

**She exhaled. This was the time to be honest, she supposed.**

**"I've found other women attractive..."**

**She paused, she had barely even admitted this to herself.**

**"...though I've never acted upon it."**

**She added. Charlie nodded slowly, it was the answer that he had been expecting, but even so, he wasn't sure how to respond. **

**"I've never felt like this towards any person, male ****_or_**** female."**

**She whispered, glancing to her hands that wrapped about the white mug, half full of coffee that was now probably too cool to enjoy as she liked it.**

**Charlie cleared his throat and drew himself back in his chair, his hands slipped away from her and he frowned slightly, though his lips upturned in an a smile. He felt a paternal need to protect her, to make sure she did the right thing for herself, for Rita...for her career.**

**"Then perhaps you need just accept that it doesn't matter."**

**He paused and let his head fall ever so slightly to one side, meeting her gaze. **

**"You've fallen in love, Connie...that's what matters, not whether you're gay, straight or bisexual..."**

**He watched her as he spoke, the way she drew in a breath through her nose, the way her lips pursed as though she were fighting against something deep inside of herself...**

**"Why is it we can never love the people we ought to?"**

**She whispered, blinking, glancing up at him. She could feel the spike of tears at the corners of her eyes and she blinked again, once, twice...she cleared her throat, she suddenly felt most unlike herself. She was flailing, unravelling, and all because she had fallen in love. How ridiculous, it seemed, that something so perfect, so lovely , could cause her so much pain. **

**She heard Charlie exhale a breath of incredulity and she lowered her gaze to the table top, following the grain until her eyes blurred with tears. **

**She seemed unable to grow used to these occasional dark moments that seemed to come so regularly now. Moments where she would be stricken with fear quite unexpectedly. Moments in which she would remember that night, she would remember everything all at once, in less than a second...and she would think of Rita, how all of this- their relationship, would have to come out eventually...**

**And then there were the dreary fits, when her life, laid out before her, seemed bitter and hollow and insignificant... She forgot the many successes of her career and instead saw every failure... the missed opportunities, the moments of cowardice and disappointment... she had been very much in love in the past... and had been thrown over for another... she had turned her back on romance after that disenchantment, and the few affairs she had had since then had been very half-hearted things. Now, in these moments, the passionless embraces came back to her ... in all their dry mechanical detail, and she felt a wave of disgust for herself...**

**"Connie..."**

**She felt Charlie's fingers against the back of her hand again and she glanced up, suddenly aware that he had been speaking to her.**

**"You're so brave and quiet that I forget you are suffering.."**

**He spoke so softly that his words made her breath catch, and again she pressed her lips together to quell the wobble of her chin.**

**"Why do you think you ought not to love her?"**

**He asked, changing the subject, knowing that if she thought too long about whatever it was that she was thinking about, she might never return.**

**She cleared her throat again with a half-cough and raised one hand to run the backs of her fingers beneath her eyes.**

**"Oh...I..."**

**She drew up her shoulders.**

**"I'm not exactly the most loved member of the team...I hardly think they will give us their blessing..."**

**Charlie smiled again as she spoke, and in turn she felt herself smile, the burning solid ache deep within the back of her throat lessening.**

**"Well, I can't say they won't be surprised!"**  
**He almost laughed as he spoke. Even he had though this was all a little bit unlikely, but he could see that they loved one another, he could see it right now, sitting opposite Connie. He could see how her breath caught in her throat when she mentioned Rita's name, and how her eyes glittered, and the corners of her mouth twitched with a smile full of secrets when she thought of her. She seemed to glow with love, almost as pregnant women do...she was bursting with it, and yet she didn't seem to be able to see it herself...**  
**He pressed his hand tighter about her own.**  
**"...but in the long run they'll respect you a lot more for standing by her and being honest with them. Rita is a well liked member of the team..."**  
**"Well, quite! They're hardly going to be thrilled that it's me she's seeing!"**  
**She cut in, and Charlie raised his eyebrows, amused.**  
**"You said you love her."**  
**He said quietly.**  
**"I do love her."**  
**"Well then!"**  
**He gave her hand a final squeeze before slipping them back across the table where he clasped them together as if in prayer.**  
**"Nothing else really matters does it?"**  
**Connie pulled a face and Charlie laughed out loud at her crinkled nose and raised eyebrow. She looked beautiful, right then, with her eyes glassy with un-shed tears, her cheeks freckled and flushed and her pulse ticking visibly, just below her jaw.**  
**"Listen."**  
**It was his turn now to clear his throat.**  
** "Go over there right now, look after her...then when her shift if over, bring her home and make a fuss of her, lord knows she needs it."**  
**"I don't think I'm strong enough-"**  
**"Not strong enough! You're the strongest woman I know!"**  
**He exclaimed.**   
**Connie drew in a breath and leant back in her chair, feeling the press of wooden slats against the ridges of her spine.**  
**"****Your heart and hers are alike, after all. I realise that now, and so will the rest of the staff...Come on Connie, we've been surrounded by the love you two have been building between each other for years! The passion with which you two used to argue...the way you used to infuriate one another...I bet you anything that this won't come as the big shock you're both expecting!"**  
**He smiled again, a small comforting smile that made her exhale a breath of relief. She knew that even though she was yet to believe it, that it was more than likely true.**  
**"And Connie?"**  
**He added, breaking her train of thought.**  
**"Mmm?"**  
**"If it all goes pear shaped, I'm here..."**  
**She gave a slight shake of her head and smiled, meeting his eyes.**  
**"Thank you, Charlie."**  
**She murmured, and he gave a brief nod of his head.**  
**"No need to thank me."**  
**-.-**  
**Saz: Hello lovely! So glad you're still enjoying it. I will skip to Connie and Rita next.. xx** **Lollyblanc: Thank you so much for that lovely review, I close one eye now (not that that will help in the slightest!) when I open an email that says review, just in case it's a not very nice one...but yours really made me smile, so thank you! ** **Lola: Don't worry, I will continue to update. I think I'm just a bit of a 'overly sensitive creative type' ;) and the reviews demanding things of me made me cross, and upset, so it put me off writing. I've calmed down now, though. Oh, and thank you! ** ****leeleestjames93 and ******under the stars****: What lovely messages to get, thank you!** ** : Your reviews always make me smile x** **And to the guest, Re: Smut: Okey dokey.**


	66. Chapter 66

**She'd never imagined it would be like this-when she thought of someone (a woman like herself) giving up a piece of herself, letting her façade slip, albeit briefly, for the happiness of somebody else. **

**She'd imagined shrieks and wails, she'd imagined that she would stop at the doors to the ED and find that she couldn't force herself to go any further; but now, in this moment, it seemed clear that there was another way, far quieter; a way that was numb and flat, so much so that an emotion as strong as the fear she had expected would have been a relief. **

**She drew in a breath as she passed by reception. Noel caught her eye, the phone held against his ear. He frowned slightly as she made her way across the floor. She knew what he was thinking, she shouldn't be here, and as she placed a hand on the double doors to the ward, she found herself thinking the same thing...she shouldn't be here...**

**She paused as she entered the ward. The smell of it hit her – unmistakeably sterile – she only noticed it when she had been away, and now the smell of it made her nose sting and she swallowed, tasting the tang of antiseptic in the back of her throat. **

**She was nervous, she realised. Her stomach popped and gurgled and if she didn't lock her knees as she stood, then they began to tremble beneath the fabric of her trousers. **

**She glanced down at herself. Perhaps she had over done it... she wore her highest pair of Louboutins, her tightest fitting black trousers, turned up at the ankles, and a loose fitting white shirt that billowed about her wrists. She cleared her throat. Perhaps she had felt that only ****_Mrs Beauchamp_****, with her glossy dark hair curled neatly about her shoulders, and her eyes perfectly lined and dark with kohl, would be able to do what she was about to do.**

**As she began to move again, she noticed the glances tossed in her direction, she noticed how at the sound of her heels alone, nurses flinched, junior doctors eyes widened, and porters seemed to move just that little bit faster.**

**She clenched her hands by her sides, trying to steady the vibration within her that seemed intent on setting her off course. Her lips were dry and she pressed them together as she paused near the nurses station. She felt the great aching lurch of nervousness within her stomach, so here it was – the fear she had been expecting. **

**"To what do we owe this pleasure?"**

**As Dr Knight spoke she felt her entire body jump and she turned to him sharply, her lips parted.**

**"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"**

**"It's OK, Dr Knight...it's OK..."**

**She let her eyes glance behind him, she could see Robyn...Lofty...**

**"Do you happen to know where I could find our clinical nurse manager?"**

**She asked, focusing on Cal again, just in time to see the slight narrowing of his eyes, and the flicker of a smile as he pursed his lips.**

**"Something funny, Dr Knight?"**

**She asked, her voice low. She was beginning to feel light headed, she could feel the prickle at the nape of her neck, and the uncomfortable warmth that seemed to creep about her hair line.**

**"No, no...I uh, think she's taking inventory."**

**He said pointedly, and he let his gaze wander to the cupboard to their left. She glanced in it's direction.**

**"Thank you."**

**She made to move towards the cupboard, but Cal placed a tentative hand on her forearm and she stopped, looking up at him with a look of mild irritation.**

**"You didn't receive a text message from her this morning, did you...?"**

**He asked, his voice lowered and he leant closer to her, close enough so that she could smell his aftershave. **

**She stepped back.**

**"Is this question in any way related to the job that you are supposed to be doing?"**

**She asked, though she had to clench her fists again to stop her hands from shaking. **

**Cal gave a brief bow of his head and followed her lead, stepping further away from her. **

**"No..."**

**She pursed her lips. She didn't trust herself to speak again. Instead she turned away from him and made her way over to the cupboard without glancing back.**

**She stopped before the door, she could hear the soft sound of movement from within the room beyond. She pressed down on the handle and pushed open the door. **

**Rita glanced up at the sound of the door opening, and paused in her list making as she realised who it was who had opened the door.**

**Connie glanced from Rita to the young male trainee nurse by her side, his eyes were wide and he stared at her with such obvious terror that she found herself averting her gaze to save him some discomfort. **

**"Nurse Freeman, a word, please?"**

**She spoke quietly, and it took Rita a half a second too long to respond, so shocked was she to see Connie there...**

**She cleared her throat. **

**"Excuse me."**

**She murmured to the nurse by her side and handed him the list before making her way over to Connie, standing close to her in the small doorway. She looked up at her, she could smell her perfume, and now, up close, she could see the tension at the corners of her eyes, the skin their pale, creased, and paper thin.**

**"Are you ok?"**

**Connie spoke softly, but still, in the small room, her voice carried and the trainee nurse glanced across at her. **

**She watched as Rita frowned slightly and glanced away, her cheeks were faintly flushed, and her dark eyes were tired and rimmed with pink as though she had been crying. She wanted to touch her, to reach out for her as she began to feel a longing so great, so sharp, that she felt it would mount, and mount, until she felt it would kill her. **

**Connie glanced again to the trainee nurse and she knew, though he was methodically ticking off items on the list, that he was listening to them.**

**"Could you gather all available staff to the nurses station in fifteen minutes...please?"**

**She spoke with the authority that she always used at work, but right now, with Rita, it seemed so false that surely the other nurse watching them would realise...**

**Rita looked momentarily confused.**

**"O-kay...?"**

**She frowned, and looked up at Connie, searching for something behind the hazel eyes that met her own.**

**"Thank you."**

**Connie drew in a long breath filled with the words she couldn't say, and exhaled before stepping back out onto the ward, still facing Rita, wishing she could tell her what she had planned... **

**She swallowed. Everything about her had become narrow and unimportant. She was sick to death of living falsely, she realised, she had been doing it for years in some way or another, but it was only now, looking back at Rita, with her blood shot eyes, that she knew that she had to do something about it. She had to be strong...and it was her fathers voice that she heard within her own head as she made her way to her office - ****_'_****_Why wait for anything when the world was is so cock-eyed and dangerous? Why sit and stare into the mirror, too fearful of what may come to make a move?'_**

**_-.-_**

**_Thank you so much everyone, for all of the lovely messages/reviews. They've certainly made me feel much better! Don't worry, I promise I won't desert this, or any other of my stories._**

**_I will post the next update either later today, or this evening, depending on when I have time._**

**_Anyway, hope you enjoyed this update! Let me know what you think, as always :) xxx_**


	67. Chapter 67

**Connie glanced to the clock above the office door. Fifteen minutes. Time was up. **  
**She drew her hands in towards her across the desk, inhaling as she let her fingernails just scrape the surface. Her heart seemed to flutter with every beat. She stood up slowly, swallowing, reminding herself to breathe evenly...slow deep breaths that took her mind off what it was she was about to do.** **She looked to the door. Through the window she could see the backs of various staff members all assembled at the nurses station, some turned and glanced towards her office – could they see her? She couldn't tell. She let her eyes close for the briefest of moments, lowering her head and holding her hands across her face. Her**** mind was blurred and smothered by anxiety...she felt like a lost child–wandering an empty house, sitting on the bottom step to cry...**

**Ever so slowly she opened her eyes and looked back up to the clock. Sixteen minutes past. She was late. She was never late...**

**Forcing all thoughts from her mind she pushed back the chair and stood up, 'better late than never', she murmured to herself, and she smoothed down her skirt before making her way to the door.**

**Outside on the ward the staff members greeted her with a sudden hush that made her breath catch, and she licked her lips, they were dry from the cold and she wished just for a moment that she could go back for her lipstick... **

**She placed her hands upon the nurses station, facing the crowd. She saw Zoe glance at her watch, Robyn who was folding up a piece of paper, and Lily, ever present Lily looking so serious...if only she could realise that it didn't matter...none of this really mattered, unless you allowed yourself to feel...**

**She cleared her throat and the low murmur of voices subsided. They were all there...all the faces, the staff...****_her _****staff. And Rita, standing to her left, her blonde hair tucked behind her ears, her arms held awkwardly by her sides as though she would rather be anywhere, anywhere but here, surrounded by all these pairs of eyes, everyone that knew...**

**"Sister Freeman..."**  
**Her voice sounded odd, as though she was hearing herself back on a recording, was this really her own voice? Could she really mean to say what she was going to say? Rita looked up at her, her cheeks were flushed and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and folded her arms across her chest defensively. **  
**"Could you join me please?"**  
**Connie asked gently, and Rita glanced about herself, hesitating for a moment, unsure as to what was about to happen. Surely Connie wasn't going to address the photo?**  
**Silently she stepped forwards, moving awkwardly, aware that all eyes were upon her as she stood next to the clinical lead.**  
**Connie sucked In a breath and relaxed her shoulders. She interlaced her fingers and stood, looking about at the gathering before her. This was it, she realised. This moment.**  
**"I'd like to thank you all for taking time out to hear what I've got to say."**  
**She began, her voice surprisingly steady and calm. She could feel Rita's eyes upon her, she knew she was there, right beside her...**  
**"I know it's busy, so I'll be as brief as I can. Now, I'm aware that a picture was accidentally sent to various members of staff from Rita's phone this morning."**  
**There was a shift in the silence, suddenly the gathering tensed, she could feel it, and she saw the sudden drop of Rita's gaze to the floor, and the darken of her cheeks.**  
**"I would like to start by saying that this photo is a private photo, and because of the nature of the photo I am sure you will all understand why I'm asking you to delete the message, and any saved copies you have of that picture. If I find out that anybody has shared the image, or is still in possession of it, action will be taken against you."**  
**She paused again, she noticed the flicker of a smile at Cal's lips.**  
**"Now. There is another issue which I would like to address. A personal issue..."**  
**The top of her mouth ached, and she longed to look away, to break the gaze she held so waveringly...**  
**"I'm sure you are all aware now that because of the photo that was circulated this morning, a lot of gossip has been spread regarding nurse Freeman's private life."**  
**She paused without really meaning to.**  
**"I would like to set the record straight, for want of a better phrase. I'm sure you're all aware that the relationship between Rita and I hasn't always been favourable. However, over the past few weeks we have managed to put our differences aside, and have entered into a relationship...a romantic relationship."**  
**Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. She held her breath as she looked between the faces she knew so well. Zoe's frown, Lofty's confusion, Dylan's look of vague disinterest...**  
**Eventually Cal cleared his throat.**  
**"I'm sorry...I think I speak for everyone when I say, 'what!?'"**  
**He asked, almost laughing, and Robyn glanced between him and Connie.**  
**"Is this a joke?"**  
**She asked quietly to no one in particular, and Connie shook her head ever so slightly.**  
**"No."**  
**"A sexual relationship...?!"**  
**Cal spoke again, and Rita laughed suddenly, unable to hold in the bubble of amusement that burst within her.**  
**"Yes..!"**  
**She bit her lip.**  
**"It's not a joke, everyone. I imagine you're all as surprised as I was..."**  
**She added quietly, still smiling, and for the first time since she had spoken, Connie looked at her, her hazel eyes clear with relief, her lips down turned with amusement.**  
**"Wait...so the woman in that picture was ****_you_****?!"**  
**Cal asked suddenly, taking both women by surprise, and all of a sudden a hushed murmur began to rise once more as the realisation dawned upon them, and Connie flushed a brilliant scarlet – the only answer that he needed...**  
**"Oh God I've seen Mrs Beauchamp's..."**  
**"Alright! Cal..."**  
**Rita cut in.**  
**"It was me."**  
**Connie confirmed quietly so that everyone had to hush in order to hear her. An awkward silence followed, nobody seemed to know quite what to say, and yet it seemed odd just to walk away...**  
**"Well!"**  
**It was Dixie who spoke first, who raised a hand to gain attention to herself.**  
**"I'd like to be the first to congratulate you both, and to wish you all the best. I think we'll all be relieved to have you two getting on..."**  
**She smiled as she spoke, and Connie noticed for the first time how her eyes sparkled as she looked upon Rita. **  
**"Thanks Dix..."**  
**Rita murmured, relieved to have the silence broken, and even more relieved to see that the crowd that had gathered to hear what Connie had to say seemed to be naturally dispersing.**  
**"Thank you..."**  
**Connie echoed, feeling the need to gain Dixie's attention before glancing back to the few staff members who still stood before her.**  
**"Well, I think that's everything..."**  
**She smiled as she spoke, she couldn't seem to help herself, she felt as though she had taken some sort of illegal high...she felt as though she was floating.**  
**Dr Knight's shuffling of a patients file on the opposite side of the nurses station caught her attention and she looked pointedly at him, raising her eyebrows, noticing how he glanced up at her occasionally, his eyes never quite making it to her face. **  
**"No patients in need of you today, Dr Knight?"**  
**She asked, folding her arms deliberately across her chest.**  
**Cal cleared his throat and widened his eyes, looking across at her before letting his eyes fall back down to her chest, he couldn't help but think of that photo...**  
**"Look at me when I'm speaking to you."**  
**She spoke sharply and a groaning noise emanated from somewhere deep within his throat . Did she realise that when she stood with her arms folded like that, that her shirt was just ever so slightly see through?**  
**"At my face, Dr Knight."**  
**"Sorry! Sorry..."**  
**He rubbed a hand across his face and adjusted himself, standing taller than he had been, an odd look crossing his face as he pressed himself against the nurses station.**  
**"Perhaps you would be so kind as to help the trainee nurse in the store cupboard seeings you seem to be having so much trouble concentrating today?"**  
**She asked, sighing as she spoke, this man just seemed to be able to infuriate her, no matter what he said or did.**  
**"Uh..."**  
**He paused and shifted slightly on the spot.**  
**"I would, but..."**  
**He glanced from Connie to Rita and then back again, watching as Connie sighed once more and made her way over to him. She placed her hands palms down on the surface of the nurses station, feeling the cool smoothness of it at her fingertips. She knew very well why he didn't want to move, she had noticed the flush of his cheeks, the way he looked at her, and Rita...and how he pressed himself up against the desk to hide himself...**  
**She leant forwards ever so slowly, her heels just slipping from her shoes, and lowered her gaze so that she could look down towards the tell-tale rise within his black jeans.**  
**"Oh I wouldn't worry too much."**  
**She said softly, leaning back into her shoes and crossing her arms. **  
**"It's barely noticeable."**  
**She said, and Rita made an odd choking noise from behind her, and when she turned, she saw the nurse had her fingertips at her mouth, her teeth biting her lip against a laugh, her dark eyes shining.**  
**She smiled slightly, she turned fully, adoring the way Rita struggled not to laugh out loud.**  
**"Is it wrong of me to find you really quite attractive right now...?"**  
**The nurse asked quietly, the laughter in her voice making Connie smile even more, and she glanced over her shoulder as she heard Cal mutter something under his breath before turning away from them.**  
**She raised an eyebrow and held out a hand to the nurse who paused for a moment, biting down on her lip just that little bit harder before reaching out and accepting Connie's hand, allowing herself to be pulled in closer...closer...until she stood just millimetres from her, the other woman's breath against her face. **  
**"My office."**  
**Connie whispered.**  
**"Now."**  
**-.-**  
**Hope you all enjoyed this update, sorry it's a bit late, and it's not my best writing...at all, unfortunately. I'll update again tomorrow. ** **Thank you ALL so much for the reviews, and WowStars, thank you so much for what you said, it means a lot, especially coming from you, I've read your fiction young lady – incredible! I'd recommend anyone reading this to go along and read everything 'Wowstars' has written. xxx**  



	68. Chapter 68

"I cant believe you did that..."

Rita bit the flesh of her bottom lip, and Connie turned to her as she closed the office door. The blonde's dark brown eyes glittered as she moved closer, reaching out, her fingers slipping over the curve of Connie's hips, digging in, tugging her nearer...

"Mmm?"

Connie pressed her lips together and smiled slightly, feeling the warmth of Rita's body against her own

"...I'm not sure my ego will ever recover."

She added, tilting her head to one side, noting with amusement how joyous the other woman looked.

"Ah well, I've got something planned that's far more important than worrying about your ego..."

Rita murmured, and again she bit her bottom lip, a habit which Connie found curiously arousing. She couldn't help but imagine her own flesh between those teeth...those lips...

"Have you now?"

She asked.

"If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot immediately."

She added, a smile turning the corners of her own lips into a downwards arc.

Rita laughed slightly and looked up at her. This was it, she thought, with a flutter of excitement. The moment she'd fantasised about. She watched as Connie narrowed her eyes, as though she could plainly read the thoughts that played across her mind.

"Your desk."

She whispered.

Connie frowned slightly, though behind the hazel of her eyes was the look of mild amusement.

"Your desk..."

She said again, more firmly this time, though her voice was still barely more than a whisper.

She held out her hand, and watched as Connie hesitated before taking it. Was she wondering if she could really go through with this? Giving herself up...Mrs Beauchamp...she had Mrs Beauchamp's hand in hers, she guided her to the desk, and backed her up against it so that the backs of Connie's thighs met with the edge of the desk, and she couldn't help but lean back ever so slightly as Rita pressed herself up against her, her lips just a breath from her own, almost, but not quite kissing her.

Rita smiled slowly and lowered her gaze as she raised a hand to the buttons of Connie's shirt. She rolled the smooth button between her thumb and forefinger, noting how the fabric pulled ever so slightly, and beneath the fabric was the subtle quickening of the rise and fall of Connie's chest.

She rose up on tip toes, stilling the movements of her fingers and leaning against her. She paused, moments from her lips, just savouring the moment, looking into her eyes.

Connie felt her breath catch in the back of her throat. She watched the fluttering curl of Rita's lips as she contemplated her next move, she watched as her dark eyes glanced to her own mouth. She wanted to kiss her, to close the small distance between them, to pull her to her and taste her...

But she resisted, this was Rita's moment. Rita was in charge...

"What are you thinking?"

Rita's question caught her off guard, she had been lost in the brown of her eyes, and it took her a moment to respond.

"I'm thinking that I should have given more of a struggle. It's alarming how easily you've taken control..."

She murmured, and Rita smiled a self satisfied smile and raised the hand that had been at Connie's shirt to the curl of dark hair that had fallen against her cheek when she had backed her up against the desk.

"Glad you didn't...I don't know if I'm ready for 'full on Mrs Beauchamp', just yet..."

She whispered, now it was Connie's turn to smile. Rita pushed the hair from her cheek and tucked it loosely behind her ear. And then, with one final glance to the pink of Connie's mouth, she kissed her.

With vague surprise, Connie felt her whole body succumb to the hesitancy of the kiss. There was a moment of unsteadiness, a moment when Connie thought that perhaps Rita would pull away, she could feel her tense, could almost feel the realisation that the door was not locked.

But instead of pulling away, she kissed her more firmly. Her lips were soft, and tasted of honeysuckle lip balm, a sweet taste that touched Connie's tongue and made her pulse quicken.

Rita pushed the fingers of one hand into the hair that fell against the back of Connie's neck, allowing her nails to just lightly graze her scalp making her shudder, and once again she felt the older woman smile against her mouth. She rested her thumb against the curve of her jaw, just beneath her ear and paused in her kissing, just pulling away enough so that she could look up at her, eyes wide.

She felt a bubble of elation bloom within her chest as, with her other hand, she resumed the fingering of the button of her shirt. Only this time, she let her movements drop down, button by button. Connie seemed to hold her breath without realising. She shuddered as Rita's fingers reached the last button, and moved lower to the waist band of her trousers.

They didn't have much time, she knew that. Before long somebody would need her, and come looking, and after their earlier revelations, it wouldn't be too difficult for whoever it may be to guess where she was.

She glanced up, she saw the flicker of nervousness behind Connie's eyes as she slipped her hand down between the fabric of her trousers, and the warm skin of her stomach. She pushed further, the back of her hand against the zip, pinching her skin, she pushed lower, until her fingers met the elastic of her underwear, and she paused once more, watching...enjoying the flush that crept across Connie's cheeks, and how her lips were parted, just showing the white glint of her teeth, and how her eyes were lowered and dark, darker than she could remember seeing them before...

Deftly she manoeuvred her fingers beneath the silk and pushed lower, over the softest of flesh, until she met the wet heat between her legs, and she felt the tremble of her thighs about her wrist.

Connie tightened her grip on the edge of her desk, leaning back further, not trusting the wobble of her legs. She felt Rita's fingers move, running back and forth ever so slowly, teasing her, touching her, but never quite making it to where she wanted to be touched the most.

She closed her eyes, Rita watched her, saw the frown of concentration crease her forehead, and felt the ever so slight flex of her hips, as though she were desperately trying to coax her to where she most wanted to be touched.

She could sense her frustration, could hear the faint murmur of a moan from between her lips as she allowed her fingers to play, moving slower now, pressing her body against her own, twisting her hand almost painfully so that she could push the tip of one finger into her.

Connie inhaled sharply. She couldn't help but roll her hips, wanting more, and to her surprise, Rita obliged, pushing deeper with one finger, and then another, the knuckle of her thumb pressing against her, moving, rubbing...

There was a tightness in her chest, her head felt light and she closed her eyes even tighter. She could feel the pressure building quicker than she had anticipated, she could feel the slow steady curl of Rita's fingers inside her. She concentrated on the feel of them slipping so easily and in out, and the feel of Rita's breath against her throat as she placed sweet wet kisses about her jaw. She felt her body tighten around Rita's movements, increasing the pressure - a flex of muscles that made Rita gasp.

Her body grew taught, and Rita watched the way her chest rose and fell, her nipples showing hard through the white fabric of her blouse.

Connie shuddered again at the graze of Rita's touch, at the curl and push of her fingers. Her mind emptied of everything but that moment...of Rita, and only Rita. She caught her breath on a gasp, all of her concentration was on her muscles, on feeling the pressure build, of the gripping and releasing. Everything becomes more intense, the coming and going of pleasure building, the gradual release of pleasure building higher and higher.

She allowed Rita to take her over, she succumbed to her in that moment. Her limbs felt weak, and as the building tightness at the base of her stomach intensified, she found her waist encircled by Rita's left arm, holding her steady, holding her up against the buckling of her knees.

She cursed beneath her breath. There was a creeping of pleasure just at the top of her thighs. She focused on it, making it come quicker – make herself come quicker. It built - the crushing feeling inside, until she felt close to falling into It.

And then it shattered her, her nerve endings vibrated, thronged deeper and longer, spreading, gripping tightly, spreading suddenly as if heat of a wildfire, moving up her torso and down her thighs at the same time, making her catch her breath, rendering her limbs tense and immobile, trying to clutch at the blonde that made her breath hitch for just a moment too long so that her head spun, her thoughts blacked out and she was left with nothing but this burning force throughout her entire body.

She inhaled. She could feel her body trembling. Slowly, slowly her thoughts began to float lazily back into her head, her body relaxing.

"Fuck..."

She whispered. And Rita couldn't help but laugh, her lips vibrating against Connie's neck before she pulled away, looking up at the other woman who had fallen so fast into her arms.

"You're..."

Connie huffed out a breath and frowned slightly, suddenly aware that she had no idea what it was that she had been about to say. Rita grinned slowly, and leant closer to her as she removed her hand, glancing down quickly to see the imprint of Connie's zip running across the back of her hand.

They looked at one another for a moment, the sudden realisation of what they had just done – where they had just done it, dawning on them. Connie cleared her throat and stood up properly, smoothing her hands across her thighs.

There was a clatter from just outside that made both women jump, and from beyond the glass they saw Cal hurry past. Rita watched him, and drew in a breath.

"God...I don't know how I'm going to cope with everyone knowing..."

She sighed, speaking almost without meaning to as she stood, staring out of the office window. Connie closed the gap between them, looking over the blondes shoulder out of the glass to the ward beyond. She wrapped her arms about her, pulling her in, kissing the side of her head.

"Well, at least now we can share the repercussions..."

She paused, she could feel the flutter of nervousness within the pit of her stomach.

"You take the pin, I'll take the grenade."

-.-

More soon. Apologies for the delay. I will update again this evening (promise!) Hope this was OK, slightly rushed due to the fact that it's nearly school pick up time. Let me know your thoughts, as always :) xxx


	69. Chapter 69

Connie opened the office door and held it open so that Rita could pass back out onto the ward.

She smoothed back her hair, tucking it behind her ears. She cleared her throat and watched as Cal, who was making his way towards them, stopped suddenly upon noticing them, a look of mild alarm gracing his features.

"Everything OK, Dr Knight?"

She asked, noticing how he glanced between the two of them, how he noticed the flush of their cheeks and their slightly dishevelled states...

"Oh god..."

He murmured, and made to turn around again. Connie could feel the eyes of the various staff members on the ward lingering on her, on Rita...she could feel their thoughts, their words, the rumours beginning...

"Dr Knight!"

She spoke louder, and more sharply than she had intended to and Cal stopped short in his movements and raised his eyebrows.

"Sorry, sorry...I just, I wanted your advice on a patient with abnormal lover function?"

"I'm sorry?

She asked, eyebrows raised, hands on hips.

"Liver. Abnormal _liver_ function."

He corrected himself, his own cheeks growing pinker by the second.

"I think I can take this from here...I'll give him a hand..."

Rita spoke quietly and placed a hand upon Connie's forearm, squeezing gently, feeling how taught the tendons were beneath the freckled skin. How quickly she had tensed up...

"Cal?"

She asked, when Connie remained silent, and Cal cleared his throat, glancing from Connie to Rita. He gave a brief nod of his head.

"Yes. Yeah..fine."

He answered quietly, and Rita let her hand fall from Connie's arm, instead, turning to her, looking up at her. She caught the look in her eye, how she glanced about the ward, searching for the eyes that were turned in their direction.

"We're just fish in a bowl..."

She murmured, and Rita cleared her throat.

"Connie?"

Connie looked back down at her, having to force herself to look away from Robyn who stood on the opposite side of the ward, desperately trying to stop herself from staring.

"Mmm?"

She frowned, and Rita looked pointedly to Cal who shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"Oh yes, right. Fine."

She waved a hand non-committally before letting it slap back down against her thigh.

"I'll meet you at the end of your shift. I'll drive you home?"

"Home?"

Rita repeated, smiling as she did so, noting the flicker of confusion that passed behind Connie's eyes before she realised her mistake.

"Mmm. Yes, well. We might have to do something about that."

Connie murmured, and paused, catching the glimmer of amusement that quirked Rita's lips into a smile.

"I'll see you later."

Connie said finally, and Rita's smile broadened, adoring the other woman's discomfort.

"See you later."

She said quietly, and with a glance back to Connie, she made her way over to Cal, raising an arm behind him to coax him into step with her.

"Stop looking at me like that."

She murmured as they turned a corner towards cubicles. Cal made an odd noise of defence in the back of his throat, a sort of half-laugh that made her look up.

"What?!"

She exclaimed, stopping, turning to him as he placed his hands on his hips and puffed out his cheeks.

"It's just all a bit unlikely, that's all. You and her..."

"What about it?"

She asked defensively, arcing an eyebrow.

"Well. I'm just saying...it's like..."

He paused, struggling to find the right words.

"It's like, she's a stately home in the country and you're a a motel off the M4..."

"Oh, thank you very much!"

She exclaimed, her eyes widening, though she failed to suppress a laugh of surprise.

"No, I just mean..."

"Can I stop you there? Trust me, there is no way you're getting out of that one."

She laughed, and again they fell into step, moving across the ward.

"Let me buy you a drink tonight?"

He asked, as they stopped at the nurses station to retrieve the relevant notes.  
Rita raised her eyebrows, watching as he thumbed through the various files and folders until he came to the correct one.

"To apologise? Or so you can get me drunk in the hopes that I'm going to tell you all about sex with Connie?"

She asked, her bluntness taking him off guard and he fumbled with the notes so that the pages began to slip from within and he had to place them on the desk top to rearrange them.

"Am I that transparent?"

"Yep."

She grinned as he slotted the pages back into their places.

"So, about that drink..."

"Cal."

"Mmm?"

He cocked his head to one side and pursed his lips.

"I'm not telling you anything."

She bit her lip against a smile and watched as he exhaled, defeated.

"But how do you...you know..."

He gestured with the notes he held and Rita widened her eyes in mock innocence.

"Nope. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

She smiled, thoroughly enjoying his ever growing frustration.

"You know.."

He lowered his voice and gestured with the notes more forcefully, as if the motion of them would somehow jog her memory.

"Cal, are you honestly telling me that you have never watched lesbian porn?"

She asked, lowering her own voice to meet his own. She watched as he narrowed his eyes, contemplating what his answer should be.

"Uh..."

"From your hesitation I will assume that you have, and from that I can assume that you have a fairly good idea of how we fuck each other."

She let her voice fall to a whisper as she spoke and Cal's blue eyes widened, and again he cleared his throat and raised his free hand to the back of his head, rubbing the short hairs there.

"Oh God, I am never going to sleep tonight."

He exhaled, and turned on his heel to make his way over to cubicle six, leaving Rita to follow him, her face crumpling into a look of amused disgust.

-.-

As promised, here is the second update! Hope it lives up to expectations. , I have just seen your review, thank you! I hope you enjoyed the Cal/Rita scene? LittleBooLost: Thank you! What a lovely review :) Wowstars: Oh! Your reviews make me smile so much! Thank you, thank you x  
Oh, and just in case you haven't seen it, I wrote a Connie related one shot and published it on here. It's called, 'Echoes', just in case you would like to have a read. xx


	70. Chapter 70

Connie stood just outside the office door, buttoning up her coat and smoothing down the collar, the blue wool soft beneath her fingers. She heard the gentle sticking sound of the double doors opening, and she felt a spasm of excitement because she knew instinctively who it was, or at least knew who it was she wanted it to be. She glanced up, and she couldn't help but smile as she realised that it _was_ Rita who had passed through the doors, it _was_ Rita who was walking towards her, with her dark eyes bright and smiling.  
"Ok?"  
Connie asked, making to reach out to the blonde coming towards her, but thinking better of it at the last minute, and instead, forcing her arms to remain by her sides – a motion which didn't go unnoticed by the blonde.  
"Fine. Tired..."  
Rita grinned as she spoke, and she stopped just before her, glancing to her lips, and Connie raised an eyebrow, knowing very well that Rita was contemplating kissing her right there, on the ward, in front of everybody.  
"Come on."  
Connie pursed her lips against a smile and raised an arm, gesturing for Rita to fall in step with her as they turned, casting a quick eye about the ward as she did so, only catching a few backward glances as she did so.  
She let her hand graze the back of Rita's coat as she bought it back between them and, with a flutter in her chest, she took hold of Rita's hand, intertwining their fingers. Rita glanced up at her, the twitch of a smile at her lips, though she said nothing of it as they passed through reception. She nodded to Noel as they went, catching the look of mild alarm at their close proximity, his eyebrows furthering their journey north as he noticed their hands.  
They passed through the doors side by side, so close that their shoulders were pressed against one another.  
Outside the evening air was bitter cold. The wind whistled and called as it rushed about the corners of the hospital building, sending empty Styrofoam cups and half-crushed cigarette packets scuttering and turning somersaults about the damp tarmac.  
Rita shivered, wishing she had worn something warmer than her leather jacket. Perhaps it was time to invest in a proper winter coat...  
"Cold?"  
Connie asked, pushing her free hand into her pocket, and Rita clenched her jaw against the chattering of her teeth.  
"Little bit."  
She murmured, and Connie squeezed her fingers ,tugging her just that extra bit closer as they made their way against the bluster of the wind towards the car park.  
As they walked Connie raised her eyes from the orange glow of the city before them, to the sparkle of the stars in the great black sky, realising after a moment, that Rita was humming softly to herself.  
"What're you humming?"  
She asked, pausing briefly, stopping just by the edge of the pavement to push her hand into the pocket of her coat, double checking that she had her car keys.  
"I've never met a girl like you, before..."  
Rita laughed as she sung the words, amused at the roll of Connie's eyes and she leant against her, feeling the wool of her coat against her cheek, and just for a moment – a split second – she thought how incredible it was that such thing like this, like resting her head against the shoulder of this coat, was possible.

"You seem happier."

Connie said quietly, locating the keys within the depths of her pocket, fingering the cold metal as she looked down at the blonde next to her. How her eyes sparkled, as though full of stars, how her smile never seemed to fade, even when it wasn't there at all...

"I am. Yeah. I'm dreading speaking to my parents though..."

Rita sucked in a breath and pulled her shoulders up, frowning slightly.

"What you did today..."

"Oh..."

Connie batted away the words that Rita had been about to say, and made to step off the pavement towards the car, but Rita held her steady, refusing to move from where they stood beneath the sky, with the wind that stole their breath from them and prickled their cheeks with the cold.

"No, seriously...nobody has ever stuck up for me the way you did today."

She looked up at Connie, her eyes wide.

"You knew full well how it could affect your position, and the rumours...I know you can't stand the thought of that...and yet you did it anyway."

She watched as Connie glanced down between them, flustered.

"Nobody has ever loved me the way you do."

She added, and Connie looked up, the lights from the hospital reflected within her eyes.

"Are we about to burst into song, Nurse Freeman?"

She asked quietly, only the ghost of a smile at the corners of her eyes. Rita bit her lip against a grin and gave a slight shake of her head.

"No...Well, I can if you like..."

"No, no...it's quite alright."

Connie took a step closer as she cut her off. She drew in a breath, feeling the chill of the air inside of her. The air that carried the noise of the city, the faint murmur of distant cars, the wail of a faraway ambulance and the suck and hiss of the hospital doors a little way off behind them. People were going in and out of the hospital, milling about, staff members just finishing their shifts, and some just beginning.

Connie let go of the breath she had been holding. She remembered what Charlie had said that morning. Rita needed her...

"I've never loved anybody the way I love you."

She said finally, looking into her eyes, seeing the flush of cold, or something more at Rita's cheeks.

For a moment there was nothing between them but a sudden rush of absolute happiness. And then, hesitantly, Rita pushed herself up onto tip toes and kissed her, a gentle kiss that lingered.

"I love you, too."

She whispered, barely moving away as she spoke, so that Connie felt the warmth of her breath against her mouth. She remembered earlier, in the office, and she felt her cheeks grow warm as she placed a return kiss against Rita's honeysuckle lips.

From behind them a whistling cheering noise erupted from the entrance to the hospital. Both women stiffened and Connie pulled away quicker than she had meant to. She turned sharply, following Rita's gaze as they glanced over to see Max, Lofty and Robyn grinning at them from where they were clustered by the exit, blue-grey streamers of smoke spilling from Max's lips as he gestured with a thumbs up, to Rita.

Connie cleared her throat and dipped her chin into the collar of her coat.

"Shall we go?"

She asked, her voice low, despite the fact that from such a distance, nobody else could hear the words that were said between them.

"Yep..."

Rita turned back to her, searching the green of her eyes, wondering for a moment if she was cross. But behind her eyes was nothing but the sparkle of amusement, and as they made their way across the car park, hand-in-hand, she glanced back to the three behind her, struggling against a smile.

**-.-**

**To come: More Charlie, more Grace, and Connie does what Charlie suggested, and spends the evening looking after Rita.**

**If there's any particular fluffy moments, or things you'd like to suggest, feel free :) xxx**


	71. Chapter 71

"You need a winter coat."

Connie stated the obvious as they made their way from the car to the front door of Connie's house. Rita shivered again and wrapped her arms about herself, waiting whilst Connie unlocked the door.

"It's nearly pay day. I'll see if I can get one then."

She answered stiffly, her teeth threatening to chatter loudly, and Connie glanced at her pointedly before letting the door swing open. She gestured with the keys for Rita to go before her, and she followed her in, closing the door firmly and double checking that it had locked, before turning, unbuttoning her coat.

The house was quiet, just the dull murmur of the television from the sitting room, and bubble of the kettle boiling from the kitchen.

They looked at one another. Whatever they had been expecting upon their return, a surprisingly eerie quiet wasn't it. Together they removed their coats and hung them up on the pegs by the front door.

"Do you think she's killed him?"

Rita asked, regretting her attempt at humour even before the words were fully out of her mouth.

Connie gave her a sideways glance, one eyebrow half-raised. She placed her keys down on the side table in the hallway and made her way into the kitchen, Rita following, an odd sense of unease in the very pit of her stomach.

"Hello!"

Charlie greeted them as they entered, he was stood by the kettle, stirring a mug of tea. Connie glanced from him to the dining table where Grace was sat, book in hand, as if this morning had never happened.

"Hello..."

A frown furrowed between her eyes. The mornings events had come back to her with such suddenness. She hadn't been prepared, she'd been so wrapped up with events at the hospital that she had all but forgotten what she would have to come home to.

"Can I make you one?"

Charlie asked, motioning with his mug, looking from Connie to Rita.

"Thank you..."

"Please..."

They spoke in unison. Rita glanced at Grace from the corner of her eye. The little girl was sat ever so still, her face a picture of glacial togetherness. She was mute, and she didn't raise her eyes.

Charlie noticed the subtle glance and cleared his throat, gaining the nurses attention and tilting his head towards the sitting room.

"I'll bring them through, I was just about to go and have a sit down. We've been quite busy today...haven't we, Grace?"

The little girl looked up slowly and blinked.

"Yes."

She said simply, only looking at Charlie, who gave a brief smile as he finished making the tea. He looked again to Rita.

"Shall we go through?"

He asked pointedly, wanting to give Connie and Grace a moment between themselves. Rita glanced to Connie, to the taught line of her mouth and the tension at the corners of her eyes.

Without a word she followed Charlie into the sitting room, leaving Connie on her own with Grace.

Connie drew in a long breath, readying herself, though she had no idea what to say.

"Grace...sweetheart..."

She pulled out the chair to the side of her daughter who sat so primly at the head of the table.

"I know what you're going to say."

Grace said suddenly, looking up at Connie, her eyes large and dark, full to the brim with so much that her mother didn't know.

Connie pursed her lips. She could well imagine that the little girl _did _know what she was going to say. But she didn't say a word, instead she waited, watching as Grace thrummed the edge of her book with her index finger.

"You're going to say you're sorry about this morning, and you're going to try to make me like _her _again."

She stopped the movement of her fingers and narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out why her mother remained silent.

Connie cleared her throat. She placed her hands on the table in front of her and interlinked her fingers.

"No."

She said simply.

"I apologise for breaking your music player. I will replace it. As for Rita, no, I won't try to convince you to like her. I've said all I have to say about the matter. You are old enough to decide how you want to behave. I will leave it entirely up to you."

Grace stared at her, unblinking. She didn't react, though she seemed to be thinking. Eventually she frowned and looked down at her book, at the pages that were splayed before her.

"I suppose I could _try _to like her."

She said eventually, peering up at her mother though her face was still lowered, and she caught the sudden purse of Connie's lips against a smile.

"I'd like that."

Connie said quietly, watching as her daughter raised her face fully, her expression suddenly changed. She no longer looked so serious, and there was the glimmer of something much nicer behind her eyes.

A floorboard creaked behind them and Connie turned to see Charlie hovering in the door way, his expression uncertain until her saw the grin that spread across Grace's face.

"I should probably be getting back..." "No!"

Grace cut him off as he began, his hand paused in mid-gesture.

"Umm..."

"You have to stay for dinner!"

Grace leant across the table, a page of her book folding over beneath her elbow.

"Please can he stay for dinner?"

She asked, and Connie exhaled, not quite knowing what to say.

"Well, I hadn't really thought much about dinner, yet..."

"I don't mind going to pick up something?"

Rita appeared in the doorway behind Charlie and he stepped to one side to make room for her.

"Yes!"

Grace leant back in her seat with such force that the legs jarred with a grate against the wood flooring.

"Please?"

She asked again, not noticing Rita's look of surprise at her enthusiasm.

"If Charlie wants to, he is more than welcome to stay."

Connie looked from Charlie to Rita.

"Are you sure?"

She asked, and Rita pulled up her shoulders.

"I don't mind at all...I'll need to borrow your car?"

She said, feeling suddenly apprehensive about driving Connie's car.

"The keys are in the hall." Connie murmured, and Rita slipped past Charlie to the opposite door, pausing just as she was about to exit.

"Hey, Grace, fancy coming with me to choose something? Your choice?"

She asked, and Grace looked to Connie who smiled gently.

"Yes please!"

She said, and as she scrambled down from her chair, Connie mouthed a silent, 'thank you', to Rita.

**-.-** **There will be a Rita/Grace and a Charlie/Connie scene next, and some super fluff rated fluffy stuff to come very soon!**  
**I had several messages after the "office scene", saying that they liked "dominant Rita." Out of curiosity (and for a particular scene that I have planned...) do people prefer dominant Connie, or dominant Rita?**  
**Saz: They do have great chemistry! I was worried that people would stop reading this now that it looks as though both Connie and Rita are being paired off (with other people) in Casualty! Oh well...I shall keep dreaming through my fingers...**


	72. Chapter 72

"I have no idea how you did it, but thank you..."

Connie allowed herself to relax back into the arm chair by the fireplace, a newly lit fire spat and hissed, glowing green and gold amongst the logs. She raised her mug to her lips, inhaling the strong scent of coffee and the smoky warmth from the fire.

Charlie swallowed and smiled. It had been a long day with Grace, but the end result had been worth it.

"I don't think she ever really wanted to be cross."

He said, resting his cup of tea on his knee and looking across at Connie, her face flickering between light and shadow as the flames fluttered and grew – glowing one moment, matt grey the next.

"She's a good kid, Connie..."

"I know, I know..."

She stared at nothing in particular and drew in a long breath.

"How are you...in yourself?"

He asked quietly, and she released the breath she held as a sigh and regained focus, glancing at him. She knew very well what he meant. And she wondered which wounds went deeper: the jagged wounds of reality, or the profound invisible bruises of the imagination? For a moment she contemplated shrugging it off. _'I'm fine...'_ would be so much easier to say, but this was Charlie sitting opposite her, the man who seemed to have the knack of getting her to not only realise the truth, but to speak it, too.

"I still think of it."

She whispered.

"I'm always aware of it...as though it's still inside me, like something awful I swallowed that got stuck."

She leant back in the chair and pushed the fingers of her free hand against the side of her head, her elbow resting on the arm of the chair.

"I'm sure it will fade."

She added, a vague attempt to put Charlie's mind at rest.

He nodded slowly, his fingers pressing more firmly about the cup that he held.

"Do you think counselling might-"

"Oh! No...no...I don't think that's really my _thing."_

She smiled as she glanced back to the fire.

"Ah, I forgot...Connie Beauchamp doesn't _do_ emotions..."

She looked up as he spoke and saw the glimmer of amusement behind his eyes. She sighed and smiled. How was it that he just made her feel so much...better.

"I think you'd be surprised."

She readjusted herself in her seat, curling her legs up beneath her.

"I certainly bared my soul to the ED this afternoon."

He raised his eyebrows.

"How did it go?"

He asked, taking another sip of his tea, watching her through the steam that rose up in front of his eyes. She cleared her throat and widened her eyes, shaking her head and exhaling a breath through puffed out cheeks.

"Oh...fine. Better than expected I suppose. Dr Knight was certainly very pleased for us..."

"Ah..."

He smiled and held his tea against his chest.

"You know, I admire you, Connie."

He said quietly. She raised her eyebrows and blew a breath of disbelief through her lips.

"It takes an incredible amount of bravery to do what you did today, not to mention to go through everything that you've been through...and yet you're still here, going strong. You're an incredible woman, Connie."

"Oh, shh, you'll make me cry, and we both know how fond I am of emotional displays."

She murmured, but even as she spoke she had to blink back the prickle of tears and run the side of her hand beneath her eyes.

He smiled.

"You've done the hard bit."

He said.

"It will only get better."

-.-

Rita glanced in the rear view mirror to the cars behind before turning off from the main road towards the supermarket. The car purred beneath her touch, and she swallowed, unsure she could ever get used to driving such a powerful, expensive vehicle.

She licked her lips and looked at Grace from the corner of her eye.

"What do you fancy?"

She asked, turning her attention back to the road. The little girl had the ability to make her entire body tense with anxiety.

Grace raised a hand to scratch the top of her plait where it met with her head. She shrugged.

"I don't know..."

She picked at something on the dashboard and sighed, something was clearly on her mind, though she seemed to be having trouble articulating whatever it was.

"What am I supposed to call you?"

She asked before Rita could ask her anything more about what to have for dinner.

"Hmm?"

She asked, flinching as a four by four overtook them, sending a spray of bubbling muddy water against her window.

Grace looked at her pointedly, raising an eyebrow at the window with a look that quite clearly conveyed how annoyed her mother would be.

"Well, aren't you going to be my other mummy...?"

She asked, pulling her feet up from the foot well and resting them on the seat so that her knees were against her chest. Something that Rita was sure that Connie would have disapproved of.

Rita touched her tongue to her teeth. The very idea of becoming Grace's 'other mummy' made her want to laugh out loud. Instead she cleared her throat and tightened her grip on the steering wheel. She didn't know how to respond.

"I suppose you can call me what you want...within reason."

She said, not knowing what else to say.

Grace frowned and rested her chin on her knees, staring straight ahead through the windscreen.

"I tell you what."

Rita said, shifting slightly.

"You just call me Rita, for now, OK? We'll get to know one another, and if, in the future, when all of this is a little bit more 'official', you want to call me 'Mum', too, then that's absolutely fine..."

She glanced again to the little girl who sat next to her, just in time to catch the fleeting whisper of a smile before she pressed her mouth against her knees once more.

"I'm sorry for how I behaved."

She mumbled, her words muffled against her tights.

Rita stiffened, she felt as though the very seat she sat on bristled beneath her.

"Let's put it behind us. Hmm? Your mum loves you very much, I think we should do everything we can to make this easy for her, don't you?"

She asked, slowing the car down at the cross roads, catching the flash of a deer in the bushes at the side of the road.

"It doesn't feel like it."

Grace said quietly, and Rita looked across at her, unsure quite what she meant.

"You don't feel like she loves you?"

She asked. Grace just looked at her, not saying a word. And she realised, all of a sudden, that Grace's behaviour had nothing to do with the fact that her mother was seeing a woman, but that she had fallen in love – that she thought that the love that Connie gave to her was all that there was to give...she truly believed that her mother had no more love left to give to her.

"She's always working..."

Grace said quietly, her voice still muffled.

"Even when she's at home, she's always got paperwork to do. She never wants to spend time with me."

She added, as Rita pulled into the super market car park. She drove up and down the rows until she found a parking space, and it was not until she had found one, and parked, that she replied.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

She asked, pulling on the hand break and turning to face Grace properly. The little girl nodded.

"I think she's scared."

"Scared?!"

Grace lifted her head from her knees and frowned a frown so like her mothers that Rita smiled.

"I think she's always scared, or worried. She worries that she'll say the wrong thing, and that you'll argue. I think she's scared that she'll never be as good a mother as she thought she would be. I think she loves you so much that she worries about every little thing. And your Grandmother taking you to New York, as exciting as it was for you. It made your mummy feel like she had no control over what happened to her own daughter, it made her feel as though she didn't matter. And she let you go, not because she didn't care, or didn't want you. She let you go because she thought it would be best for _you, _because she loves you. She loves you more than anyone else in the whole world."

Grace listened, wide eyed.

"Even you?"

She asked quietly, and Rita smiled. Underneath she was still just a child...still so naïve, with every thought so black and white.

"Much, much more. And that's how it should be."

She watched as Grace contemplated what she had said, turning the thoughts over and over in her mind.

"I'm sorry."

She said eventually, her voice small and thin.

"You have absolutely nothing to apologise for, least of all to me! I just wanted to try to explain to you what might not have been said to you before."

"Nobody has ever spoken to me like that before."

Grace said quickly.

"Well, I'll always tell you the truth, I can promise you that."

Rita spoke slowly. She couldn't have meant what she said more.

"So...are you in love with her?"

The little girl asked. Somehow she needed to make sure...to know that all of this wasn't going to be taken away from her...

"Completely. I love your mum more than I've ever loved anyone else. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, if that's all right with you?"

She asked, almost holding her breath. If Grace said no this time, then they had a problem.

"What about me?"

Grace asked after another pause. Her little face pale in the dark, only faintly illuminated by the bright lights from the near by super market.

"Hmm?"

Rita frowned, and from above they heard the quiet patter of raindrops beginning to fall. Grace opened her mouth to speak, and then changed her mind. She sucked in a breath and tugged on the wool of her tights, pulling it up into a little peak before letting it go again.

"Do you want me, too?"

She asked quietly, unable to look her in the eye, and Rita couldn't help but laugh. Grace looked up sharply, and Rita reached out for her, placing a soft warm hand on Grace's arm.

"Of course I do!"

She smiled, seeing relief begin to creep within the dark of Grace's eyes.

"And wherever you are, whether you're here, or in New York, you can always come to me for a chat, OK? I will always have time for you. But more importantly, so will your Mum."

She gave Grace's arm a squeeze and the little girl leaned into her, tilting her head to one side.

"Then its OK with me."

She said, feeling how Rita's fingers hesitated against her before pulling away, and how when she inhaled, there was a slight catch in her breath before she smiled.

"Thank you."

She whispered, and cleared her throat.

"Right! Now, shall we go and get some dinner?"

She asked, letting her hand fall from Grace to the plug of her seat belt.

Grace nodded and removed her own seat belt, shuffling forward in her seat.

"Rita?"

She asked, as Rita opened the car door, but as she turned to respond, Grace's body was suddenly against her own, her arms about her neck, her face, her cold cheeks against her own. She hesitated, taken aback for a moment before hugging her back, raising a hand to stroke the long brown plait that ran the length of her back.

"I'm pleased that you're my other mummy."

She whispered, her breath hot against Rita's ear.

**-.-**

**Oh the reviews you've all been sending have been so lovely, thank you so much! I've got a horrible cold at the moment, and a child with a stomach bug, but the lovely reviews have really helped to cheer me up! :)**

**Interestingly enough it was equal votes for dominant Rita/Connie...so I will just have to do both! ;)**

**And I can't remember off hand who mentioned the jealousy idea. But I have something planned for that, too! I really appreciate all the little ideas, and the lovely, encouraging reviews (have I gone on about that enough, yet?!)**

**Anyway, thank you! I will post more later! xxx**


	73. Chapter 73

Grace rattled the letterbox. She was standing on the doorstep hopping from one foot to the other, her lips dipped into the collar of her coat. Rita stood behind her, her hands pushed into the pockets of her jeans, her shoulders hunched against the cold.

Connie opened the door just as Rita turned her face up towards the sky. An odd silence hung in the air, and as she looked up at the stars, she noticed one or two snowflakes beginning to fall.

"We've got treacle tart!"

Grace exclaimed as she pushed past her mother and began unzipping her coat.

"Lovely..."

Connie murmured, watching as Rita eventually looked back down and slipped through the front door, wiping her feet firmly on the mat.

"It's snowing!"

She said as she brushed past Connie, and Connie raised a finger to her lips, gesturing for her to hush, not wanting to excite Grace when it was only a few flakes, surely late October was far too early for a proper snowfall...

"Have we got anything else to eat besides treacle tart?"

She asked, smiling, and closing the front door against the blustering wind. Rita shrugged off her coat as Grace bounded into the sitting room to see Charlie.

"Burgers."

Rita said hanging her coat up.

"Burgers?!"

"And chips. Sorry."

Rita smoothed down her jumper. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and her forehead glittered from the damp air.

"How very American..."

She cleared her throat.

"How was it?"

She asked. She wasn't worried about whatever it was that Grace had chosen for them for dinner, but she was impatient to hear how they had got on.

"We had a chat."

Rita said slowly.

"Oh?"

She asked warily, holding her hands at her chest as she toyed with the ring she wore on her middle finger, twisting it in circles and raising it back and forth towards the knuckle so that the skin – dry from the drop in temperature – puckered and pulled.

Rita reached out for her, hooking her finger into her belt loop, and tugging her closer so that she could kiss her gently, noticing how when she did so the fidgeting of her fingers stilled.

"I don't think we've got anything to worry about."

She whispered, remaining close, but not quite touching.

"We've talked about everything...I think she's come around to the idea."

She said simply. She needed more time to think over the conversation she had had with Grace. She needed to decide whether or not she should mention Grace's true feelings – and whether or not telling Connie would do more harm than good.

Connie narrowed her eyes but allowed Rita to kiss her for a second time before moving back to remove her shoes, pushing the toe of her foot against her heel to prise them free.

"Shall we go and get dinner ready?"

Rita asked, wanting to change the subject, but Connie caught hold of her arm as she began to make her way to the kitchen.

"I think there's something that you need to do before dinner..."

Rita frowned.

"What's that?"

She asked as Connie released her grip on her and let her hand fall back down to her side where her fingers curled against her thigh.

"You still haven't spoken to your parents."

She said quietly. Rita drew in a breath. All day she had struggled with the thought of it. Every time her brain had reminded her of what she would have to do, she had pushed it aside, hurriedly swept it away and replaced it with another, less threatening thought.

"I don't think I can..."

She said quietly, exhaling as she spoke. She looked vulnerable suddenly, with her eyes wide and her her eyebrows drawn up in the middle with worry.

"I don't think you've got much choice."

Connie sighed.

**-.-**

**This chapter irritated me. It's just one of those 'getting to the next bit' – chapters. Anyway, I apologise for this chapter, for some reason it just didn't come as easily as the previous few.**

**Anyway, next we'll find out how Rita gets on with the phonecall to her parents. I've also had a request for more fluff...e.g. Pillow fights/tickle fights... I have a snowball fights/tickle fight planned for the next chapter...will that do? :) xxx**

**Also, I'm amused at how many people would like more sex scenes (already!) you'll wear them out ;) xxx**


	74. Chapter 74

Rita was still on the phone half an hour later. She was upstairs, on the first floor, pacing.

Connie was sat, once again, in her arm chair, a glass of white wine in hand. Everything was in the oven ready to be turned on, and now they were sitting, waiting, hearing the occasional creak of a floorboard from above them, and the rise and fall of Rita's murmured voice.

Connie took a sip from her glass. The wine was cool against her lips and she held it in her mouth for a moment before she swallowed. She let her gaze wander across to where Grace was sat, curled up into the corner of the sofa, her eyes on the television, with Charlie by her side.

They were watching a children's quiz programme, and every so often Grace would shout out an answer, and every time she did, Connie would jump. She could see the screen reflected in the little girls eyes, her face glowing pale blue in the slowly dimming light – the fire that popped and crackled beside her the only light in the room besides the bright glow from the television screen.

She smothered a yawn with the back of her hand. She blinked. She had been staring too long and the light in the room seemed to be closing in on her, becoming darker and darker, just the gleaming liquorice black of burning wood, and the hazy orange flames dancing before her eyes, with the hum and roar of the fire lulling her into an odd sort of daze.

It was the creak of the stairs that roused her, and she stood up quickly without thinking. She glanced about herself, not really sure why she had stood up at all.

She set the wine glass on the mantle piece and waited. Rita's footsteps made their way down the stairs, and then came the padding of her sock-clad feet on the stone flooring of the hallway, before finally she appeared before them, her body a silhouette against the hall light.

"OK?"

Connie asked quickly, narrowing her eyes to try to make out Rita's expression.

"Um..."

Connie heard the strain of her voice and saw the rise of her shoulders as she drew in a trembling breath. Without another thought she crossed the room to her. She wrapped her arms about her and held her close, one hand on the back of her head, her fingers smoothing the straight blonde hair that fell against the nape of her neck.

Neither of them said a word until finally Rita drew in another struggled breath and swallowed, closing her eyes tightly, willing herself not to cry.

"Ugh..."

She exhaled all at once and Connie felt her body relax against her. She lessened her grip on her and Rita pulled away slightly so that she could look up at her.

"I'm being silly."

"No...!"

Connie shook her head, smiling slightly. They were stood by the window at the far end of the room, and through the curtains they could see the snow, a blur of white against the window, a pillow of white against the ground.

"It wasn't even that bad...not really."

Rita's breath caught as she spoke, and she attempted a smile as she stared blankly to the snow beyond the glass. Her cheeks were hot and pink and stress lines showed across her forehead. She hunched up her shoulders once more and Connie ran her hands up and down her upper arms, soothing her, comforting her.

Rita frowned. The day seemed to have got on top of her. She felt smothered, the warmth in the room made her feel flushed and uncomfortable. Even standing here, in Connie's arms, she felt too hot, as though everything was just too muddled – too much.

"Can we go outside?"

She asked suddenly, glancing again to the white glow beyond the window pane. Connie followed her line of sight, not quite knowing whether she wanted to go outside in such wild, cold weather.

"I just..."

Rita shook herself, she couldn't seem to find the words. Connie saw the helplessness and confusion behind her eyes.

"Of course we can."

She let her grip on Rita's arms slip, and she took her hand, holding it gently within her own, and with a brief squeeze of Grace's shoulder as they passed, she led Rita through the kitchen, and out into the back garden.

They stepped gingerly from the back door step, moving into the snow that creaked and gave way beneath their feet as they made their way to the centre of the garden.

"...my Mum seemed to take it well."

Rita spoke suddenly. She shuddered against the cold wind that buffeted and curled against them, sending flurries of fluffy snow flakes against them. They settled in their hair, on the wool of their jumpers, sparkling and glittering in the light from the house.

"My dad on the other hand..."

She added, and sighed. She huddled up against Connie, resting her head on her shoulder whilst Connie wrapped her arms about her once more, her body shielding the smaller woman from the wind.

"He didn't take it so well?"

Connie's throat vibrated against Rita's forehead as she spoke, and her chin rested gently against the top of her blonde head.

"He's just old fashioned."

Rita murmured, closing her eyes just as Connie widened her own, looking up to the sky above them.

There were no stars, just the flurry of snow, falling forever. The sky spread over them like a grey goose's wing from which feathers were falling – there was nothing about them but the flurry of falling flakes. The garden was levelled and the windows obscured at the corners by little triangles of snow that had been blown there in the wind, and a white wedge had begun to build at the base of the back door.

"They want to meet you."

Rita whispered, her breath warm against Connie's chest, which only served to make her feel the cold more, and she inhaled, the air chilling her from the inside out.

"Oh..."

She didn't know what else to say...There was a faint murmur in the air, a slight precipitation, as if the air itself were turning to snow; otherwise all was silent, except for when snow flopped from a branch, or slipped in a miniature avalanche across the roof tiles, spilling over the edge of the guttering in a whirl of white.

"They asked if they could come up tomorrow...as we both have the day off?"

"Tomorrow!?"

Connie repeated, stiffening slightly. She could feel the ache of cold begin to creep from her ankles higher, to the joints of her knees, curling deep within the bone. She had never been fond of the cold, or the way that once it had you, it was hard to shake free from it's grasp.

She felt Rita frown against her chest.

"Sorry, I did try to put them off, but once they've decided on something, its very hard to persuade them otherwise..."

"Clearly a family trait."

Connie murmured before she could think better of it, and Rita looked up at her, a look of surprised hurt behind her eyes. Now and again a shaft of light spread slowly across the sky as a car drove through the muffled roads behind the house, and now, as they stood, the light edged up behind them, catching their eyes before slipping away as quickly as it had come.

"I'm sorry, Connie..."

"No, I'm being silly. That was unfair of me, I apologise."

She drew in a breath and leant forward to kiss Rita on the forehead.

"I suppose it was going to happen eventually."

She murmured.

"They're alright, really...nothing to be scared of."

Rita smiled as she spoke, catching the half-rise of Connie's eyebrow. Rita knew she was nervous, and just as she knew that, she also knew that she would never admit to it.

Connie rested her forehead against Rita's, the tips of their noses just touching.

"You know, I think they're more likely to be more scared of you than you will be of them..."

She whispered, and Connie couldn't help but expel an almost silent laugh, her breath turning white between them.

"I'll be on my best behaviour."

She promised, her voice breathy, and she shivered, her skin prickling beneath the fabric of her clothes.

"Who'd have thought that Connie Beauchamp would be on her best behaviour, just for me..."

Rita grinned, holding Connie just that little bit tighter.

"Oh, I'd do anything for you..."

Connie murmured, her voice barely a whisper.

Rita looked up at her, her eyes sparkling, her face pale and flushed, hair damp against her head and flecked with the glitter of freshly fallen snow flakes. She knew what it meant to have Connie say something like that to her.

She reached up between them with her right hand and touched her fingers to Connie's cheek, retaining eye contact as she traced the line of her face, the curve of her cheek, the rise and fall of her freckle-flecked skin, and the softness at the corner of her mouth. She smiled as she kissed her, slowly, reaching out to curl her arms about Connie's neck, pulling herself closer, kissing her softly and feeling her respond. Connie's face cold and damp against her own, but her lips were warm, and she tasted of wine and whatever it was that made her taste just so very 'her'...

The sudden crunch and explosion of ice cold against the side of Rita's face made her gasp, and she pulled back from Connie so quickly that the other woman had to grab a hold of her to steady her. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a word, a second snow ball smacked against her shoulder and she looked sharply towards the front door where Grace stood, dancing from one foot to the other, her hands clasped over her mouth to quell her laughter.

"Grace!"

Connie exclaimed, suddenly realising what had happened, and the little girl let out a squeal of laughter and bent down quickly, beginning to scoop up more snow with already pink fingers.

"Oh no you don't!"

Rita laughed, and before Connie could begin to realise what was happening, Rita had bent over, and was patting together her own handful of snow.

-.-

**Hope you liked it!**

**More of the snowball fight, and the meeting of Rita's parents later today. Oh, and somebody catches a cold...**

**And to everyone who said 'go ahead and wear them out!' you made me laugh! But I accept the challenge ;) xxx**


	75. Chapter 75

The air was so thick with snow that it was difficult to see when the next snow ball might hit. Connie stood with her back to the house, arms folded, eyes squinting and blinking against the flakes that billowed against her face.

She heard Rita laugh, a clear cackle of a laugh that made her smile despite the cold that made her shiver so. Charlie stood by her side, his coat tightly zipped up, hood pulled up about his ears, his arms wrapped about himself, a look of bemused wonder across his face.

"They look like they're having fun..."

He spoke louder than he realised, the hood of his coat muffling his ears. Connie made a vague noise of affirmation and frowned into the wind. She could see Grace, small and dark, lying on the floor one moment, whooping, running and shrieking the next as snow balls were hurled back and forth – some compacted, solid and icy that made muffled thuds and pock marks in the new snow.

And then there were the hurried ones. Balls made hastily from the fresh fallen flakes that burst open on impact, showering crystalline fragments that glinted and slipped between layers of clothes, melting against skin and making both Rita and Grace shudder.

"You're losing!"

Taunted Grace, wheeling around suddenly and staggering closer to Connie who held out her arms instinctively, though Grace regained her balance almost immediately and began gathering more fist fulls of snow despite how numb and red her fingers were. She was laughing uncontrollably, breathless and gasping, and then she was hit, full in the face by a snow ball that seemed to come from nowhere in particular.

"Yeah? Wanna bet?"

Rita's hair was in her face and her cheeks were flushed, she threw another at Grace before she had recovered and the little girl sat down suddenly in the snow, laughing so hard that she couldn't even make a noise.

"You asked for it!"

Rita let herself fall to the floor, and before Grace could catch her breath, Rita was tickling her, though she could barely feel her hands, and her breath came in rasps until finally, finally, she gave in, and fell back into the snow, with Grace lolloping over on top of her, holding her down and forcing icy fingertips beneath Rita's jaw where she tickled fiercely.

Connie watched, barely able to comprehend this sudden turn of events. Grace and Rita's relationship had gone from one extreme to the other, and all within the space of a day. She smiled at the two of them, lying in the snow, laughing until they cried, with Grace's arms tiring, until finally she collapsed onto Rita, and the two just lay in the snow, laughing, sighing, and catching their breath whilst the cold of the snow began to creep through their clothes and make their skin throb.

"Shall I begin cooking, or is there going to be a second round?"

Connie called, hugging her arms about her chest even tighter as she began to move towards Grace and Rita, neither of whom showed any sign of getting up.

"Is that an offer?"

Rita asked, looking up at her from where she lay, Connie's feet only inches from the top of her head.

"Certainly not, I-"

But she didn't get a chance to respond, instead Rita took a hold of her left ankle and pulled so quickly that she barely noticed she was falling until she was sitting in the snow, landing with an undignified bump.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Grace was upon her before she could utter a single word, her little body like a solid dull wait. She tensed, expecting the tickle that never came, instead she felt Grace's arms about her neck, her cold little face against her throat and Rita crawled up beside her, allowing herself to collapse down next to her.

"Well, this certainly isn't how I was expecting to spend my Monday evening."

Rita sighed into the air above them. At some point the snow had begun to ease, and now only a few flakes fell, turning spirals in the sky above them, and the stars began to shine, blinking from behind the clouds that streaked like grey fingers across the moon.

-.-

**More tomorrow. I felt like what everyone ****_wanted _****to see, was Connie and Rita have a snowball fight, and that is what I had planned, but then Grace got her way...funny how characters do what they like! Anyway, I hope it was ok, I'm sure I can manage to add some extra fluff to make up for it, if not! I'll also update my story, 'Heavy Rain' tomorrow, tomorrow as well. **

**Ner'night everyone, and thank you for the lovely reviews, as always. Oh, I almost forgot. There will be more smut to wear them out either in the next chapter, or the one after that. I'll try to make it a good one to celebrate my writing 100,000 words. (how did that happen?!)xxx**


	76. Chapter 76

"Is there any cheese?"

Grace asked as she removed the top half of the burger bun pointedly.

They were seated around the table, plates of food before them. The light was dim, the air smelled of hot food and the ever present hint of Connie's perfume, and the windows were an ink black flecked with the white of more freshly falling snow.

Connie leant back in her chair, surveying the view before her, Charlie sat opposite her, his expression light and smiling as he spoke to Rita about a particularly humerus patient that he had treated the day before.

"In the fridge, sweetheart."

She said reaching out for her glass, and Grace hopped down from her chair quickly to make her way over to the fridge.

Connie sipped her wine, swallowing it's warmth, listening quietly to the familiar chat between Rita and Charlie, feeling herself grow warmer, more relaxed as she listened to Rita's out burst of a laugh, and Charlie's gentle chuckle as he reached the punch line of his story. It was all so homely, all so much more than she could have wished for, when just a few months ago, she had come home every night to a dark, empty house that made her shiver and cry long into the night. Alone.

"This is mouldy!"

Grace exclaimed, breaking Connie's train of thought as held out a plate of blue cheese at arms length.

"Grace! It's not - "

She paused, touched her fingers to her smile before quietly excusing herself and standing up, slipping along behind Rita with just a touch to the other woman's shoulders, and to Grace who stood grimacing at the cheese with an expression that made Connie bite her lip against a laugh.

She reached up to the top shelf of the fridge and withdrew a hard block of cheddar cheese.

"Grated or sliced?"

She asked, opening the drawer next to the sink to locate either the cheese knife or the grater.

Grace paused, contemplating the question with more thought than seemed necessary.

"Sliced, please. Like daddy has."

She decided finally, and watched as Connie retrieved the knife and sliced two even slices and set them on the side for Grace to take.

"I'm not sure this is anything like what your father would have."

Connie murmured as she wrapped the cheese back up and placed it back into the fridge. She remembered very well the state of American cheese...

Grace murmured a 'thank you', and they sat back down at the table. Rita slipping a hand quickly across Connie's knee, squeezing gently and glancing at her, smiling.

"I really appreciate this, you know."

Charlie said, gesturing with his glass of water, and Connie raised her eyebrows, her forehead creasing with a frown though her lips smiled.

"It's us who should be thanking you! Having Grace for so long..."

"Oh, it was a pleasure!"

Charlie glanced to Grace who was in the process of taking an enormous bite out of her burger.

The room bristled with the unsaid, everything that could not be spoken with Grace present. Connie drew in a breath and leant back in her chair. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Grace chewing, open mouthed due to the size of her mouthful – something which she would have chastised her for before. And Rita, next to her, spearing a chip with her fork and rising it up before her, pausing with it in mid air, her lips moving, smiling, her eyes widening and narrowing as she spoke. She exhaled and glanced across at Charlie as she reached again for her glass. He was nodding, listening intently to whatever it was Rita was saying.

She sighed. And as she sighed she felt the last bit of tension fall free from her body. Grace was fine. She told herself. And as for herself, she may not have gone where she intended to go, but she had ended up where she needed to be, she had one less thing to hide...

**-.-**

**Just another 'getting their chapter. Next will be very drunk/smutty bedtime, then on to the meeting of the parents. And yes, there will also be some awkward Connie/Dixie scenes in the near future! xxx**


	77. Chapter 77

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."

Connie frowned as she spoke, wondering as she did is she had always struggled with the letter 'S'.

Rita swayed as she pushed the door to the bedroom open. She stopped. Frowned. The room seemed to sway with her, and she felt Connie bump up against her from behind with a soft 'oomph'.

"I beg to differ."

Her frown deepened and she drew in a breath as she made her way into the room.

"...name me one problem which could not be solved...or at least eased, by a perfectly cooked roast potato?"

She turned around more quickly than she had realised she was going to and felt herself beginning to fall off kilter, only to feel Connie's arms about her, steadying her, her breath hot against her cheek as she opened her mouth to speak, and then close it again.

Rita sighed and let her eyes fall closed, resting her forehead against Connie's. Their faces were flushed, their skin warm and sweaty. Both women just stood, eyes closed, gathering themselves against the ungainly lurching of their bodies against one another.

"What were we talking about again?"

Rita whispered. She could feel the tell tale pulse of a headache beginning just above her left eyebrow. Connie exhaled a breath between her lips. She had no idea...

Downstairs was in darkness. Grace had been put to bed an hour of so before hand, and Charlie had stayed for a couple of drinks before getting back. Somehow Rita's suggestion of a couple more glasses of red wine before bed had led them to finish off a couple more bottles, and now both stood in the bedroom, heads fuggy and spinning, bodies sluggish and tired.

"We should have some water."

Connie whispered, opening her eyes slowly, squinting against the lamp light – the glare of which made her head pulse and her eyes begin to water.

She grasped Rita's hand within her own, and whilst scowling down at the floor, her other hand against her forehead, they made their way to the en suite, Rita swaying from one step to another until they reached the doorway, where she tripped and let go of Connie's hand abruptly, staggering against the shower like someone who had leant against an unexpectedly open door.

Connie watched her, her lips parted, a look of utter confusion on her face as she watched Rita regain her balance, and turn awkwardly back to the sink, grasping hold of the basin and exhaling a sigh of relief.

"Water."

Connie reached with a seemingly uncontrollable hand to the glass she kept on the edge of the sink. She gripped it, barely feeling it, and somehow succeeded in filling it half full with water without spilling any.

"Drink."

She held it out to Rita who was rubbing the heel of her hands against her eyes, leaving two dark black smudges of mascara below and above her eyes when she removed her hands to accept the glass.

She raised it to her lips, concentrating, blinking hard against the gritty feeling of dry mascara within the inside of her eyelids. She found herself watching Connie who was stood next to her, one eye closed as she squeezed toothpaste from a tube onto both of their toothbrushes, her entire body listing to the left every time she squeezed.

"Opp! Fuck..."

The water slopped down her front, making her shiver. Somehow she had tilted up the glass without really meaning to, and had missed her mouth altogether. She looked down at herself, the water seeping into the front of her jumper, she could feel it – cold against her chest and glistening like diamonds against the wool.

"Rita! Really..."

Connie murmured, and pushed her knuckles into the bridge of her nose, forgetting momentarily that she was holding the toothbrushes - until she let her arm fall back to her side and she felt the pull and catch of toothpaste covered bristles in her hair.

She placed the brushes down on the side of the sink, leaving them instantly forgotten, and turned to Rita, attempting to place her hands on her hips but missing, once, twice, and then opting to fold them across her chest before she unfolded them again and reached out for Rita.

"I'll get the pyjamas."

She looked pointedly at the damp streak that ran the length of Rita's jumper and the blonde peered down at herself, staggering backwards only briefly before grasping hold of the door frame.

Connie took hold of the other side of the door frame and ducked as she passed by, brushing against Rita who bit her lip against a laugh and caught hold of her arm, leaning her head against her shoulder before suddenly exploding into a breathless giggle - a giggle that was so forceful that she had to fall sideways onto the bed to get her breath back.

"Shhh! What on earth are you laughing at?!"

Connie hissed as she prepared herself to bend down to the drawer at the bottom of the wardrobe.

Rita gave a snort of laugher and buried her face in the duvet, her cheeks felt hot against the cold of the cotton and she rolled onto her stomach, enjoying the feel of the cold against her whilst her legs dangled from the side of the bed with an unusually pleasant weightless feeling.

With one hand against the wardrobe doors Connie felt her way down, past the hinges, until she was bobbed down, sitting on her haunches.

"Pyjamas..."

She murmured, Rita's breathless inhale, and exhale of a near hysterical, tearful laugh distracting her.

She reached for the drawer knobs, her fingers grazing them as she fell back, sitting down suddenly on the wooden floor, grimacing, gritting her teeth against the jarring of her hip.

She tried again. Sucking in a breath. She took hold of the knobs again and opened the drawer, reaching in, the fabrics soft and blurred beneath her fingertips. She searched blindly until she felt what she was looking for, and she tugged free the soft flannel pyjama top that Rita had grown so fond of.

"Pyjamas!"

She announced, and twisted around to use the side of the bed to haul herself up with.

**-.-**

**The other half of this will be updated tomorrow! Apologies for no updates last weekend, I was away in London seeing Tipping the Velvet at the theatre (thoroughly recommend it!) … the trip has also given me lots of new ideas for various chapters of this story!**

**Anyway, hope this was ok...my first attempt at writing drunk characters...**

**xxx**


	78. Chapter 78

"Arms up!"

Connie instructed, gesturing for Rita to raise her arms so that she could help her off with her jumper.

"I am perfectly capable of undressing myself."

Rita slurred, pulling herself up into a sitting position from where she lay on the bed. Connie raised an eyebrow in return.

"That's as maybe, but I hardly think you'll enjoy it as much as I will."

She murmured, and she thought as she spoke, through the fuggy headedness, that she hadn't felt this drunk in quite some time...

"Arms up."

She repeated, pushing all thoughts of tomorrow from her mind. Surely she would be perfectly fine on meeting Rita's parents...so long as she had that drink of water?

She glanced to the bathroom, she remembered filling a glass, though she couldn't remember what happened next...  
With an amused huff Rita obeyed and held her arms above her head, swaying slightly to one side as she did so.

Connie leant against the bed, relieved to find that the side of the mattress against her thighs supported her somewhat. She took hold of the hem of Rita's jumper, her fingers cold against the blonde's stomach and she felt her skin flutter and flinch away from her as she lifted the jumper higher, struggling as she reached her head, and she heard Rita laugh from inside the jumper, twisting her head so that Connie could tug it free.

"You're shivering."

Connie stated as she folded the jumper Rita had been wearing and placed it on the bedside table.

Rita gave one final shudder and yawned loudly. Her head ached awfully and her eyes felt dry. She swallowed.

"I wasn't planning on an evening snow ball fight, other wise I would have bought a change of clothes..."

She made to lean back against the head of the bed but Connie made a noise in the back of her throat and gestured to the night shirt she had set out on the bed.

"Perhaps you could bring more than a change of clothes next time..."

Connie spoke quietly, her eyes on the task at hand, bringing the arms of the night shirt to what she thought was the right way out, then realising half way through that they had been the right way out all along...she glanced up. Rita was frowning, not quite understanding what she had said.

"What if you bought all of your clothes next time?"

Connie reworded her question, holding the night shirt to her chest.

"But then all of my clothes would be here..."

Rita looked at her blankly, her frown deepening.

"Well, exactly..."

"Ohhh!"

The realisation dawned on her and she sat for a moment, her mouth agape, her eyes wide.

Connie cleared her throat. She felt the sway and wince of her head. Would either of them remember this conversation in the morning? She must have some water, to clear her mind...

"Really?"

Rita asked after a pause, still not quite comprehending the idea.

"Mmm..."

Connie raised a hand to her forehead, she was sweating, she skin felt cool and warm all at once, though her face seemed oddly numb.

"I'll get us some water."

She said hurriedly, and turned, feeling the floor creak and tilt beneath her. She placed a hand on the wall, feeling for it as though she thought it might escape her unless she kept one hand on it. The bathroom door, however, did escape her, and she bumped up against the door frame, misjudging and grazing up against it as she passed through into the en suite.

Rita puffed out a breath. She couldn't quite bring the jumble of her mind together enough to think about what it would be like to actually live here, with Connie, with Grace...she frowned again and touched her fingers to the creases of her forehead, drawing in a breath. She held it for a moment, and then exhaled, sitting up straight again and reaching behind herself to try to unhook her bra. Suddenly she could feel it too much, the cotton of it hot and restricting about her ribs.

"You want me to live here?"

She found herself saying, and there was stumbling noise and Connie reappeared in the door frame between the bedroom and the bathroom.

"Yes..."

She spoke as though she were out of breath. Her face was warm and her lips looked pinker, her eyes darker.

She stepped into the room again, having forgotten the drink of water for a third time.

"To have you come back here with you after work everyday, to get changed out of that uniform of yours in _our _bedroom..."

A smile slipped across Rita's lips as Connie spoke and she let her hands fall, giving up on the bra.

"Perhaps I could keep my uniform on sometimes..."

She bit her lip against her smile and Connie raised her eyebrows, amusement turning the corners of her lips down and she made her way over to the bed, sitting down onto the edge with a sigh of relief at having made it across the room without falling over.

"I must say I have thought about that before..."

She admitted, glancing across at Rita, how the pale skin of her chest was flushed pink against the white of her underwear, how her eyes sparkled and her smile grew.

"Have you now?"

She asked slowly.

"Mmm. Even before you and I...before _this._"

She gestured between the two of them and drew in a breath, her chest expanding as she sat up straighter. Her stomach made an odd rumbling noise and she wondered if perhaps a glass of water might help her to sober up.

"Really? Wow..."

Rita paused, remembering how it used to be, a strange foggy memory that seemed almost like a dream – how they'd argued, shouted and threatened one another in the months before they had fallen in love.

"Was that before or after you tore me to shreds in that office of yours?"

She asked, squinting, not entirely sure that her words were coming out in the order that she had meant them to.

"Oh...I'd say usually during."

Connie said quietly, remembering how often she had been convinced that their arguments could have become something more...

"Really!?"

Rita looked suddenly much more alert. She couldn't help but imagine it, if their arguments had led to something more, something hot and uncertain, something up against the office wall...

Connie smiled. She knew very well what the other woman was thinking.

"Wow..."

Rita repeated, and cleared her throat, looking up, meeting Connie's eyes.

"Imagine how hot that would have been..."

She whispered, glancing to her lips.

"Mmm."

Connie murmured.

-.-

**Gosh I take a while to get anywhere don't I?! The next scene is the next sex scene. **

**And thank you for the review that said that these getting there chapters were some of your favourites, that made me smile! xxx**


	79. Chapter 79

"What the fuck is wrong with this bed?!"

Rita rolled over onto her back, squinting up at the ceiling, the entire bed seemed to be swaying about the room.

"I don't think it's the bed..."

Connie raised a hand to shield her eyes, what little light there was in the room was burning her eyes and making them water. She leant over, being careful to steady herself with one hand against the bedside table, whilst turning off the lamp with the other hand.

There was a certain degree of relief that came with the light being turned off. Now it was just the uneasy lurching within their own heads that they had to contend with, not the smooth swaying of the room before their eyes. Rita exhaled slowly into the room and rolled over again, ever so carefully, searching with her fingers across the cool cotton of the pillow until she found Connie's face.

"I think we're going to regret this in the morning."

Her words had been meant as a whisper, but Connie flinched back at the sudden loudness of her voice, the edge of the bed seeming suddenly a lot nearer than she had thought it was and she gripped a hold of it with one hand, squeezing her eyes shut tight, certain that she was going to fall.

Instead she felt Rita shuffle closer, her arm tucking neatly about Connie's waist where her fingertips played in soft circles across her flesh.

Connie allowed herself to relax again, and she lessened her grip on the side of the mattress. She turned, hauling herself over so that she could take the smaller woman in her arms and kiss her forehead.

Rita smiled against her, Connie could feel the trembling of her laugh against her chest. She pulled away slightly and looked down at her, peering at her in the dark.

"Are you laughing?"

She asked, frowning. Rita bit her lip and nuzzled closer, closing her eyes.

"I was just thinking about Cal."

"Cal?!"

Connie exclaimed, again feeling the odd sensation of falling, when really she was perfectly safe.

Rita grinned, and once again Connie felt the hum of laughter against her chest as Rita realised how what she had said had sounded.

"I was just thinking how much he would like to see us like this..."

She brushed her lips against the rise of Connie's left breast as she spoke, distracting the older woman somewhat.

"Oh really?"

"Mmm."

Rita sighed, rubbing her thumb back and forth across the rise of Connie's hip. She adored how the skin just in the dip between her hip bone and stomach was softer than almost anywhere else, and how it curved downwards, as if coaxing her fingers down, further, and further...

Connie cleared her throat, she was well aware of what Rita was doing. Her fingers were teasing her, making her heart beat just that little bit quicker, and a deep ache began to flutter within the pit of her stomach.

Instinctively she reached out for them. She interlocked their fingers, forcing Rita to move away from her, and with a creak of the bed, and a surprisingly graceful movement given her inebriated state, she turned onto her side, pausing just to blink against the darkness, and the dim grey/blue light of the night showing through the curtains.

"You've taken charge far too many times."

She murmured, almost yawning as she spoke, an odd fevered sort of tiredness had come over her – the sort that does when a person has had too much to drink – a lazy tiredness, laced with raw arousal.

She caught the gentle bite of Rita's lower lip and raised her eyebrows ever so slightly as she pressed her body closer, holding them together, just enjoying the feel of warm skin on skin.

Connie smiled as she kissed her, her eyelids heavy, her head fuggy.

"Tonight you're mine."

She whispered, and Rita exhaled and gently flexed her hips in return as she kissed her.

The kiss obliterated every thought. For the first time in far too long, Connie's mind was locked into the present, and her usual mode of hurrying from one thing to the next was suspended – like dust motes in the air - she had no wish for the kiss to end.

She touched her tongue to Rita's, running her hands the length of her sides, up and down, up and down, dragging the very tips of her fingers over the dip of her waist and the rise of her hip, her only desire was to touch her, to move her hands across her body, and to feel Rita move in turn. In moments the soft caresses became more firm, more definite, and the quickening of Rita's breath matched her own. A kiss like this was the beginning, a promise of much more to come.

Connie hesitated, pulling away only ever so slightly. She could taste Rita on her lips, could taste the wine, the warmth, could feel the gentle press of her body against hers, and how her hips rolled ever so slightly without any thought at all. They paused – breath quick between them, neither quite knowing whether to speak, or to remain silent. Rita exhaled the breath of a laugh and bit her lip to hide it quickly. Connie touched her tongue to her teeth and glanced down between them.

There was something so disarming about seeing Rita naked. There was a vulnerability that Connie couldn't resist – a vulnerability not shown at any other moment.

Her eyes traveled from Rita's lips to her collar bone, delicate in the darkness, then to her breasts, smaller than her own, and each so perfect.

With lazy fingertips she traced the rise and bumps of Rita's rib-cage until she reached the underside of her right breast, pausing once again before grazing her palm across it and feeling her arc up against her, wanting her touch more than anything...She didn't linger too long, just enough for her to see how beautiful she was to her. It was her eyes that she wanted to see...her hands could tell her the rest.

She kissed her again. Gentle at first, pulling away slowly as she cupped the side of her face. Spreading her fingers wide, she ran her thumbs along Rita's jawbone, pulling down gently to part her lips.

She felt Rita slip a hand across her hip, to her chest, cupping her breasts and letting her thumbs move back and forth over hardening nipples. The sensation was incredible, and for a moment, Connie was overwhelmed. The light headed feeling from the wine, and the slow movement of Rita's fingers stirred something within her - something primal and carnal.

She shivered as she breathed out. She kissed her slower, moving slower than she thought two people could touch. Slower than sleep. So slow it took concentration. So slow that it was more than erotic. It was something else entirely, something deeper...

The slower Connie moved, the more Rita seemed to melt beneath her. She rolled her hips, and Connie edged herself on top of her, holding herself above her, her right leg purposely pressed between the blonde's legs. Rita paused, her body aching, and she took a moment to catch her breath before she gave a tentative flex of her hips, and she shuddered as Connie pressed back against her with her thigh, making her gasp.

She leant down carefully on her elbows, her back arched like a cats above Rita, curved and perfect with her thigh between her legs and her hot breath against Rita's lips, but instead of kissing her mouth she kissed the flush of her face. One cheek, then the other, humming against her skin, kissing her until Rita couldn't bare it and she allowed Rita to capture her lips with her own.

"I love you..."

Connie whispered between kisses, and Rita looked up at her, held in the moment, her dark eyes wide. She was breathing through parted lips, and she cast a quick glance to Connie's mouth. She smiled shakily, their bodies hot and trembling as though they'd fucked for ninety minutes instead of having just begun.  
From beneath her Rita wriggled slightly, hitching up her leg so that she could feel the heat between Connie's legs against her own, how wet she was, how warm and soft, and how her eyes fell closed and she lowered her jaw just a little, pausing before gently rocking her hips, thighs tightly against one another, foreheads pressed together, noses just touching, lips only a breath apart.

Rita wrapped her arms about her neck, and every time Connie moved she felt the gentle clench of Rita's fingers against the very back of her neck. They could feel nothing but each other. It was as though they had fallen into a dream, their heads thick and foggy, focusing on nothing but the pleasure that built between their legs and low within their stomachs, making them tremble and shudder, pulling one another closer, kissing occasionally, short gasping kisses, longer kisses, kisses that barely touched at all...

Connie shifted closer and Rita murmured, biting her lip as though trying to keep quiet. She curled over her and with one hand pressed down against Rita's hips, holding her still. She moved down, arcing her back, being careful not to move her leg at all. Her breath was hot and slow over one nipple and Rita struggled beneath her, wanting to rise to the touch but Connie held her still, taking her nipple into her mouth. She licked with the flat of her tongue, and then the pointed tip. She sucked and pinched between her teeth and flicked it back and forth with her tongue, listening to see how she responded, which movement made her breath catch. Her sucking made her groan, so she sucked harder making Rita's stomach jump.

She let go of her hip with her hand, freeing her, and instead moved her fingers lower, lower... so that her body pressed full length against Rita's, and as her fingers moved between herself and the point between Rita's thighs she felt the younger woman tense and gasp beneath her.

Her fingers found the warm wet flesh between her legs, drawing slow circles that made Rita emit the sound she had been searching for - an open-mouthed moan that juddered out, breath fighting with sensation. She did it again, and again, curling her fingers and slipping them lower until Rita rolled her head back against the pillow and flexed her hips against the fingers that teased her, desperate to feel them inside her, and with another tilt of her hips Connie obliged.

Rita twisted and stretched under her. She lifted her chest closer to her and pushed her hips down into her touch, her movements fluid and erratic all at once, shuddering, desperate for Connie to stop circling and touch her...

There.

Connie had known exactly what she wanted, and when to give in, and now, touching her, running her fingers over the most sensitive of flesh she felt Rita's fingernails dig deep into the back of her neck, and her head rolled to one side, biting her lip, her forehead creased with a frown.

Rita gasped. She could barely breathe. The pain-diffusing heat of adrenaline was engulfing her; she could feel nothing but the warm, wet scrape of teeth across her collar bone. The little shift of Connie's hips as she moved against Rita's thigh at the same time. She could feel it coming, how her body tensed. She was acutely aware of everything, every touch, of how her sighs felt in her throat, how they grew shorter and coarser, and as she opened her eyes and glanced down between them she saw how the light caught each flexing tendon and muscle in Connie's arm, and how her fingers glimmered wet between them.

She looked up. One look to the woman above her was all it took, one meeting of their eyes and they were there together, on the edge and falling. Threads of pleasure slid down legs, into every toe...it suffused them, carried them and lifted them until they came, and they held one another as they gasped for breath, their bodies bucked and jumped.

With parted lips Connie kissed her, moaning against her as she felt the flash of heat again, followed by another and another, and she could not stop the noise that rose in her throat from escaping as she dissolved into her hand. No crashing waves, no ripples of ecstasy, just a violent pleasure that broke between them, like a whiplash that bloomed and radiated between them, stealing their breath until Connie could hold herself up no longer and she collapsed on top of her, head thick and spinning, bodies curled up together, limbs intertwined, with just a breath between their lips as they slipped with breathless 'I love you's' into deepest of sleep.

-.-

More this evening. I hope this is OK. It took me so many re-writes for some reason...let me know what you think as always! xxx


	80. Chapter 80

It was still snowing when Rita woke the next morning. The snow cast a hard white glare upon the walls of the bedroom, showing up the hairline cracks in the walls, and the smears of fingertips on the full length mirror by the door.

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and yawned, stretching out her body, her legs extending into the cold sheets at the bottom of the bed. She shivered and pulled them back up, rolling over, curling herself into a ball.

A sneeze caught her attention just as she realised that Connie was no longer in the bed. With squinted eyes she raised her head from the pillow, hearing the rapid pulse of her own heart beat within her own ears and the throb of her head as she moved.

Connie made her way out of the en suite, holding a toilet roll at arms length as though she were using it as a bumper in case she stumbled into anything. She was breathing through her mouth and her eyes were bloodshot, her hair tied limply at her neck, dark curls springing free about her jaw.

She rolled her eyes as she realised Rita was watching her, but before she could say anything she paused, half closed her eyes and sneezed again, four or five times in quick succession. She groaned.

"You ok?"

Rita asked, pushing herself further up beneath the duvet and tossing it back as Connie neared.

"Oh...fabulous."

Connie's voice was hoarse, and lower than usual, an oddly attractive change that made Rita smile.

"I don't know what you're smiling about. This is all your fault, making me stand out there in the snow last night whilst you..."

She was caught unexpectedly by a tickle in her throat and was forced to abandon her sentence due to a sudden fit of coughing.

"...snowballs..."

She managed to say with a vague gesture of her hand once she'd recovered.

Rita bit her lip against a smile. She remembered vaguely the last time Connie had had a cold, a year or so ago, she remembered because she had been particularly insufferable. Some things didn't seem to change...

Connie unravelled a piece of the toilet roll that she was holding and blew her nose dejectedly before setting the roll of tissue down on the bedside table. She glanced to the window – they hadn't thought to close the curtains – and looking out now she saw that the trees in garden were heavily lined with snow, all the roofs in the distance were softly moulded with snow; it was still falling. She sighed. The pale white light was unbecoming to them both, yet she couldn't deny that she didn't think the snow beyond the window beautiful.

"Do you feel awful?"

Rita asked, assuming it best not to enter into the discussion of who was to blame for this cold that Connie had caught.

Connie drew in a breath through her lips and clapped her hands to her sides. Her head felt as if someone had shaken it until her brain was thoroughly bruised. Shooting pains shot through her muscles with alarming frequency, and there was a ringing in her ears.

"I'm fine..."

She sighed, knowing full well that Rita would never believe such an obvious lie, and with legs stiff with fever she edged herself back under the duvet, shivering at the chill of the sheets as Rita tugged them up about her chin.

Rita hugged her close, kissing the side of Connie's head, beneath her lips her forehead damp with sweat, and she smiled as Connie closed her eyes and drew in a long breath.

"Is this an elaborate attempt to get out of meeting my parents?"

Rita whispered, and Connie opened one eye, arcing her eyebrow. She opened her mouth to reply, but again her breath caught in her throat and she coughed, a dry bark like cough that made her wince, and Rita felt bad suddenly for suggesting that she had been putting it on.

Gingerly, Connie reached over for the water from the bedside table, but she recoiled at it's coldness. She licked at her parched and cracked lips feeling the thickness of her saliva. She suddenly felt hot again and pushed at the blankets with arms that ached painfully at the wrists and she shivered as her skin prickled with sweat.

"No."

She said finally, swallowing the tail end of another cough.

She turned to face Rita who pushed the damp curls of her hair from her cheek, tucking them neatly behind her ear before she smoothed the frown from between her eyes.

"I'll be fine."

She winced as she inhaled, her chest tight and dry.

"I'm looking forward to it."

She added.

**-.-**

**More soon. I've just realised that this is my 'most reviewed' story! Thank you all so much! Your reviews really do make it worth writing, they always make me smile :) xxx**


	81. Chapter 81

"Let me do that, you go and sit down."

Rita wrapped her arms about Connie from behind and pressed a gentle kiss to the nape of her neck. She could hear the crackle and rasp of the older woman's chest as she drew in a breath, and Connie yawned into the back of her hand and dutifully gestured with her other hand to the coffee machine.

"What time are they getting here?"

She asked, watching as Rita took over. She reached up for the mugs and set one, then another under the spout of the coffee machine, watching intently as the hot brown liquid filled the cups ¾ full.

"Ten...ish, I think."

She glanced around to Connie who was struggling against suppressing another yawn. She was tired...exhausted. Her eyes hurt and ever muscle in her body seemed to strain and ache with even the simplest of movements.

"They're often late."

She added, she knew that tardiness was something that irritated Connie more than most other things, and she said it quietly, willing Connie not to notice.

From upstairs came the creak of floorboards on the landing, and then the hop skip and jump of Grace coming down the stairs and the slap of bare feet on the tiled floor of the hallway before Grace appeared in the kitchen doorway, a hair brush in one hand, her phone in the other and a smile on her face.

"Mummy?"

Grace asked, and Connie turned to her, clearing her throat.

"What's happened to your face?!"

Grace's exclaimed, her eyes widening as she looked at her mother, the smile disappearing from her face.

"Oh, lovely! Thank you Grace."

Connie murmured, running her hands through her hair and pushing the errant curls back from her face, twisting them so that they stayed in a loose bun at the nape of her neck – a half hearted attempt at making herself look more presentable.

"Your Mum's caught a cold."

Rita said as she stirred sugar into her coffee. Grace looked from Rita back to her mother, a look of mild revulsion on her face.

"Wow. You're never ill."

"Yes well, apparently I am."

She hadn't meant to snap, but her sinuses had begun to throb and she pushed her fingers against them. Of all the days to come down with something...

"Your eyes have gone all funny and your nose is all red."

Grace continued, peering up at Connie who wafted a hand at her.

"Yes, thank you Grace..."

She sidestepped her daughter and reached up to the cupboard by the fridge, opening it and rummaging blindly in the wooden box that she kept all medical supplies in.

"Your voice sounds funny too."

Grace pointed out, and Connie tossed her a backward glance, raising an eyebrow as she caught Rita's smile.

She located the packet of painkillers and pushed two from the foil wrap and popped them into her mouth, swallowing quickly, forgoing the water and wincing at the bitter after taste.

"What was it you were going to ask me when you came in?"

She asked, anxious to change the subject. Grace looked momentarily confused.

"Oh! Please can we have a Halloween party? I was texting Florence and we -"

"I expect so."

Grace stopped abruptly, she had expected that she would have to do a lot more convincing, but before she could thank her mother, the doorbell rang, and Rita looked up at the clock, dark eyes wide with alarm.

"Who's that?!"

She asked, it was only 8:35.

"You go, I'll finish off here. I don't know if I can face anyone, what with my funny eyes and my red nose..."

Connie ushered her away from where she was about to pour milk into the coffee. Rita squeezed her hand as she moved passed. She poured a dribble of milk into Rita's mug but left her own, and as she stirred, watching the coffee change from dark, to a milky brown she heard Rita open the front door, she heard the low murmur of voices, and the close of the door, followed by Rita's footsteps.

She appeared again holding a box.

"It's for me?!"

She announced in an odd voice. Connie glanced at her as she set the coffee cups down on the table.

"Open it."

She said quietly, Rita raised her eyes to her as she set it down on the table. She noted the amusement behind Connie's eyes and ran her fingers along the edge of the sleek black box.

"What have you done?"

She asked, a smile at her lips, presents still had the ability to turn her into an excitable child.

Connie merely gave a press of her lips and a brief shake of her head as she pulled out a chair and sat down at the table.

"What is it?"

Grace asked, nearing the table and leaning against Rita as she begun untying the black ribbon that held it together. Grace stood on tiptoes, peering around Rita's elbow. She opened the box slowly and lifted the lid, beneath it was a layer of grey tissue paper, she folded it open and paused.

In the box was a coat, neatly folded. She touched her fingers to the fabric, it was dark blue and quilted. A square of white paper was placed on top of it, between two poppers.

"_Cocoon yourself in luxury with Fendi's fur trim quilted coat. Insulated with fine goose feather and down filling, the quilted design is accented with a fur trimmed hood, zipped pockets and popper fastenings to seal out the cold. A great winter investment, the elasticated belt will flatter any figure."_

She frowned slightly and touched the collar, moving it slightly aside so that she could see the label. She looped a finger about the ribbon tag and withdrew it so that she could see the price.

£2,450.00

"Connie..."

"I asked them to remove that..."

Connie reached out for the tag but Rita swatted away her hand.

"I would have googled it anyway."

She murmured, frowning again. Her voice seemed to clog in her throat. She glanced up at the woman opposite her. Connie shifted in her seat and lifted her coffee cup before her lips. She blew into the steam sending it billowing and spirraling out before her.

**"**Its Fendi."

She hissed, suddenly overcome by the desire to close the box back up and push it away. Surely she couldn't accept something so obscenely expensive.

"Mmm. Do you like it?"

Connie asked, squinting against the warmth that rose from her coffee.

"Yes...But, it's _Fendi!"_

"Yes..."

Connie took a sip and swallowed, seemingly oblivious to Rita's shock.

"What the f...what? Connie...!"

She bounced her fingers against the edge of the box and looked across at Connie, eyes so wide that she had no choice but to look up to meet her gaze.

"Seriously Connie, two grand on a coat is just..."

She paused.

"I don't own anything that expensive!"

"Well, we can't have you being cold..."

Connie drew up her shoulders. She felt cold herself, every so often her skin seemed to bristle with a chill that came over her all at once, only to be suddenly replaced by a raging heat that burned at the back of her eyes.

"But its _Fendi..."_

Rita repeated, seemingly at a loss for something else to say.

"Ye-es..."

Connie murmured through a swallow and Rita sighed. It was too much. All of a sudden she saw the Christmas that she had been looking forward to as something to dread. She should have known this would happen, Connie had more money than she did, of course she did...but now it had been proven to her. And she would never be able to match it.

"It's-"

"Fendi, we're established that."

Connie set down her cup. She stiffened in her chair. She felt ridiculous all of a sudden, and she cringed inwardly. Perhaps she didn't like it at all...

"No, I was going to say, it's lovely..."

Rita sucked in a breath as she tucked the lid back on the box and edged around the table, by passing Grace so that she could place a hand upon Connie's shoulder. She leant down and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Thank you..."

She whispered.

**-.-**

**More very soon, anyone any idea as to what's going to happen next? ;)**

**xxx**


	82. Chapter 82

"Grace, can you come down please?"

Connie called up the stairs, her voice hoarse and painful in her throat. She swallowed. Grace had been ushered off upstairs to get herself ready after breakfast, and Connie was anxious to give her the once over before Rita's parents arrived.

She moved to stand in front of the mirror in the hallway, she could see the clock behind her in the reflection – 9:57AM. She looked back at herself and sighed. She looked tired, she didn't seem to be able to hide the fact that her eyes were vaguely bloodshot, and held the glassy look of a cold, and she had already worn away the make up that she had used to lessen the redness of her nose. She drew in a breath and sighed again. At least her hair looked ok...she'd tied half of it up, and it curled in elegant glossy dark curls about her shoulders.

She caught sight of Rita as the blonde made her way from the kitchen into the hallway and she half turned as she felt Rita's arms encircle her waist, her chin resting against her shoulder so that they could peer back at themselves in the mirror.

"You look beautiful."

Rita said quietly. She knew what Connie was thinking, she knew how much she relied upon her appearance as a means of protecting herself, to putting on a front – the perfect front.

Connie sucked in another breath through her mouth and tilted her head to the side to rest against Rita's and placed her own hands over Rita's at her stomach.

"Nervous?"

She asked. She could see the tension in the ever present frown between Rita's eyes, and the clench of her jaw.

"Terrified."

She whispered, laughing slightly. Her stomach ached and churned and her heart seemed to be beating only feather light beats that made her chest flutter.

Connie turned around in her embrace and slipped her arms about Rita's shoulders, pulling her close, close enough to kiss...

She kissed her softly and slowly, holding her close, letting her fingers stroke the short blonde hairs that curled about Rita's ear.

"Ughhh...get a room!"

The thump of Grace's feet on the stairs made them jump.

"Grace!"

Connie exclaimed, glancing to her daughter who merely grinned in response.

Connie looked her up and down, and then glanced to Rita to see if she too had noticed. Rita caught her eye, the twitch of a smile at her lips.

"Grace, you look...very nice."

She said slowly, she knew from experience that whatever she said, however nice it was, might cause Grace to flounce back off upstairs to change. But Grace merely gave a shrug of her shoulders. She stood before them wearing her skinny blue jeans, grey fluffy socks and the simple pale blue jumper that Connie had bought her last Christmas, the one that she had never worn...the one that she had left behind...and she glanced again to Rita as Grace made her way past them into the kitchen in search for something to eat.

Rita raised an eyebrow and bit her lip against a smile.

"Even down to the socks."

Connie murmured, looking Rita up and down – her pale blue jumper, her skinny blue jeans and her grey socks.

**-.-**

**More later today/this evening. Thank you so much for the reviews!**

** : Who knows what Rita could buy for her! You may be right :)xxx**

**Wowstars: Thank you! I'm so pleased that you thought I replicated Rita's response correctly. Next chapter up soon xxx**

**LollyBlanc: The next update will have Rita's parents in...:) xxx**

**For the lovely comments about Grace – I'm basing most of what she says on what my daughter would say. (The amusing bits, anyway!)**


	83. Chapter 83

"Mum? Mum? ...Mummy?!"

Grace collapsed into the arm chair nearest her mother, her legs flung over one arm, her toes nudging Connie painfully in the thigh.

"Stop it, yes...what is it?"

Connie side stepped Grace's prodding toes and turned away from where she had been standing at the window. It was 10:25 and with every passing minute she could feel the nervousness within her heighten. Her stomach shifted uneasily and as she turned she noticed that her hands that she hugged to herself were pinching her skin. She released them, but in finding she had nothing to do with them other than hold them anxiously against her chest, she clasped and unclasped them again as if in constant need of touch and reassurance.

"Please can I have some Converse?"

Grace asked, tutting and shifting dramatically as Connie swatted her feet away from her thigh.

"I'm sorry?"

Connie frowned, not following.

"What would you like to talk about?"

She asked warily, and Rita, who was leaning against the window looking out toward the drive, snorted a laugh through her nose.

"Sorry."

She smiled, touching her hand to her mouth, her eyes laughing as Connie looked back at her none-the-wiser. She glanced to Grace who was looking equally confused.

"What?!"

Grace asked, with the exasperated disdain usually seen within teenagers.

"_Converse."_

Rita rested one hand on Connie's shoulder for support and gestured with her foot, sticking out her red converse and wriggling it pointedly. Connie looked down, the realisation dawning on her.

"Well that's a ridiculous name."

She snapped, and as she spoke the doorbell sounded.

Both Connie and Rita looked toward the door of the sitting room that led to the hall, eyes wide. Rita swallowed, she'd been watching at the window so that she could prepare herself, and now here they were, the two halves of her life, about to collide.

"Are you going to answer it?"

Grace asked, looking between the two women who seemed to have frozen before her.

Connie inhaled sharply and forced her arms to rest by her sides.

"My daughter seems to be turning into you."

She murmured, shrugging Rita's hand from her shoulder before making her way across the sitting room to the hallway, smoothing down her hair as she went, the bell sounding again just as she reached the door making her jump.

Rita stopped short behind her, she touched her fingertips to Connie's back, a silent gesture of support before Connie turned the handle.

A flurry of cold air met them as soon as they opened the door, stealing their breath and making them shiver, and errant flakes of snow fluttered onto the doormat at Connie's feet.

"We thought we'd got the wrong house!"

Rita's mother announced before anyone could say anything, giving no explanation as to why she'd thought that.

"Mr and Mrs Freeman..."

Connie began, holding out an arm, gesturing for them to come in.

"Oh, no! Just Alice...Alice is fine."

Rita's mother wafted a gloved hand, cutting Connie off, and she gestured vaguely to her husband who stood behind her.

"And this is Phil. Rita, sweetheart, how are you?"

She bustled in through the doorway, past Connie, leaving Phil to follow her, both pausing to wipe their feet thoroughly on the mat whilst Rita murmured her reply through her mothers scarves as she hugged her close.

"It's nice to finally see your face..."

Phil looked pointedly at Connie, his eyes were the same dark chocolate brown as Rita's, and they glittered with amusement, as his daughters so often did.

"Er, yes..."

"Dad!"

Rita had freed herself from her mothers grasp and now reached out for her father, drawing him in for a hug and taking the opportunity to glance over his shoulder to Connie who was standing, mouth partly open, her hand still on the door knob, the cold wind from outside still blustering in about their legs.

_Sorry_

She mouthed, catching Connie's eye.

"I see you've gone for the older woman, just like I did with your mother."

Rita caught Connie's visible wince at her fathers words and she allowed him to squeeze her tight for only a moment longer before pulling away and gesturing hurriedly to the kitchen.

"Come through, I'll make you hot drink...warm you up..."

She said, ushering her parents through the hallway as they unbuttoned their coats, leaving Connie to close the door.

She shivered as the last of the cold air buffeted about the door, and she glanced down to the glittering flakes of snow that were melting like diamonds at her feet.

_Older woman..._

She murmured to herself, and she clenched and released her hands at her sides before following them into the kitchen.

**-.-**

**More later today. Thank you as always for the lovely reviews, they always make me smile and spur me on to write more! :) xxx**


	84. Chapter 84

"Your brother will be along in a minute...thank you."

Alice accepted the mug of tea that Rita held out to her with a smile.

"I didn't know he was coming."

Rita said as she turned her back and offered out a coffee to her father who raised his eyebrows with a look that quite clearly stated that Rita's brother wouldn't miss this for the world...

"So..."

Alice cleared her throat and arranged the mug against her chest, cupping it with both hands to warm them.

"How did you two..."

She gestured with a hand and looked between the two women who sat opposite her in separate arm chairs, hopeful that she wouldn't have to elaborate any further.

Rita shifted so that she could fold one leg beneath herself and grinned.

"She had me at 'supraventricular bypass.'"

She laughed as she spoke, and raised a hand to itch the side of her nose.  
Connie took a sip of her coffee and winced at the sudden rush of sweetness that filled her mouth. Rita must have mistakenly given her at least two spoonfuls of sugar...she touched her fingertips to her lips and reached to set her coffee down on the side table next to her arm chair.

"Actually we-"

Rita began to elaborate, but a sudden rap at the door and a ring of the bell cut her off.

"That'll be your brother."

Phil's voice was strained as he stretched back in the chair, raising a hand over his head to scratch noisily at the back of his neck.

"I'll get it."

Connie made to stand but Rita waved her free hand in much the same way as her mother seemed to have a habit of doing.

"No, it's fine, I'll go. You need to stay in the warm."

She murmured, and squeezed Connie's shoulder before retreating from the room.

"Oh, are you poorly?"

Alice asked, leaning forward with obvious concern. Connie gave a brief shake of her head.

"No, no, just a cold..."

She answered quickly, too quickly, and almost immediately Connie felt the atmosphere tense, and she longed to reach back for her mug, just so that she had something to occupy her hands with. She drew in a long breath.

A heavy silence seemed to settle over them, an uneasy tension in the atmosphere that made her shift in her seat.

Three pairs of unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously about the room and tried to avoid catching other glances that passed by. She noted the uncomfortable shift of Alice in her seat, the grasp of her hands, and the unconscious cross and uncross of her legs, the heals of her shoes scraping the wooden floor.

From the hallway she heard the stamp of boots on the doormat, and the murmur of voices – Rita's laugh...

"I think I'll just make another coffee..."

She stood up abruptly and reached out for her mug. Suddenly she couldn't bare the thought of being in the room when Rita's brother appeared. Her head was beginning to throb even more, and her body felt heavy and sluggish, she needed the cool quiet of the kitchen to gather herself.

"Can I get either of you anything?"

She asked as she made her way to the doorway that led through to the kitchen, but to her relief both Phil and Alice declined politely.

Once in the kitchen she exhaled, she felt every aching limb relax. She placed her hands on the cool of the work top and leant her head forward against the kitchen cabinet, the cool of the wood easing the pain within her head.

She closed her eyes and sniffed, she could feel the pulse of her sinuses and the pain at the back of her throat as she swallowed.

"Going that badly, hmm?"

A voice she didn't recognise made her start and she pushed herself away from the counter, turning around more quickly than she had meant to. She felt a sharp splintering pain within her right ear, and just for a moment she thought she might topple off balance, but a hand caught hold of her, holding her steady.

"You alright?"

He asked, and she looked up at him, focusing on him. He was older than she had expected, he was clearly the elder brother. He had that grown-up choir boy look, except for the tattoos that swirled above the neckline of his grey jumper, and he had the same blonde hair as his sister, though his was cut short, but his eyes weren't brown like Rita's, they were a sea-glass green, and they were laughing.

**-.-**  
**More tomorrow, I promise that one will be longer! :) I'm so glad the last few chapters have made people laugh/smile ! I'm interested to know what people would like to see happen with her parents? :)xxx**


	85. Chapter 85

"I'm fine...I'm fine. Thank you."

Connie extracted her arm from his grasp. She could hear the rush and pulse of blood within her ears, her head aching more with each throb.

He smiled, a brief twitch of a smile and again his eyes seemed to laugh at her.

"It's nice to meet you _Mrs _Beauchamp."

He offered out a hand as he spoke again, and for the first time since he had surprised her she heard his voice properly. It was lower and smoother than she had expected. He caught the slight raise of her eyebrows and the shock that registered on her face before she could hide it.

A small smile played about his lips. It wasn't what he had said that had surprised her, though his pointed use of _Mrs _had caught her off guard – it was the richness of his tone – luxurious and warm.

She accepted his hand, placing her own within his, feeling how small it felt encased within his fingers, and he shook her hand with the perfect squeeze.

"I'm afraid I don't know your name."

Her sore throat was worsening and her voice came out husky and hoarse.

"Alistair...Ali. Rita said you were making a hot drink...sounds as though you could use one."

When he spoke he looked directly at her, a look so unfaltering that it made her feel compelled to glance away.

"Oh I've just got a bit of a cold."

She cleared her throat though it did no good and turned her back on him, exhaling as she reached for the switch on the coffee machine.

"Coffee?"

She asked without turning.

"Please."

She heard him move behind her, the sound of him rocking back on his heels, the squeak of the soles of his shoes on the stone flooring, and the soft pushing of his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Milk, sugar?"

"No, thank you."

She pressed a button on the side of the machine and the coffee began to pour.

"I have to say you're not what I was expecting."

His voice sounded alarmingly close to her. He had stepped towards her again without her realising, and when she turned to hand him the white cup of freshly made coffee she found he was only a foot or so from her.

"Thank you."

He said again as he accepted the cup and held it with one hand against his chest, the other still pushed into his pocket.

"And what _were _you expecting?"

She asked, her voice returning briefly and he smiled, hearing the trueness of it.

"Slightly overweight, short hair...dressed from last years Sports Direct catalogue?"

He grinned and touched his tongue to his teeth.

"How very _PC..._"

She murmured, noting how straight and white his teeth were, much like his sisters...

"One of my better qualities."

He said quietly. He took a sip from his coffee cup, raising his eyebrows as he looked at her through the steam.

He swallowed.

"Whatever I expected it certainly wasn't you."

He concluded, taking another sip and wincing as the heat scalded his tongue.

"I don't look the type?"

She asked, a deliberate hint of sarcasm to her words.

"You're certainly not the stereotypical lesbian..."

His voice tailed off as she raised her eyebrows.

"Ah..."

He narrowed his eyes with amusement.

"Bisexual?"

He asked, cocking his head to one side.

"Who knows..."

She murmured, turning back to retrieve her own coffee. She raised it to her lips and blew across the surface so that the steam curled before her.

"Well, you know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side..."

He asked.

"You're certainly very forward."

She took a second sip of her coffee, the warmth of it seemed to soothe her throat and she was able to speak just a little bit more easily.

"Another of my qualities..."

He said with a quirk of his lips, and he lowered his cup, never once taking his eyes from her.

"You are clearly a man of many qualities, even if they are mostly bad ones."

She said quickly, and he laughed out loud, taking himself by surprise.

"And anyway..."

She continued.

"If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher."

He drew in a breath, regarding her with a look she couldn't quite place.

"So, how did you end up with my little sister?"

He asked, changing the subject abruptly. She pursed her lips against a smile, glancing down to the coffee she held between her hands. She could feel it's warmth, could smell the nuttiness of it despite her cold.

"Oh we just sort of...happened..."

She touched the fingers of her left hand to her lips and glanced up at him. The laughter behind his eyes had faded.

"Now I know you're serious."

He said quietly.

"Why's that?"

She frowned.

"When you spoke about her just then you lit up. I only had to mention her and your whole demeanour changed – like you'd been lit from within, you can see it in your eyes...in the flush of your cheeks and the smile that you're keeping from your lips..."

He drew in a long breath, his expression seemed to change, and he smiled at her.

"Come on, lets go through, I'm looking forward to the watching my parents make Rita squirm..."

-.-

**More tomorrow! xxx**


	86. Chapter 86

"Well, you've certainly landed on your feet."

Rita's father was speaking as both Connie and Alistair retired back into the sitting room. Connie sat back down in the arm chair by the door, there was a breeze coming from somewhere and she found herself shivering despite the prickle of heat that spider danced across the skin of her back sending goosebumps rising across her flesh.

She drew in a breath, above her she could hear the quiet close of Grace's bedroom door and the sound of her on the landing.

"Oh, this is all Connie's..."

Rita was speaking, she suddenly realised. Sitting down seemed to have had an odd effect on her ears, all of a sudden she was more blocked up than she had realised she was, and she had to part her lips in order to be able to breathe easily.

"...she's asked me to move in, but it's not official yet."

Ali leant against the arm of Rita's chair as she finished speaking, deliberately leaning against her, nudging her with his elbow. She nudged him back, harder, but without saying a word.

"So what do you have to do to end up in a place like this?"

Ali asked before his father could say anything else, and he raised his coffee to his lips again, sipping slowly so as not to scald himself.

"Or rather, what do _you _do?"

He added, swallowing, squinting at Connie through the steam.

She inhaled, she could hear Grace's steps on the stairs, and the sound of her own breath as she exhaled.

"Oh, I'm...a surgeon by trade. But right now I'm clinical lead of the emergency department."

She couldn't help but wince at her own words, and she wished there was a way of saying such a thing without sounding so pretentious, but Ali just smiled and Rita curled her legs back underneath her again. Looking across at the two of them now Connie could see the obvious family resemblance, the straight angular lines of their jaw, the wide eyes, full lips and the honeyed blonde of their hair...

"So she's your boss?"

Phil asked, the sofa creaking as he leant forward slightly without thinking, reaching out for the coffee table where a plate of biscuits had been arranged earlier...the plate Connie had forgotten to offer round...

Rita exhaled through a breath and Connie allowed herself a smile.

"Ah no, Rita will be the first to tell you that I'm not her boss! Rita manages the nursing staff...we work as a team."

"And who's this?"

Alice asked, almost but not quite cutting Connie off as Grace appeared in the doorway, her phone in her hand.

Connie glanced up, relieved to have an interruption – something to take the attention away from herself, and Rita reached her free hand back behind where her brother was sat on the arm of the chair, she squeezed Grace's forearm gently.

"Grace, this is my mum, Alice, my dad, Phil...and this is my brother, Ali."

She paused and cast her eyes up towards Ali who had turned himself just enough to be able to be able to see behind himself.

Grace smiled slightly, she screwed up her toes into the carpet and rocked back on her feet, clutching the phone against her chest, not quite sure what to say or do...

"Grace is Connie's daughter."

Rita added, suddenly realising that she had forgotten that important piece of information.

"We can see that!"

Alice smiled, though she retained a look of mild confusion. She cast a hesitant glance to where Connie sat, her mug in her lap.

"So you haven't always been..."

"Oh! No! No..."

Connie cleared her throat, aware that she had pounced on the other woman's words, eager to silence them.

"No."

She repeated, more quietly this time, and she caught the flash of Ali's teeth, he was enjoying this far more than anyone else was, and she couldn't help but feel vaguely irritated by him. She watched as he crossed his legs and tapped his fingers gently against his jeans. He'd run his fingers through his hair and, like Rita's did so often, it had tufted up at one side. She followed his gaze, he was looking upon his mother with vague amusement - she had placed her coffee down gently against her lap and pursed her lips in the way that she did before she said exactly what she thought, and Connie found herself smiling just the same way she did for her patients at the hospital.

-.-

**Quick chapter. Grace has appeared, there was a reason she suddenly disappeared...she was busy up in her room ;)**

**Thank you so much, the reviews I got for the last couple of chapters were absolutely lovely! I will publish a longer chapter tomorrow for you all, but for now, I hope this is OK, and that you're all having a lovely evening :) xxx**


	87. Chapter 87

"So..."

It was Phil's turn to speak. He leaned forward in his chair, arms resting on his thighs, his cup held between his knees.

"The three of you will be living here? We'll have to come and visit over Christmas, bring something for Grace."

He smiled as he spoke, and for the first time Connie realised that he was genuinely trying...for his daughters sake. She shifted in her seat, she had no idea whether Grace would be with her for Christmas, and even less of an idea of how to tell them that.

"Yes. Well..."

She cleared her throat, raising a hand to just touch her fingertips against her lips. She felt them tremble. She swallowed.

"We're not entirely sure where Grace will be for Christmas. She might be with her father..."

"Oh, where does he live?"

Alice asked, distracted as she tugged at a lose thread of her jumper that she hadn't noticed before.

"New York. Grace spends most of her time with her father in New York."

Connie answered, her voice was quiet and strained and she shifted again in her seat. She crossed her legs, and almost immediately wished she hadn't. She caught Rita's eye across the room, dark and wide and there was a tension about her mouth that made her look older than she was.

"She doesn't live here with you?"

Alice asked, missing a beat. Her expression had changed to one Connie found unreadable. She tried to smile but a twitch of her lips was all she managed.

"No, not at the moment."

Connie glanced down to where she clasped her hands in her lap.

"It's complicated..."

Rita said suddenly, anxious to fill the widening silence, anxious to make things better, to stop things from nose diving so quickly.

Phil looked to his wife, leaning back again in his chair. He looked, in that moment, liked an aged version of his daughter. At first his eyes were cast to the floor and then he seemed suddenly to realise that he had something to say. He lifted his head. His face had the same structure as Rita's, high cheekbones and perfectly symmetrical. He had the same deep brown eyes and straight nose, and around his eyes were laughter lines in just the right amount. She supposed that he was often happy, but at that moment he was deadly serious.

"Well, whatever arrangement you have with Mr Beauchamp is your business, but..."

"Oh he's not..."

Connie faltered, realising she had cut him off without meaning to.

"Grace's father is not Mr Beauchamp."

She murmured, registering his confusion before she glanced away again. She couldn't help but catch Ali's eye as she shifted her gaze, an amused look laced behind his eyes, a smile hidden behind the purse of his lips...

"Grace's father, Sam, Sam Strachen, he and I, we were...never really together, we were just..."

"A one night stand?"

Ali asked, cutting in. She looked up, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes."

She said quietly.

"So you gave Grace another man's name...?"

Phil asked, speaking just slow enough so that Connie realised how ridiculous she was beginning to appear.

"Yes...well, _my_ name."

"And yet you weren't the one looking after her?"

"Why _did _you keep his name?"

Both Alice and Phil spoke at once, but their gazes remained on Connie and Connie alone. Rita tensed visibly and Ali placed a hand upon her shoulder, a small offering of support in the silence.

"Well, I was..."

Rita cleared her throat, causing Connie to pause.

"Grace is just spending some time with her father, to see how things work out. Connie has so much responsibility at work...she's-"

"I'm sorry Rita, but it sounds as though Connie has responsibilities at home that should be put before work!"

Phil paused, looking pointedly at Connie.

"Too busy for your own daughter?!"

He asked incredulously.

Both Connie and Rita fell silent.

"I always thought you wanted to have children, Rita?"

Alice asked, turning to her daughter, the thought clearly having just dawned on her that perhaps she had been expecting something that would never happen...Rita's eyes widened, her lips forming a perfect 'O'.

"Well! There are, there are _ways_..."

Rita looked at Connie.

"We haven't really discussed..."

"Well don't you think you should?! I'm sorry Rita but don't you think you should at least be thinking of the future?"

Alice's voice was rising, she was sitting forward in her seat, her hands placed rigidly upon her knees.

All at once Ali moved. There was the creak of the arm chair and he stood up, his presence seeming to fill the room, to shift the energy...

"Connie!"

He looked directly at her.

"Did I hear you were making us lunch today? Can I help you with anything in the kitchen?"

His words took her off guard, and for a moment she paused, glancing about the room, unsure as to what she should do.

"I think we could all do with something to eat after such a long drive..."

He added, more firmly this time.

Connie stood slowly, arms limp at her sides, defeated. As she stood she felt the tension creep within the muscles of her back – stiff and solid, and she had to force herself to stand to her full height.

He gave a tilt of his head and with that she followed him into the kitchen, reaching out as she passed by Rita, just touching the other woman's hand as she moved by, squeezing gently and feeling her squeeze back...

Once in the kitchen she allowed herself to exhale. She was glad to have been interrupted, to have been taken away to the safety of the kitchen, where the air was cooler.

She splayed her hands on the kitchen table, with its vase of scarlet roses and empty glasses glittering in the soft light.

"Dear God this is doing wonders for my self esteem..."

She whispered as she leant against the table, dipping her head, closing her eyes. She heard the squeak of Ali's shoes as he stopped just behind her.

"If its any consolation, I like you much more than I thought I was going to."

He whispered, and she raised her head again, just enough so that she could look back at him with raised eyebrows.

"Not like that! I'm not hitting on you, don't be so suspicious. I'm just saying that you're human. We all do stupid things, half of which don't make sense...that's why we don't analyse them like you've just had to...because then we'd realise that we're all fucking lunatics."

She smiled at his words despite herself, but just as she was about to reply, the doorbell sounded from the hall...

-.-

**Apologies for the delay, I seem to have caught some odd flu-like virus from my son. Hooray!**

**I hope this update is OK! Reviews welcomed as always. Can anyone guess who is at the door? :) xxx**


	88. Chapter 88

From where they stood in the kitchen they heard the front door open and close, they heard Rita's voice rise in surprise, and the flutter of nervous laughter. And then, on the tiled floor came Grace's galloping footsteps, a squeal of delight, and then she was sliding along the floor on sock clad feet to where she came to an alarmingly abrupt halt in the door frame of the kitchen.

"Grandma's here!"

She had both her hands on the door frame and she twisted herself to and fro, her feet slipping and sliding beneath her, a smile across her pink lips.

Without meaning to Connie let out a noise akin to someone who had been mortally wounded. She felt herself pale, she felt such a sinking feeling that she had to reach for a chair to hold on to, and Alistair reached out for her instinctively, his fingertips at her waist.

"Mummy?"

Grace stopped in her movements and raised one eyebrow.

Connie glanced up.

"Don't you want to see Grandma?"

Grace asked, a look of confusion passing behind her dark eyes. Connie pursed her lips into something resembling a smile and gave a brief shake of her head.

"Now isn't really the best time..."

"I thought you liked Grandma?"

Grace asked, folding her arms pointedly across her chest.

From in the hallway they could hear the rustle of Audrey's coat and the slip and click of her shoes as she removed them on the doormat. Who must she think Rita was? Did she already know? Connie closed her eyes and forced herself to stand up straight. She raised a hand to where she pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers.

"I do, I..."

She paused, opened her eyes and let her hand fall to her side.

"Go and say hello, Grace. Go and..."

She waved a hand and Grace huffed, rolled her eyes and slipped from view, back into the hallway.

"Not your Mum then?"

Alistair asked, and she started. She had forgotten he was there. She clapped her hands to her sides and drew up her shoulders, releasing them back down with an exhale.

"No...No. Grace's father's mother. She's..."

She shook her head, vaguely searching for the words.

"Likeable from a distance...like the sun... except without the warmth."

She sighed, and Alistair laughed silently, nodding slowly. Somehow she knew that she didn't need to explain further, that somehow he just _knew _everything – that Audrey didn't yet know about her relationship with Rita, that she didn't want her here, and that somehow her presence alone was threatening enough to make Connie feel faint.

"Don't panic."

He leant closer to her so that he could speak quietly, close enough so that she could smell him – of coffee on his breath, of his aftershave, and the clean smell of his clothes.

"I'm not panicking!"

She protested, but the thin ice was under her feet again, the uncertainties, the worry...she arced an eyebrow at him.

"I'm trying not to."

She sighed as she spoke and again he reached for her without thinking and took hold of her hands in such a way that she ought to have felt awkward, self conscious even. Instead she felt as if she had known him her whole life, and he was about to impart yet another invaluable piece of wisdom which would inevitably save the situation.

"I'll back you both up. Go on...I'll make coffee."

He let go of her hands as quickly as he had taken them and she felt for a moment unsure of what to do with them. She let them fall slowly back to where they rested against her thighs, and she glanced toward the sitting room. She could hear the voices, the scrape of chairs as Rita's parents rose to greet this unexpected guest, and she could hear Grace speaking, laughing, and the soft sound that her socks made against the wooden flooring.

Silently she made her way back into the sitting room. Rita's parents were returning to their seats, and the room seemed to hush as several pairs of eyes turned to Connie.

Rita stood by the door, so close that Connie's shoulder brushed her as she halted.

"Audrey's here!"

Rita announced pointlessly, her voice strained and as Connie glanced at her she caught the vaguely wild look within her dark eyes, the inward panic, and the twitch of her lips.

"Am I interrupting?"

Audrey asked, taking the seat which Connie had vacated, sitting down, not caring in the slightest whether or not she was interrupting.

There was a chink of china behind her and Alistair cleared his throat.

"S'cuse me!"

He was overly chirpy, and when Connie moved out of the way so that he could enter the room – tray of coffee cups arranged on it's surface – all eyes turned to him.

"Coffee, Mrs...?"

"Strachan."

Audrey answered quickly. Alistair lowered the tray to her and she selected a coffee after only a moments pause. She looked up at him as he rose again, a frown between her eyes.

"So."

She took a sip, curling her lip in distaste as she swallowed.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?"

She asked, looking to Connie as she rested the cup on the thin fabric of her trousers.

Connie caught the look of challenge behind the other woman's eyes. She cleared her throat, she daren't look at Rita, she couldn't bare to look at her... She swallowed.

"Uh, this is, this is..."

She gestured blindly to Rita, never quite making eye contact.

"This is Rita...Freeman-"

She turned her attention hurriedly back to the room before her.

"Her brother, Alistair and her parents...Phil and-"

Her mind went suddenly blank. For the life of her she could not remember Rita's mothers name. Nothing would come to mind – no thought, name or otherwise, she was simply left, hovering mid-sentence, feeling the overwhelming sense of dread swallowing her whole.

"Alice."

Rita's voice was a whisper beside her.

"Alice."

Connie repeated, though no louder.

Audrey looked between the two of them, from the wide eyed alarm of Rita, to faint glimmer of sweat across Connie's forehead.

"And why are we all gathered here today, hmm? I feel as though I am missing out!"

Audrey took another sip of her coffee as she spoke, and looked immediately as though she wished she hadn't. She set the cup down on the side table next to her and pushed it as far away as possible without it tipping over the edge.

"Rita's parents are visiting for the first time. We haven't met before."

She paused and touched her fingertips to her lips, glancing finally to Rita, there eyes meeting for the briefest of moments.

"Rita is...Rita is my...Rita..."

She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. Her what? Her girlfriend? It sounded ridiculous even to think it..._she _sounded ridiculous she realised. She felt her cheeks flush. She had seen just now what she had only sensed before, that the whole world was ready to be their enemy, and suddenly what she and Rita had together seemed no longer love or anything happy but a monster between them, with each of them caught in it's fists. She swallowed again, her fingers trembling against her mouth, her lips paper-dry.

She let her eyes fall closed for the briefest of moments, and blindly, she let her hand fall, and she reached out for Rita's, finding it almost instantly. She took hold of it as she opened her eyes. Whatever happened, she decided, whatever happened now they would meet it without running.

She exhaled and felt Rita squeeze her hand. At any rate, she thought, she was happier than she ever had been before... why worry about defining everything? Why worry what Audrey would think?

She licked her lips, and turned again to Audrey.

"Rita is my partner."

She said, her voice as clear as a bell, ringing out proudly for everyone to hear.

-.-

**Apologies for not updating yesterday. I'm struggling through a week of asthma attacks at the moment. I'll do my best to catch up. Hopefully this update will be enjoyed! Please feel free to review, they always make me smile :) xxx**


	89. Chapter 89

Ah, here I am! Hello everyone. Just a little note to apologise for the lack of updates recently, but my laptop went up in smoke (literally) and I have only just got my hands on my new one. I have lost everything - all of my notes and quotes, and parts that I had already written for the stories that I write on here...I've also lost my story plans, so I have no idea what I'm doing at the moment.

Anyway, I promised pre-Christmas updates, so here they are. And please keep an eye out for my **CASUALTY CHRISTMAS STORY - **a one shot that I will be posting on here on Christmas Day, as my present to you all for being so lovely and supportive.

Merry Christmas! And on with the story...

-.-

For a moment there was silence - the kind of silence one notices before a storm. There was nothing, not even the creak of a floorboard or the clearing of a throat, only a vague dense pressure that seemed to hang from everything in the room, creeping down from above them and suffocating them slowly.

Audrey stood up, her movements seemingly in slow motion. Her cheeks were sucked in and she smoothed down the fabric at her thighs, deliberately not making eye contact with anyone in the room.

"Grandma?"

Though Grace spoke to Audrey she looked up at her mother, and Connie placed a hand upon her shoulder, squeezing ever so slightly.

Audrey drew in a long breath through her nose before she spoke.

"I will be back at the weekend to take you home."

"But we're having a Halloween party!"

Grace announced before Audrey had quite finished speaking, and Audrey attempted a smile despite her obvious irritation.

"Your father is expecting you."

She said quietly.

"I was under the impression that Sam was away..."

Connie began, and for the first time since Connie had revealed who Rita was, Audrey looked at her, her expression cooller than before.

"His week has been cut short."

She said simply.

"Well surely that doesn't mean that ours has to be?!"

Connie almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. She found herself thinking back, second guessing herself, _had_ she known, had Sam told her? Even though she knew that he hadn't...

"As I said he's expecting her. Something silly about feeling bad about cancelling the Halloween party she had planned..."

"Is it still going to happen?!"

Grace asked, her eyes widening.

"Of course."

Audrey said smiling and Grace clapped her hands together and raised herself up on her tip toes.

"I'll see you at the weekend."

She held out a hand to Grace and the little girl ran into her arms, hugging her hard before kissing her on the cheek. Audrey placed a hand affectionately on the top of her head, smoothing the dair hair before rising back up to her full height and looking straight at Connie.

"Good bye Connie."

She said before moving from the room back into the hallway, and without a word Connie followed her. She followed her out into the hallway with Rita just behind her, only glancing behind when she heard Grace was behind her. She paused, but almost as if on cue Ali appeared, reaching out for Grace with a smile and something murmured.

"That _poor _little girl."

Audrey stopped before the front door, she was reaching for her coat, pulling it on and buttoning it up, her actions sharp and brisk, her lips pursed and her chin raised high.

"I'm sorry!?"

Connie's voice was thin and so full of nothing...of exhaustion and reluctance...that Rita wouldn't have recognised it as her voice if she hadn't been standing right next to her.

"I assume you've told Sam about this...?"

She waved a hand, gesturing between the two women who stood before her. Connie's shoulders slumped and she exhaled slowly. Rita glanced to her, she saw the faint wrinkles about her mouth and the dullness of her beautiful eyes.

"I didn't think it was any of his-"

"Ah well that's where you're wrong!"

Audrey cut her off as Connie knew she would. She hadn't even begun to form the words before Audrey cut in.

"...because anything that will give him an advantage in this custody battle of yours is his buisiness."

"Excuse me?!"

She stiffened again, her lips parted, a frown playing between her eyes. Audrey looked at her, her eyes full to the brim with satisfied pity.

"Oh come on you didn't really expect that she would be coming back to live with you after everything you've done?"

Connie opened her mouth wider to speak and then closed it again.

"Oh you did!"

Audrey supporessed a laugh and adjusted the collar of her coat about her jaw, nestling her chin into the red cashmere scarf that she wore.

"Well, you'd better get in touch with your lawyer then, hadn't you."

She said with her head tilted to one side, and as she spoke she reached out for the door handle and opened the front door, letting the cold air in with a lonesome wail, the air so bitter and cold that it ran in goosebumps across Connie's forearms, and Rita shuddered beneath her clothes.

"Hold on, hang on."

Connie's frown deepend.

"I didn't realise there _was_ a custody battle?!"

Audrey smiled again.

"I'll be back to collect Grace at the weekend."

She said simply and she made to leave but Rita caught hold of her arm, but as she did she realised that she had nothing to say. She longed to stand up for Connie, but was there really anything that she could say...more to the point, she wondered, was it really her place to say it if there were?

Audrey looked pointedly to her hand and Rita let go, defeated, letting her hand fall slowly back to her side with a murmured apology whilst Audrey departed, leaving the door wide open behind her as she stepped down the steps to the gravel drive way, her shoes crunching neatly against the snow.

Rita pushed the door closed with more force than was really necessary, breathing in the cold air, letting it fill her lungs before turning.

"Connie..."

Connie was stood with the fingers of one hand against her lips - a gesture which Rita had come to recognise as something that she did when she no longer trusted herself to hold back the tears.

"I'm f-"

She cleared her throat.

"I'm fine."

She ran her fingertips across her bottom lip and then clasped both hands in front of herself.

Rita reached out for her and for a moment she succumbed to Rita's arms about her, but then, with the unease left behind from an afterthought she brushed her away and drew in a breath.

"Can we talk about this later?"

She asked, and Rita sighed.

"Of course we can...of course, it's just..."

She paused, and touched her tongue to her lips - a gesture which she knew she had picked up from Connie herself.

"We'll fight him."

She said, and as she spoke she reached out again and pressed her hand over Connie's.

Connie's lips turned down at the corners and she glanced to the floor. She gave a brief nod of her head.

"I'll get there somehow..."

She whispered.

-.-

Thank you for reading, I apologise for any spelling mistakes, my new laptop appears not to have spell check (either that or I havent worked out how to turn it on.) please feel free to review! xxx


	90. Chapter 90

"Fuuuck."

The word was long and drawn out, a breath that she all but staggered back on. She pushed the heels of her hands into her eye sockets and stood there for a moment, still as the air before a storm.

"Fuck."

She said it again, quicker this time, a snap of a word that made Rita jump and her body shuddered. Connie didn't swear.

"Connie-"

She tried to touch her, but Connie retreated, slowly, until she was backed against the wall. She was looking without seeing, she didn't see the concern that laced Rita's dark eyes, or the way that it took everything within her being not to reach out to her again.

"I can't breathe..."

She whispered, though the revelation didn't seem to worry her. The air was too thin, the panic was thin as cellophane, something her fingers could pierce holes in. In another minute the panic was a deluge of ice water surrounding every limb, creeping higher until it passed her mouth and nose filling and clogging every orifice.

There was a distance in her eyes as she placed the palms of her hands against the wall at her back. She couldn't feel the cold of it against her fingers. Her head rolled forward, eyes glazed. She had a look in her eye that Rita had never seen before. It was the wild look in a horses eye before they are broken, not even knowing what people are. It was a look that didn't belong on her face and it scared Rita so that she could do nothing but watch, mute.

Connie was the one who always knew what to do.

Then she bent over double, hands on her knees and her voice came out thin and distant, though try as she might Rita couldn't understand what she was saying. She was breathing all wrong, beginning to gasp like there was not enough oxygen in the air.

"Mummy?"

Grace was at the door and still Connie didn't react.

"Mummy?!"

The terror in Grace's voice cast a hush on every voice in the house. A hush that only lasted for the briefest of moments, and then there was the scrape of chairs, the squeak of shoes and the hallway was suddenly full of people.

Rita watched as though she were trapped between panels of glass with no escape. She watched as though she were held prisoner within a body that had been turned to stone. Alistair was on the floor by Connie, he was pushing the hair back from her face, touching her skin – how it gleamed a clammy white and how her eyes seemed to roll back in her head as she leant against him.

Rita's mother was by her side, her hand was on her shoulder though she didn't feel it, and she could feel the breath of her words at her ear though she didn't hear them.

"Rita..."

Her eyes widened.

"Rita?"

It was Alistair, she realised, his arms were about Connie – her Connie. His voice was strained as he lifted her, her body cradled against his.

"Bedroom?"

He seemed to be repeating himself.

Rita shook her head, though she wasn't really sure why.

"I'll take her..."

Alistair paused at the foot of the stairs, looking back at her, Connie's dark head in the crook of his neck against his shoulder, her long legs limp over his arm – had she fainted? She didn't know, everything was so blurred all of a sudden.

"Grace needs you."

He spoke quietly, and finally she heard him, she realised all of a sudden that Grace DID need her, that this was the role she would have to play, she was, after all, the second parent in this relationship...

"Come and get me."

She whispered, and Ali nodded, before making his way up the stairs to the bedroom.

Once on the landing he glanced around at the array of closed doors, and then, before making his way to the nearest. He used the toe of his shoe to push the door open, surveying what looked like a spare room before making his way in, being careful not to bump any part of Connie against the door frame before closing the door softly behind them.

He laid her on the bed, and for a moment she was still, her eyes were closed and her consciousness seemed to drift about above her before finally, finally floating back down into herself with every slowing breath.

"Shh...slowly..."

She felt a hand against her cheek, her hair being pushed away from her face and tucked behind her ear. She opened her eyes, taking a moment to realise where she was.

"There you are."

He spoke softly, and he smiled at her, a gentle smile that just twitched the corners of his lips.

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came. She cleared her throat and tried again.

"I've made a fool of myself."

She whispered.

He looked at her, the smile disappearing from his lips. He inhaled slowly, just looking at her there, lying on the bed, each limb flaccid as though every bit of her had just given up one after the other.

"No. Audrey made a fool of herself. You just look like the concerned mother that you are..."

Connie let her head fall to one side, the painful spike of tears prickled at the corners of her eyes and she drew in a staggered breath.

"I can't-"

She began. Though he didn't find out what it was that she was about to say, because the words clogged in her throat and instead, a low moan crawled from her very soul, and out through her mouth.

"Hey..."

He leant closer to her and placed a hand on her thigh, a touch that was meant to soothe, but which only caused her to balk, she flinched so alarmingly that she frightened herself - not since _that_ night had a man touched her so intimately.

"Sorry..."

She whispered, the hand that had been against her thigh was paused in mid-air, but when she looked up at his face she saw that look – the look that she had seen all those weeks on Charlie's face when she had flinched away from him. He had known in that moment what she couldn't tell him, and now she saw the darkness behind Ali's eyes too.

She pressed her lips together though she couldn't look away. He let his hand fall ever so slowly until it rested in his own lap.

"Talk to me."

He whispered, and she told him everything.

-.-

Hello everyone, hope you all enjoyed the update. Don't worry there will be more fluff, sex and Charlie in the upcoming chapters (not all in the same scene I hasten to add). There will also be more Cal, and a mystery noise in Connie's office...xxx


	91. Chapter 91

He listened to everything she had to say without saying a word in return. There was only the brief nod of his head every now and then, or the gentle purse of his lips, and only once did he glance away from her for only the briefest of seconds when Connie told him how those men had taken hold of his sister...

She told him their story from the beginning. She told him how they had battled for months at work – how they had argued and feuded, how they had hated one another...and then how they had come together, how they had found an unlikely patch of common ground in the midst of their battlefield and they had snatched at it, desperate to stay within it's confines so that they could stay close to one another, though at first they hadn't realised why.

She told him about Grace, how she had come to lose her to Sam, and she told him about that night – when Rita had asked her out. She remembered every detail. How she had changed her outfit exactly three times, how she had worried over a smudge of eyeliner and had reapplied with fingers that trembled. How she had run dark lipstick across her lips and then wiped it off almost immediately. She paid more attention to these moments, hovering on the brink of telling him what had happened. But when at last she did, she found it easier than she had anticipated – it was like telling the story of somebody else – indeed, she thought, whilst she was speaking, it was a story of somebody else, that night she had changed, she had lost who she was before entirely and had become somebody different.

The ending of her story was abrupt, it ended now...here, in this room. She looked up at him, she was still pale, even her lips were pale and dry and the whites of her eyes were a milky grey. Perhaps it was the cold that made her head ache and her throat hurt, or perhaps it was shear exhaustion from having to keep so much hidden beneath the surface.

He didn't say anything for a while after, though the silence between them didn't feel awkward. He licked his lips and inhaled slowly. His hands were clasped over one knee that he had bent up on the bed beside her.

"I have to say this isn't how I imagined today would go."

He raised a hand to rub at his hair line. Connie exhaled abruptly. She attempted a smile and looked over to the door. She didn't need to say that this wasn't exactly how she had expected it to be either...

"Your parents must think..."

She drew up her shoulders, she could barely imagine what they must think...but whatever it was, it wouldn't be favourable.

Alistair pursed his lips together and nodded gently.

"They're alright really. Not without their own baggage..."

He paused, a frown creasing his forehead.

"I have to ask...you didn't mention the police?"

She looked away, down to where her hands were folded neatly in her lap. Her fingers looked worn – as though her hands had aged without her realising it – the skin between her fingers was dry and her knuckles ached.

"Connie..."

He whispered her name, an almost groan of a breath and she raised her eyes to him though her face remained lowered.

"I know what I should have done...I know, I know that."

She interlinked her fingers together.

"I just couldn't...can't face it. I don't want to go through it all over again in every bloody detail, I want to forget it."

She watched in vague confusion as he ran a hand across his face and leant back slightly, emitting a low murmur of despair from somewhere within his chest.

"What?"

She asked, and it was his turn to glance away from her.

"Ah..."

He almost laughed at the absurdity of what he was about to say.

"I'm a DC for Holby's police department."

He said quietly, looking up only to catch the widening of her eyes and the quicken of her pulse point at the base of her throat.

She felt that all too familiar sense of panic begin to rise within her, and she clenched her fists, she had an overwhelming feeling that she had somehow been tricked into telling him...

"An _off-duty _DC, I hasten to add."

He tilted his head to one side.

"Connie..."

The way he whispered her name...

"What you've told me will remain between us."

She cleared her throat.

"Come on, come with me..."

He eased himself off the bed and offered out his hand to her.

"Come downstairs, have a cup of coffee...or three, and you and my sister can get things straightened out with my parents. OK?"

He held his hand in the air between them, steady and un-moving, his palm upturned, waiting.

But instead she waved it away, she slipped her legs from the bed without accepting his help. She ran a hand across her hair, smoothing it, before standing up and rearranging the hem of her top.

"Could you tell Rita that I will be down in a minute? I just need to make a phone call."

-.-

More soon, possibly tonight. I'm glad the distance between Connie and Rita was picked up on...it was deliberate. The Charlie scene is next, followed swiftly by fluff, and then Connie and Rita are going to close that distance between them...


	92. Chapter 92

"Charlie?"

She found herself closing her eyes as he answered so relieved was she to hear his voice.

"Connie?"

He spoke her name and the breath caught in her throat, how she wished she had a father to turn to, how she wished that Charlie knew that that was what she wanted from him most of all...

"Are you ok?"

He asked slowly, though he knew by how she struggled to maintain her breathing that she wasn't. He listened to her silence for a moment, the gentle inhale and exhale, the bite of her lip, the murmur of a half-sound.

At last she sighed and raised her hand to her forehead, she could feel the lines running across it as she frowned against her palm.

"I just needed...I needed to talk to _you."_

She whispered, and then, with another sigh she found herself telling him what had happened – she told him about the arrival of Rita's parents and how disappointed they had looked when Rita had told them about Grace, and her situation, and how concerned they were – about how Rita, apparently, according to her mother who yet again she had forgotten the name of, wanted to have children. How would they...? How could they? She asked, though she didn't pause for Charlie to answer.

She told him how Ali had appeared – as a knight in shining armour – and, with heartbreaking honestly she told him how she had looked twice at him, despite his being Rita's brother, she would have to have been blind not to notice the colour of his eyes, or to wonder just how far down those tattoos that showed at his collar went.

She pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefingers.

It was just the flicker of attraction, she whispered, nothing more. The same as if she had walked down the street and brushed arms with a handsome man...but that was it, that was what caused her so much worry, she couldn't imagine the same thing happening with a woman. She couldn't imagine feeling the way she did about Rita for any other woman-

"Connie..."

He was speaking and she hadn't heard.

"I think you need to calm down."

He spoke slowly again, a voice that she recognised as the tone he used for patients.

"I'm just so confused!"

The words came out all at once – almost a wail - and she was left breathless and light headed again. It was all. Just. Too. Much.

"I think you're panicking because you've found yourself in a situation that you're not in control of. And you're not used to that. Now, don't think about this Ali chap, don't worry about other women and other men...you're in love with Rita, or so you said-"

"I am! I love her...I love her, I'm _in _love with her..."

She whispered, and she touched her fingertips to her lips – the lips that Rita had kissed so many times that she had lost count.

"Well then?"

"And I told her brother about...what happened. He's a police officer...though he only told me after I'd-"

"Connie!"

She stopped abruptly.

"Sorry."

She whispered through her fingers.

"Would it make things any better...any easier for _you_ if I came to yours now?"

He asked. She could hear the affection in his voice and it made her throat ache.

"Yes."

She barely made a sound.

"Right then!"

She heard the creak of whatever he had been sitting on as he stood up.

"Get the kettle on, go downstairs – imagine you're at work for goodness sake, charm them! You're good at that. And I'll be over as soon as I can. Ok?"

He was smiling, she could tell, and she couldn't help but smile against her phone in return.

"Ok."

She murmured, and she hung up.

She opened her eyes and drew in a breath, Charlie was no longer there, but he was coming, he would be there to back her up, to look to when she felt as though she were only just treading water to stay afloat.

She stood up slowly, the bed creaking and groaning beneath her weight, and she looked at herself in the oval mirror that hung on the wall. She smoothed a hand across her cheeks and her hair before running the sides of her hands beneath her eyes to wipe away the faint tell-tale smudges of mascara. She blinked, sucked in a long breath and rolled her shoulders to relax herself.

"_Mrs Beauchamp..."_

She murmured, as she slipped into character before making her way back downstairs.

-.-

I promised Sarah an update...here it is! I hope it was ok. The next will have to be first thing tomorrow morning i'm afraid as the children went to bed later than I expected. (please forgive me...?)

And to everyone else, thank you! The reviews I have received for the last few chapters have been so, so lovely, they've made me smile! I really do appreciate the time you all take to write a comment – and some of them are so in depth too! Thank you, thank you, thank you xxx


	93. Chapter 93

"Drinks! Can I get anybody anything?"

Connie made her way back into the sitting room, the air about her was calmer than it had been before. She moved with an easy grace and she slipped a hand over Rita's shoulder as she paused just behind her, scanning the room for a response.

"I think we're ok, thank you."

Rita's mother answered hesitantly, as if she were unsure of her own answer.

Rita's hand slipped over Connie's, her palm was surprisingly warm and she squeezed ever so gently – a touch of courage which nobody else would have noticed.

"Food then! You must all be hungry after your trip. I had planned to make lunch..."

The corner of her mouth flickered slightly and she smoothed her hands across the curve of her hips, and before anyone could utter anything more than a general murmur she turned her attention back to the kitchen.

She exhaled. The kitchen seemed to have the air she needed to steady herself, and the floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know she could fall no farther. She moved slowly at first, deliberately taking her time, watching the clock as an hour slowly passed her by. She opened cupboards and drawers, sliced, diced and taste tested with a quick touch to her lips so as not to burn them.

She made a tidy counter full of bread and vegetables to dip into olive oil. Grilled aubergine studded with roasted garlic, scattered with sea salt and olive oil; crostini with tomato and basil salsa, also grilled; and risotto, rich with some mushroom that had nothing to do with the grey rubbery discs that Rita seemed to enjoy on pizza's. A mushroom that spoke Italian. As did the wine, a red whose name and Provence nobody but she would appreciate.

Once arranged she took a step back, and again she found herself running her hands over her hips – a habit that reminded her of her own mother, something which she had never done before and now she had done it twice in the space of an hour or so. She felt her forehead pull tight into a frown. She felt herself melting into the shadows like the negative of a person she had never seen before.

A hollow sound echoed throughout the house, and it took her a moment to regain her thoughts enough to realise that it was the doorbell.

_Charlie..._

She whispered his name beneath her breath and hurried into the hall. She saw Rita start up from her chair as she passed by the sitting room door, and she heard the creak of the chair as she sat down again upon seeing Connie rush to answer.

She opened the door on an exhale, her breath gushing out into the cold. Snow swirled up from where it had settled on the door step, and Charlie stood in the middle of the fluttering flakes like a man trapped inside a snow globe.

"Ok?"

He asked. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, his hair faintly yellow against the white of the snow and his hands were clasped in front of him encased in soft black woollen gloves.

"Ok."

She nodded as she spoke.

"Better." 

She added, quieter this time.

"Well that's good to hear! From what you said on the phone I couldn't imagine it getting any worse!"

She smiled and held the door open for him and he stepped inside, stamping his boots on the door mat to shake the snow and ice from the rubber tread.

"It certainly smells nice."

He inhaled and unzipped his coat and shrugged it stiffly from his shoulders. He looked frail in that moment, older and more frail because of the cold, and she found she had to avert her eyes as she took his coat to hang on the coat peg by the door.

"I've just made lunch. You're just in time."

She cringed at how the words sounded, as though she had just regurgitated a line that so many 50's housewives had said before her.

"Come through."

She sighed, and she gestured limply with a hand toward the sitting room.


	94. Chapter 94

"I have to say,"

Charlie began, splaying his hands out across his stomach and leaning back in the arm chair.

"I didn't realise you were such a dab hand in the kitchen."

He was full of good food and half a glass of red wine, his cheeks were warm and rosy and his legs were outstretched, and crossed at the ankles. He looked for all intents and purposes, like the grandfather happily stretched out after Sunday dinner.

Connie smiled over at him from where she sat by Rita on one of the sofa's, with Grace by her other side, tucked into the curve of her body, a book in hand.

"So!"

He cleared his throat and looked across at Rita's parents when the room remained silent.

"Did you have to travel far?"

He asked, interlinking his fingers across his stomach.

Rita's father shifted in his seat and rubbed his fingers across his forehead. He seemed more comfortable with Charlie here, as though the presence of another man his age made him feel more at ease.

"Not far, we live just on the outskirts of London-"

"Which reminds me!"

Rita's mother cut in, holding her near empty glass between both hands.

"I was going to mention...before..."

She paused and glanced across at Connie.

"I thought perhaps you might like to visit...both of you I mean. This weekend perhaps?"

She paused and looked at Grace who was absently chewing on her lip, engrossed in the story that she was reading.

"Once Grace's Grandmother has collected her?"

Alice added, lowering her voice.

"Oh I don't know..."

Rita turned to Connie. She widened her eyes slightly, wishing she could see past the veneer that Connie had laced perfectly across her face. But Connie merely gave a gentle purse of her lips and directed her attention solely onto Alice.

"That sounds lovely. Perhaps we could be in touch to arrange when once I have spoken to Audrey about picking Grace up?"

Connie spoke slowly and deliberately, as if she were speaking to a patient, and she smiled slightly and squeezed Rita's fingers. She would not unravel again. Whilst she sat making plans for the weekend she was making a promise to herself. She would maintain a hold on the situation, and more importantly herself. She had to keep calm if she were to fight a winning battle with Sam...

She shifted in her seat, realising she was losing focus. Alice was looking at Rita with a look of uncertain worry behind her eyes, and if she were being honest with herself, she could well understand why – what did she have to offer? Besides a home, and financial stability? She couldn't offer Rita a child...they would never be able to conceive naturally. And could she even imagine herself becoming a mother again, when she had already made such a mess of her first attempt?!

"Connie?"

Charlie's voice roused her and she drew in a slow breath through her nose and blinked to regain focus.

"One for the road perhaps?"

He asked, raising his glass with a smile.

-.-

I will update again later this evening with an update revolving around Connie and Rita's chat re: having children, and their future together.

Let me know if there is anything you'd like to include! xxx


	95. Chapter 95

_"**Oh!"**_

_**Connie collapsed down into an arm chair as she heard the front door close.**_

_**Finally. Everyone was gone. **_

_**She sighed again and closed her eyes as she raised a hand to her forehead, using her fingers to rub away the tension.**_

_**She listened to the almost silent pad of Rita's sock clad feet on the tiled hallway floor, and the creak of the floorboards as she made her way back into the sitting room.**_

_**She heard Rita sigh, and the soft sound of her sitting down in the chair opposite. **_

_**She opened her eyes and lowered her hand to her lap, meeting Rita's gaze.**_

_"**Thank God that's over."**_

_**Rita murmured. She looked exhausted, as though her eyes might just close at any moment whether she liked it or not.**_

_**Connie smiled slightly and cleared her throat. There was so much that she wanted to say, so much that she though that she **___**should **___**say.**_

_"**I'm not sure I'm what they were expecting."**_

_**She said finally, and Rita smiled a slow tired smile and gave a shake of her head. **_

_"**No."**_

_**She said simply. **_

_**Connie cleared her throat again. The air about them seemed heavy and tired as they were themselves, as though it too had been caught up in the stress of the day.**_

_"**I think we need to talk."**_

_**She said quietly, and Rita frowned slightly, a flicker of something passing behind her eyes.**_

_"**Not that sort of 'need to talk'."**_

_**Connie placed both hands upon the arm rests of the chair and lent her head back against the seat, looking over at Rita.**_

_"**Sounds ominous nonetheless..."**_

_**Rita in turn lent one elbow on the arm of the chair and cradled the side of her head. Upstairs she could hear the gentle hum of Grace's music, the vibration of it through the ceiling was somehow soothing, and at any other moment would probably have sent her off to sleep.**_

_"**I just think there are a few things we should discuss...things we should have probably discussed before now."**_

_**Connie spoke quietly, her hands motionless against the grey fabric of the chair.**_

_"**It's the child thing isn't it."**_

_**Rita asked through a yawn, tilting her head to one side so that she could shield the yawn without moving too much.**_

_**Connie nodded slowly. She knew that perhaps now, after all that had happened probably wasn't the best time, but she knew that if they didn't talk it through she would be left worrying about it.**_

_"**I just hadn't thought..."**_

_**She drew up her shoulders slightly.**_

_"**You want children?"**_

_**She changed tact and Rita gave a frail smile, as though she were hesitant to answer in case it should change their future forever.**_

_"**I've always wanted children."**_

_**She said softly, and Connie glanced down to her right hand, her eyes following the rise and fall of the soft blue veins beneath her skin.**_

_**She thought for a moment. She thought of Grace, her career, her life...**_

_"**You don't...do you."**_

_**Rita ventured when Connie didn't say anything. Her mouth was taught and behind her eyes was the unmistakeable mask of fear.**_

_**Connie drew in a long breath and smiled a vague smile.**_

_"**Oh I think there is enough evidence here already to prove that I should never have been a mother in the first place."**_

_**She paused, still she stared down at her own hand.**_

_"**I don't know if I could go through that again with a second child?"**_

_**She looked up finally, just as Rita looked away, down to the soft grey fabric of the arm rest that dimpled about her elbow.**_

_"**Perhaps you'd feel differently...if it was us? I mean you wouldn't be on your own this time. And you wouldn't have to carry the..."**_

_**Even as she spoke, Rita realised she was fighting a losing battle, and when she looked across to Connie she could see it in her eyes, the confirmation that she needed.**_

_"**So what do we do now?"**_

_**She asked, her voice so faint and faraway, as though she could barely bring herself to form the sentence.**_

_**Connie raised a hand to her lips, they felt brittle and paper dry beneath her fingertips. She didn't know, she realised. She had absolutely no idea. **_

_**-.-**_

_**More to come...would love to know your thoughts as always..on this chapter and the topic covered in it especiallyxxx**_


	96. Chapter 96

They sat at the kitchen table, only the clink of cutlery between them. Grace sat at the head of the table, 'Little House in the Big Woods' by Laura Ingalls Wilder opened at roughly half way and splayed out to the side of her supper plate.

Connie pushed the prongs of her fork into a slice of tomato, watching as the juice and seeds bled out onto the stark white of the plate. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Rita pushed a slice of cold meat from one side of her plate to the other.

Their previous conversation had been cut short when Grace had come downstairs expecting something to eat, and now, they sat, with Grace's head bobbed down, her mind in the tales of a little girl long ago, completely oblivious to the tension that stretched so thin across the kitchen table.

She prized the tomato from her fork and instead, chose to turn the fork onto its side so that she could slice it evenly down the middle, severing one side from the other before raising half to her lips.

The clatter of Rita's fork made her start and she looked up sharply. Rita was standing up, pushing her chair back so hard that the feet scraped the floor. She had her hand to her lips, struggling to hold back tears.

"Rita-"

She made to stand but Rita waved a hand at her in dismissal.

"I just want to be alone."

She whispered so quietly, her voice so strained that it was barely heard at all.

"What's wrong with her?"

Grace asked, eyes wide. She was sitting straight up in her seat, her fingers holding the book pages open.

"Oh..."

Connie set her fork back down on her plate, the tomato still just holding on to the prongs.

"I..."

She looked at Grace and drew in a breath. She knew very well how few times she had told Grace the truth...how she had always assumed that it would be better for her not to know...

But now she saw the haunted look behind her brown eyes, and she realised suddenly that perhaps she had been wrong.

She exhaled slowly and carefully.

"Rita and I had a little chat this afternoon."

She began, finding it difficult to look anywhere but at the shadow of her hands upon the table.

"What about?"

Grace asked quietly when her mother failed to continue.

"We're just trying to work around some problems."

She said slowly, and she watched as Grace's expression morphed into one of realisation.

"Are you going to break up?"

She asked. There was a wobble to her voice and her body stiffened as though she too were about to get up and leave. Connie smiled slightly, If only things were so black and white.

"I don't know."

She whispered.

Grace's eyes rounded all the more and she drew her hands in to her chest, forgetting her book, the pages of which fluttered closed with a sound like feathers falling.

"But WHY?!"

She caught her breath.

"Oh...Rita and I were speaking about the future. How she has always wanted to have children..."

She paused.

"And?"

"Well, I've got you. My child rearing days are long gone...I'm nearly 50-"

"Why does it matter how old you are?!"

Grace asked, her voice was becoming higher and breathier and her chin dimpled and wobbled as she clenched her jaw.

"Well, I suppose it doesn't, not really. I just..."

She drew up a hand to touch the very tips of her fingers against her lips.

"I haven't been the best mother..."

Grace drew up her shoulders and looked at her plate.

"I've always wanted a brother or a sister."

Her voice was barely there at all.

"Have you?!"

For some reason it had never occurred to her that a brother or sister might have been something that Grace had secretly longed for, and she couldn't help but wonder fleetingly whether if she had given her that, would things have played out differently?

"I don't want you and Rita to split up."

Grace whispered, tears glimmering against the black lashes.

"We won't split up sweetheart."

Connie murmured, but even as she said it she felt the guilt that came from promising something that she only wished were true.

"But how can you stay together if Rita wants to have a baby and you don't?"

"Well, I..."

"Won't she just want to be with somebody who wants a baby?"

"I..."

"How do two ladies have a baby?"

"Grace!"

She caught her breath and Grace pursed her lips.

"Sorry..."

"No, I don't mind you asking..."

It was all of the questions and in such quick succession that had startled her, and now, she found herself wondering about the answers, something which she had been trying not to do.

"There are several ways for two women to have children..."

She began with the easiest answer first, hoping that Grace would forget the others. Science and facts. Science she could do, science she could rely on.

"There's adoption,"

She continued.

"...though I understand that Rita would like to carry the child herself. There's artificial insemination, whereby the woman undergoes a series of treatments using a donor sperm to fertilise her egg...to create a baby. "

She glanced at Grace, she was listening intently. How grown up she had become...

"I've also heard of DNA stem cell treatments where DNA from both women is used so that both mothers are biologically related to the child."

She concluded, running her fingers across her bottom lip one last time before setting them into her lap and squeezing them between her legs, she hadn't realised how cold she was.

"So I really would be a big sister?"

"Oh I'm not sure if that particular treatment is even available yet..."

She saw the slump of Grace's shoulders and her gaze fell to the table. Connie found herself listening for any noise from upstairs, but she heard nothing, not even the creak of a floorboard or the bed.

"Mummy?"

Grace whispered after a pause.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I'm scared about you and Rita splitting up."

Connie sucked in a long slow breath.

"I don't know what to do, Grace."

She said finally, looking across at her daughter who was frowning hard at the plate before her.

"Why can't you just have a baby?"

"Grace, it's not as simple as that. This is my life now, I've had you...and look what a mess I made of that!"

Grace looked up at her, her lips a pale line.

"Maybe you could get it right this time."

An ice cold splinter of something seemed to shoot its way straight through her skin, between of ribs and into her heart. She looked at Grace, her lips parted as though she were about to say something, though no words were in her head, just the sudden realisation that Grace knew very well what a terrible job she had done being her mother.

"Excuse me."

She whispered, standing up slowly.

She needed to think.

-.-

I've just realised that this is my most reviewed story...thank you to everyone who has reviewed it thus far! I hope this update warrants a few more ;) xxx


	97. Chapter 97

With every step she took up the stairs she gripped the hand rail even tighter. Her head felt strangely light, as though there were only the one thought in it, going around and around –_ What am I doing? What am I doing?_ Over and over...

At the top of the stairs she stopped. Now that there was nothing to grasp hold of, nothing to anchor herself to this moment, nothing to stop her from floating away and disappearing altogether.

Perhaps Rita was asleep, the thought only just occurred to her. She had spent so long thinking things over that even Grace had taken herself off to bed without a fight. She had no idea of the time, except that it was late...or perhaps it was early morning. From where she stood in the middle of the dark landing she couldn't tell.

From here she could hear nothing except the gentle hum of the central heating, the odd popping creak of the water in the pipes and the beat of her own heart loud and strong within her ears.

She breathed in slowly, filling her lungs, and then without thinking she held her breath. She held it until her chest ached and her head felt light. She wondered for a moment what it would be like to push past that feeling, and to just fall into heady unconsciousness.

She released the breath all at once and mentally shook herself. She was over thinking things. She curled her hands next to her sides then flexed her fingers, and steadying herself she walked towards the bedroom.

She opened the door slowly, inside the room was dark, though the curtains were open and from outside the window the moon hung low and full, shining on the snow outside and illuminating the room with a silver light that caught every smooth surface and made it gleam.

She could see the shape of Rita in the bed, curled up small beneath the duvet, only the very top of her head visible.

For a moment she wondered whether to retreat back out into the hall, to go to sleep in another room, or perhaps just to stay awake, she doubted very much that she would be able to sleep anyway, but when she shifted her weight slightly and the floor boards creaked she heard the unmistakeable catch of a breath and saw the shift of the covers over Rita's body, as though she were cocooning herself in against whatever terrible things were to come.

"Rita?"

She whispered her name but no response came.

She wrapped her arms about herself, pulling the jumper that she wore tighter about her body and made her way silently over to the bed.

She sat down gently in the curve between Rita's knees and her elbows.

"Rita?"

She touched her fingers to the rise in the duvet where Rita's shoulder was and felt her stiffen beneath the covers, her whole body was trembling, and when Connie gently eased the duvet from her face she squeezed her eyes closed, her face was wet from crying, her lips were swollen and parted and her breathing was shallow.

"Sweetheart..."

Connie exhaled, her throat ached suddenly. She had done this. She had caused Rita pain because of her own selfishness.

"I hate this."

Rita whispered, turning her face into the pillow as she struggled against a sob, fresh tears spilling from her eyes.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

Connie murmured, reaching out to stroke the hair from Rita's eyes as her face crumpled again.

"You didn't upset me. The situation upsets me."

Rita managed to choke, her eyes still screwed tightly closed and her jaw was set, her whole body rigid. Connie stared down at the carpet in the darkness.

"Do you want me to go?"

Rita whispered.

"Go?"

Connie repeated, her hand pausing, her fingertips against the damp flesh of Rita's temple.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Rita asked again, rephrasing herself.

"No!"

Connie exclaimed, drawing her hand away.

"No! I don't want you to leave!"

"Well what're we going to do?!"

Finally she opened her eyes, her body jerking and her breath hitching as she spoke, and she looked up at Connie, her face wet, her eyes sparkling.

"I've been speaking to Grace."

She said quietly.

"I told her why you were upset. I explained our situation."

Rita raised an eyebrow.

"You did?!"

"Mmm."

"What did she say?"

She asked after a pause.

Connie made to speak but her throat clogged and ached and she pursed her lips, blinking as she looked down at her hands, taking a moment to calm the sudden uproar of emotions before replying.

"She said that if we had a child together, then perhaps I would do a better job of it this time."

She whispered, turning away slightly, not wanting Rita to see the single tear that slipped from her eye and scuttered across the rise of her cheek to her lips.

Slowly Rita sat up, easing the covers from herself so that she could lean back against the head board, hugging her legs to her chest. Gently, without a word she extended a hand to Connie's, pressing the warmth of her palm against the other woman's.

Connie puffed out her cheeks and exhaled slowly.

"I think."

She said slowly.

"I think I can't be the one to deny you a child."

Rita withdrew her hand slowly, a rise of nausea throbbing in the back of her throat.

"I can't be without you."

She choked, touching her fingertips to her lips as though somehow that would hold back the tears.

Connie smiled a tight involuntary smile, her lips downturned, her eyes lowered to where her palm now lay alone and cold, upturned and pale in her lap.

"I'm selfish."

"Con-"

Rita interrupted her and she shook her head.

"Let me finish."

She murmured.

"I've always been selfish. I've always been driven...I've always put my needs above everyone else's, including Grace's."

She paused to swallow against the knot in her throat.

"But one thing I've never been, is in love. Not really, not like this."

She glanced to Rita, her expression unreadable.

"This, what we have is something else...it's the love you read about in books written by people so desperate to experience it that they have to create it themselves..."

She reached out to stroke tears that wet the curve of Rita's cheeks.

"And that's why...I think we should do it."

She felt her own body wince as she finally said it.

"Do it?"

Rita repeated as though she hadn't heard.

"Make that commitment to one another, move in together, get married, have a child together...not all at once I hasten to add..."

"But you said you didn't want another child!?"

Rita leant forwards slightly and Connie drew up her shoulders.

"I've thought about it. I will probably still be thinking about it for weeks to come. But this is what I want. You are what I want, and if I want to spend the rest of my life with the person that I love then I have to compromise. I realise now that I was thinking solely of myself. I didn't take into account that Grace has always wanted a sibling, I didn't think about how you, as a woman, would want to become a mother...and you're right. I won't be alone. I will be in a stable, loving relationship, and our child will have two parents who love one another...two parents who support one another."

"Connie..."

She let her head fall back against the wall, closing her eyes again, willing herself to believe her.

"I want to have a child with you."

Connie spoke louder this time, and Rita exhaled a quivering breath.

"I thought I was going to lose you."

She whispered, her words directed up to the ceiling.

"No..."

Connie shook her head and ran her fingertips from Rita's temple to her jaw, just savouring the way the light shone upon her tear stained face.

"No, you'll never lose me."

She smiled, letting her hand fall to where Rita's were folded in her lap, and as Rita moved her head to look back at her she leant forwards to kiss her, but just moments from her lips Rita jerked back, her eyes widening.

"Did you just say you wanted to marry me?!"

She asked.

_**-.-**_

_**This may or may not be the end to Connie's apprehensiveness about having another child... I'd be interested to know what you think! Whether or not you could imagine them having a child together?**_

_**Anyway, I hope the chapter was enjoyed :) More soon.**_


	98. Chapter 98

The clunk of the central heating turning off woke Rita. She kept her eyes closed, listening to the water in the pipes – hissing gently with the tinny sound of running water. She yawned against the back of her hand and slowly, slowly she opened her eyes. The room was dim, though she knew they must have slept longer than usual as the heating automatically turned off every morning at nine.

She looked over at Connie asleep on the pillow next to her. Her lips were only just parted, her breathing laboured, and with every breath her shoulder that just poked out from under the duvet rose up and down.

Rita watched her, just enjoying the silence, and the chance to look at her with no other reason than to simply gaze upon her - to appreciate the smooth freckled skin, pale from sleep, her mouth, flushed and perfectly shaped, and the dark curved eyelashes that fluttered against her cheeks. Her hair was curled and sprawled up and about behind her. With make up she was breath taking, but without make up Rita felt as though she could stop breathing altogether and be happy to have this woman as the last thing she ever saw.

"What're you smiling about?"

Connie asked without opening her eyes. Her voice was low and spun with dreams, only her lips had moved, the rest of her remained at the tail end of sleep.

Rita's smile widened. She reminded her of a cat, all feline grace and beauty, aware of everything at all times...

"Just enjoying the view."

She murmured, and as she spoke she stretched, pushing her legs down as far as they could reach into the cold at the bottom of the bed. She shivered and recoiled, curling herself up again.

Connie opened one eye, squinting across the pillow, the beautiful stillness of her face morphing into motion. How it would move and smile and frown all day now...

She lifted her head briefly to smooth back her hair and opened both eyes before lying back down, shuffling closer to Rita so that she could lean in and kiss her gently on the lips.

"Good morning."

She whispered, and she smiled to herself, she had never noticed before how saying good morning seemed to make the morning good.

Rita kissed her again in response, her mouth soft and warm, her body moving in against her own. She sighed and pulled her close, parting her lips, kissing the blonde that wrapped herself around her with everything she could mustre.

A creak on the landing drew them apart. Little footsteps stopped outside of the bedroom door and the handle turned.

Connie cleared her throat and both women moved to sit up right, leaning back against the headboard.

Grace peered around the door, an oval tray held between both hands.

"I made you breakfast in bed!"

She announced, hesitating as she looked at Rita, her gaze lingering as though trying to gauge the mood.

"Grace!"

"I didn't use the kettle, it's just orange juice."

Grace said quickly, watching the floor as she stepped carefully over to the bed, deliberately making her way around to Rita's side and setting the tray down onto her lap.

"Thank you sweetheart."

Rita cupped Grace's cheek, rubbing her thumb against the rise of it. Grace grinned, and Rita arranged the tray so that it rested in between Connie and herself. Grace stood by the side of the bed, hands clasped in front of her, watching as the two women looked at what was on the tray.

There was a bowl full of raspberries and three slices of toast each spread liberally with Marmite with two mugs full of orange juice, once of which had slopped over whilst she was carrying it and now a pale pool of orange juice made a perfect ring around the bottom of the mug.

"Thank you..."

Connie looked over at her daughter, her brown eyes so full of expectation that she couldn't help but feel the warm swell of her heart beneath her chest. A feeling that she hadn't felt for a very long time.

She patted the bed in between them.

"Hop in."

She tugged back the duvet and Grace's eyes widened, she couldn't remember the last time that they had shared a bed. Connie gave a brief nod of her head and held the tray steady whilst the little girl gingerly crawled over Rita and scrambled in between them. The bed was warm and she leant back against the pillows with a happy sigh.

"Did you talk to each other then?"

Grace asked after a pause, her little body still between them.

Rita reached out for a raspberry and popped it into her mouth, glancing across at Connie just in time to catch the slow inhale and the flicker of a frown between her eyes.

"Yes..."

She exhaled and reached for a mug of orange juice, reaching for a tissue from the bedside table to wipe the juice from the bottom of it before taking a sip.

"And you needn't worry."

She swallowed and slipped a hand over the Grace's, her hands balled together in her lap.

"What are you going to do?"

Grace asked, and Connie took another sip, wincing as she swallowed.

"Well. I think we've come to the decision that eventually we would like to have a child together...a little brother or sister for you."

She said, the words feeling alien and swollen in her mouth.

Grace bit her lip, her eyes lighting up.

"When?"

"Oh not for a while yet. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We haven't even discussed that yet."

Rita reached for another raspberry and rolled it gently between her fingertips.

Grace turned to look at her, her head tilted to one side.

"Do you think I could call you Mum now?...If you're going to be the mummy of my little brother or sister?"

She asked slowly.

Rita stilled the motions of her fingers that held the raspberry. She smiled slightly and once again she reached out to cradle Grace's cheek, stroking her hair.

"Course you can."

She let her hand fall to where Connie's overlapped Grace's.

"If that's alright?"

She asked, directing her question to Connie who looked as though she were suddenly coming out of a daze.

"I can't think of anything I would like more."

She murmured.

-.-

This is hopefully the first of two updates for today.

Also I'm planning a few Connie/Rita one shots so keep an eye out for them. I'm also open to suggestions for one shots.

Wowstars – I'm pretty sure they will be EXACTLY how you described them!

xxx


	99. Chapter 99

It was a quiet day, all soft winds buffeting snow from one corner of the garden to the other. A lazy day with the fire constantly smouldering in the grate and the air warm with wood smoke and coffee from the machine that Connie had seemingly kept going all day.

Rita and Grace had spent the afternoon making lemon cupcakes with buttercream icing and edible glitter that they had bought specifically. Connie had sat at the kitchen table watching them from where she sat with a carefully selected pile of paperwork, but half way through, whilst Grace was measuring out the self-raising flour into a bowl Connie had stood up and with something half mumbled she had left the kitchen and hadn't returned.

Now the cupcakes were arranged on a pale blue cake stand , glittering beneath the lights.

"Not bad."

Rita wiped the excess icing sugar from her hands onto the thighs of her jeans and held up her right hand to Grace who slapped it hard before leaning against the table towards the cakes.

"Can we have one now?"

She asked, elongating the last word and tilting forwards across the table.

"Yep. Take one through I'll just go and take one to your mum, see what she's up to."

Grace eased out the largest of all of the cupcakes and hurried off into the sitting room with Rita hesitating. She knew Connie would have insisted she take it in on a plate...

She wiped her hands again on her jeans and cleared her throat before selecting the cupcake with the neatest icing and setting it down onto a plate before making her way to the door of Connie's home office.

She paused, suddenly unsure whether or not she should knock.

She held her free hand up to the door, made to knock, hesitated, and then finally gave in and gave a brief tap on the door. For a moment there was silence from beyond, and then came the gentle scrape of a chair being drawn back and Connie opened the door.

"You don't have to knock!"

She was almost laughing. She had tied her hair back loosely into a pony tail and one cheek was slightly flushed from where she had been leaning on one hand.

"I wasn't sure..."

"Oh don't be silly, I was just finishing up anyway."

She gestured limply with a hand and made to slip from the room and close the door.

"What were you doing?"

Rita asked before she could stop herself. Connie had seemed so very far away for most of the day, though she hadn't quite been able to ask why, until now, now that she seemed to have come back to her.

She paused, seemingly stuck between two conflicting thoughts, the door half way with her. Then with an exhale she pushed the door back open and gestured again with her hand.

"Come here."

She murmured, turning and walking back over to the desk where she had been sitting, a glass half full of water to one side, and a pile of freshly printed papers were neatly stacked and paper clipped together.

"I hadn't meant to spend so long..."

Connie began rifling through the papers, leaving her sentence hanging with no intended end. Rita suddenly remembered the cupcake she was holding and set it down on the desk by the water.

"Grace was in charge of decoration."

She said, seeing Connie catch her movement and glance across at the cupcake. She smiled again.

"They're beautiful."

She said quietly, and turned back to the papers, flicking through until she came to the one she wanted and handed it over without a word.

'_Stem Cells and Same Sex Reproduction.'_

The title was printed in black across the top of the page.

"I was just doing a little bit of research. I suppose I got carried away..."

She watched Rita's expression as the nurse glanced from the papers she held to the pile on the table, all of which she could see had similar titles.

"Is it even possible?"

Rita asked finally, flipping through the pages, one after another, scanning the words.

Connie drew up her shoulders and reached across for the cupcake.

"I don't doubt it's possible. It's whether or not the research continues...I suppose like everything it will come down to funding."

She paused and used her lips to taste the very tip of the icing from the cupcake in an move that Rita found oddly erotic.

"And I'm sure there will be ethical implications. There's always somebody who will disapprove..."

She said once she had licked her lips and swallowed. She frowned and looked at the cupcake with mild surprise.

"I wasn't expecting it to be lemon."

She said, losing her train of thought.

"I didn't realise you were looking into...this. I assumed we'd go down the sperm donor route...don't you like lemon?"

"Yes! My favourite."

Connie set the cupcake back down on the desk.

"I didn't mean to go over your head with this, I was just finding out about our options. Of course if you'd prefer to use a donor I'd-"

"No!"

Rita interrupted suddenly.

"No, sorry. If it's possible then of course I would rather have your baby..our baby... Can I read them?"

She added, feeling somewhat taken aback. Connie seemed to go from one extreme to another, or rather, she realised, when she set her mind to something she went at it all guns blazing.

"Of course you can, that's why I printed them off."

Connie said as she collected the rest of the papers and handed them to Rita before picking the cup cake up again and touching her lips to the icing in what looked like an open mouthed kiss, her tongue just glancing against the icing. Rita watched, eyebrows slightly raised, her lips parted, suddenly unable to form a coherent thought as she held the papers to her chest.

"Rita?"

Connie swallowed.

"Mm? Sorry, thank you."

She hugged the papers to her chest.

Connie smiled, the ghost of a smile twitching at her lips, and then, as though she were going to by pass Rita to go to the door she edged closer, leant against Rita's side and kissed her with one hot, soft kiss that took Rita off guard, finding herself nearly falling forwards as Connie stepped back and took hold of her hand, guiding her towards the door.

"We'll continue that later."

She said quietly as they left the office, with Rita licking the lemon from her lips.

-.-

Lollyblanc – what a lovely, lovely review! You made me smile xx

Weese – Thank you x I love writing the little moments between them, though the storyline will begin to progress a little bit quicker quite soon, leading up to some 'bigger', more dramatic storylines. Xx

becca – hello! No need to be worried about their future, look forward to a Freechamp wedding instead ;) xx

Amy-Julia-Clark – I'm glad you re-found the story and continued to read. I'm even more thrilled that you're enjoying it! I hope you continue to xx

Doelinator – Thank you, that's ever so sweet of you xx

LittleBlossom – I promise I won't permanently split them up...I also promise not to abandon it :) xx

And to everyone else, thank you so much for the lovely reviews! xxx


	100. Chapter 100

"She's asleep..."

Rita made her way back into the kitchen. She had changed into her pyjamas upstairs and had checked on Grace on the way down. The little girl was flat out across her bed, arms and legs akimbo, hair sprawled up across the pillow in one long snaking plait that she hadn't thought to untie.

She had left her with the door only just open, the landing light casting one long yellow strip against the wall above her head before coming back downstairs.

She touched a hand to Connie's shoulder as she rounded the sofa where she sat making her jump at the touch, opening her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were asleep!"

"Just resting my eyes."

She murmured, sitting up straight, adjusting the cushion at the base of her spine as she watched Rita step neatly over her outstretched legs before arranging herself on the sofa next to her.

"She's asleep."

Rita said again as Connie reached out for the glass of wine on the coffee table.

"She's had a busy few days..."

She said, settling back against the sofa again and taking a sip from the glass.

"We all have."

She added, swallowing.

She turned her head so that she could look at Rita sitting next to her, her face warm and softly shadowed in the dimness of the room, only the flicker of the fire in the fireplace to light them, it's flames dancing in the darkness of the grate, shining a murmuring, lulling light on the wine bottle, the glasses...the glimmer of their eyes, whilst the wood chips hissed and popped and the flames were forever curling up into spirals and plumes of blue-grey smoke.

Without thinking she reached out with her free hand and with her index finger she ran a line from the centre of Rita's forehead, just by her hairline, to just by her eyebrow, smoothing any errant hairs from her face. She smiled the ghost of a smile and let her hand fall.

"You always look so beautiful in the firelight."

She said quietly, and Rita laughed a vague self-deprecating laugh and took up her own wine glass, taking a large gulp of it before resting it on her knee. She was always beautiful, Connie thought, wondering at the smooth curves of her skin, her lips, the straight line of her nose and the arc of her eyebrows, all made golden by the flames. She was beautiful from the inside out, she realised, from her gutsy stubbornness and bravery to the way she danced to music whilst she made lemon cupcakes...

"Rita..."

The blonde glanced up, her eyes had strayed to the fire.

"I'm sorry for...all that happened yesterday, I-"

"You don't have to apologise, it's over now."

Rita cut in, pushing her toes beneath the warmth of Connie's thigh and leaning closer into the sofa, her head against the cushions.

Connie's lips twitched, and she looked back down to the glass that she held in her lap. She could feel the wriggle of Rita's toes beneath her thigh and the warmth of her breath against her arm.

"I feel like we lost one another for a moment...that we drifted apart."

She began, her voice low, hushed by the darkness of the room and the quietness of the house.

Rita leaned forwards and leant her head gently against Connie's shoulder.

"I suppose that's what I wanted to apologise for."

She added.

They sat for a moment, with Rita curled against her, her head on her shoulder, their breathing slowing to match one another until Connie felt her eyes begin to grown heavy again and she drew in a breath as she yawned, stretching herself out slowly so as to try to wake herself, it was barely past 9 o'clock, if she fell asleep now after a lay in this morning she would be up before the sun tomorrow.

She leant her cheek against the top of Rita's head and kissed her hair.

"You know I love you..."

She murmured, and she felt Rita smile against her shoulder. She looked up slowly, her eyes adjusting once more to the growing dark, the fire smouldering in the hearth.

"I worry I don't say it enough."

She said, finally looking Rita in the eyes.

"You show me every day that you love me...in so many ways."

She placed a gentle kiss against Connie's lips, smiling as they touched and brushing her nose briefly against hers as she pulled away.

"And I love you too."

She added, unable to stop the smile that crept up on her.

Connie drew in a long breath and released it with a sigh. The room seemed to blur with the muddle of light and dark, of shadows that played in the corners of the room, stretching out tentatively only to be shot back away by the flare of a flame that licked against the very bottom of the grate.

"Kiss me again."

She whispered, watching for Rita's reaction.

The blonde only bit her lip against a smile and, after a pause, she reached for Connie's glass, taking it from her and setting both hers and her own back down on the coffee table.

She kissed her again, still smiling, her lips warm, and when Connie kissed her back, parting her lips, she tasted the sweetness of wine upon her tongue.

"Should we go upstairs?"

Rita murmured, feeling the familiar weight of Connie pushing against her, pushing her down, down upon the sofa. She held herself up by her elbows, their lips only barely touching.

Connie gave a brief shake of her head, a long spiral of hair just falling free from where it was tired haphazardly at her neck and touched against her cheek.

"I want you here."

Was all she said, pushing again gently, smiling as Rita gave in and allowed herself to be eased back down against the cushions.

"What about Grace?"

She managed to say between the kisses that Connie seemed intent on placing over the rise of her jaw. But she didn't reply, instead she brushed her lips against her throat, deliberately slow wet kisses that made her whole body shudder and ache.

Rita's mouth fell open, her head rolled back against the arm of the sofa, giving into those kisses. Her fingers were in Connie's hair, threaded between the curls, until finally, finally she dared to cup her face, to raise it so that she could tilt her head back to look at her.

Connie's cheeks were flushed and her lips were parted with a look that could leave even the blind undone. Without a word she leaned closer, her breath warm as she kissed her lips, slow and gentle as Rita wrapped her legs about Connie's hips, urging her closer. But still Connie insisted on the slow torturous kisses that made her wince with pleasure and arc her back. She was making her wait, and she could hardly bare it. She wanted her body against her own, bare skin against bare skin, she wanted her between her legs, to touch her, to curl her fingers within her...Then she cupped her face in her hands, pausing, smiling only the briefest smile before giving her what she had known all along that she wanted.

With one hand Connie tugged at the chord of her own dressing gown, leaving the black silk ribbon to fall to the floor whilst the fabric gaped open, revealing the smouldering beauty of her body beneath. With her other hand she eased Rita up, tugging her top from her body, pulling it over her head, and all the while she was kissing her, teasing her, catching the plump flesh of her bottom lip between her teeth and making her whimper.

She gasped as Connie's hand touched her stomach, her skin fluttered from her touch and she glanced down between them..

There was something so disarming about seeing Connie naked – a vulnerability that she couldn't resist. Her gaze travelled from her face to her collar bone, delicate in the semi-darkness, then to her breasts, her stomach, and lower...

"You're beautiful."

The words caught her off guard and Rita looked up to see the glitter behind her eyes, her hair had come loose and hung in heavy curls over one shoulder, her lips were parted and her chin lowered, her eyes laughing as they followed the same path that Rita's had just taken – admiring the fullness of Rita's own breasts and the way her stomach curved down to the waist band of her pyjamas.

She looked up again, meeting Rita's eyes, she had only looked for long enough for Rita to see how beautiful she was to her. It was her eyes that she wanted to see after all, her hands could tell the rest...

She trailed her fingers lower, pushing beneath the waist band. Rita held her breath, her eyes threatening to close. She was too hot all of a sudden, blissfully hot and burning up, and as Connie slipped her fingers down between her legs, to where she wanted her the most, she found herself gripping hold of her, grasping hold of her back, her hair...anywhere she could to pull her closer.

She swore beneath her breath and gasped her name as Connie's fingers pushed themselves deep inside of her, curling upwards, moving in and out, in a rhythm so slow that she thought she might go mad. She rolled her hips, she knew she must be clawing at Connie's back but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She bucked her hips, quicker, forcing Connie to match her movements until she could barely breath.

Connie's lips pressed against the rise of her chest, her tongue warm against her nipples, flicking lazily before taking one into her mouth and rolling her tongue across the very tip, back and forth whilst her fingers seemed to touch everywhere at once, until she felt the burning hot ball of pleasure begin to grow deep within her, and she parted her legs as far as she could, biting down on Connie's shoulder as she came, squeezing her eyes closed. And then she fell back against the sofa, writhing beneath the flex of Connie's wrist, falling and shattering, until at last she collapsed beneath her, her thighs trembling and her knees twitching against Connie's waist.

It was a moment before either of them could catch their breath, the air between them heavy and panting.

At last a smile curled at the corned of Rita's lips and she let out a breathless laugh.

Connie eased herself down slowly and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"I think we should make this official."

She murmured, her words almost unheard against the beat of Rita's heart within her ears.

-.-

Chapter 100!

Hope it was enjoyed :) xxx


	101. Chapter 101

Saturday. The weather was heavy. Outside the sky was low and colourless, and the air was violently cold.

Connie wrapped her arms about herself. She sat curled into the window seat in her office, her breath had fogged the glass so that she could barely see the world beyond it, but still she sat, motionless, staring as though she had died watching the sunrise. Only the rise and fall of her chest gave her away.

Splinters of sunlight made her blink. It had been night...not long ago it seemed. And now suddenly the light beyond the blurred glass was rising and pulsing like a living thing, growing and bursting all at once. Skeletons of trees were no longer grey and brittle but bronze and throbbing with life, dappled with gold and stretching long, magisterial shadows across smooth perfect snow.

Each snowdrift glittered and glimmered so brightly that she had to turn away. For a moment she was blinded, the room that she had turned back to was nothing but a black hole with edges that murmured and faded until she could see again.

The office looked so big all of a sudden, it seemed such a long way to the door...such an effort to cross the long blank floorboards to turn the handle.

She let her head fall gently against the glass so that the cold of the window touched her skin and made her temple ache.

"Grace..."

Her whisper fell flat against the glass. Any minute now there would be the hum of an engine, and the silent roll of tires across the snow covered drive. Then Audrey would be here, and Grace would be leaving all over again.

She closed her eyes, the light showed a brilliant flashing red behind her eyelids and she squeezed them shut tighter so that she couldn't see anything at all.

"Connie?"

The door creaked, heavy on it's hinges, and stopped halfway. Rita held it's edge with one hand, her cheek against the wood.

"Audrey's here."

She said when no reply came.

"What?!"

She opened her eyes and for the briefest of seconds she thought she might fall off of the window seat. She grasped the edge of it, the fingernail of her index finger bending painfully back.

"I didn't hear, I..."

"Grace was watching out for her, she didn't ring the bell."

Rita cut her off and glanced behind herself, the sound of Audrey's heels could be heard making their way across the hallway to the kitchen.

"You OK?"

Rita whispered, turning back to her, but already she was slipping from the room. Already her hand fell from the side of the door and Audrey was calling Rita's name. She glanced apologetically to Connie before stepping away, leaving the door open.

Through the crack between the door and the door frame she could see Grace move in to stand beside Rita, her back to them. She looked at her hair, loose and long down her back, how she stood with her arms folded across her chest and one knee bent. How she leant her head against Rita's arm and laughed at something Audrey had said.

"I wasn't ready..."

She whispered into the room.

-.-

More later today. Everyone ready for Connie to fall apart?! xxx


	102. Chapter 102

"Your car or mine?"

Rita was bent over the side of the bed, fishing for her phone charger. She was stretched out, cheek pushed against the wall. How many times had Connie told her to use another plug socket...She grasped the end of the wire, and blindly followed it to the plug. She wriggled back slightly and pulled to release it, tugging it up across the bed before rolling onto her back.

"Connie?"

Still the other woman didn't reply, she was stood at the window, one arm across her body, the other resting upon it, hand raised to mouth where her fingers just touched against her bottom lip. She was frowning at something through the glass, but when Rita came to stand behind her, there was nothing but the trees and the snow, and the steam rising from the pipes outside.

"Connie?"

She said again, placing a hand upon her shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"Are we taking your car or mine?"

Rita repeated her earlier question, letting her hand slip slowly from Connie's shoulder to where she held her charger at her chest.

"Oh..."

Connie glanced back to the window, she could see the faint reflection of herself, tall and smudged and staring back at her. She let her hands fall and turned to Rita who was wrapping the wire about the plug that she held.

"I've just remembered I've got to drop off some paperwork before we go-"

"Oh come on Connie! Surely that can wait..."

Rita snapped, her words coming much more sharply than she had intended them to. Connie had been in some sort of daze since Grace had left. She'd kissed her and hugged her, and they'd waved goodbye, and yet she hadn't shed a tear. It was as though she hadn't even woken up. She had gone straight back into her office to work, leaving the door open so that every time Rita passed by she could see Connie at her desk, head bent, a frown furrowed deep between her eyebrows – as it still was now.

"Sorry."

She said quietly, and she reached out again, moving closer, letting her hand slip across the wool of Connie's jumper to run across her back.

"I won't be long."

Connie murmured, looking again to the window, though she allowed herself to be eased closer to Rita. She looked down at her, and with unexpected clarity she touched Rita's cheek with the back of her hand, marvelling at how soft her skin was.

"Just make sure you're there by six..."

"I'll be there by six."

"I know my Mum will wan-"

"I'll be there by six."

Connie repeated, smiling at how anxious Rita was about travelling to her parents...about being there...about her being there...

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Rita asked after a pause, waiting whilst Connie's fingers brushed her lips.

"Mmm, I'm fine."

Connie dropped her hand to Rita's and squeezed gently with what she hoped would be a gesture of reassurance.

Rita exhaled a breath, her whole body visibly relaxing and she tilted her head to one side.

"You know you can cry...if you want to. If you need to...?"

Connie glanced down between them, her lips pressed into the downturn of a smile and she gave a brief shake of her head.

"I've only got to wait until Christmas."

She murmured. It wouldn't be long, she kept telling herself, it wouldn't be long until she saw Grace again. Until she would have to say goodbye again...

"Come on, let me make you a coffee and then you can go."

Rita edged closer again and rose up on tip toes to kiss the soft fullness of Connie's lips that kissed her back not once, but twice, and as she stepped back to lead Connie from the room she saw the tell tale flicker of a smile behind the green of her eyes.

-.-

When finally she got into the car she expelled a sigh of relief. She leant back against the headrest and let her eyes close. She had expected to feel something now that she was on her own, she had been expecting to feel sadness, or anger...rage...any one or all of them. Instead she felt as she had done all day.

Numb.

She set the paperwork down onto the passenger seat and placed her hands upon the steering wheel. The leather was cold and her hands felt dry as paper. She clenched her fists about it, tighter and tighter, until her knuckles showed white through her skin and every bone in her fingers seemed to ache. She swallowed. She hadn't realised she was gritting her teeth. She released her grip all at once and let her head fall against the steering wheel, her forehead against it. She drew in a breath, held it, and then let it go as she started the engine...

-.-

Bit of a 'getting to the next bit' chapter. Sorry. Next one will be better, I promise ;) xxx


	103. Chapter 103

"Wasn't expecting to see you here today."

Zoe caught her off guard as she entered the ED, the wind whistling behind her as the doors closed. A smile of understanding passed between them.

"Admin."

Connie gestured with the papers she was holding. She could smell the cigarette smoke in the air between them and she turned away slightly as they walked in step with one another to the ward.

"On a Saturday?! _Must_ be important."

Zoe cast her a sideways glance, her dark eyes sparkling, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Oh, you know me..."

She left the sentence unfinished as she caught sight of Charlie disappearing into the hallway ahead of them.

Nowhere was the chronic underfunding more evident than in the corridors, Connie realised. The odd patient backed up and waiting on a trolley, sitting up eating something from the vending machine whilst the eyes of their relatives followed the backs of any member of staff that was too busy to make eye contact.

Their elbows bumped together as they paused at yet another set of double doors, with their scuffed plastic band midway and their dull chrome handles. Connie glanced up from the highly polished linoleum floor to catch a glimpse of the ward beyond...her ward, cut into tiny squares by the thin wire in the window panels.

Without pause Zoe pushed the doors so that they swung open soundlessly. A puff of warm, bleach tainted air welcomed them, the naked fluorescent tubes of light flickered overhead, and Connie saw for the first time how the walls were deeply scored by the metal framed trolleys, the drywall showing though like white scars. The cheap prints on the walls are insipid, so lacking in vibrancy that they appeared sun-bleached in the windowless ward.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your visit to Rita's parents today would it?"

"Hmm?"

She looked back at Zoe, the consultant was watching her with amusement, one hand on her hip. She had assumed their conversation had finished.

"Oh! No...how did you know about that?"

She asked, but as she spoke Charlie approached and all thoughts of conversation with Zoe dissipated.

"Charlie, could I have a quick word?"

"Could it wait, Connie? I've got-"

But Connie never found out what it was that he was doing, for even as he was speaking, a call buzzer alerted him to yet another patient in need.

"I'll be with you in ten minutes. Your office?"

He asked, walking backwards for a few steps, waiting for her nod before turning.

"Honestly, you take time off and the department falls apart."

She felt Zoe's weight against her arm and caught the laughter behind her eyes as she glanced at her.

"It would appear so..."

"Listen, are you alright? Because you seem a bit..."

She waved a hand to point out Connie's far away vagueness.

"Fine, I'm fine.

She was so tired of being asked.

"I must just-"

She tilted her head in the direction of her office.

Zoe pressed a warm hand against her upper arm, leaving her to make her way to her office.

She closed the door behind her and leant back against it, her hand still resting on the handle.

There was something about the office that made her able to breathe again. It was her space, away from the corridors and buzzers and the clattering of trolleys. She exhaled and looked about her. The floor was slate grey and the walls dove. She tilted her head back further. Above her the ceiling was made from white polystyrene squares laid on a grid-like frame. The light was bright and made her head throb behind her eyes. She cleared her throat and stepped away from the door. Her eyes caught the glint of a pot plant on the side near the sofa. She paused, looking at it. A round black pot which seemed to be overfilled with white cyclamen, their daintiness spoiled by how many of them there were.

Ignoring this new addition to her space she made her way over to her desk and sat down. It was a relief somehow to be sitting here with the computer turned off, with no sound but the occasional murmur from the ward.

She clasped her hands on the desk top and leant forwards. She tried to think, she tried to run over the day so far to try to order it in her mind. Grace had been sad to leave, at least she could be glad of that. She shifted in her seat, there was a ringing in her ears and she pushed her hands to them to try to stop it, but the moment she took them away the noise was still there, an ever present high pitched humming noise that now she had noticed she couldn't seem to ignore.

A knock at the door came as relief from the noise and she cleared her throat and let her hands fall, palms down to the desk.

"Come."

Max opened the door and leaned into the room.

"Charlie asked me to let you know that he'll be a bit longer than expected..."

She exhaled slowly and leant back in her chair, her fingers sliding from the table to her lap.

"Thank you."

She murmured. The noise distracting her again, it seemed to grow ever so slightly louder whenever she moved.

Max gave a nod of his head and made to leave, but Connie raised a hand to stop him.

"Can you hear that?"

She asked, exasperated. It was as though a mosquito were in the room, though it was hardly the weather for one.

"Er..."

Max paused awkwardly, caught between the ward and the office.

"Never mind."

She sighed, and she waved a hand, silently giving him permission to leave, but before the door had a chance to close Zoe caught it, letting her hand brush against Max's as they passed one another.

"Connie, sorry, can I just-"

"What IS that noise?!"

Connie cut in, the noise had grown louder again when Zoe had entered the room. All she could hear was the high pitched drone of it, like the faraway whir of machinery, or the murmur of flies in summer...

Zoe paused in her steps to the desk, momentarily startled.

"I can't hear anything..."

It was there all the time, familiar somehow...again she caught sight of the cyclamen out of the corner of her eye.

"Where did they come from?"

She asked suddenly. They were so crowded, their little white petals pushed up against one another.

"Dr Knight bought them in for you."

She paused, noting the rise of Connie's eyebrows.

"I know, I can't say I wasn't surprised. Some sort of apology for the way he behaved over the photo of you and Rita..."

She paused again as Connie stood up, the legs of her chair catching and grating on the floor. Quickly she made her way to the flowers, and with her fingers she parted the petals, and the fleshy stalks to reveal a thin black stick with a tiny blinking red light just on the front above a lens the size of her littlest fingernail.

"Dr Knight didn't buy me flowers to apologise, he was trying to catch Rita and I..."

-.-

It all goes downhill in the next chapter...xxx


	104. Chapter 104

"What is it?"

Zoe asked, though she knew very well. There was a silence, the pressure in the room seemed to have changed. Connie fingered the smooth white petals of the Cyclamen, each one perfectly shaped and pointed upwards, each flower turned up toward the sky as though expressing their surprise at breaking through the soil and growing...growing. She could barely feel them, white, and innocent between her fingertips.

Gently she took hold of the plant pot, one hand on either side, and with slow, deliberate steps, she by passed Zoe and made her way out onto the ward.

"Dr Knight?"

She felt as though she must have whispered, but still the ward seemed to come to a stand still. Staff members that she barely saw stopped or hovered nearby, all turning to see their clinical lead standing in the middle of the ward holding a pot plant. It would have been comical if it hadn't been for the pale contorted expression upon her face, or the wobble of her lip and the flex of her jaw.

"Is everything ok, Mrs Beauchamp?"

Ethan's voice broke the silence. He stood by her side, hesitant and glancing about himself as though he wished somebody else would be the one to ask.

She turned to him, slowly, drawing in a breath. She looked at him, his forehead creased with concern, his glasses framing his wide dark eyes.

"See that your brother gets this, would you."

She said. And as Ethan watched she simply let go of the flower pot.

Terracotta shattered, red as blood beneath the glossy black veneer, splintering from the ground in an explosive arc of grit and soil. The flowers shivered and splayed on the tiled floor, their pretty white petals creased with translucent veins, their roots trembling about the thin black camera and the coil of wires that had been buried into it's middle.

She didn't wait for anyone else to react. Instead she left the silence, and returned to her office. Methodically she closed the door and locked it, she drew the blind and made her way over to the desk.

She paused. Inside her a thin white hot heat was spreading, creeping into every vein and burning her up. She struggled to catch her breath, and her teeth hurt from being clenched for so long.

Without thinking she snatched up the letter opener from the array of pens on her desk and with one wild jab she stabbed it through the screen of the computer with surprising ease, but when she tried to pull it back out it caught. She shook it hard, but still it remained. She sucked in a breath, and with the force of her rage behind her, she pushed it from the desk.

The wires skittered across the desk, pulling taught and giving way as it fell to the floor, plastic shattering about her feet. Then, as if a pressure bomb had been let off inside a tower of glass, she gave in. Everything she could grab hold of she tore down – she took books from their shelves and threw them to the ground, clawing at their pages, she took the chair that she sat on every day, and, lifting it above her head, she threw it with all the strength she had against the door, but still it remained in tact. She needed to get it out, this feeling, she needed to destroy it, and take with it everything that was her...or the self that she had become... She pulled the drawers from her desk one by one, slamming them so hard to the ground that the bottoms fell out, and with the heel of her shoe she speared the picture of Grace that had fallen to the floor from her desk. The glass broke out into a spiderweb across Grace's smiling face, and when she stepped away there was a hole through the centre like a gunshot.

"Grace..."

She seemed suddenly unable to move. She looked up to the mirror on the wall in front of her. She was flushed, her forehead wet with sweat, her hair stuck in wisps to her face and neck... a horror with a mesmerizing beauty that she seemed unable to recognise as herself...

She closed her eyes.

The breaking glass seemed to fall with the grace of snow, yet in truth it was more of a wild avalanche. Her fists throbbed and ached, and when she looked down at them she noted how the blood seeped from invisible cuts, warm and red against the dry white skin of her knuckles.

The mirror pieces lay at her feet, pointed, like an array of teeth smashed from a mouth, and all shining up at her with reflection upon reflection of herself. What this was, what she felt was not human, it was twisted and distorted but it was something strong. It burned like a fire laced through her heart , seeping through her veins and creeping up her spine. She could feel nothing at all, but desire; desire to hate. She was intoxicated with an emotion that she had had no intention of ever feeling, the acidity of it was residing in her stomach waiting to be spat out of her mouth in foul and vulgar words that she would be stared at for saying, except she wasn't going to say them, she was going to scream them with every ounce of breath that dwelled within her lungs.

-.-

Please let me know what you think of this update.

Any guesses as to where the story is headed?! xxx


	105. Chapter 105

"Mrs Beauchamp!"

Cal reached out to her but she brushed him blindly away. She was walking as fast as she could without breaking into a run. She could feel the pound of the heel of her stilettoes against her feet, aftershock after aftershock shooting through her bones, with a heat and pulsing pain that matched the throbbing at the back of her head.

"Your hands are bleeding!"

Somebody else called out, a voice she didn't know, or didn't recognise. She could barely see, the world was too bright and blurred and everything was too much – the buzz of rage within her body, the prickle of a cold sweat against her scalp and the rumble of the wards, the trolleys, the squeak of rubber soled shoes, and the voices calling her, the hands reaching out for her, grasping her arms just as quickly as she could shake them off.

"Connie!"

Charlie's voice was the only voice she heard clearly, and if she allowed herself to she could see him out of the corner of her eye, jogging every other step to keep up with her.

"Connie, wait...wait..."

He reached the exit before she did, blocking it with his body so that she had no choice but to stop.

"Move."

She hissed, her entire body trembling.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I-"

"Not now, Cal."

Charlie raised a hand to Cal who had stopped behind her, unbeknown to Connie. She turned her head only slightly, catching his eye.

"I just wanted to apologise..."

He continued anyway, he was out of breath and holding out his hands as if approaching a wild, animal. Her lip curled and she let out a breath of a laugh.

"Oh why don't you just...just fuck off!"

She moved toward the doors again, pushing herself against the wall to force her way passed Charlie who stumbled back, helpless.

"Connie!"

He called out to her as she bent her head against the wind and quickened her step.

"Have you got your phone?!"

He shouted, the force of the weather stealing his words and buffeting them away into the coming storm.

She stopped abruptly and turned to face him, standing in the middle of the car park, her hair whipping wildly about her face and stinging her eyes, the hem of her coat billowing out around her.

She let her bag fall from her shoulder to the bend of her elbow and pushed her hand into it, finding the smooth plastic of her phone. She pulled it out and held it up for him to see, watched him smile slightly and then threw it to the ground so that it shattered and skidded against the damp concrete to come to rest at his feet, and she turned away, walking against the steadily falling rain to the car.

Once inside she slammed the door closed and started the engine before she had time to think. She would drive until she ran out of petrol, she thought, and then she found herself laughing at herself.

"How very teenage..."

She murmured to herself as she pulled out of the car park and onto the main road. The sky was low and purple-black, angry and rolling towards her, closer and closer, and then came the rain, all at once, thousands upon thousands of rain drops beating the car, rattling and hammering down so hard that nothing else in the world could be heard. It fell as though it meant to wash her away, it meant to keep hammering until there was nothing of her left.

Thunder cracked the air, as if the very heavens might split apart. It rolled like the ash could of a volcano, becoming a rolling booming rumble. It declared to all the raw power of nature and gave fair warning of the wrath that was to come. And come it did, with lightening that shot the sky into a million fragments, shocking the ground with as many volts, turning the world into a negative of itself for only the fraction of a second.

She drove into it, with the wind howling against the car, the rain pelting the windscreen and the thunder growling low overhead. She pushed down hard on the accelerator despite her limited vision.

She could barely see the pixelated orange lights of the other cars, or the ripple of the barrier between her lane and the next. Still she sped faster, and faster...Something was wrong. She knew that. Somehow she had become who she had been trying to hide. She shook her head, her hands slipped against the steering wheel only to tighten again a fraction of a second later.

How could she put into words what was wrong when she didn't understand it herself? She couldn't articulate the pain; it was the pain of nothingness. Her fear wasn't just of those men who had held her down, of Grace never wanting to see her again, of committing to Rita, of having another child...her fear was of the weather, the atmosphere, the very air. She knew very well that at any moment now the car could skid out from underneath her and she could crash. Her body could be crushed and she could lay in the cold with the rain beating down on her whilst she bled to death. Or the storm could do it just as well...one bolt of lightening...just one bolt...she gritted her teeth. What good did safety tips do her now? 'Avoid water, metal objects, rooftops; stay off the telephone in a storm, don't think glass can protect you; even if a storm was 8 miles away, you're still not safe from a strike." Avoid life itself, perhaps that was the answer. The number one safety tip, stay away from it all...

She clenched her jaw, any moment now she expected to feel it, the tires slip, and the smash of her car into another. And then she saw it, the brief flash of a sign post out of the corner of her eye, and she knew what she had to do, she felt her body begin to cool, the rage within her turning to ice, crackling and numbing her, stealing the flush from her cheeks and the moisture from her lips, and she realised all of a sudden how silly she had been to fear the rage within her, when the torment of the ice was so much worse.

-.-

More later this evening. Thank you for the reviews, I love to hear what you think about what I've written, and what you think may be to come. xxx


	106. Chapter 106

Water flurried across the windscreen as she turned off at the next exit, ripples of silver rain trembled across the glass and phantom winds writhed franticly up against the sides of the car, coming at her from all angles as though they might try anything to force her off the road.

The air felt thin, and as she accelerated along the curve of the road she noticed how the clouds gathered in the north-west with a biting chill that grew more and more intense. The black mass of clouds undulated and wrestled, twisting together as if in fury and agony. Flickers of white lightening stabbed through them, and still she pushed down on the accelerator.

She glimpsed another sign for 'The Table'. Her stomach winced and her head felt light. It seemed so long ago that she and Rita had entered that bar.

She slowed as she reached the small car park, pulling up as near to the entrance of the bar as she could. She cut the engine and with one sudden breath out she collapsed back into the seat, gasping for breath as though she had been running. She closed her eyes, and for what seemed like too long she listened to the hiss of the rain on the roof.

Finally she opened her eyes. She would go in, she thought. She would go in, and she would drink, and she would show the squalling mess of a person she had become that she wasn't afraid...

With trembling fingers she fumbled with the door, pulling the handle and opening it, and it was only when she stepped out into the cold that she realised she hadn't thought to wear her seat belt. She clenched her jaw, imagining for a moment her own body thrown through the windscreen of her car, almost broken in two...

She slammed the door shut and glanced up at the sky. Almost overhead now the clouds were tumbling, swirling clouds that changed from black to a terrifying greenish-purple. They seemed to draw themselves together, and then stretch out across the whole sky, lower and lower as though trying to reach the earth.

She drew her coat tighter about herself and dipped her chin into her collar, squinting against the rain that was gradually turning to sleet, and the wind that blew her hair into her eyes and mouth until she could barely see to reach out for the door handle.

-.-

Any guesses as to what (or who) she'll find inside? xxx


	107. Chapter 107

Drinking felt like the greatest luxury on earth. She tilted her head back, downing the last of the brandy, her fingers sliding on the condensation before regaining their grip. She felt the burning warmth of it in her mouth, her throat...and her head made an involuntary shake.

A numbness crept into her brain, the way it had done when she was a child and she had drunk down a cold drink too quickly.

She hadn't known what she expected to find when she opened the door and entered the bar. It hadn't changed, and yet she found herself disappointed by the ordinariness of it. She had assumed, somehow that there would be something left of that night here, as though she could stand in the spot those men had stood in and she would have felt something...anything...

Instead she felt nothing but the blooming of a headache behind her eyes and the sluggishness of her brain. She'd lost count of the drinks she had had already. She had made to leave once, when a group of men entered. She had walked to the door to find that night had come and she hadn't even noticed.

Rita...she had whispered her name into the air. The weather still growled and the rain still pummelled the earth, but still she felt numb. She had stood there, watching the people pass by, watching the staggers of those, like her, who had already had one too many and were walking as if the ground was the deck of a storm-tossed boat. Each foot coming to the path as if the collision of shoe and concrete wasn't entirely anticipated and the person lurches, stumbles... Whilst the sober ones stride like the only adults in a party of infants, shepherding them to a car ride home.

She hadn't realised how long she had stood there, just watching, waiting for the guilt to come...the guilt that never came.

Now she sat, with another empty glass and a head that felt as heavy as the thoughts that were inside it.

Suddenly she became aware of someone speaking. There was somebody standing on the other side of the little table. She looked up at him, narrowing her eyes to try to lessen the overwhelming swaying sensation that took hold when she moved her head.

"Sorry, could I borrow this chair?"

She could tell he was repeating himself, and he looked at her with a vague smile of apprehension.

"Mmm, go ahead."

She managed to say, though her words sounded stilted and slow.

He tapped his fingers on the back of the chair in question...Rita's chair...it was Rita's chair. Where was Rita? She twisted in her seat to glance behind herself.

"Are you ok? I mean, tell me if I'm wrong, but you do look a little...miserable...?"

He was speaking again. She frowned across at him, and then she smiled slowly, a smile that turned into a sigh.

"Miserable."

She repeated, placing her hand about the base of the glass, watching as her fingers smudged the circle of condensation at it's base.

"Would you mind if I..."

He paused, looking at her again. Perhaps he was trying to work out if she really was miserable, or perhaps she was just another drunk...or mad...

"Sat."

He concluded, obviously deeming her harmless enough.

She narrowed her eyes again and looked back up at him. In the mirror behind him she could see how crowded the bar had become, and how every other seat must be full.

"Eliot March."

He extended a hand across the table before she had realised that she had agreed.

"Connie Beauchamp."

She murmured, accepting his hand.

"Sorry, bit formal..."

He drew his hand away after the brief, awkward shake, and set his drink down on the table.

"Could I get you anything?"

He asked dubiously, noticing how she eyed his pint. She shook her head slowly, and immediately regretted it as the room kept on moving once she had stilled her movements.

"No...I think I've had enough already."

She smiled slightly and tilted her head. He seemed so very far away.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

He asked suddenly, shifting in his seat. She raised an eyebrow.

"Talk about it?"

She repeated.

"Well, I just thought...perhaps you might need somebody to talk to...maybe? You don't look the type to...to..."

He raised his glass to his lips and took a sip, giving up on his sentence altogether and setting the glass back down again and smiling a tight smile at her across the table.

"Right about now I'm supposed to be having dinner with my partners parents. Instead I'm here..."

She pushed her thumb into the water at the base of her glass, marking her spot in the world.

"Ah."

He nodded slowly.

"So, Mr March, what brings you here?"

She found herself asking as she rested her head on her hands.

"Oh, I've had one of those days...I suppose I'm drowning my sorrows."

He drew up his shoulders and sucked in a breath. She watched him, as though he were in slow motion. The room was too warm, the drink too much, and now she was lost somewhere between drunk and delusional, seeming to do nothing by sway back and forth between consciousness.

"What happened?"

She murmured, feeling greateful for the solidity of the chair at her back.

"I was made redundant. I'm a teacher, an English teacher...was a teacher."

He corrected himself and relaxed his shoulders. He was wearing glasses, she realised, black rimmed glasses that reminded her of Ethan, but unlike Ethan his eyes were the colour of the sky, and his hair was dark and neatly combed to one side.

"What about you...Connie Beauchamp? What do you do?"

He asked, looking at her expectantly.

She looked down at her glass.

"What do I do..."

She whispered.

-.-

xxx


	108. Chapter 108

They drank in companionable silence, willing the answer to be at the bottom of their glasses and then at the bottom of the next, and the next... And so the night had dragged on. Few words exchanged, and the words that were spoken were slurred and senseless.

The bar was so full of people that whenever Connie glanced up to the mirror above Eliot's head she could no longer see the door.

"Looking for someone?"

He asked eventually, propping his head up on his hand so that his glasses stuck up at an odd angle, splitting his vision.

"Hmm?"

She barely knew whether or not she had her eyes open any more.

"You keep looking at that door."

Eliot sighed, and then suddenly he grinned as a thought occurred to him, and he sat up straight again, readjusting his glasses.

"Or is it my company?"

He had the kind of face that stopped women in their tracks. He must have been used to it, she presumed - the sudden pause in a person's natural expression when they looked his way followed by the overcompensation of a nonchalant gaze and a weak smile.

She shook her head. It was so warm in the bar, and growing warmer with every person who crowded into it. She glanced into the mirror again...people drinking, shouting, laughing. Hundreds of conversations were happening all at once. Men and women who looked older than they were, slumped on bar, pint glasses, shot glasses, someone crying in corner, couples in secluded bays, laughing, back slapping...

Something warm touched her fingers and she turned back to find Eliot's hand creeping over her own.

"You look like you could use some fresh air?"

He leant forwards in his seat so that he could be heard. She could smell the beer on his breath and the warmth of his body.

She touched a hand to her cheek, her skin was hot and flushed, she must look awful...

"I think you're probably right."

She murmured, stumbling over the correct pronunciation of 'probably' so many times that she had to settle for something near enough.

He retracted his hand from hers and, steadying himself, he eased himself up from the chair until he was standing.

Connie looked up at him. He was wearing a brown tweed suit jacket with patches at the elbows over dark blue jeans. She hadn't noticed his jacket until he stood up, and he began to button it. He didn't seem to have come with a coat.

"Let me help you..."

He offered out his hand to her, but almost immediately she declined.

"Oh no, I'm fine."

She said, making to stand, but all at once she felt the room lurch and sway and the blood surged, throbbing to the front of her head so that she had to sit back down and wait for the sudden feeling of nausea to pass.

She squinted up at him, and gingerly held out her hand, accepting his help. He eased her to her feet, slowly, slowly until she stood flush against him, his arms holding her steady.

"There you go."

He smiled slightly. This close to him she noticed the wild sea blue of his eyes - deep and catastrophic with flecks of silver.

"Thank you."

She whispered, and cleared her throat, and as they made their way from the table to the door he kept hold of her, easing her gently through the moving masses of people, keeping an elbow out to avoid the knocks and bumps. She paused as they passed the bar, a sickening wave of prickly white heat running all the way up from the base of her spine to the back of her neck. There was a movement, or perhaps it was a voice...something had made her feel as she had done that night so long ago...

Eliot pressed against her back.

"OK?"

He was shouting over the laughter of somebody else.

She barely dared to glance around to smile apologetically, but when she did, she saw only Eliot. But still there was the flicker of something in her peripheral vision, something, or somebody familiar, hiding in the shadows.

Eliot's weight against her made her move again as he was jostled from behind and found himself staggering forwards a few steps. She heard his murmured apology as they pushed against the double doors and found themselves outside.

She shivered violently, whether from the cold or from the sensation of being watched, she wasn't sure.

He placed an arm about her, holding her close, keeping her warm, and she found herself resting her head upon his shoulder.

"I'll get you a cab."

He was pushing his other hand into the pocket of his jeans to find his phone.

"No, no..."

She raised her head, glancing quickly to the alley way opposite.

"I don't want to go home."

She whispered, shuddering against the cold. It had stopped raining, but the clouds still hung low overhead, blotting out the stars completely.

Eliot shifted from one foot to the other.

"A hotel, or..."

He began, faltering when she swayed against him, frowning, glancing again to the alley way with a look behind her eyes that made him grow even colder.

"I live not far from here...on a boat, I live on a boat, you could-"

"Take me."

She said quietly, her eyes not quite leaving the hollowness of that alley way. She was scared of the dark, and of the creeping feeling of somebody behind her, who, no matter how quickly she turned around, was never there.

With stumbling, slow steps they walked, Eliot's warm arm holding her up. They walked across the edge of town, against the streaking white headlights, and the wind that whispered about their legs like the tail of a frolicking cat just waiting to trip you up when you least expect it.

-.-

xxx


	109. Chapter 109

The air was full of the tinny clanking of boat masts, and the creak and groan of wooden walk ways that shifted and lurched against the river bank. They could smell the dankness of the water and the mud that sucked at the soles of their shoes. Connie staggered forwards, trying not to let the heels of her shoes be pulled into the earth. Eliot gripped her hand, walking with the other arm out stretched as though he were walking a tight rope.

Somehow, together they found themselves at the rivers edge, and by clutching desperately onto the rail they made their way across onto the boat. Pausing whilst Eliot fumbled with his keys and made a few stabbing attempts at the door before finding the key hole.

Inside the door, three steps down seemed a feat more tricky than either of them had expected, and Eliot slipped down the first two, catching himself on the bottom one and falling hard against the side board as the boat lurched on a wave.

Connie stood in the door way, on the top step, both hands holding onto the door frame until Eliot had regained enough balance to be able to offer out a hand to help her down.

She let out a breath as finally, finally she was down. Everything was quiet save the chink of the masts on the breeze and the sound of their breathing.

"Thank you."

She whispered. All of a sudden she could feel herself relaxing, she could feel every bit of her body fill with relief.

"Thank you."

She murmured again, and instinctively he knew that she was thanking him for helping her with more than just those three steps...

"Would you like a drink?"

He was looking for something to do with his hands.

"I've got tea..."

He began opening cupboards in the little galley kitchen.

"Actually I think that's about it."

He said sheepishly.

"I don't often have guests."

"Tea is fine."

She smiled at his nervousness. He was taller than she had thought he was, and strong despite his gentle manner.

"Milk? Sugar?"

"Just black."

She murmured, resting a hand on the work top as the boat gave another rolling lurch.

"Sorry! Let me take you through."

He exclaimed, noticing how she struggled to stand, and he flicked the kettle on to boil before opening the door to his right.

"It's not very big."

He added as he took her hand again.

She pursed her lips against a laugh that she couldn't quite hold in, and he looked back at her as they made their way into an even smaller living area with two arm chairs, a small stove and walls lined with books. He tilted his head to one side, his eyes twinkling with alarming beauty.

"I meant the boat."

He said quietly, and he helped her into one of the chairs.

"I'll just-"

He gestured with both hands to the kitchen and slipped back through the doorway.

She watched him for a moment, in her hazy dreamlike state where everything was forgotten except for that moment, right then. Finally she had succeeded, the only thing that she could feel was the here and now. She watched him search for a tea spoon, and pour the water into two mugs. Even drunk he seemed perfectly able to stand whilst the boat rolled beneath his feet. She admired his profile as he concentrated on pouring milk into his cup. High cheekbones that cast shadows across the clean shaven jaw, straight nose and lips that he touched his tongue to, to wet them.

He glanced at her whilst he stirred the tea, catching her looking at him. He smiled slightly, his lips down-turning at the corners as her own did, and then he turned his attention back to the tea.

-.-

Thank you for the reviews so far... lots of 'NO!'s and 'WHY's!?"

In the words of the brilliant Miranda Hart, 'bear with, bear with'. All will become clear... xxx


	110. Chapter 110

They sipped hot tea in the dimness of the little room. The boat rolled and rocked, high and low, over and over, lulling them into silence. The warmth of the drink and the heaviness inside her head made her eyes close slowly. Everything was still and warm, everything was numb and so...so...

She opened her eyes and gripped the handle of her mug tighter, catching it just before it overturned into her lap.

"You tired?"

He asked from the other arm chair. He was slouched back, a half empty mug held loosely in his lap, his long legs out stretched. She smiled faintly, she had no idea of the time, even the day...she couldn't be sure, in this addled state, just how long she had been here, was it still Saturday? Had it ever been Saturday? She frowned, she needed the toilet.

"Could I borrow your bathroom? Please."

"Uh, yes. Yes! It's just..."

He set his mug down on the book case next to his chair and stood up, leaning heavily on the arm of the chair.

"It's just through here..."

He said slowly, gesturing to the door by her chair.

"Do you need a hand?"

He asked, as she struggled to her feet.

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

She steadied herself, closing her eyes for the briefest of seconds to quell the throbbing pound of blood within her ears.

Without a word he took her hand, just as he had done so many times that night, and led her into the bedroom. There were no windows here, just four boarded walls, all lined with books like the sitting room. In the centre of the room pushed back against the wall was the bed – a double bed, neatly made with soft grey bedding, a book open and laid cover up on one pillow.

"It's just in here."

He slid open a panelled door revealing a small basic shower room beyond.

"Thank you."

She said quietly and let go of his hand before edging through the door and into the bathroom, sliding the door closed behind her.

In the small bathroom she paused. She could hear the water lapping against the side of the boat, could feel the sway of the floor beneath her, a rolling lilting rock that made her head spin and her stomach lurch. She puffed out a breath.

She undid her trousers, lowered them and sat down on the toilet. Deep inside her chest a tightening pain began to coil. It quickened her breath and she closed her eyes, pushing the fingers of one hand into her ribs. She closed her eyes and slumped forwards so that all she could hear was the whooshing of blood within her ears.

Silently she murmured to herself. She tried to thread the fragments of thoughts together within her mind that seemed to flit in and out with no reason behind them. Rita. She'd let her down, she'd left her...she had no way of contacting her...again the pain in her chest tightened so much that she had to open her mouth to force in a breath. Rita and her sweetness, her brave heart, her loyalty...she didn't deserve this – her.

She screwed her eyes shut tighter and clenched her jaw so that her teeth creaked. How had this happened?

She was unravelling quicker than she had ever expected. She was flailing, bits of her spiralling out wildly, with no hope or direction. She was sinking, throwing everything she had overboard. It was inevitable, perhaps, like every suicide victim she had treated – there was just something in them that wanted to die. Whatever they did, the urge to kill themselves was stronger, and whatever she did to help them, or patch them up, they would destroy themselves anyway, they would press the self destruct button and watch helplessly as they spiralled out of control.

She was no different, she realised, but the revelation only made her feel more numb.

After a moment she finished, washed her hands and opened the door.

She hadn't expected Eliot to still be in the room. He was standing on the opposite side of the bed, hands in his pockets looking up at the books in such a way that she knew he wasn't really paying them any attention.

She pulled the sliding door closed behind her. He turned his head slightly, smiling at her.

"You've been crying."

He turned towards her as she made her way around the bed to him. She drew in a breath and pursed her lips, shaking her head.

"You read..."

She murmured, running her finger along the spine of _Mrs Dalloway_.

"All the time."

He said with a shrug, turning on the bedside lamp.

He moved with such a masculine elegance that seemed to match the even quietness of his voice. She could imagine him as a teacher – even with her mind as clouded as it was, she could imagine him holding the attention of a class, teaching them, inspiring them...

"You are...incredibly beautiful..."

He spoke without thinking, seemingly transfixed by her, how her hair burned a dark auburn in the lamp light, how her eyes held the green of the sea. This was the purest instant he had ever experienced; the way he felt inside right then. If he had to be trapped in a forever he would choose this very moment. The black night, the murmur of the river, the beautiful green-eyed woman with brandy laced breath, the way she gazed at him, the way she made him feel just by being so near...

"Sorry."

He said instinctively, and cleared his throat as he glanced away.

She smiled and looked down between them. This all seemed so inevitable...as though she'd lived it before...

Unable to help himself he drew the back of his hand across her cheek, into her hair, weaving his fingers against her scalp making her shudder. And when she didn't pull away he reached up with his other hand, cupping her face, drawing both hands so that his thumbs rested either side of her mouth, and he looked from her eyes to her lips, and back again, she gave an almost invisible nod of her head, silently granting him permission.

He kissed her gently, his mouth was warm and soft and the very touch of his lips made her melt, she pressed herself against him, slipping her arms up to wrap about his neck and opening her mouth. His arms crept about her, holding her body so gently.

Silently they undressed one another. Buckles, buttons and zips were undone, tops tugged carefully over heads, until shivering, their bodies touched and Eliot closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers.

"God I want you."

He whispered, and silently she kissed him again.

She'd forgotten how solid a man's body could be. And when he eased her down onto the bed, she found she instinctively wrapped her legs about his waist, marvelling at how small she felt lying there beneath him, with his arms that flexed either side of her, holding him up.

He made to move a hand between her legs, to touch her, but she shook her head and brushed him away so that he pulled back and looked down at her, beautiful blue eyes now dilated and black.

"I just want you...inside me."

She whispered, feeling him hesitate.

"But I want you to-"

"I just want to feel _you."_

She cut him off, hitching her legs up higher about his hips and shifting down slightly, arching her back so that what little apprehension he did have dissipated instantly and he was left watching the rise of her chest and the curve of her hips as she moved beneath him, willing him to take her.

"God..."

She closed her eyes as he edged himself into her, using a hand to guide, running the very tip of himself over the most sensitive of her flesh before pushing harder, so deep that she held her breath. She wanted this - him. She wanted to be impaled by him, to be claimed and kissed and filled so deeply that every thrust hurt just a little bit.

He kissed her again, she could feel the pin pricks of new stubble against her chin and she parted her lips, kissing him back with everything she she had as he clutched at her body, grazing her sides with his palms, with finger tips that seemed electric, for wherever they touched her, her skin tingled in a frenzy of static. And as his hands moved over her, her body fell into a transitory paralysis, her mind unable to process the pleasure so fast. He whispered to her softly, against her cheek, her ear, telling her how wet she was, how beautiful she was...

Suddenly she could feel again, she could move again, and she pulled back for a kiss that was both soft and hard, fierce and wet and unstoppable. There was something about him that lit her up from the inside, there was something about him that melted her fear to nothing at all.

Touching him was like being handed the holy grail, as though her heart was mended even though she never knew it had been broken. Then something not only stirred in her mind, but it took over her thinking. The rest of the world became an unimportant blur that was banished into the far recesses of her mind. The only thing that mattered was his touches, the way he pressed his hands against her hips to hold her steady whilst he thrust into her, expelling a soft growl of a breath into the space between their lips...the way he kissed her mouth, her stomach, how hot his breath was against her breasts, and how every glittering kiss and every touch of flesh was another shard of her heart that she would never see again.

And as she gasped and called out against him the wail of the wind blew harder outside, and the bleariness of their minds blotted out the sound of the boat door being forced open, and the creak of footsteps in the kitchen.

-.-

More later today. Let me know what you think... xxx


	111. Chapter 111

The wind was growing wilder. There were trees coming down and branches flung into roads, cars were running in to one another and on every street it seemed a car alarm was blaring.

"Do you think she's done something silly?"

Rita's voice was faraway as she stood looking out of the window of Connie's office out onto the ward.

Her legs were stiff from being held in the same position. Her muscles ached and her tongue was dry and brittle. She licked her chapped lips. Dim morning sunlight was beginning to tint the night sky grey and the stars were slowly being blotted out, beginning with the faintest stars and eventually washing over the vivid, bright stars. It was colder than it had been, and every where there were warnings to stay at home. She hugged her bare arms tightly.

"Rita..."

Charlie was sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea growing cold between his hands.

"What?"

Rita turned to him. Her face was pale except the blotched pink skin beneath her bloodshot eyes. She sniffed and used the back of her wrist to wipe the damp from her cheeks.

"Look at this place!"

She gestured to the room that Charlie had attempted to tidy up. There were splinters of mirror glass in the rug by the desk that shone like stars trapped between the weave and the bin was full of snapped and broken plastic, the computer screen propped up by it's side, the screen billowing out like a burst balloon.

"She left her phone...she's been gone for eighteen hours in this weather? What am I supposed to think!"

"Rita. We don't have any reason to think that she might have..."

"Killed herself?"

Charlie raised his hands in a shrug.

"It's Connie. She would never let them win."

He said quietly, and Rita turned away again, looking through the mesh window of the door as Connie had done so many times. She felt sick and she felt tired, but above all else she felt lost, as though somebody had torn her heart right out of her chest and taken it far, far away.

"What if she didn't have a choice?"

She murmured. But before Charlie could think of a reply the view of the ward beyond the glass door was blocked by Zoe, who had raised a hand to knock before she noticed Rita looking back at her.

She pushed down on the handle and opened the door, gingerly looking between the two of them.

"Any word?"

She asked tucking her hair behind one ear, though she could guess the answer.

"Nothing."

Charlie answered, setting his mug down on the little side table as Zoe entered the room properly and closed the door behind herself.

"The police have found Connie's car in the car park of a pub in town – The Table? No sign of her though."

Rita took an uncertain step backwards, and then another, until she grasped the desk, steadying herself.

"The Table?"

She whispered, looking from Zoe to Charlie. She shivered involuntarily and her scalp crinkled, the hairs at the back of her neck rising.

"They've got her."

She choked.

"They've got her..."

-.-

Lots of outraged reviews/messages. Just remember, Connie is falling apart, but she still loves Rita. xxx


	112. Chapter 112

"You're pretty incredible."

Eliot murmured, taking a moment to kiss her again, stroking her cheek with his thumb, his fingers pushing into her hair making her shiver.

"I know."

She laughed as she spoke and he smiled against her lips before pulling away and collapsing down beside her. He was exhausted, but God it was worth it – just this moment, lying next to the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Are you always this self-assured?"

He asked, tossing her a sideways glance, his mouth twitching, his blue eyes glittering.

"Ha! No...no..."

She struggled against a breath, she was starting to feel, she realised. The headiness of the alcohol was wearing off, her rage had dissipated and now pin pricks of reality were beginning to break through the fog inside her head. She glanced down between them, across the solid warmth of Eliot's body and closed her eyes. How could Rita ever forgive her for...this?

"Are you alright?"

He asked, sensing the sudden change in her.

She turned her face into the pillow, it smelled of him, and suddenly she missed the warmth of her own pillows, and the warm sweet smell of Rita... She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't cry...she had failed to keep herself in check, everything that was inside had begun to leak out, but she could handle it, she could...she sucked in a breath and felt Eliot's fingers stroking her hair.

"Connie?"

He rolled back onto his side, shifting closer to her.

"I'm alright, I'm OK."

He ran his thumb beneath her eye where one single tear had wet her cheek.

"I shouldn't have done...this."

She whispered, and the movement of his hand paused and fell away.

"It's not you, it's not you..."

"It's not me it's you?"

He attempted humour but his words fell flat and he sighed and reached up a hand to rub the back of his neck.

"No, it's Rita."

Her voice broke on her name and she bit against her bottom lip, fighting against the burning ache in the back of her throat.

"Who's Rita?"

He asked slowly.

Connie drew in a couple of breaths until she could speak. She wanted to reach out for him, to have him hold her and keep her safe from this hideous thing that she had done.

"My partner."

She answered finally.

Eliot's eyebrows rose, and then he remembered what she had said in the bar all those hours ago. He remembered now, how she had mentioned someone.

"I'm so sorry..."

"Don't..."

She reached out for him. He was withdrawing from her already and she felt the overwhelming urge to take hold of him and never let him go.

"Please don't."

She whispered, her voice disappearing into nothing at all.

"Please just-"

She reached out for him, pleadingly, desperately, until he wrapped his arms about her, her head tucked just below his jaw, listening to the reassuring sound of his heart beat. There was a heaviness in her chest as though she were slowly being suffocated. What she had done she could not un-do. She felt as though she were dying slowly with this spiderweb of toxicity that was slowly bleeding out, strand after strand, taking over her until she was set ablaze with it. The fire burning her up all at once so that there was nothing left but the outline of herself, the shell of a person who longed to be complete.

"What are you going to do?"

He asked after a pause, absently stroking the soft skin at the base of her spine as he held her. He knew that she was hurting, and that he was the one that had caused it.

She closed her eyes against his chest and pursed her lips.

"I don't know."

She whispered.

He remained silent for a while, just the steady rise and fall of his chest against hers and his pulse against her cheek.

"Can I tell you what I think?"

He asked, and she stiffened slightly, suddenly very aware of what he must think of her...

"What?"

"I think you shouldn't tell her."

He said slowly. She frowned against him, but he continued before she could question him.

"I was with a woman, Abby, her name was. We were together for nine years, and then one night she went out on a hen night, got drunk, and ended up in bed with some man called Ryan...similar to this, in a way, I suppose."

He paused as he drew in a long, deep breath.

"Anyway, to cut a long story short, the guilt got to her and she ended up admitting it all to me. I couldn't get over it, I couldn't trust her...so I couldn't be with her. She broke my heart, but I think for a while she ruined me for anyone else. I think I'll always have that suspiciousness, and that jealously. If I was ever to form a relationship with anybody else, I think I'd always have that, gnawing away at me...what I'm trying to say, is that if you're in love with her, and you want to be with her, don't put that on her...don't hurt her just because you can't handle the guilt."

She listened in silence, feeling the gentle, subconscious squeeze of his arms about her, and the circles he drew with his thumbs against her back.

"Do you think I'm awful?"

She whispered so quietly that for a moment she thought he hadn't heard. Then gently he shook his head, his chin just brushing the hair on the top of her head.

"No...I think you're sad. I don't know why, and I'm not asking you to tell me why. But I'm certainly not going to judge you."

He bent his head so that his lips brushed her forehead.

"Don't be sad."

He murmured, his breath against her skin.

"I-"

But before she could finish her sentence there was the sound of something heavy dropping to the floor from the other end of the boat.

"What was that?"

Connie asked, feeling her skin prickle as she jumped in his arms and his body stiffened against her as though poised to protect.

"Probably Colin."

His eyes were on the door.

"Who?"

She asked, following his gaze.

"Colin is my cat."

"Colin!?"

She repeated, finding it difficult not to laugh. He drew up his shoulders in a shrug.

"He looks like a Colin."

He said with a sigh and he smiled down at her as she looked up, glancing to her mouth.

Beyond the door came the rolling sound of something heavy across the floor, and then the sudden hush of it, as though it had been deliberately stopped.

Eliot's eyes glanced to the bedroom door again, his breathing had slowed and slowly he disentangled himself from her.

"I'll just go and check."

He murmured, reaching into the bedside drawer for a pair of pyjama bottoms as he climbed off the bed. He pulled them on and glanced back at her, smiling briefly before opening the door.

-.-

More later xxx


	113. Chapter 113

For a moment there was silence. Connie shifted so that she could sit up on the bed, reaching awkwardly for the clothes that had been tossed onto the bedside cabinet. She began to dress, feeling as she did so an odd dissociation with her own body, as though the guilt had already gnawed away every single nerve ending.

Then, from the other side of the bedroom door she heard Eliot's voice, sharp and raised, just one single exclamation of a word that she couldn't make out, and then something heavy hit hard against the other side of the door, making the handle rattle and the whole door shudder.

She wanted to call out, but the words suffocated in the back of her throat. She was motionless, kneeling on the bed listening, straining her ears so hard that her head began to ache and when she tried to swallow she found her mouth was so dry that her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.

The floorboards creaked, and then again, slowly, evenly. Her mind was starting to fail, like an engine that turned over and over, never kicking into action. She couldn't formulate a thought other than the repetition of the realisation that there was no way out. She glanced at the floor, to the bathroom, to the the walls...no windows.

Everything in her was telling her to move. She had always thought, when faced with an intruder she would fight back, she would pick up the nearest object that she could use as a weapon and she would attack with all she had in her...

Something heavy...she thought suddenly, she looked about the room. Books, books lined the walls, there was nothing...she glanced to the bedside table again, and silently reached out, opening the drawer on his side. She slipped in her hand – it seemed to be his underwear drawer, socks were balled up and set into rows, and black boxers were folded into piles. She closed it gently and opened the next drawer down – an unopened packet of condoms, a notepad, moisturiser...she pushed her hand to the back and pulled out a small pearl encased pen knife. Silently she closed the drawer, holding the knife within her hand and slipped off the bed.

She knelt down and lay flat against the floor, there were old wooden crates beneath the bed, and she found, if she moved one up slightly she could crawl between them, feeling her way until she was wedged between four drawers, two on either side, each filled with neatly folded clothes.

She held the knife beneath her, her hands balled against her chest, her eyes on the door. The creaking had stopped, and if she held her breath she was sure she could hear the murmur of voices, and then there was the sound of something heavy being dragged across the floor, a soft sound, and then a dull thud, and then the door handle turned, and the door was pushed open so that it bounced back on it's hinges and knocked loudly against the book case.

Before her was a pair boots, black boots, scuffed at the toe and laced loosely over black jeans. She was still holding her breath, her lungs burned and her face felt hot and cold all at once.

"She already gone?"

The voice made her exhale and she clutched the tiny silver knife tighter against her chest.

A second pair of shoes was behind the first, brown pointed shoes with blue jeans. The pair of black boots moved slowly, until they were out of sight.

"Either that man's a tranny, or she's still here."

The man with the black boots said, and with a kick, one of her shoes was sent skittering across the floor to the door where the other man nudged it out of the way.

"And there's only one place to hide."

He added.

-.-

xxx


	114. Chapter 114

She barely saw his face as he pulled her out from under the bed. He had fist-fulls of her hair, dragging her out as though she weighed nothing at all and he pushed her to the ground so that the little pen knife fell from her grasp and clattered to the floor.

Her hair was in her face, and breathless, she pushed it back with hands that trembled so much that she could barely ease the hair from her eyes and mouth.

She looked up at man with the black boots, the one who had pulled her out and her heart sank. She felt an overwhelming sense of dread, so much so that all she could do was cry. It was a silent cry, her whole body shuddering, lips parted, gasping for breath, forehead creased and she let her eyes fall from his face, hanging her head.

"You recognise me, then."

He said, stooping to pick up the pen knife, the dotted tattoo flashing across his knuckles and she flinched as he thrust the knife before her eyes so that the blade gleamed silver between them.

"What did you think this would do?"

He asked, cocking his head to one side. His pupils were pin points despite the shadows cast across his face.

"Hmm?"

But she couldn't respond, she was powerless to do anything but allow him to snatch up her arm and slash the blade across her wrist so that she cried out, a gasping shuddering cry that made him smile.

"It's only a scratch."

He grinned, and standing up he stabbed the knife through the spine of the nearest book and left it there, the little pearl handle beautiful and shining in the light.

She cradled her arm in her lap, blinking through the tears as she looked down at it, but for the first time in her life the sight of blood made her head spin, she swallowed against a sudden rising sickness and she looked away from the dribbles of hot red blood that were rising from her veins and slithering across her skin towards her hand.

He looked down at her, and as she looked up at him he began to unbuckle the leather belt that he wore about his waist.

Her scalp prickled. She seemed to be breathing too fast, and yet not at all. She pushed with her feet, forcing herself back against the wall.

"No."

She shook her head and the tears that blurred the green of her eyes spilled over , skittering across her cheeks. She reached out for the book case next to her, trying to stand.

"No."

She said again, and the man before her pulled the belt free from the jeans all at once, like a snake, licking and flicking the air as he set it free, and as he reached out to grab her arm she lashed out at him.

"You're not doing it to me again!"

Her voice was a whisper that trembled. She dug her nails into his arm, willing them to pierce his skin through his jumper, but all he did was laugh, and with what seemed like barely any effort at all, he pushed her back, her body thumping back against the wall. She slid from where she stood, down onto the floor, and bringing her knees up to her chest she let her face fall forwards and wrapped her arms about her head, crying pitiful beaten sobs into the darkness that she had created.

"Get her up."

The black booted man said quietly, and she heard the other man move.

She closed her eyes as his hands took hold of her and pulled her to her feet with a jerk that made her neck hurt.

She'd thought it wouldn't be like this, she'd thought that if something like this ever happened again she would fight it...she'd imagined it, over and over, replayed it in her mind when she was too tired to block it out. She'd gone over how she could have kicked them or bitten or...

Her arms were pulled behind her back. She sucked in a breath between her teeth as the belt was wound and pulled tight around her wrists, gnawing against the bloodied cut.

She hadn't thought it would be like this, with wet warmth draining down her palm and dripping from her fingertips. She hadn't thought it would be like this, to see what she was made of in colour HD. 

She stumbled forwards, pushed from behind.

"Get her on the bed."

It was an order, but he sounded bored. She balked at the words, leaning back against the man behind her, but her feeble attempts did nothing, and she was forced onto the bed, face first, her hands tied behind her.

"Tie her feet, too."

The man with the boots said, but the moment the second man moved to grasp her legs she kicked with everything she had, screaming and screaming into the duvet until she coughed and choked and gagged on her own saliva.

But still he managed to hold her down, twisting her legs and tying them at her ankles with a string of cable ties that pinched and bit her skin.

Roughly the rolled her over so that she lay across the bed, looking up at the ceiling, her head lolling over one end so that she could see through the open door.

"Eliot..."

She whispered, without meaning to. His body lay splayed out across the floor in the sitting room, his head knocked to one side so that she could see the whites of his eyes, and his lips were red with blood that pooled in a glimmering puddle about his face.

By the side of him a little grey cat crouched, nose outstretched, white whiskers twitching as he sniffed and nuzzled the top of his head against Eliot's limp hand.

-.-

I'd love to hear what everyone thinks about the direction of the story, particularly this chapter.

Thank you all for the reviews so far! xxx


	115. Chapter 115

"I bet you're wondering how we knew you were here?"

The man in the black boots knelt down in front of her so that she could see him if she craned her neck. She felt exposed, with her arms tied behind her and her legs strapped together, especially now that she could only see one of the men.

"We know all about you, Mrs Beauchamp. We know your name, where you live, where you work..."

He began, the glint of a smile twitching at the side of his mouth as he saw her flinch, and the wild look that bloomed behind her eyes as she blinked against the tears.

"And we know that as long as we have you, we can get whatever we like from those nurses of yours...

"What do you mean, whatever you like?"

She hissed, and he grinned and cast a glance to whoever it was on the other side of the bed.

"Morphine, Ketamine..."

He shrugged and looked back at her.

"What do you recommend?"

He touched his tongue to his top lip and his dark eyes glittered with amusement.

She looked away, back towards the door, back to Eliot. The cat had sat up and was now sat completely motionless by Eliot's body, not even the tip of his tail or his whiskers moved.

"If you don't let me see to him, he will die."

She spoke through gritted teeth, her throat so strained from the angle of her head that her voice barely sounded like her own.

He followed her gaze, looking over his shoulder.

"He'll be alright."

"He could be haemorrhaging, he could start fitting..."

She paused, the man seemed to have lost interest and was gesturing to the man behind her.

"If you don't let me help him then he WILL die, do you understand that?"

She raised her voice as much as she could, and the man in the boots sighed and looked back at her again.

"Alright...keep your knickers on."

He laughed, and she flinched. The words stung as much as if he had slapped her across the face. She began to feel the panic rise, and behind her back she tried to twist her wrists, willing the leather to give even the tiniest bit, just to give her some wriggle room, but there was nothing. The belt was wrapped so tightly about her wrists that her fingers were beginning to lose all feeling and felt eerily cold against her back.

"If you don't want me to help him, then at least let me tell you what to do?"

She begged, again she looked across at Eliot. She couldn't see in the dimness of the room to be able to work out whether or not he was breathing, all she could see was the glimmer of blood, how the light highlighted his cheek bone, his temple, and the straight line of his nose. If he died...if he was dead, then it would be her fault.

-.-

Thank you for the reviews, though I was alarmed to hear that some of you dread reading it ;) don't worry, it will get cheery again...

Out of interest, would you like to see Eliot alive or dead?! xxx


	116. Chapter 116

_"There's nothing you can do, Rita."_

_Charlie watched as Rita paced the floor, her eyes upon the window._

_She refused to glance in his direction. She knew that. And she knew that there was nothing that she could do to halt the dawn ebbing it's gradual way into daylight. She couldn't think straight, her head was filled with only one thought – Connie. And yet somehow that one thought became fractured and twisted and fragments of it splintered out in her mind, confusing her and terrifying her all at once. _

_She gripped more tightly onto the polystyrene coffee cup that she was holding, but her hands were too cold to feel, resisting the warmth that struggled to seep into them, and she looked hurriedly away as she caught a glimpse of herself in the window. She didn't want to see her face, what if it made all of the other faces come back? _

_She was shaking, she realised, noticing the tremor of her hands as she looked anywhere but the window. The caffeine had made no difference to her exhaustion. Her brain was throbbing from tiredness, from constantly searching for any sign that Connie was alright, like a mobile phone seeking a signal when all is lost... But like the phone signal, Connie was out of range, unreachable. She would either come back, or she wouldn't, and the not knowing was killing her._

_"Rita?"_

_Charlie's voice made her jump. Her stomach shifted uneasily and she noticed that the arm that she had wrapped around herself, hugging herself was pinching her skin. She let it fall down to her side and then, without knowing what to do it it, she clasped and unclasped her hand as if in constant need of touch and reassurance. But what she needed was to be able to touch Connie...to be touched by her..._

_An inky darkness seemed to engulf the frail light of early morning...another storm, she realised...another storm to diminish all of the happiness and bliss that had risen with the sun. _

_She blinked, keeping her eyes closed for slightly longer than usual. Now only silence lingered in the air, the only noise a sudden sigh of anxiety that fell from her lips, and her eyes flickered open again, settling on Charlie. He looked back at her, no smile offered, just the vague nod of his head. He seemed to have withered with age in only a few hours. _

_A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of her right eye, her mouth formed a rigid grimace. This fitfully stormy morning would either see the return of her whole life, or snap her dreams in two._

_Zoe cleared her throat, breaking the silence, the noise louder than any of them had expected and she flicked the kettle on to boil for the fifth time that morning. They were already filled to the brim with coffee and wired with caffeine, but she busied herself with getting the cups ready nonetheless and another quick glance at the clock on the wall only seemed to confirm that time was slowing down, and again the knot in her stomach twisted. _

_"The police will find her..."_

_Charlie seemed to speak through the thin film of silence from a distance, as though he had begun to fade away completely._

_Rita looked across at him._

_"Yeah? What, dead?"_

_"Rita!"_

_Zoe looked up, frowning. Rita let her gaze wander to the door, she hadn't really meant to say it out loud... she drew in a trembling breath and narrowed her eyes as she stared through the glass in the door, as Connie had done so often. The ward beyond glittered and blurred and she blinked hurriedly._

_"Come on...it's Connie! There's plenty of people who would feel sorry for the kidnappers..."_

_Zoe attempted humour but it fell flat and Rita folded her arms tightly about her chest and looked again to the door._

_"The police.."_

_She murmured, catching sight of two officers in uniform approaching the room. She reached the door just as they did, opening it before they could knock._

_"Have you found her?"_

_She asked before they had the chance to say a word. The female officer with blonde hair tied back in a bun shook her head, her blue eyes full of pity._

_"No, can we close the door?"_

_She asked quietly. _

_Rita murmured an apology and moved back so that they could come into the room._

_"I've just been speaking to a Dr Keogh? He received a phone call as we were arriving."_

_"What sort of phone call?"_

_Charlie cut in, his voice hoarse. The police officer shot him a glance and pushed her hands into her pockets, drawing in a breath before she spoke. _

_"From an unknown man. One of the kidnappers, with a shopping list for your pharmacy in exchange for your clinical lead."_

_"What?!"_

_Charlie exclaimed, standing up without really knowing why._

_"She's being held to ransom?"_

_Zoe asked, leaning back against the desk._

_"Looks like it."_

_The male officer cut in and cleared his throat whilst he pushed his hand into his pocket for his phone._

_"We've also collected information from The Table, a woman matching Mrs Beauchamp's description was seen leaving late yesterday evening with this man."_

_He showed Rita the picture on his phone screen._

_"Who's that?"_

_She asked, shaking her head and looking from the screen to the officer. _

_"I was hoping you could tell me"_

_"I've never seen him before."_

_The officer looked back at his phone and used his finger to select something else. _

_"Eliot March, he's a high school English teacher...or at least he was until yesterday."_

_He read from his phone, before turning it back to face her, the picture of the man's face still there, looking back at her._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"He was made redundant."_

_She was still looking at the photo, blinking against the glare and scratch of tired eyes._

_"Oh...is that relevant?"_

_The officer raised his shoulders in a half shrug._

_"Could he be one of the men from the sexual assault?"_

_Rita visibly flinched, her scalp prickling, her skin flushing cold. She looked at the picture of him...Eliot March...standing beside a little girl who had her face blurred out. In front of her was a birthday cake with seven candles all alight. He was standing slightly awkwardly, arms across his chest, leaning to one side as though he thought he might succeed in escaping the shot. She looked at his knuckles...no dotted tattoos. He was wearing dark rimmed glasses and his dark hair was pushed back from his face as though he'd recently run his fingers through it. _

_"No."_

_She whispered._

_"Are you sure?"_

_Though she couldn't quite bring her mind to picture the faces of the men, she knew that he had not been one of them._

_"I'm sure."_

_She said quietly._

_-.-_

_More soon, thank you for all the previous reviews. As always feel free to review again to let me know what you think! xxx_


	117. Chapter 117

_The room was full of milky white stars that glittered in her peripheral vision and disappeared when she tried to look at them. She closed her eyes. She was still on her back across the bed, her head lolling off the side. She was dizzy and faint with nausea from the position and her neck throbbed at the base of her skull so much that she wasn't sure any more what was real and what was not._

_She could hear noises...voices...time was moving slowly and then quickly...somebody was on the phone to the hospital – ___Tramadol, Diamorphine, Ketamine...___the price of her freedom. _

_Who was it they were speaking to, she wondered. Charlie? Jacob? Rita...?_

_She swallowed against the rising acid in the back of her throat. She coughed, a hoarse dry cough that caught in the back of her mouth and made her gag. She opened her eyes. As far as she could tell she was on her own in the room. The door through to the kitchen was ajar, and through the gap, if she squinted, she could see Eliot. _

_One pale shaft of watery winter sunshine reached across the room through a crack between the curtains and ran in one long yellow strip across Eliot's body. Hours had passed...surely it had been hours? She narrowed her eyes again, straining them in the darkness of the bedroom to focus on his shoulders, but she couldn't quite tell whether the ever so slight rise and fall of his arm was a trick of the eye..._

_"Eliot?"_

_Her voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. She glanced up, along the body of the boat, whoever was still here must be outside, she could hear the murmur of voices, could see the flicker of a passing shadow..._

_She coughed again, louder this time, and watched for Eliot's reaction...any reaction. _

_But when none came she let her head fall back again. Just how many lives was she intent on ruining?_

_She drew in a breath, the deepest she could manage. She sucked it right into her chest and held it, and with one awkward twist of her body she began to rock herself, twisting and gritting her teeth against the pain until she felt herself tilt and fall onto her front. She gasped, the air pushed suddenly from her chest. She could breathe! She felt the pounding of blood against her forehead and for a moment all she could see was the creeping darkness._

_She waited for it to pass. Still she could hear the murmur of voices and the occasional laughter from above her._

_She rolled again, slowly this time, and as she rolled she angled her arms to hook herself over the bottom bed post, and with one final push she rolled herself off of the bed, hitting the ground with a sudden thud that made her teeth rattle. But finally she was sitting up, caught at the wrists to the bed post._

_She glanced again to the door, Eliot was closer now, her eyes flickered across him. Surely there was the the slight ripple of breath across the pool of blood that haloed his head?_

_A creak from above her made her start, and she tucked her feet beneath herself, struggling against the tightness of the belt. She pushed herself up, slowly at first, her feet began to tingle and pulse and her head felt thick and slow. She shivered as she stood, pulling her hands free of the bed post, and then, with one shoulder against the wall she half-hopped, half-shuffled to the book case where one of the men had stabbed the pen knife into the spine of one of the books. _

_She turned her back to it and leant over forwards, being careful to remain balanced, and reached up as far as she could. She felt the cold of the pearl handle brush her fingers, and she grasped it tight, pulling until she felt the book begin to come loose. She paused, and then wriggled it up and down as much as she could, working it looser, and looser, until finally it came free in her hands. _

_She closed her eyes, expelling a breath of sudden relief, and then she turned the blade slowly, carefully in towards herself until she felt it catch beneath the plastic of the cable tie, and with every little bit of the strength she had left she prized it upwards, pulling and pulling until finally, it snapped._

_She staggered forwards, her arms falling to her sides, every joint in them twisted and aching. She stood up straight and bought them into her chest, clutching the knife and rubbing her wrists. She looked down at them. Her fingers were a blueish grey colour and around her wrists were purple-black from the tightness of the cable tie. She inspected the cut, still it weeped fresh red blood that ran over the coarse clotted brown blood that had dried in streaks across her flesh..._

_From above there came a laugh, and the scuff of boots. She looked up, they were directly above her._

_With the knife tucked into one hand she bent down hurriedly and unbuckled the belt and tossed it onto the bed, and then, with numb feet she staggered to the door, to Eliot. _

_She knelt down beside him. _

_"Eliot?"_

_She touched his cheek._

_"Eliot?"_

_She leant closer to him. She pushed her fingers into the soft flesh of his neck and closed her eyes. She held her breath._

_"Come on..."_

_There was a pulse, the faint, struggling flicker...she exhaled all at once and sank back down on the floor. _

_Footsteps sounded above them, scraping sloping footsteps that edged away from them. She felt her body tense, the air seemed thin all of a sudden. They were coming, she wasn't ready, she wasn't ready-_

_She glanced to Eliot, his skin was pale and mottled and glossed with sweat. _

_The footsteps were nearing now, moving above them, and beyond._

_She took hold of the arm of one of the chairs and hauled herself up, her head spinning and her throat constricting around what little air she could struggle to draw in. She turned around, the knife in her palm, she tripped as she walked, falling and regaining her balance, she fell against the bed, and as the footsteps sounded on the steps she buckled the belt back around her ankles – though not as tightly – and tucked her arms behind her back, making sure that the blade was pointed into the bed before falling back down onto the mattress, letting her head fall back from the edge of the bed before the front door of the boat swung open again._

_-.-_

_More soon...hopefully later today xxx_


	118. Chapter 118

The door of the boat opened and footsteps neared. Every step creaked and the boat rocked dully on murky rolls of water beneath it's wooden belly.

The footsteps stopped and Connie turned her head, just slightly, just enough to see down through the sitting room, and into the kitchen.

One of the men was nearing her, casting an eye over everything as he passed as though he was looking for something. He stopped just behind Eliot's limp body and looked down at him, a sneer cut a jaggered loose line across his face and with the toe of his boot he nudged him, once, twice, three times before growing bored, and with one final satisfying kick to the dying mans back he stepped over him, neatly avoiding the pool of blood at Eliot's lips and coming to a stand still in the door frame like a grotesque picture of a man in life size.

He sighed as he looked at her watching him. He was still smiling, and when he looked at her he narrowed his eyes.

"Looks like we're about to receive our first delivery."

He pronounced the last word carefully, drawing it out and curling his lip.

"Clinical nurse manager Rita Freeman was very, _very_ helpful..."

He bit his lip against a laugh and Connie struggled to draw in a breath, she felt the sudden weightless flutter of her heart beneath her ribs.

_Rita..._

All she could think of was that there were two of them. Two men, and she had one knife, one chance. If somehow she injured one, surely the other would come running?

She turned away from him and closed her eyes, she wanted to cry and let the hot tears burn her cheeks. She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry forever. Somehow she had ruined everything good in her life, with one drunken night. Surely Rita knew what had happened by now? That she'd been unfaithful...

The very thought made her choke in a strangled breath and she drew her lips into a pinched line, refusing to make another sound.

She felt him nearing her, she heard the groan of the floorboards as he knelt down next to her and the heat of his breath against her cheek.

"Don't cry..."

There was laughter in his voice, drifting and swelling, mocking her.

She drew in a steadying breath through her nose and turned her head to face him, unprepared for how close he was to her as she opened her eyes. He was so close that she could see the hazel within his blue-green eyes, the coarse dark hair stubbling his jaw, could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You know, I never got to truly appreciate how _fucking _gorgeous you are, when we first met."

He whispered, his eyes glittering dangerously.

She almost laughed, instead she exhaled abruptly, unable to look away.

"When we first met?! When you _raped _me?!"

She whispered, her lips trembling despite the fierce burn of fire within her belly.

He raised his eyebrows and sucked in a breath, seemingly unphased.

"It was too dark."

He said with a shrug.

"Too dark to really appreciate..."

He was touching her. His fingers were running over her cheek, her jaw, lingering on the rise of her throat as though contemplating her life force and it's worth, the tips of his fingers pausing over the pulse that beat like a bird that struggled for every breath.

"Don't touch her..."

A watery rasp of a voice made them both start, the man's touch fell from her face and he twisted to look behind himself. Connie craned her neck back to see around him, to where Eliot was lying, as still as a dead man, with one eye open, the other invisible, his face crushed and bloody against the floor.

"I don't think you're really in _any _position to do anything to stop me, are you now pretty boy?"

He laughed as he spoke and then turned back to look at Connie, his head cocked to one side, catching her eye.

"Not so pretty anymore, is he..."

He murmured, gazing at her mouth, how her lips were parted showing only the glinting white edge of her two front teeth, how pink her lips were, how they rose into a perfect cupids bow.

"You know..."

He knelt down closer to her, lowering his voice to a whisper. She could smell the repulsively thick sweet smell of stale alcohol on his breath. She tried to turn away from him but her neck was stiff and he placed his palm against her throat. He stroked the skin of her neck, back and forth, back and forth, his eyes watching the path played by his hand, and then he paused, and looked pointedly back to her mouth.

"Those lips look like they were made for sucking cock..."

He reached down out of site with his other hand, and she heard the gentle stutter of the zip of his fly being lowered. All the while he was smiling, grinning, with laughing eyes that made the bile rise in the back of her throat so that she felt that at any moment she might choke to death.

She felt herself shaking her head, only ever so slightly, but his fingers twitched against her throat and his grasp tightened so that she had to open her mouth to gasp for breath.

"And don't think of using those perfect teeth of yours, because if you do-"

He tightened his grasp further.

"I'll knock. Them out. Of your. Fucking. Head."

Her vision was blurring. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to swallow.

"Please..."

Her voice came out as a stranged rasp and she coughed, wincing as the muscles in the back of her neck contracted.

He hoisted himself up so that his waist was level with her face, and she couldn't help the hopeless sob that caught in her throat, or the tears that burned at the back of her eyes as she watched him unbuckle his belt.

-.-

More soon. Please review and let me know what you think, as always...xxx


	119. Chapter 119

Her body stiffened as he lurched against her. She was waiting for him to force her mouth open, she was waiting for the suffocating pain of having him forced into her throat.

Instead he groaned a long inhuman groan, clutched the back of his head and slumped to the floor. She held her breath, her eyes still tightly closed.

"It's ok..."

His words were like water, slow and strangely translucent, fading and fluid.

Slowly she opened her eyes. Behind the crumpled body beside her was Eliot. He was leaning heavily against the bottom of the bed. The side of his head was bleeding, blood running from an invisible wound like rain across a windowpane. His face was pale and clammy, his lips blue-tinged white and his eyes were wide and hooded.

"It's ok."

He repeated himself all in one breath, his lips barely moving.

She lay still for a moment, unable to do anything but breathe in and out. She swallowed hard and slowly, with her eyes on the man who was knocked out cold on the floor. She moved slowly, expecting him to move at any moment.

Now that she was sitting up she could see what Eliot had used to knock him out with. A wooden handled mallet with a flat ended solid metal piece attached to the end.

"I'd been using it to build a fence...out..."

Eliot rested his head against the duvet, staining it a deep red the moment he touched it.

"You shouldn't have moved."

She whispered, her voice strained and high. She looked at him again, lying there, his eyes on her and the faint flicker of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Couldn't let him hurt...you."

"What about the other man?"

He didn't answer. He didn't know.

She raised her eyes to the ceiling. She couldn't hear him up there. There were no footsteps anymore. Perhaps he had gone to meet whoever it was who had agreed to meet him with the drugs.

"If you can...if you can get to it...untie the boat..."

"What?"

She paused.

"I can't drive a boat!"

He closed his eyes and smiled again.

"Yes you can."

"I can't! We cant! I have to get you to hospital."

He gave a shake of his head and winced.

"No point."

He coughed, spitting blood and his whole body seemed to creak, broken bones jarring against one another.

"We have no other option."

His voice choked and gargled within his throat and a string of bloody spittle leaked from the corner of his lips. She opened her mouth to speak, but as she did so a thought struck her.

"Dylan."

She whispered.

He looked at her, blank.

"Dylan! Dylan..."

She stood up shakily, her kneecaps were trembling and her whole body felt cold.

She crept through the door into the sitting room, not waiting for an answer, pausing with every other step to stop and listen for footsteps from above.

She saw her bag, neatly tucked beneath the chair she had sat on when she arrived. She crouched down and, with fingers that barely seemed capable of movement, she unzipped it and reached in, feeling blindly for the smooth plastic of the case of her phone.

She pulled it out slowly, glancing again towards the open door of the boat, and then, when she heard nothing, she crept back to Eliot, kneeling down beside him as she scrolled through her phone book.

Dylan.

She clicked his name and the number illuminated on her screen. It rang against her ear, painfully loud in the silence and she found herself cupping it with both hands against the side of her head to try to muffle it.

"Dylan?"

She spoke as soon as she heard him answer, his voice groggy with sleep and far away.

"I need your help."

-.-

More soon. I'll try to get another update up today. Please review as always, Rita and Connie will be reunited very soon...xxx


	120. Chapter 120

Elliot slumped against her as they edged their way up the steps out of the boat, pausing on each step to listen for the second man.

She held her breath as she looked out of the little doorway, straining her eyes in the dark to see as best she could. She looked about them, not even daring to move. The air was ice cold and the wind moaned between the boats and shook the masts. The air was full of the dull groan and creak of boats and the gentle lapping of water against the river wall.

"I can't see him."

She whispered, still looking, searching for something – a noise, a wisp of cigarette smoke...

She adjusted her grip on Elliot and braced herself against the door frame as she helped to haul him over the top step. His body was cold and clammy, his clothes sticky with blood and in between moments of lucidity he would murmur something nonsensical.

The rain hit her back and stung with every ice cold drop. It hit her skin straight through her clothes and made her shiver and her teeth ache.

"We'll find Dylan. We'll find him...it'll be OK..."

Her eyes searched the other boats for a light. Dylan was on his way, but she couldn't see him yet. She was merely following his instructions '_leave the boat if you can. Turn left. Keep going, I'll leave a light on in the boat so that you can see. I'll meet you. I'll find you.'_

She repeated his words in her head, _turn left..._

They staggered tentatively to shore, all the while she was looking for movement, seeking out danger.

They turned left. Still nobody was about. She paused. Elliot was heavy...too heavy to carry far. Her arms ached, every bit of her throbbed and her head ached so much that it made her wretch.

_I'll leave the light on..._

She squinted into the darkness. She could see the grey bulking shapes of the boats and the dark rain soaked ground beneath their feet. Then she saw the light, only dimly at first; a faint glimmering of gold between the rain drops.

She could see the tiny faint silhouette of Dylan leaving the boat, could feel her heart beating in her throat.

But then there was the sound of a car on gravel, the flare of headlights in the rain that cut out almost as quickly as they had appeared. They stopped, Elliot's head lolling against her shoulder, his breath damp and cold against her chest.

Above the sound of the rain and murmur of the water there was the sound of boots walking quickly, the sound of a boat door opening.

Again she held her breath, wrapping both arms around Elliot and hauling him off the path to stumble along by the gorse bushes that flanked them. A boat door slammed, and the boots were moving more quickly now.

If she glanced back she knew she would see the other man leaving the boat. She drew in a breath, closed her eyes only for a moment, and then looked back.

A shiver ran from the back of her neck down to the tips of her toes as she spied him trampling long grass so that he could peer down into the water. Then he was moving back, standing, looking at the car. The in one fluid motion he threw up both his hands in in anger and began walking stiffly and hurriedly along the path that ran in the opposite direction.

She exhaled all at once and swallowed.

Elliot was cold against her, she couldn't feel the warmth of his breath against her any more. Without any other option she shook him as hard as she could, feeling the sick ache of her throat and tears pricking her eyes.

She couldn't fathom how she was still holding him up. How she could be lugging along this great bloody weight of a man whose breath was now so faint that she barely felt it.

She hugged him closer as she kept walking, keeping close to the bushes, dragging his bare feet through the grass and brambles that nicked and caught on her own, tearing her skin.

She narrowed her eyes against the rain, struggling to see. Was the blurry shape moving towards her Dylan? She couldn't tell, but she walked towards it anyway, legs wobbling, kneecaps trembling.

Behind her she heard a shout, and without thinking she turned to the noise. In the distance a figure was running towards her, an angry black figure shouting filthy words at her.

Then hands were upon her, but these hands were gentle, urging hands and a voice was speaking to her saying her name over and over, telling her that it was OK, to let Elliot go. But she couldn't let him go, it didn't seem real, with those heavy boots coming nearer and nearer

Then the night was ablaze with sirens. The whoop of police cars and the blur of an ambulance wail that spun up into the night and seemed to sing with the stars. Her chest was tight and breathing in felt as though her throat and lungs were burning.

Everything was suddenly very big and then very small, lighter and then darker, darker than she had ever thought possible.

-.-

More soon. Reviews welcome as always xxx


	121. Chapter 121

The air was still and slightly cold. When she swallowed her mouth was dry, and she could feel pin pricks of pain in the side of her wrist that made her whole arm ache.

It was dark still, and for a moment she thought that was strange, because she could hear people moving about, the dimness of a sound she recognised but couldn't place. And then it was rushing up on her, getting louder and louder, the rumble of trolleys down a corridor, the beeping of machinery, the squeak of rubber soled shoes. The hospital! The hospital...

All of a sudden she realised that it was dark because she hadn't opened her eyes.

She kept them closed. She remembered what had happened. She remembered the cold and the wet, the heaviness of Elliot's blood sodden body and the men...she remembered sleeping with Elliot, his kisses, how he had filled her. And then Rita filled her mind, blooming in her minds eye like a flower turning to face the sun. If she opened her eyes, would Rita be sitting beside her? Patient, kind Rita, with her smile that made her heart ache. Was she there now? Looking down on her, desperate to know the answers to so many questions that she felt so unready to answer?

"Connie?"

A quiet tentative voice broke into her thoughts and a hand touched her gently on the forearm, just above where the pain seemed to be emanating from.

"Connie?"

Rita's voice was thin below the murmur of the ward.

She opened her eyes slowly, taking a moment to adjust to the bright lights before looking at Rita. Her blonde hair was loose and unwashed, beneath her eyes were hollow dark circles, her cheeks were flushed and her lips were chapped from where she had been chewing on them.

"Rita..."

She exhaled her name and made to grasp her hand, but a sharp pain shot from her wrist to her arm and she winced as Rita lowered her arm back down to the bed.

"Zoe had to check your blood gasses."

Rita glanced down to the white square plaster over where Zoe had pushed a needle into Connie's artery.

There was a pause between them. Nothing but silence, and then, with a drawing in of a breath, she looked back up at Rita waiting next to her...her forehead creased with worry, her brown eyes wide.

"I'm so sorry."

She whispered, choking on the words as she spoke them, struggling not to cry, not now, when she had so much to say.

Rita looked down to wear her hand rested upon Connie's arm. She blinked quickly, her mouth pinched and drawn into a line.

"I thought they'd-"

Her voice cut out and she shook her head and cleared her throat.

"I thought they'd...raped you again. Or worse."

Her eyebrows were drawn up in the middle, her eyes so full of tears that they glittered in the light and her chin dimpled and wobbled as she sucked in an uneven breath.

"They tried."

Connie said quietly.

"But I'm alright. They didn't."

It seemed so few words to sum up something so massive.

Rita nodded slowly. What she wanted to ask seemed to stick in her throat, a great ball of it, lodged there, as though it were glued in place by fear.

"Who is Elliot?"

She asked finally.

For a moment Connie didn't speak. The thought of telling the truth was already breaking her heart, but there were so many more thoughts inside her head. Was he ok? Was he still alive? What if he had died whilst she had been unconscious? Did his family know? She would have to speak to them, try to explain that their son had saved her from something terrible. That he was brave and loving and none of this had been his fault. It was her, it was all her fault.

"I met him at a bar."

She began, her voice flat.

"We were drunk, he sat with me and we talked. He-"

"Did you sleep with him?"

Rita cut her off, unable to hear any more, too desperate to know the truth.

Connie met her eyes for the first time since she had begun speaking about him. She contemplated lying. She knew that she could. She was a good liar, she could fabricate some sort of believable reason why she had gone back with him...

"I'm so sorry."

She whispered, watching as Rita's hand slipped from where it lay upon her arm.

"That's all I wanted to know."

She said, turning her back upon Connie and walking to the door.

-.-

I promise it will get cheerier soon. Reviews welcome as always. xxx


	122. Chapter 122

She knew that Charlie had entered the room before she had even opened her eyes. She could feel his presence, a wave of calm that came over the room all at once.

There was the squeak of a chair on the floor and the sound of him sitting down at her bedside.

"How're you feeling?"

He spoke quietly, the bed creaking as he rested his hands on the metal side rail.

She opened her eyes ever so slowly and rolled her head to one side to look at him.

"How would you be if your life fell apart?"

She asked, her voice hoarse and low.

He regarded her for a moment with those steady blue eyes.

"Elliot is in ICU."

He said finally. As simply as that, as though he were telling her the most innocent thing in the world.

She considered his words for a moment, and how she felt towards them, a huge wave of relief coupled with the quickening heartbeat that came with the realisation of 'what now?!'

"How is he?"

She asked quietly, averting her gaze to where Charlie's hands rested on the bed rail. How soft and well worn they looked against the stark silver.

"It's looking positive."

Her eyes flickered to his face again.

"Is Rita still here?"

He shook his head slowly. She nodded gently and turning her head to look over at the door.

"I told her to go home, get some rest. She needs to think about herself now. She's gone home to look after your daughter."

She smiled slightly. Was that a veiled pointed remark about how she had failed to ask about her own daughter? Probably, she thought. And if it was, she knew she deserved it.

"You know, don't you."

"It doesn't take a genius..."

He said quickly.

She drew in a long breath and exhaled a sigh that seemed to draw the very life right out of her.

"It's the oldest excuse in the book, but I didn't plan it...I didn't mean to."

She let her words tail off, there was no point in trying to defend herself.

"Why don't you tell me how it happened?"

His voice changed, quieter, softer, and he smiled a small smile when she glanced at him. She pulled up her shoulders in a half shrug.

"He just turned up at the bar. It was crowded, and the only spare seat was opposite me. We just started talking. It was so nice to just sit and talk to a perfect stranger! He was funny. He made me laugh."

She paused, but Charlie merely waited for her to continue.

"He offered to get me a taxi...I just didn't want him to leave. I didn't want that feeling to end...I _liked _that he had taken an interest in me, albeit a purely platonic..."

"Platonic?"

He broke in, sounding surprised.

"It was me who said I didn't want to go home, that I wanted to go back to his boat."

She looked again at the door, wishing so much that Rita would walk back through them.

"Because you wanted to have sex with him?"

She balked at his bluntness and frowned down at her own hands.

"No! Because I was scared to be alone. When we got back to the boat it was as though it had all happened before, as though it were a script that had already been written and we were just reading the lines. We didn't have a choice."

She opened and closed her fingers, enjoying the sharp wince of pain that shot up the length of her forearm.

"Connie..."

He paused, smiling a stiff smile as though what he was about to say might upset her.

"I need to know what those men did to you."

-.-

Xxx


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